Help!

My LOs are a handful at the moment and I was hoping that you expert mums could help shed some light on what could be going on. My LOs are almost 11 months old.

DD is teething but handling it pretty well, IMO. She has her grumpy days, refuses then wants food but in general is OK.

DS is another story. We went through 3-4 days of a really rough patch at the start of Easter week. He was refusing to nap, although clearly tired then overtired, and having tantrums. It then calmed down again though the napping wasn´t too great. I put it down to possible teething and reaching a milestone of being able to pull himself to standing. 2 weeks on and the behaviour is back, worse, and he has stopped STTN. He hasnt got any teeth coming through that I can see.

He refused to eat his dinner (bottle) last night and the night was rough: waking crying, which he does during the day, then taking ages to get back to sleep. I ended up feeding him at 5am and although he ate, he took a while to get back to sleep and just kept trying to get up to standing. He seems to be very needy and clingy also. Whe he´s playing he is happy and distracted but when he gets bored, he throws a fit and screams for attention.

I really am at the end of my tether and am starting to crack. Im so tired emotionally and physically and dont know what is going on though I suspect its possible teething and/or wanting to be independent.

Should I leave him to CIO for his day naps? If so, how should I go about it? I havent had the strength to leave him to cry for much more than 10-15 mins so he knows that I will go to him if he cries enough. I dont think he´s ill as his appetite is good but if he is teething then is CIO wise? I give the meds, etc for teething.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

TIA!

 

Aww I'm so sorry your having a rough time! No advice from me i'm afraid but just wanted to pass on some :hug: to you! I hope someone else can offer some suggestions for you.
Take care xxxx

 

I've found that the older they get the harder it is to understand what they need. It seems the list of possible issues grows! I did CIO at 7.5 months and it worked great for naps. When I did it for naps, I let them cry for 20-30 mins (while I was standing at the doorway, but they couldn't see me). I even rearranged their room so I could spy on them without them being able to see me. If they were stuck standing up, I would go in and lay them down w/out saying a word. When I left the screaming would increase, but shortly subside. Anyway, after the 20-30 mins I would go in, make sure they were laying down and tell them, "It's night-night time. Go to sleep". At this time I could do a diaper check and make sure they weren't crying b/c they were poopy (a frequent occurrence around here). Then I'd let them go another 20-30 mins. If at the end of that hour, they weren't asleep, I brought them downstairs. By that time they were close to another feeding and I knew they wouldn't sleep. When I did CIO at night I just kept increasing how long I let them cry by 5 min intervals.

*I say "they" although one would always be sleeping through the other's CIO.

 

Megan: thanks for your tips on CIO. Did you find it hard to do? I do. My DS gets himself into such a state that he is almost sick which is when I go in. He gets himself so worked up that if he doesnt calm down first he wont get to sleep. If I go into him, he gets worse. Maybe I havent been leaving him long enough. Last night he took 20 mins to fall asleep and it was after I checked to see if he was standing (he was). I then had to stroke his hair which instantly calmed him and he was asleep in 2 minutes. I had to separate the twins last night as he wouldnt settle and DD was crying as she wanted to sleep. She sttn but he didnt and woke crying a lot. I cant see any teeth so I dont know whats wrong with him other than just getting older

 

When my guys started standing they would get stuck standing up, but I read in HSHHC to just let them go and they will figure out how to get down. I went ahead and did that. Generally what happened is they got so tired they just fell down.

The one thing I know for sure is if they see me or if I go in....they will be up for much longer.

ETA: Standing interfered with their sleep more than any other developmental milestone, but after about a week it got much better.

 

Rachel: thank you for this tip. Im doing CIO now as he is fighting his nap and have had to go in 3 times to lie him back down (he was stood up) which has only made him cry even more. Im going to leave him then, like you said. He´s been crying for 20 mins. I think he will give up soon. I hate this part, especially when he calls me, but he has to learn that he cant rule this household. I think the reason why Ive had such a rough 2 weeks is because Ive been giving into him. I´ll KYP.

