Help

Hi ladies, well my girls will be 1 on the 24th. So I guess I survived the first year but its been rough. In some ways I feel like right now is even harder. The good thing is the weather is getting warmer so I've been able to take them out for walks and have also been able to start taking them out on little trips to stores if i don't have much to get and it can fit in the stroller.

My problem is Im' just still so overwhelmed. I have a 31/2 year old as well and a sitter that watches the babies on mondays and a few hours on thursdays so i can catch up on cleaning, maybe go to the gym whatever. EVEN with this help though the days I'm home with them I find myself HATING if I'm honest. I knwo this sounds awful please try not to judge me. But all they want to do is to be on the floor crawling and they crawl EVERYWHERE in 2 differnt directions. When they are not on the floor playing they scream, cry and fuss. I can't have a playgate up because we have a teeny house and our family room is small. I tried borrowing one from a friend but it was just too big took up the whole room. So I can't get anything done. Also, they don't nap at the same time if I'm lucky they might nap for maybe 1/2 hour but then on eof them will wake up so I just feel like i never get a break even though i do the days with my sitter. The past couple of weeks I've just been dreading my timme with them which is awful these are my daugthers but I just can't help the way I feel becaue someone is always screaming, hungry needs a diaper change wants to be held then at 6 my husband comes home with my 31/2 year old and dinner baths changing andnot till 9 or 10 that we get down time. I tried going on lexapro didn't seem to help. suppposed to go back to docs. Am i the only one who has felt like this at age 1. .help...

 

Hey, calm down, of course you are not the only one feeling overwhelmed. I only have the twins, my parents moved in with us after the twins to help and I work full time. In spite of having all this help I feel overwhelmed and at times I feel like I don't have time to do anything right. I believe to a certain extent it's normal to feel like this at times. It's NOT EASY to raise kids, especially two at a time, plus you have a 3,5 year old as well. Life it's not supposed to be all fun and games and easy, despite of what it's portrayed in some movies or sitcoms , so cut yourself some slack, I am sure you are doing the best you can.

Try to relax and take a break once in a while, maybe go do something on your own or with a friend, just to have fun and do something different. Good luck!

 

instead of doing a play gate "yard" can you baby proof the living room and then just gate it off from the other rooms. We also have a small house and I have a gate that goes into the kitchen that stays up all the time and then they have run of the living room and the hall. I keep the bedroom doors and the bathroom door shut. This seems to work. As far as napping goes I am a firm believer in crying it out. but at this age it may not work. Do you have them on a schedule? Napping and food are the 2 things I do NOT budge from as far as schedules go. over hungry or over tired babies are stressful. Here is our schedule..

Wake- 6:46-7am.
Bottle
breakfast 8am (we wait til we get big sister out the door to school)
playtime til 9:30. They both go in their beds at 9:30, I turn on their story bear and white noise machine and turn out the lights and leave the room. the fuss yes but after a while they go to sleep.
wake from nap 1 between 10:45 and 11:30
noon- lunch
from after lunch til 2:35 when we leave to pick up big sister (or 2:15 when we leave if we are walking) we play. I put on a kids cd and we play and I sing or we read books or I just let them roam around. they dump their toy box which is fine whatever, we go outside and play in the swings, I have their johnny and jenny jumpups attached to the tree branch and I have a chair out there and I can sit in the sun while they are in the shade and still interact with them while having some unwind time. They love to swing and I can get some color on my face LOL.
3:30 bottle
4pm 2nd nap. this one is normally no longer than an hour.
they get up have a bottle and play til dinner at 6:30. 7-7:30 is play time and bath time and daddy time(daddy does bathtime alot)
7:30- bottle
8 bedtime.

I have found that I would be way more nuts than I am now if I didn't have a schedule. outside time is critical. we all need the fresh air and the sunshine. Get out of the house, go for a walk, push them on the swings let them explore the back yard if its fenced. Hang in there. Don't be so hard on yourself. this is NOT easy.

