holding kids while they nap...

I will not make this a long rant... or at least I will try not to!

I have older kids, 13 and 14 years, so I have some BTDT... my twins are 17 months. They usually take one nap per day, about 1 1/2 to 2 hours after lunch. I feed them, and hold one until he or she (usually she) falls asleep, then put her down and hold the other until they sleep. Sometimes I lay the second down, too, but sometimes I hold him the whole nap, while the other lays by us on the couch. Well, I was at a family birthday party, and the sister of my sister-in-law sees me with my son, holding him while he sleeps. She saw me do this at a different party several months ago. So she gives a comment something like... "don't you ever have your kids nap in a bed?" which I kind of ignored and mumbled something about there not being a bed at the house we were visiting at. Then I hear her telling her daughter, about 3 years old, how you shouldn't hold a baby while they sleep. She said "I used to hold you until you fell asleep, but then I put you in your bed. It isn't healthy to hold a baby while they sleep." and she added something about not growing properly when held. GRRRRRRRRR Yes, it might be more convenient for me if they would sleep in a bed, and yes, it might spoil them a little... but unhealthy? Not growing properly? My older daughters turned out fine! I'm not still holding my sophomore in high school to get her to sleep!!! I know these years FLY by, and if I want to hold my children and watch their precious little faces as they sleep, who is she to make snippy little comments!!??

Okay, sorry, I am ranting... anyway... does anyone else hold their kid(s) while they nap? Does it really make any difference? They nap, they're happy, I'm happy... all good... right???

Thanks for listening and I would really appreciate any feedback!
Helen

 

QUOTE(kuchar @ Jul 21 2008, 12:30 PM) [snapback]887274[/snapback]
Then I hear her telling her daughter, about 3 years old, how you shouldn't hold a baby while they sleep. She said "I used to hold you until you fell asleep, but then I put you in your bed. It isn't healthy to hold a baby while they sleep." and she added something about not growing properly when held.

WOW!

IMO, to each his own. That's not something I could personally do, but that's only because *I* need naptime to regain my own sanity!! I was having this very conversation with an attorney I work with recently. She, and her nanny, hold her son while napping.

Unless the pedi is concerned, do what you need to!!

 

I certainly don't think that it will inhibit their growth or affect them like that. I held my 5yr old a lot when she napped but when she was less than a year. My thought is that they may get used to you holding them before they go to sleep and they will be less likely to fall asleep by themselves in the coming months. Another thing is that my girls nap time is when I get my cleaning, laundry, work done so every moment is precious. But as far as I'm concerned, to each his/her own and they are your children to put to sleep however you are comfortable. any side comments from people on how you should bring up your children should be laughed off. At the end of the day, You are taking care of and loving your kids-you seem to know the pro's and cons should make your own choice.

jennib9

 

As long as YOU are happy then thats the main thing.

I couldn't do it personally but thats me. I like that they can go to sleep on their own and I get something done around the house.

However recently we had a planeride where one slept on me the whole ride and I loved everyminute of it because it doesn't happen that often!

I have never heard of it causing any damage. I think she just made that up.

As far as i am concerned - your babies, your life and you can do what you darn well feel like. Tell her to mind her own.

 

Personally, I wouldnt do it since I use naptime for cleaning, relaxing, etc. But to each his own- if it works for you and your family and everyone is happy with it,I would not mess with a good thing.

It is a subject much like 'family beds' that can get heated. But in the end- the kids grow up to be healthy adults no matter what method you use. It is more an issue of what is good for you and your kids and what makes you both happy.

KC

 

I wonder if she said that to her own child so her DD wouldn't start complaining about not being held during naps? But there was certainly no need to say it "isn't healthy." Like PPs have said, I would not do it myself -- because I cherish naptime for myself -- but I can't imagine that it does the child any harm. And the snuggly moments sound awfully nice.

 

Wow, that is RUDE!!! It's okay to say "I choose to do it a different way" but to say that holding children while napping is harmful??!! I've never heard of such a thing.