 

It sounds like you have a very needy baby, that always wants your attention. My son was/is like that. And I wrote posts similar to yours around the 10 month mark. He had really bad separation anxiety and is just very attached to me. Cried going to bed, woke up a lot wanting out of his crib. Wouldn't let me get up and take two steps away from him during the day, his naps were so frustrating. He'd sleep 40 minutes and wake up screaming every time. I found myself yelling at him at times because I couldn't take the constant whining and screaming when he didn't get his way. I started to wonder about PPD because I felt like I just couldn't handle it.

We did CIO at bedtime, the initial crying when we first put him down was the worst. The first night he cried hard for an hour. We went in every 15 minutes, but that made it worse and I think it prolonged it. When he finally stopped and was quiet, we went in and saw him conked out fast asleep, and there was vomit on his bumper pads. I wanted to break down and cry right there. I felt like the worst mom ever. But I was afraid to go back, and have that night be a waste. I know you have to be consistent and stick with it or it wont' work. So we did it again the second night and he cried for 45 minutes and not as hard. The third night he cried like 5 seconds. For the night wake ups, we also let him cry and he went back to sleep within 5-10 minutes and the wakeups became farther and fewer between. Now when he wakes I always check on him because it's unusual. Sometimes I find him falling back in that pattern and waking out of habit, so we do CIO again, but it's so much easier now than the initial round.

I called my OB and was put on zoloft. He said it sounded more like a situational thing, with winter and being trapped in the house 24/7, and having to deal with the tantrums alone 24/7. The medicine really took the edge off and I got my patience back. I felt better able to handle the tough situations, the screaming and whining just didn't seem to bother me like it did before.

I wasn't sure how to do CIO with naps. We tried a little here and there, but it never worked much for us. He was stubborn and would cry for an hour if we let him. So
I started putting him down for naps sooner, thinking maybe he was overtired which would be affecting his sleep and could be causing his clinginess and whininess during the day. I don't know if it was a coincidence, that he was just starting to outgrow his issues at this time too, but he now takes anywhere from 1 to 2.5 hour naps and doesn't wake up crying anymore. I never thought this was going to be possible with him.

And he just sort of gradually outgrew the clinginess. He is definitely still clingy, but he's no longer attached to me 24/7. I literally sat by his side all day for a month. Now I am able to sneak away for 20 minutes or so and he can play by himself. And if I get up and walk away (within sight still, so he knows he can follow if he wants) he no longer screams his head off.

I don't know if anything I said helps, but I definitely feel for you. It is so hard. People didn't understand until they were here and witnessed it and said they hadn't seen anything like it. Hopefully this is just a phase for you and he'll start to come out of it.

 

Denise: your post has really helped me, thank you. DS is still crying and it´s been almost 40 mins now. He stops and starts. I´ve also wondered about PPD but I think it´s being indoors (I cant get out alone as we live on the top floor in a block of flats and my pram doesnt fit in the lift) and the anxiety of listening to DS. The weird thing is he will play alone sometimes and after his mega nap this morning, he was calm. As he was rubbing his eyes, I put him down and know he needs to sleep as he is a baby that needs his naps. Ive tried putting him down early too but it doesn´t work. I hope he grows out of this phase as it is so unpleasant.

He is attached to me, more so than DD, so maybe I have to take steps like you. I go to him in the night as Im afraid he will wake DD (they share a room). She usually sleeps through his crying but if he gets really loud then she will wake crying. Its good to hear success stories like yours, thank you for sharing.

 