 

Hi thanks, well we do have a gate that would prevent them from getting into the kitchen but we haven't used it because it doesn't have a door and our house is on the market w hich means every time someone caem to see the house we'd have to take it down or hte people would have to step over it whihc would be a pain. I think we are just going to have to invest in a gate with a door because I seriuosly can't take it.

They are NOT on a nap schedule. My one girl will go down around 10ish the other NOPE she is not a good sleepr and NO Nap in the afternoon. I guess I'm going to have to work on the schedule and at this point I'll let them cry it out because I'm at witts end here.

 

We have a lot in common! My girls will be ONE a day after yours, I also have a 2.5 yr old and I'm also losing my mind . I have a good bit of help from my mil and fil too. They come over several times a week and either take my 2.5 yr old to their house for a few hours or they come over here and help me with the babies and I'm still COMPLETLY FRIED most every day. I often go to bed exhausted and sorta depressed. My twins take up so much of my time I feel like my 2 yr old is often neglected :-( my girls are teething and they are also in a crying stage and want constant attention. It is sooo draining listening to babies cry all day, isn't it? They are also all over the place and into everything. I can't imagine not being able to gate off areas due to a house on the market. My girls are on almost exact same schedule pp posted above and it works well for us. My girls usually nap from 9:30 to 10:30 or 11 but I leave them in their crib until 11::00 otherwise I would never have any time with my 2 yr old or time to get things down around the house. If they wake early then they play, sometimes they fuss but I don't get them until 11 regardless. Same with afternoon nap, I put them down at 3:00 and they usually only nap an hour at most but I don't get them until 4:30. I stick to my schedule too and also believe in CIO. hope it gets better for you!

 

ITA with the previous poster who suggested planning a schedule and sticking to it. And definitely baby proof an area and let them have at it! There is no way you can chase after twins crawling in different directions all day without going crazy. Seriously.. I lost my entire living room to baby proofing but it is so worth my sanity. Just do whatever you have to do to make it through the next couple of months. A play yard might take up the whole room, but at least you'll be able to sit on a chair for a few minutes during the day or turn your back to make lunch or whatever.

Schedule naps and stick to your schedule for a solid couple of weeks before you tinker with it. I'd probably work it around the twin who takes the earlier nap. I consider nap time "quiet time". It doesn't matter if they're in their crib playing or sleeping or sobbing, they're down for an hour at least so I can get things back on track in the rest of the house. If it last longer, great, but if not well, at least I had enough time to press the reset button.

And most of all.. plan for an afternoon of help with all three kids and LEAVE YOUR HOUSE. Go out and get your nails done, read a book at the library or just do something that you enjoy without having to chase after the kids. You deserve a break, especially if you're feeling frazzled. I think going to talk to your doctor about antidepressants is probably a good idea too, but also just get some good old fashioned you time and schedule a break.

Hang in there! It's a tough age and you just do what you need to so that you can bear it and hopefully enjoy it.

 

1.) Inhale
2.) Exhale
3.) REPEAT

You are doing the best that you can. Give yourself credit!!! :hug: It's not easy, we all know. Hopefully, some of us can help you along the way. And as they get older, some things *will* get easier.

1.) Like a pp, I would really try to work on the nap schedule. It may work out that they just nap at different times or have different sleep needs. But I would definitely try to get them sleeping together. And if possible, if one is waking the other, split them up for a bit for naps. If you want to do CIO, I would. I know 'they' say CIO for nap for one hour. Then stop. Bedtime is til they fall asleep. I know that if they sleep for less than 60 minutes-any three of them-I about lose my mind. You just count on that down time. It's important. And sadly, I can sometimes be in such a foul mood when they wake up early from a nap.

2.) What about a play yard gate? It's a big circle, they can stay in there, and you can put various toys, etc to keep them entertained.

3.) I agree with going outdoors whenever possible. It does a world of wonders! Walk them up and down the street if you can, or take them to a park. That also helps with napping.

4.) Get out of the house. At least once a week. Even if you just walk the mall, or Target. There are new sights and sounds to look at. Keep it short and simple. You can gradually work up to longer times if you want. I need to get out of the house otherwise I start to go stir crazy. And well, they do too!