Like other PPs, I am happy to have my kiddos nap in their cribs. It allows me to have some "me" time -- either napping or getting misc stuff done. But I have occassionally held them for naps and it's a wonderful feeling. I just don't have the time to do it every day.

I've read from some sleep experts that it's good for children to learn how to put themselves to sleep on their own. Other experts say to do exactly what you're doing. But has any of this been put through rigorous, long-term scientific testing or are they just unfounded theories? Who's right? Who's to say? It all depends on which book you read and what feels right within each family. Right now, as far as I know, there is no scientific consensus on the proper way to put a child to sleep. There probably never will be.

Ignore Ms. Judgemental. She's probably just read up on one side of the debate and is ignorant to other viewpoints. You don't need to mumble excuses to her -- just hold your head high and your babies close. You're doing what's right for you and your children and that's all that matters.

 

Don't you just hate that type of unsolicited 'advice' (criticism) from other people??

People always used to tell my mother not to hold me so much because I'd get spoiled, etc. My mother waited a long time before she and my Dad adopted me, so I think she was entitled to hold her baby (me!) as much as she wanted - she was happy and I was happy.

With twins, I don't hold them for the entire nap, just because it is not physically possible for me, but if you have a system that works for you then do it. Ignore the silly remarks form others. The time does fly by so quickly, and I enjoy holding my little ones as much as I can - before you know it they will not want to be held anymore.

Also, when we are out at someone else's house, if one of my twins falls asleep for a nap on mine or DH's lap, we just sit there and hold them. My in-laws constantly tell me to put them in the bed in the other room, but I always say no. First off, they would wake up and be frightened in an unfamiliar room/bed - they are used to their crib. Second, they would probably fall off the bed anyway since they are still in cribs.

Just ignore the dopey remarks. You are doing a great job!

 

Add me to the naptime is my time club, but if it works for your family, I see no problem with it.

 

QUOTE(KCMichigan @ Jul 21 2008, 12:49 PM) [snapback]887312[/snapback]
Personally, I wouldnt do it since I use naptime for cleaning, relaxing, etc. But to each his own- if it works for you and your family and everyone is happy with it,I would not mess with a good thing.


Ditto this!

 

I can't imagine doing it only because I LOVE naptime ... I get on TS, I read a book, I sleep, etc. So I put them down as quick as possible.

I certainly do not believe they won't grow right because of it. That's just silly. The only thing I would keep in mind is that in the sleep books I have read, they don't nap as well in swings, car seats, etc. So I don't know if "in your arms" would fall into the same category. It might not be as deep or as good or a sleep.

But like others said, I don't know this for sure. Do what works for you. You only have a few mores years of cuddling during naptime anyway! Naps will become a thing of the past ... ugh. I'm not looking forward to that.

 

I did it until they were about 1 and they let me know that they wanted to sleep in their own bed. And if they never let me know it, I would probably still be holding them . I got a lot of slack for still rocking my twins to sleep until they were 20 months old (they let me know they were done with this too). To each their own.

 

Well, she definately went about it in the wrong way! I do think they need to learn to fall asleep on their own especially once they become toddlers, it's not something I could do either I usually use their naptime to clean, eat, shower, run errands when DH is home, go food shopping, etc. It's your decision though you are the parent and it seems you have the patience to deal and you enjoy it. To each their own.

 

It does bring up an interesting thought, if babies grow while they sleep can being held restrict that? Do they not sleep as well and do they have to reach deep sleep in order to reach the growing point? Interesting things to ponder, I might have to do some research on that to see if there is any merit.

That said, unless you hold them every sleeping minute in the exact same position I can't see how it could stunt growth but an interesting viewpoint to say the least.