big hugs to you rach ((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))
it is such hard work, you know my oran is very similar so i def feel for you.
we do cio with him (dont need to with brook) for naps i put him down, then go and do something that is far enough away so that i can hear him but not very well. which makes it easier for me!!!! e.g ill have a shower, if he is still crying without pauses when ive finished then i get him up. he does sometimes miss his morning nap now.
at night i found it really hard to leave him but luckily dh is better than me! we put a pillow over our ears. we did have to do this for a while. after last weekend of being away he reverted back to waking at night so we had to do it again.
it does get harder the older they get as well. with ds1 i had a really tough time when he learned to cry, 'mummy'
the problem i find with oran is that i get annoyed with him and then my negative feelings must influence him. its really hard when you're in the situation. i think i can manage a half hour of his whinging before i say 'give it a rest' i must admit he usually gets the better of me and i end up cuddling him and singing jumping up and down, anything that will stop the moaning!!!! they may be little but they are geniuses at pushing your emotional buttons!! it's a real shame you cant get out easily as that is one of my ways to cope. could you mayeb give him a bath? (when its not to do with sleep) have you tried baby massage? prob wont work but just a suggestion...
most importantly, you're brilliant and dont forget it. be strong, decide what you want to do re sleep and stick to it like super glue. (this is my advice but im not so good at sticking to things myself)
x

 

I'm going through the same thing with Ellie. I thought she was sick, teething, hungry, etc. Then, I realized she's just spoiled. We have started CIO and it is working. Tonight she only cried for less than a minute and was out. The first night was 1.5 hours. The 2nd and 3rd night was an hour. She was standing the first couple nights and now she just sits there and eventually lies down. I was having an issue with her pooping from getting herself so upset. That hasn't happened the last 2 nights, but I know when I go in to check, it makes it so much worse. I'm going to try not to go in at all anymore. I've noticed that naptime has gotten so much better. I also make sure I'm putting her down when she is tired for naps. If she isn't, then she fights it so much more. I know I have to be consistent, which I wasn't doing before. She knew if she cried long enough, I'd go in. I think she is finally understanding she needs to go to sleep on her own. It is getting easier each night. It is definitely way harder on me than her. I only did this when I knew she wasn't sick, which is why we postponed it for a while. There was always something preventing us from doing it. I'm so glad we finally did. My dh did it the first night while I was gone. I'm so glad he started it. The 2nd night was rough on me, but I knew I had to do it. Going in the other room and keeping busy made it easier on me. Now, it doesn't bother me at all. I know she is just tired and needs to figure it out on her own. Oh, my girls share a room too. Abby is a great sleeper and has learned to sleep through all the crying. Thank God. That was another reason I put it off for so long. I was going to put her in the pnp in our room if I had too. Good luck.

 

QUOTE(Rach28 @ Apr 19 2009, 11:15 AM) [snapback]1279756[/snapback]
Denise: your post has really helped me, thank you. DS is still crying and it´s been almost 40 mins now. He stops and starts. I´ve also wondered about PPD but I think it´s being indoors (I cant get out alone as we live on the top floor in a block of flats and my pram doesnt fit in the lift) and the anxiety of listening to DS. The weird thing is he will play alone sometimes and after his mega nap this morning, he was calm. As he was rubbing his eyes, I put him down and know he needs to sleep as he is a baby that needs his naps. Ive tried putting him down early too but it doesn´t work. I hope he grows out of this phase as it is so unpleasant.

He is attached to me, more so than DD, so maybe I have to take steps like you. I go to him in the night as Im afraid he will wake DD (they share a room). She usually sleeps through his crying but if he gets really loud then she will wake crying. Its good to hear success stories like yours, thank you for sharing.

Oh, man there has got to be a way to get out. Do you think you can find another pram? I would go crazy. :hug: Do you have a neighbor, who could watch the babies for a few minutes while you fold up the pram and take it down the lift? You need just a little time out, especially since summer is coming.

 

Thanks girls

The CIO worked yesterday afternoon. He cried for almost an hour. DH said "lets take him out" as he was crying so hard and I wouldnt let him till the hour was up. Literally minutes before the hour was up he fell asleep and slept for 1hr 40 mins! He woke up happy but very tired. I´ve also discovered that he doesn´t want his bottle in the evenings and needs food. I had to distract him with toys so he would take his bottle and he left 3oz so I gave him yoghurt. He had a peaceful night and woke up happy. Now Im listening to him fighting his morning nap but he isnt crying just moaning. He is tired and shouting "mamamamama" Ugh its hard!

 

:hug: this is a very hard age and it was SO hard to CIO, but in our case it was worth it. Hang in there mama!!