HELP!

I need to come here and vent, rant or whatever. It's something that has been bothering me and I'm not sure what to do. I need coping skills or something. And for those of you who have met me IRL, you probably wouldn't believe me!

When the boys do something, sometimes I just get soooo irate, I don't know what to do with myself. I hate myself. Take what just happened...

We were doing a "project" together in the dining room where they were glueing, etc. It lasted quite awhile. The boys leave the table and I start to cleanup. Well Anthony must have been laying down on the floor on top of a couch pillow and Nicholas came charging in and jumped on him. Nicholas is SOOOO physical. Anthony gets up and he's got a mark from his glasses hitting his head, and lo and behold-his glasses are broken. I need to get to the eye glass store and hope they can bend them back into shape. I refuse to touch them in case I break them.

I was sooo raging mad. WTH does he have to jump on him? He doesn't get it. Then he was po'd because Anthony fought back. Good! OMG. Anyways... So then I start yelling and screaming at him. Put him in timeout and all he is worried about is Anthony giving him a boo-boo. I just don't know how to calm down and take myself out of the situation. So then when I have time to reflect on what just happen, I start to cry because I am so upset at the person I am. It's not me. I'm quite, shy, reserved. But if you saw me in the moment you would think I was a raging lunatic.

Any words of advice?

 

Same here, so no advice but you're definitely not alone!

 

You are not alone :hug: I was so upset that Ana was splashing Meara in the face last night in the bath, that I splashed her in the face. Not my finest moment.

The only thing I just keep reminding myself is to keep my expectations reasonable. They are 3 and will act 3 and I shouldn't take it personally when that happens. Impulse control is a pretty complex thing and most 2-3 year olds are just learning it.

 

Same here!!!I hope it gets better and its just the age

 

Meaghan :hug:
I have definitely been there and done that. I agree with Leighann that I do try to remind myself to adjust my expectations to their age. But I have definitely had my days where I felt like Mommy Dearest because I was screaming and yelling over something stupid they've done.
When I calm down, I apologize for yelling at them like that and just tell them Mommy was mad because (fill in the blank for the offense...usually because one is tackling the other, steals a toy, etc.). I have yet to perfect "the look" that my mother used to give me and my brothers and that was our signal to stop misbehaving now. It was kind of like a Jedi mind trick or the Vulcan mind meld. I need her to teach it to me :laughing:

 

Oh my goodness. This is ME! I feel the exact same way. I try so hard to have good days, or a good night and I give myself pep talks. I even try giving the kids pep talks. The twins just turned 4 and I have a 5 and 6 yr old. So, Ill ask them if we are going to have a good day, and what are the rules, and I try to do fun things, but something always ends up happening that just drives me crazy. I lose my patience and then I feel bad, especially if I realize it was not such a big deal afterwards. With all four of them picking and fighting and making noise and moving around, accidents are bound to happen, but if they would have listened, it wouldnt have happened.
I really dont have any great advice on this topic since I struggle with it myself. I remember someone mentioning that they try to sing what they want to say instead of yelling it. I try to do that before I get to my boiling point. I think this is something that each person has to find their own way of dealing with, because not everything will work for everybody.
:grouphug: I hope we can all work through this.

 

*lots of hugs*

It's normal to feel frustrated...

I completely feel your pain!

When I feel a sudden blow-up of uncontrollable emotion, I really TRY (operative word is "try", sometimes I fail) to do one of two things:

(1) I count to 5 in my head (or sometimes 10 if I'm really mad) and then I try and react as calmly as possible

or if really upset then...

(2) I run outside for a few moments, or down to the basement, and scream several times using a long string (sometimes with creative combinations) of profane words

LOL.

 

ps

Forgot to mention that when I count in my head I have to CLOSE MY EYES to keep my concentration. Because if I keep my eyes open I will see the smug expressions on their faces and it will infuriate me further. LOL.