 

I think that it is not a problem. My girls sleep with me & my dh. My dh & I both work full time during the week so we love it when nap time rolls around on the weekends. We nap and they nap with us and it is great. Every night my girls fall asleep with me. Hope on one arm and Grace on the other. My oldest dd (12 years old) did the same thing and her growth was not stunted and she wasn't traumitized by it. She also sleeps in her on bed now. I would do what is right for you and your kids.

 

I WISH my 14 month old Jack and Lily would fall asleep in my arms. They were never the type to want to be rocked or held to sleep and I would LOVE it if they fell asleep in my arms once in a while. They grow up fast so I say if it works for you, hold on and hold on tight.

 

I think she is crazy and you should ignore her. My DH is a SAHD. He held both girls for naps for nearly 2 years. It actually drove me crazy but for different reasons. They could not nap without him and when I was home with them, naptime was a nighmare. I hate to nap and would go crazy trying to hold them through naps. Also, it affected nightime sleep, which was my job. They wanted to be held and took forever to go to sleep, so I spent my whole evening trying to get them to sleep. When they got to be around 2 years old, DH could not hold them both for naps anymore because they were too big. They transitioned to their beds for naps without too much problem. Now, they nap and go to sleep on their own without any problem. Also, they are both at 95% for height and weight, so we certainly have not had any growth problems. IMO, if it works for you to hold your kids for naps, keep holding them.

 

I haven't read all the other replies... so sorry if I'm repeating...

If there was a growth problem with holding babies while they nap, every Native American culture would have issues. So would many countries around the world where babies are worn on slings all day long.

That's just silly that there could be growth issues! (there would be tired mommy issues in my house if I held my girls while they napped. I need that time to clean the house, eat lunch, nap, etc.)

 

Holding sleeping babies keeps them from growing??? That's a new one! Watch out Dr. Sears, the AAP is going to censure you for causing FTT! :crazy:

Ditto pps - absolutely nothing wrong with it. I am also in the "naptime=my time" club, and my kids are great crib sleepers, but if they fall asleep on me once in a while, I LOVE it. Especially DS, since he usually can't be bothered to take time out of his busy day to stop and cuddle. It is so sweet to feel those warm little bodies relax and go limp on you, to just hold them and feel them breathe. :wub:

 

People can be so rude. Like everyone else said, if you and your kids are happy then that is what matters. Personally I need their nap time to chill myself (like yesterday when DH said "They are napping ?" And I replied "Yes I NEED their nap!"). Plus my girls only fall asleep on me if they are sick. I miss those tiny baby days of them sleeping on my chest.

 

Wow. She was rude! In my opinion, if you enjoy holding your babies while they nap, you should keep on doing it! As you know, these moments go by too quickly and you can never get them back! I'm sure there are times when you wish your 13 or 14 year old would just let you hold them, but that is not to be. Don't lose your precious moments with your twins because of some judgemental comment from a stranger.

Give those babies an extra hug and kiss and enjoy every minute of holding them during nap time! I'd do it if mine would let me!

(BTW - Sometimes I hope one of my boys will wake up in the middle of the night so I can go hold him. That's when they just snuggle into me and let me hold them for however long I want. I call it "Our personal snuggle time". I cherish each moment, no matter how tired I am, no matter what time I have to get up in the morning, etc. All those other things pale in comparison to those special moments with my children.)

 

QUOTE(KCMichigan @ Jul 21 2008, 11:49 AM) [snapback]887312[/snapback]
Personally, I wouldnt do it since I use naptime for cleaning, relaxing, etc. But to each his own- if it works for you and your family and everyone is happy with it,I would not mess with a good thing.

It is a subject much like 'family beds' that can get heated. But in the end- the kids grow up to be healthy adults no matter what method you use. It is more an issue of what is good for you and your kids and what makes you both happy.

KC


I agree. I'm another that "needs" naptime to get things around the house done. That way, when they're awake, they can have my (almost) undivided attention.

