Helping my extrovert

One of my girls is very outgoing, which she certainly didn't get from me. She goes up to kids all the time to say hi and tell them her name and ask if they want to play and shares her toys, etc etc etc. I think she is pretty socially appropriate, but some kids just ignore her. I'm sure its because 1) they might be shy, or 2) she is 4 and maybe they are older.

Last night we did a library program and she really wanted to talk to this little girl. We got to the library and saw her in the parking lot. A immediately said "HI! Are you going to the library program too?" Nothing (and the mom avoided eye contact with me). Then we were in the library and again we saw the little girl, A said "Hi!" Nothing. Then we were up in the children's section and the girls were playing next to each other, again Hi, and Nothing. THEN we were IN the library program story time, but this time A just gave up. Later she asked me why the little girl didn't want to talk to her. I told her maybe she is a little shy. My DH said I should have said something to the mom, but she was avoiding my eye contact so I don't know. What could I have said "Why is your kid ignoring my kid?" The little girl was 5 (I overheard her mom tell one of the librarians while signing her up for summer reading). I can kind of understand the 8-9 year olds that ignore A because they look at her like "Why is this little kid talking to me?!" (that happened to us a couple times this weekend while on a mini-vacation).

I don't know. Not being an extrovert I don't know how to help A process all this, except to tell her that some kids like to talk and play with other kids right away, and some are shy and need space to warm up to new people. Thoughts?

 

I would just encourage A to keep being her sweet self.


Sometimes I get the feeling that some adults think outgoing kids are annoying. Which I think is sad.
I have 2 kids that are very shy and would probably react the same way that little girl did to A. BUT if I realize what is going on I will at least make them say hi!! my twins are very very talkative and would attach themselves to your daughter and talk talk talk and want to sit by her and get upset when the library thing was over and we had to leave! I have raised them all the same so I have no idea why they are so different.

 

I think you have it. Just tell her that some kids are shy and don't like to play right away, and some kids like to talk (like your A, or the Heather's two A's, or my A. . .hmmmmm, maybe we're on to something?)

Just keep encouraging her. It's a good trait to have.

BTW, if she came up to Alice in the library parking lot, Alice totally would have chattered with her the entire morning.

 

See Bex, that is why I need to trade with Liz, my baby should be aardvark LOL!!

 

Hmmm the A's can have a play date and all talk over each other and be happy :laughing:

 

Coming from a Mom of two introverts, I definitely think it could just be that the child is shy. My two need time to warm up to kids and adults and there is no amount of cajoling is going to get them to talk to a stranger right away. Usually when another child comes up and says hi to them, I will tell my kids it's okay to hi back and say hi to the child myself. Sometimes that might get my kids to wave shyly or at least smile at the child.
And I will tell my kids how nice it was of the other child to come up and say "hi" to them and that's how you make new friends. I figure if I keep saying it, eventually they'll start feeling better about talking to other children.

 

I have 2 shy kids and I'm shy myself, so I don't have advice. But I wanted to say I think it's really weird (and rude) that the mother let her kid ignore yours, or she didn't step in and talk to make things less awkward. Even though I am shy myself, I would always step in and say something like "say hi, she's asking you a question" to my kids when this would happen to us, whether it's another kid or a friendly adult. Looks like this girl is learning from her mother's actions.

I wish my two (or even myself) could be as friendly as your daugher. I'm sure as she grows up it will be a very valuable trait to have. I would just keep doing what you're doing and don't discourage her.

 

I agree with everyone else, I think you're telling her the right thing. I also think it's pretty odd that the other mom didn't encourage her child to say hello back, or at least say hello herself.

Eleanor is by far the most outgoing of my kids, she is always starting conversations with people and gets upset if they won't talk back. At the moment I just tell her that maybe the person doesn't feel like talking or didn't hear her (that only works with people we have walked past who are out of range, otherwise she will just start shouting at them! :lol. She would love it if a girl like A came up and started talking to her, she'd have shared her life story within five minutes.