 

OMG, you are so not alone! It's gotten better for me as they've gotten older. But there are days where I'm a mad woman. The other day, Isabel brought her stainless steel water bottle to daycamp and she put her sister's brand new top on it. Well, she was playing around and the water bottle dropped and cracked the top right at the hinge. I was so mad. I told her she's buying her sister a new one b/c she hadn't even used it yet. She said it was an accident and felt bad, but I was soooo mad. Of course, I thought about how poorly I reacted all the way to work and all day long. I don't know what caused the instantaneous anger/frustration reaction rather than staying calm and talking through it. I've been really working on it though and really putting 1-2-3 Magic into effect around here. It's really helped, but it's those instances where I just fly off the handle that I beat myself up for later.

 

I completely 110% understand everything you just said. I have cried many times for losing my cool with the kids. But I just get so frustrated sometimes!

Try not to beat yourself up too much. No one is perfect and we're going to get mad sometimes. I try counting to and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I'll also go to the bathroom and breath for a minute.

This age is not easy that's for sure!

 

Wow! NO advice, just wanted to tell you, you are NOT ALONE. I get so flipping angry, I never knew I could get this mad. Even my DH can't make me this mad! I am still working my way through it so I'll let you know if I come across anything useful...

 

OMG! You are definitely not alone. I've wanted to post about this before, but was afraid that I was the only one who had irrational "anger" or reactions. And I was afraid of being judged...because from the outside, everyone looks like a much calmer mom than I do. I have not found anything that works consistently, but you are definitely not alone. I have two 6 year old kids with ADHD and sometimes it's more than I can handle! I, for one, am glad that I'm not alone in this. Hang in there!

 

See-I never knew, and no one would believe me-that I could ever get this angry. I just don't know what it is. I love them to pieces, we tried for years to have them. I just feel awful when I am that way. And dh doesn't make me this mad either. And when he gets angry at them, I get LIVID with him. The only problem is he has NO idea how mad I get at them. But when he gets that mad at them, I have him walk away and I take over. When it's just me, there is no one to take over.... And the worst part now is, they see me cry and say, "You sad momma?" And then I cry. Or, if I start yelling, etc, they say, "You angry momma?" Or if I'm happy, they will say, "You no sad momma?" How is that supposed to make me feel? Liek the worst freakin' mother! UGH! I'm just glad to know I am not alone! I swear I want to write a book, "The sh!t your parents never told you before you became a parent."

You know, as I was posting this, I was like, "I hope people don't hate me for this post" or whatever it may be. But honestly, here on TS, it's such a wonderful support group, that I'm glad I can come here. There are plenty of women who have been through this age, or stage, or feelings. Or maybe some haven't and are thanking their lucky stars! :laughing: It's just such a relief to know that I am not alone. We are not alone. We are all in this together! And tomorrow is a new day, right?!?!!?

Thank you all ladies! You help keep my sanity in check! I appreciate it!

 

you. are. not. alone. !!!!! it's been especially hard the past few weeks... especially with dh not finding work, i'm extra stressed out, and so every little thing seems to set me off we should all go out for drinks! lol!

 

We could all have a virtual drink fest some night! Isn't there a chat room on here?!? LOL!

 

YOU ARE SO NOT ALONE!!!!!

I completely lost it the other day with DS. He spit avocado in my face. I was soooo livid! I yanked him out of his chair, marched his little butt to TO and yelled in his face "Don't you EVER do that to me again!". Lately, I have thought I need to be on Prozac or something. :blush: Either Prozac or just a break from the kids! I am literally with them 24/7. I hope it doesn't make me a bad mom to say...I can't WAIT until Sept. 1st when MDO starts!!

 

This is me, too. Although I am not with them 24/7 every day. But during the summer, for weeks at a time. I also find that I work full time during the school year, plus keep some hours on Saturday morning. My DH is very helpful with the kids when he's home (which is after 7 on weeknights), but not very helpful during the week with laundry and other household stuff during the week. Plus sometimes money is tight and stresses me out. I find that the more I am stressed by things other than my kids, the less patience I have with them. I think that's what makes me feel the worst. Although they do do something to trigger my over-reaction, it is often not at all deserving of the reaction that they get. I also look forward to the school year when we all have some time away from each other! So glad not to be alone in this!! I guess we're all human.

