help with bedtime

Hello

I could really use some help with bedtime. We have always had a routine for bedtime and are quite scheduled about the time, etc. However, they are getting worse and worse about it. I used to end the routine by rocking them until sleeping (I know, I know...bad habit, but so easy to fall into). They started fighting that too much, so I then switched to letting them cry for 10 minutes, then going in and patting them in their cribs. That used to work quite well, but now they fight that and won't go to sleep with patting either.

I have read Weissbluth's book, and follow much of it, but not all. I tried CIO the past two nights. They can outlast me - I just cannot sit here and let them scream for hours. All the stories in there are about children who cried for maybe up to an hour, then fell asleep and stayed asleep. The first night I let them scream for an hour then went in and laid Anna down (I'm not sure she knows how to sit down once she's standing in her crib). Last night, they kept waking each other up, so I ended up getting Anna up again for awhile then rocking her later. it was almost 10pm at that time and I put them down just after 6pm. They are usually ready for bed between 6 and 6:30 and sleep until about 6. Sometimes I'll nurse them then and they may go back to sleep for up to an hour or so.


We are also trying to figure out an illness, so that has contributed to the problems. One or both have basically been running a fever all month. Anna turned out to have a uti, and if Grace is still feverish tomorrow, I'll take her in and they'll culture her as well.

Any other ideas out there for sleeping? Separating them isn't an option at night (only have 2 bedrooms, and no other room big enough for a crib). I'm almost always alone for the bedtime routine, so it has to be something I can handle by myself.

Thanks,
Suzanne

 

I have a few guesses:
Are they napping a long time during the day? Are they still taking 2 long naps? Perhaps they are getting too much sleep during the day?
Are they hungry or have dirty diapers? (My DS will NOT sleep if he poopied)
Are they active enough during the day? I know when mine are really active, they sleep better...
Or, as a long shot...are they overtired or overstimulated before bedtime?
Are they getting new teeth?
They could just be going through a transitional phase with growing...Doesn't it seem like that is always happening??? :huh:

HANG IN THERE!!!!! Mine still have sleep issues every once in awhile...you are not alone in your frustration. You are doing a great job...

 

I separate mine at bedtime, even though it's inconvenient in our small house. Evan starts out in the master bedroom. Then I move Evan to the nursery with James when I go to bed at 10 or 11. It's not ideal but it really, really cuts down on the bedtime drama. Evan can fall asleep on his own 9 times of out of 10 (if James is not screaming in his ear!) but James needs TLC. CIO at bedtime didn't work with James (although it did work for his night-waking problem). He needs some back patting and lullabies. I've just come to accept that about him.

 

Thanks for the replies so far, although I'd love more. Tonight was better, but only because I did one at a time. Anna missed her afternoon nap, so she was ready for bed by 5:30. Grace was running fever and had a longer nap, so she didn't get put down until 6:45. That works pretty well, but is not a long-term solution.

I try really hard to make sure they're tired, but not over-tired at bedtime. I'm sure sometimes I miss the mark, but I do make an attempt to time it right. They are a little delayed in gross motor skills, so are just now starting to really crawl. Maybe that will help use up some of their energy and make them just the right amount of tired at bedtime. Our bedtime routine basically starts with their dinner and then also includes a nursing session so I really don't think they're hungry.

I'll have to think about separating them for bed time. I just started doing that again for naps, and so far so good. I'm not sure how easy it would be to move one into their room later, but if I get desperate enough (and some nights I'm beyond that), I'll try it.


ETA: I forgot to address their naps. They have always been short nappers ( I was doing good to get 40 minutes) but needed more naps than most kids. They have started to lengthen their naps, and Anna has even successfully gone to one on occasional days. However, most of the time, they both need and still get 2 naps. Very rarely are they too long.


Suzanne

 

I noticed you're still nursing. Are you still nursing at night? I ask b/c when mine were exactly your kids' age, DS was sleeping through the night great but DD would wake up b/t 1-3 am every night and wouldn't go back down until I nursed her (although they initially went to sleep fine--always have). Finally, DH and I decided that it was time to wean her off middle of the night feedings. So, HE took over and went in with her. Let me tell you, she was MAD when she saw him at first and not me and it took all I had not to go in there when she would scream and scream. But, like magic, only 2-3 nights later, she gave it up and has been sleeping through since then.

I know this situation isn't exactly like yours, but could your DH (I'm sorry, I don't know if you're a single Mom or not) try handling bedtime for awhile?

Good luck. I know this is very trying.

 

We did the pick up/put down method from The Baby Whisperer Answers All of Your Questions. My DH and I went in together and did the process. One for each baby. The first night took 20 minutes, the second night 10 minutes and the third night, they just laid their heads down and went to sleep. We have had no problems since we did it (around 12 months old).

 

To answer the questions, I am still breastfeeding. The majority of the nights, they sleep through until at least 5 or 6. Sometimes I'll go in and nurse them then and I'll get another hour's sleep. I know the day is coming when I'll have to wean off those feedings, but for now they don't bother me. I've already told my husband to be ready to get up when that happens. As far as him doing bedtime, he is never home in time to do it, so it will have to be me.


I may have to get the book you're talking about. I'm not familiar with that method...can you explain a little more about it? It sounds interesting.

We found out today Grace has a UTI as well. Apparently it is so uncommon for both twins to get one so close together that my pediatrician is going to write up their case for a journal! Hopefully, once the antibiotics start taking effect, we will all feel better. Last night we only got 3 hours sleep.

Thanks for all the advice. I am really enjoying this age, but bedtime has me pulling my hair out. It is just so incredibly frustrating to try to get them both to sleep at the same time. Although I know having only one baby would be challenging as well, this is one area that I think would be infinitely easier.

Suzanne

 

CIO never worked for me either. I used to rock one (the one that was definetly the 'momma's boy' at the time) and hold the other one's hand through the crib rails. It worked for a while. Then the other one wanted to be rocked too! We used to be able to just lay them down, put on the music, and walk out, but around the age of your two is when I started to have to rock or sit with them. Now I have them in a double size bed and I lay with them until they fall asleep.

 

I'm glad that someone had success with the Pick-Up/Put-Down method. It did NOT work for me. I could barely manage it with two babies, first of all. In fact I think it made things worse for James - he never got used to the "put down" part. Different things work for different people, I guess.

 

Hi Suzanne,

It looks like our babies are almost exactly the same age. We've been going through a few sleep issues ourselves lately.

I have always relied on the Weisbluth book for sleep issues, and it's really be a big help to me, but that's not to say it works for everyone.

Just based on what I've breifly read, I think you might be putting them to bed too early. Of course, if they're sleeping 11-12 hours, then I guess that's OK if it's OK with you? Are you sure they're tired when you put them down? I know just in the past few weeks we've had to make our bedtime later, because although they went to sleep easily they were waking at 5:30 am because they honestly got all the sleep they needed for the night. Now mine are going to bed at 7:30 and waking between 6:15-6:45.

Do they go down easily at naps? Or do you rock/nurse them until they are asleep?

We've been fortunate to never have had to do CIO at bedtime because they just knew it was bedtime and went to bed, BUT naps were a differnt story. I did let my son CIO for naps, and he did cry the whole hour a few times, and over the course of 2-3 weeks, it went down to 5 minutes, or not at all. I know it so hard, and gut-wrenching (literally) to hear your babie(s) scream, but I can't tell you how much it was worth it in the end.

So, you may try CIO at naps first, then work on bedtime?

I'm rambling, but maybe keep them up later, so their extra tired, and rock/nurse put them down awake, and just walk away. I really think you may just have to let them cry.

I don't know if this is helping at all, but I'll check back on this post again if you want to compare notes.

Jennifer