He's a big bruiser!

I'm so sad and frustrated with Michael. I feel like I'm at my wits end. He is SO opposite of Mikayla. She is good! She listens! She holds mommy's hand. She sits on my lap and reads books!

Michael throws things, throws fits, refuses to eat what is put in front of him, is stubborn. He is so strong and solid...like a linebacker or some football player. It takes him many tries and time outs until he is calm enough to come join the family for trips to the library, or even to come to dinner.

I am so sad that I have a boy with this temperament, I know that is his personality...I guess he was born like that, but I wish we could modify his behavior some more. I'm a teacher, and I'm afraid we will have MANY issues once he starts school. I can see him punching some other kid out!!

DH is a very good disciplinarian. I know I'm too soft, but I'm learning every day to be more consistent. I'm even watching the Supernanny programs to get help. I think I'm too soft, because I tried for 15 years to get pregnant and so I want to give the twins everything.

I was so embarrassed when I took the twins to the Aquarium. Michael was so out of control...not listening and running ahead that I ended up putting him in a harness.....something that I always had disagreed with all of my life...but it was the only thing that helped.

Please HELP!! Any advice would be appreciated.

Bridget

 

Hmmm...I voted it depends. I have TWO boys just like you described!!! And for a while, I considered leashes! Some friends of mine had used some cute little backpack style leashes and I thought I might try it (before that, i was VERY anti leash!). I decided not to, though, because it was SO important to me to find a discipline method that worked with their spirited temperaments instead of against them (not that leashes necessarily work against them, but this is how I felt about it).

That said...seeing as we have our own very similar situation here in our family...I personally wouldn't do a leash. I would make it a point to plan more active types of family activities (we do a lot of nature walking at local parks, bike riding, bounce houses, etc). It seems like, for us, choosing activities that suit their temperaments best gives them the chance to run and play without being in trouble. More importantly, it gives us the chance to teach them the skills we want them to learn, like cooperating, listening, safety in public, etc., in an environment where they have the best chance at succeeding and where we won't be unnecessarily stressed out when they don't succeed. Now we can pretty comfortably do some quieter activities that require more cooperation and discipline, like the movie theater, with fairly little trouble...no more than I think would be expected for their age

Of course...if I were to see you at the aquarium using a harness or leash on your son, I'd probably smile at you. I wouldn't think you were making a poor choice at all!

 

QUOTE(Donia @ Jan 2 2008, 08:41 PM) [snapback]555415[/snapback]
Hmmm...I voted it depends. I have TWO boys just like you described!!! And for a while, I considered leashes! Some friends of mine had used some cute little backpack style leashes and I thought I might try it (before that, i was VERY anti leash!). I decided not to, though, because it was SO important to me to find a discipline method that worked with their spirited temperaments instead of against them (not that leashes necessarily work against them, but this is how I felt about it).

That said...seeing as we have our own very similar situation here in our family...I personally wouldn't do a leash. I would make it a point to plan more active types of family activities (we do a lot of nature walking at local parks, bike riding, bounce houses, etc). It seems like, for us, choosing activities that suit their temperaments best gives them the chance to run and play without being in trouble. More importantly, it gives us the chance to teach them the skills we want them to learn, like cooperating, listening, safety in public, etc., in an environment where they have the best chance at succeeding and where we won't be unnecessarily stressed out when they don't succeed. Now we can pretty comfortably do some quieter activities that require more cooperation and discipline, like the movie theater, with fairly little trouble...no more than I think would be expected for their age

Of course...if I were to see you at the aquarium using a harness or leash on your son, I'd probably smile at you. I wouldn't think you were making a poor choice at all!



Donia said it perfectly.

I did, however, vote that I would use a leash if my kids needed it. I was always anti-leash...until the twins. It is very easy to judge others until you are in their situation. If I were a parent with two Mikayla's, I'd probably still have my anti-leash philosophy in tact. The fact of the matter is, I got two Michael's...at the same time.

We do have leashes but have yet to use them in public. I know a lot of mom's are weary of using them more for the looks they'll get than the actual function/usefulness of the item. Someone had a good quote on here a few weeks back in a leash thread as far as a response for sneering onlookers/folks with rude comments. Something along the lines of, "Oh, really. How did you do it with YOUR twins?"

Hang in there (and find some local parks to burn off some energy!) :hug99:

 

QUOTE(SweetpeaG @ Jan 3 2008, 05:01 AM) [snapback]555433[/snapback]
Someone had a good quote on here a few weeks back in a leash thread as far as a response for sneering onlookers/folks with rude comments. Something along the lines of, "Oh, really. How did you do it with YOUR twins?"