 

You guys are not all alone, we all loose it sometimes. But, here is my advice, try and schedule breaks from the kids, get out of the house and away from them for a bit. You NEED those breaks to stay sane. Having kids is hard whether its twins or not, and we all NEED breaks.
Also, I try to keep in my mind when I want to get really mad - is that the kids will soon be MIMICKING me (they learn how to act from mostly watching their parents). So, if I yell and scream and get really mad, they are going to act that way as they get older, and i dont want to have to deal with that down the road. So that very thought keeps me from loosing it (most of the time).

Count to ten, walk away for a minute, think of how you dont want to deal with their screaming rants down the road, think of your happy place, or whatever it takes to keep your cool - it wont work 100% of the time (dont expect perfection), but strive for as much as the time as possible.

Good luck to all of us!

 

THANK YOU for posting this. I echo what most everyone else has said - your are SO NOT ALONE!

I have been feeling so extremely tired, frustrated, and basically at my wits end w/my 2.5 year old b/g twins the last couple of weeks. My husband works out of town so I am w/them alone all week - I do go to work and just added another day to make 3 days a week, but it is still so exhausting. I just lost it big time today w/my daughter - she threw a toy at me and I gave her warning of time out the next time. She threw it again and hit me really hard in the head - it HURT! She laughed and I went to get her to put her in time out, she ran of course so I grabbed her and said in a VERY angry/mean voice, THAT HURT, DONT YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN, YOUR DONE! and put her in her crib -not super gently like I do when they're going to bed. It may not sound that bad, but it had already been a bad day w/walking to the park this am. Anyhow, I was just feeling bad, and wondering what I'm doing wrong as a mother to make them act this way.....that is my emotions talking even though I know logically, they are only 2 1/2 and it is an extremely challenging, self-centered stage. I realize that we do need to control our emotions as much as possible for the sake of our children, however, we ARE human, and humans can have strong emotions and do lose it once in a while. I'm going to try not to beat myself up for these times -none of us should. As another post said, you apologize and move on.

And what makes it worth it? Well many things, but when I went back in to get her -she had been crying and screaming. She stopped, looked at me, gently grabbed my head and said "mommy got hit in head, I sorry" and she kissed my head. WITHOUT any prompting!


Anyhow, I came right here when I put them down for nap and feel so much better that it's likely not horrible parenting on my part, my kids are not bad, and we are all in the same boat.

Thank you!!

 

Hi Meaghan,

This was happening to me too. I would get livid and there where times where I wasn't sure I could control myself.

One day tthings were so bad that I fantasized about buying a one way ticket to Mexico and re-idenifing myself thinking "the girls will be ok without me, they will be in therapy one day anyway so if I leave them and never come back, sure they'll be messed up but they'll be fine."
I seriously HAD ENOUGH!!

So for a whole YEAR I was telling myself that I could do it without meds (my girls are 2 1/2) I didn't want to go on meds, I know a ton of people on meds but I wanted to raise my girls without that help. (like my mom and sister raised their kids but then I came to realize, they NEEDED them too and just never got them)

Finally a month ago I went to my dr. and started meds. The straw that broke the camels back was when I went into the freezer and there was no ice. I could have exploded, I wanted so badly to yell and scream and throw things and then jump off a bridge.
So, I'm "one of those morm's" now, a mom on meds because life is just too darn hard.

They're working. I can focus better, I get more done and I don't get as mad as I used to. When the girls act up it doesn't boil my blood the way it did before, I get upset but I never (strong word) lose control.

I am NOT saying that meds are for everyone and I am not suggesting you go on them I am only sharing my experience and what has worked for me.
I was reading some other posts and I don't know who it was but she said "Even when things are going smooth it's still difficult" YES it is!!!

Give yourself a break, be good to yourself and know that you are not alone!

Leslie