My sister didn't hold her kids when they slept but she did rock them at night until they fell fully asleep. She did have some problems getting them to go to sleep on their own as they got older, but that could be a combination of issues. In fact, she had to lay down next to one of her daughters while she went to sleep until she was much older, like 7-8. That, to me, is a problem, but again, it could have nothing to do with that.

Do what's right for you and ignore insensitive remarks. Clearly, that lady felt a need to feel superior by putting someone else down and that's all she could come up with?

 

I don't have time to read all of the replies, but I wanted to say that woman was RUDE! And I'm jealous. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to cuddle with my chipmunks while they nap, but they won't have it. Occasionally, if they're stirring and waking in the middle of the night I can hold them and they'll cuddle with me, but they don't go back to sleep until i put them in their beds. I joke with DH that sleep training worked a bit TOO well. With that said, I do LOVE naptime and use it to try to get some work done or just decompress when that's what I really need. But, occasional cuddly, snuggly naps would be a dream!! Lucky you!

 

Thank you guys! For now, the way I see it, is this... I like holding them, and they like to be held... so it is win/win. I know a lot of you posted that you get your stuff done during naptime, which would definitely be the productive thing to do, but I juggle the other stuff. During the summer, my older girls are home a lot, and I can clean while they play with the babies, so I don't need the naptime to get stuff done. And during the school year, sometimes I set them down in the pack-n-play or swing while they sleep, and sometimes it just waits until everyone else gets home from school or work.

I also figure if they are still being held to go to sleep when we transition to toddler beds, I will use that as a good time to switch to going to sleep on their own. I can read to them, and rub their backs, but not lay with them in their tiny beds. "Mommy doesn't fit", "Big boys/girls go to sleep in their bed", etc.
But that is a long time away... kinda... not really. It will be here way too soon!

Helen

 

how do you decide which one you are going to hold and which one you don't hold? i think that's what I would worry about....

 

Some people are so rude! Really, what business is it of her's anyway? I think she's jealosus that you have that specail time with your kids!

 

It is no ones business but your own. If that works for you and your children - be happy. They are little for such a short time.

Mine nursed to sleep until 2 - do I regret it? Not a chance.

 

I think it's sweet.

For the longest time, I was so upset about the mere thought of moving my co-sleeping son out of our bed. I loved nothing more than snuggles and watching my beautiful baby sleep. However, he let us know when it was time for him to stop co-sleeping and the transition was effortless. By that point, he had kept me up for weeks on end, so I was totally ready to let go, too.

I couldn't give up my "me" time during naps... but I think it's great that you can, and if it works for all of you... there' nothing better! Why change a thing?

 

QUOTE(doubledownmom @ Jul 22 2008, 02:18 AM) [snapback]888365[/snapback]
how do you decide which one you are going to hold and which one you don't hold? i think that's what I would worry about....


Lily is usually ready for a nap before Jack, so if I am alone, I hold her until she falls asleep, then put her on the end of the couch behind my legs or on the floor on a blanket next to me, then I hold Jack. If my husband is home, or my older girls want to, I hold one and one of them holds the other. When they were smaller they usually both wanted to be held, so I would put one in my arm and let the other lay on my belly/chest. Jack is more interested in getting in a few more minutes of playtime now!

Helen

 

I think every family has to do what suits them best.

It's not going to do them any physical harm. That's crazy.

But I would think it doesn't allow your children to learn to fall asleep on their own. Sleep habits are a learned behavior. I would think they also expect to be held until they fall asleep at bedtime as well....and if then if they wake up in the middle of the night. That's where I would see the problem. But again, that is your choice.

 

i hold my kids all the time DD i hold until she falls asleep but i can also just put her down and she will go to sleep. my DS needs to be held most of the time to fall asleep. if it works for you then all is well. i don't think holding them while they slept will stunt their growth or whatever. it just may get them used to it and if it doesn't bother you then don't listen to anyone else. i would hug and kiss and hold that little baby till no end(fockerize them :laughing: ) your doing a good job mommy don't listen to them. i think my DS sleeps better sometimes when i hold him.