I love that reply!

 

My 7yr old has (and always has had) this temperment. There is nothing that has helped. Honestly. I don't say this to discourage you, just let you know that you may not be able to change him the way you hope. I was lucky in that Scott was only one child! I forced him to hold my hand when it was necessary. I held his wrist tightly if I needed to. If he cried about it, so be it. As for the harnesses, I do use them with my twins. I have more little ones than I have hands so it just makes sense for me. If you are worried about his safety, pulling away from you and getting lost or hurt, then definitely use it and don't think twice about what others think/say. I DO understand where you are coming from. A book that really helped me learn to understand Scott's temperment is Dobson's Strong Willed Child. :hug99: and I hth.

 

ok .. leash / or no leash that is the question..

little story..

mine are 2 and three.. took them to union station..

my mom walked around union station and dc with my boys holding hands.
very well behaved, very well mannord, and then there was her...

the dd.. whoom it takes 2 adults to handle
shes such a delight, and such a handfull,
dropping to the ground, trying to let go of my hand..

i picked her up and told her that i would have nothing to do with this behavior. look at how good both
boys were being. and she could stay home next time..

that being said , shes a little girl and wanted to be carried!
i carried her and we got along fine.. but i made it clear i was carrying her because she couldnt listen.

keep in mind mine are stroller trained.. trained to go strait from carseat to stroller to carseat.
my older son is very grown up and listens well.. so i try to listen when he says i want to walk.

i trained him .. from the time he would walk.. i would say MUST he would respond HOLD HANDS.
this still works.

i can let the kids out of the appartment they stand right there and waite for my hand while i lock the door.

i have made them very causious by saying theres a car comming .. even when their isnt.
if im taking more than one out with out a stroller.. i tell them just what i want them to do.

touch the car.. they stand next to my car with both hands.. they tell me the car is cold, yup they touched it.
and thats what i wanted while i grab number 2 and three so we can walk together..

the must hold hands has worked well for us.
also stroller training, which is showing them what to expect.

i have been in your situation.. i had 2 newborns and a 1 year old at the baltimore harbor./aquarium
i asked to speak to a manager telling him that i wouldnt carry 2 carseats and a 1 year old through a aquarium.
they make exceptions..

all of this being said.. i wouldnt put a leash on him.
just my opinon on the situaiton.

 

Under normal circumstances I'd agree with Misty. However, if Michael is anything like Scott it will just fuel his desire for independence. The more he sees how much you want him to do something, the more he will fight it...even if it is something he really doesn't care about. Give him lots of hugs even when he's frustrating you to no end!

 

I tired leashes, but they didn't work. My guys would pull so hard on them and end up falling down and hurting themselves. Sorry, probably not a lot of help, but I do understand.

 

I would use a leash if I felt my child needed it. IMHO, it is much better for the child to be safe than running all over the place. My girls still put up with the stroller for the most part, but I have seriously considered leashes for those situations when you can't use a stroller. It's not that mine are stubborn, but Ainsley tends to space out and will not follow, or wander off, and I have a really hard time keeping them together.

 

My oldest child sounds a lot like Michael, only difference is she is the tiniest of things. Her personality more than makes up for it though! I voted yes if necessary. I actually bought one for her right before the twins were born because I was scared she would run off, however I've never used it. Not sure why, I just never think about it I guess. Personally, I won't worry what other people think, the safety of your child is the most important. They don't know your child and I honestly believe some kids are born with more powerful temperments than others. My oldest child is 3 1/2 and has always been a "challenge". I can say this because my 9 month old twins combined are easier than she has ever been! I do consider myself strict and have always taught her good behavior, but she doesn't care much about consequences - timeouts, taking a toy away, spanking, ect. Sure it upsets her for a minute or two so she screams, but the behavior quickly returns. All I can do is keep trying. So my answer is do whatever it takes to keep your son safe and your sanity!

 

If it's the only thing that helped, then heck yea, I'd use it. The safety of your child comes first.

One thing I started doing was when DH and I were both home, I'd take one boy out at a time for a walk so they could learn to walk and stay with me. I would've preferred we all go out at once but DH is lazy. <_< I do like the me time with each child though.

It wasn't easy at first. Jon refused to walk anywhere and would just sit in the middle of the sidewalk. His ABA therapists saw this and now take him for daily walks. Nicholas always wanted to stay near the house and one day I had to carry him around the corner and then put him down. Now he walks ok with me. The handholding is still a struggle with him but there is no negotiation with handholding when it comes to crossing the street. I still have work to do with him.