5.) Catching up on cleaning is great. I've found though-it's virtually impossible! :laughing: So when the sitter comes, maybe once a month, or twice a month-schedule YOU time. And don't feel guilty about it. Go and get a pedicure. A manicure. A massage. Lunch with a friend. Or by yourself. Sit in a quiet bookstore. Do something for YOU. It's sooo important!!! It really is!

6.) Maybe find some new things to do with the kids? My kids all love music. Dancing, singing, instruments. Fingerpaint. Shaving cream. Can you tell I was a former preschool teacher? LOL! Let them play in the bathtub. Or in a water table or something similar. You don't have to do something all day, every day. But changing it up a bit-even if it's only once a week, brings a nice refreshment to the everyday same things that happen. I try to do at least one different thing a week. If possible. In theory it works nicely.

And please come here for venting, suggestions, whatever you may need. We can all relate! :hug:

 

To combat them driving me nuts (& yeah, I'm with you on the naps. Mine are deteriorating so next week CIO it is....) I'm doing a couple of things.

1.) Switch out their toys every week. They play SOOO much better when they have different stuff to play with! On a related note, clean up their toys at least every night after they go to bed so they know what they have to play with.

2.) Go out. Meg's right. You need to remember who you are to be effective. You are an amazing woman who happens to be a mom of 3. When DH gets home, have their dinner ready & walk out until after bedtime. My attitude sucks sometimes as I get in a Nobody-cares-whether-I-do-x,y or z place. But when I have distance from them where I do something for me, I feel so much better.

3.) As to the part about the stroller, it's not an option. You can't take them for walks without it. Let them cry/get used to it. One thing we have done very recently with ours is let one help push the stroller, which they ADORE! If he takes 1 hand off the back, he gets a warning. The second time he gets put in and his brother gets a turn. I don't go anywhere quickly but they LOVE it. Just something for the future.

 

Just wanted to give you big hugs and say that I'm glad you posted and are able to get it out. No one here is to judge anyone else (I hope!), as we all have our limits/crosses to bear.

I would definitely suggest going back to the drs as soon as possible and talking to him/her and seeing what their suggestion is for helping you. If 1 medication didn't work, there are several others. You don't have to live this way!! Depression hurts!

I also agree with getting out of the house by yourself. Does your husband know how you are feeling? Having him support you and be in your corner will be huge for you. I think one night a week, once he gets home, you need to go out all by yourself. You're home alone with 3 kids all day so it won't hurt him to do the same for an hour or two. You will find you'll be a better mother when you return

Also, scheduling the kids will definitely make it easier for all of you--kids included. They love to know what's coming next and helps them just as much as it helps you. Getting them on a schedule may feel overwhelming so maybe go to the drs first and once you get a bit more settled and feeling a bit better, then start? Just ideas for you.

But again--big hugs....it's definitely not easy...glad you posted and didn't hold it inside.

 

First important thing: schedule. Second: schedule. Third: schedule . A strict schedule makes everybody's life so much better and easier and fun.

We only have the twins. So I have to say you are doing the best for your 3 kids. Go easy on yourself. And believe me it gets better and fun with the twins. Of course we do have bad/screaming/fussy days.but in general, this is the best time for us. It's just so fun and easy to take care of them now. Mine have been on schedule since day 1.

You not only need schedule for them but you also need to organize your daily route as well. Also talk to ur husband so you 2 can take turn to go out and refresh. Hit the gym more regularly will improve your mood. I work full time. But I go to gym everyday at lunch break and on the weekend and after work. I take turn with my husband. Some day he goes out and some day igo to gym. I have to tell you gym releases my stress and I become happier. And try to have a family day like Sunday. All family goes out to have fun. That doesn help alot too. I know all I said seems impossible. But its so possible. The first month of change will be hard. But after that, everythig will be better.(((((hugs)))) youc can do it!!!!!!

 

PP have shared lots of great thoughts! I definitely agree with the schedule suggestion and the baby gate/baby proofing. Our first floor is baby proofed, so that they can have free roam. It takes a lot of stress off knowing that they can't get into anything that they're not supposed to.

:hug: