Help with bedtime routine, please

My girls are 12.5 months, and after doing CIO at 11 months they are generally sleeping beautifully at night.

Bedtime, however is another story. We have been doing bath, lotion massage, nurse or bottle routine since they came home from the hospital at three weeks. They had reflux so for the first endless months they had to be held upright before we could put them down.


The current issue is as follows, and is complicated by the fact that we are living w/my sister and her family since my DH is going through a stint where he is travelling internationally for weeks/months at a time. The house is huge; we are in the downstairs (which is bigger than many apartments i've lived in!). BUT - the entire house is open plan so sound travels like crazy. We do have a room for a nursery and a separate bedroom. And an immense living room. Since my sister generally helps me put them to bed when DH isn't here, we have developed a routine where we bath them in the sink upstairs (we were doing them in either the 3rd floor bathroom (also bigger than some apartments i've lived in!) or the small bathroom downstairs where I 'live', but - well, we're not getting younger and neither are the twins and the sink is much easier on our backs/knees.

The problem is that bathtime is when everyone is home, and my BIL is usually watching the news on TV in the kitchen at about sixteen kajillion decibels (losing his hearing but refusing to deal with it!), people are around and it's pretty much party time until we get them bathed and take them down to my room. I have the lights dim there, we massage and pj them, then give them their bottles.

If i don't take them into the nursery when they're done they'll start playing around; crawling on the bed, reading, getting rowdy. So i generally take them in and two things happen: either they BOTH decide that they need mama (pretty much every night), or it takes them a good 15 minutes to just calm down and settle down. Since they're getting bigger and heavier and we don't have chairs or gliders in there, we end up holding them for that long, since if they go down they just scream themselves into a frenzy. I do put them down awake and pat them and leave them, but by then they are really drowsy and ready to sleep.

I've thought about keeping them awake later, but - a) i don't want them up that late - as it is they are not getting into the nursery til 7:30 generally, and i would prefer earlier), and B) they ARE tired and hungry (they are so wild for their bottles that i generally have to diaper them while they drink it!). It's just that they're not SLEEPY yet.

I have tried reading to them after their bottles but - again, if they're not in the dark, they're stimulated. Occasionally i just end up letting them play for another 15 minutes or so til they are ready to go to sleep.

I feel that part of the problem is that they really have no transition time; they are in a noisy and stimulating environment right til the time we come downstairs (I cannot stand having the TV around when I am trying to get them wound down, but - well, it's not my house and I can't ask people to change their family habits!). But my gut tells me they really need some more downtime

I'm wondering if it might help if i brought them down to the lower level right after they eat dinner (which begins somewhere between 5:30 and 6 and takes at least half an hour) so they can play more quietly. And bathing them down here, even though it takes a huge toll on my body. My sense is that even though they will hear the tv and other noise from upstairs, at least they will be in a slightly less stimulating (although filled w/toys and books) environment.

I'm also wondering if they are not getting enough time between their second nap and bedtime (generally about three hours elapse between when they woke from their nap and when we start bedtime routine) -They ARE tired, i know that, but i don't know how to address this whole period where they seem to need to work out all this energy (they have ALWAYS been like this; it used to not be so much of an issue since we couldn't put them down or they'd hurl up all their food anyway!)

Any other thoughts? I don't want to just plop them in their cribs and have them put themselves to sleep screaming, esp. since they are teething like crazy and in pain. But i can't handle the fifteen, twenty or twenty five minutes of holding them while they work it all out. (I suppose I could spring for two more gliders, but it's frustrating snce i have two perfectly good ones at home.....3000 miles away).

Thank you for reading so far!

 

It sounds to me like they just arent tired. I would either move naptime to an earlier time (theres not a big space between naptime and bedtime) so that could be a problem, OR I'd try putting them down a half hour later. My boys at that age used to nap until about 4 but didnt go to bed until around 9:30 .. by then they were tired enough to fall asleep VERY quickly and noise didnt disturb them at all. (I have 3 teenagers).
Good luck, I hope you can get it figured out.

 

I would probably start with bathing them downstairs--there are stools and chairs you can get so you aren't having to kneel--also, you will find soon enough you can sit nearby without having to kneel at the tub.

What I used to do, is put them in their cribs, then sit in a chair and read to them while they are in the crib, if they played around, that was OK. Once I was done reading, I would sing a song, then say goodnight. Maybe that would work?

 

Not sure if this will work for you but it eventually helped us. When my boys moved to the toddler 1 room (when they turned one), the schedule was changed to have only one nap mid-day after lunch. This has made a huge difference in our house and bedtime is no longer a struggle. Of course, it took a good two weeks but now they are tired(but not overtired) and ready for bed.

Our schedule is:
5:30 wake up/breakfast
8:00 second breakfast at daycare or snack when at home
11:00 lunch
12:00 nap (for about 1.5 to 2 hours)
2:00 snack time
6:15 dinner
6:45 bathtime
7:00-7:15 bedtime

We bathe both boys together in the tub and I take Jonas out first while DH plays with Lucas. I get Jonas rubbed down, pjs on and down he goes. Then I get Lucas and repeat...they sleep in the same room. Jonas goes down first because he has always been the "easier" to get to sleep.

On non-bath nights, we put on their lotion, pjs and they get a story and we "hold" them for about a minute with their lovey blanket and down we go.

 

I have a few of suggestions. If I were you, I would number one try to adjust that afternoon nap somehow. I either would start waking them a little bit earlier, or I would start moving the morning one closer to afternoon time and transistion them to one midday nap.

I also would move them to the downstairs after dinner. I know it's going to be a pain for you to do baths and everything, but I would. At nighttime it doesn't take much to overstimulate a tired toddler. Our routine is dinner, playtime for an hour, upstairs for baths, get dressed, do teeth and then into their room for about 15 minutes or so of book time, then into their beds. I have a white noise machine that I run in their room too b/c I have a 7yo that no matter how quiet he tries to be, they can hear him and sense the energy level of the house. This way, I say goodnight, turn it on and walk away. Would it be possible to run one of those for them too?

Good luck. I can only imagine how stressful this is for you, especially being in someone else's house :hug99:

 

Consistency, consistency, consistency. Pick a plan and stick with it for bedtime. They learn to know that _____ means bedtime. If you want it to be bath upstairs then fine, start the bath at 6pm, when finished wrap them in towels and bring them downstairs. Keep the lights, low, talk quietly, put on lotion and pj's. Then you could read a book, rock them, walk around with them, whatever for 10mins or so. Tell them its bedtime and give them the bottles, then night night. That should give you time to have them in bed at 7pm.

Now whether it will work like that or not, I don't know, lol!!! But I think whatever you do give it a good week or two before deciding it isn't working, it takes a little while to develop new habits/routines.

HTH

 

I agree that consistency is key. We do Goodnight Moon EVERY NIGHT (now I just say it w/o the book but...) and that's the signal that we are leaving the room. Up till that point there are bath or not and PJ's, then books and (you would add bottle then) bed.