help with an anxious 2 3/4 yr old

Hi!

I feel like I"m on here weekly talking about my son Ryan. He is going through a seperation anxiety stage worse than any other I've seen.

It started a couple of weeks ago at bedtime. He would get so anxious that we were leaving. We were having to check on him every few minutes. It's gotten much better where I need to tell him I'll check on him and it only takes one or two times.

Now anytime I'm leaving he'll scream for over 1 1/2 hrs!
I'm able to calm him down after a few minutes of being calm myself and just talking about what to expect, what's going to happen. All the fun we are going to have etc...
Unfortunatly it takes quite a bit of time and his panic escilates if you don't sooth him enough. DH has a hard time with this. It does get frustrating when you aren't thinking about 'why' he's doing this (because he's scared).

He will just follow you around asking the same questions...
Ryan-"Mommy go to work?"
Me-"yes bud, but I'll call at my lunch to tell you I love and and will check on you tonight"
Ryan-"Daddy go to work?"
Me-"No, Daddy is staying home with you today"
Ryan-"Mommy go to woooork???" this is where he starts to panic and will repeat this over and over and getting himself worked up. So I'll talk with him and explain that he's going to go do chores with Daddy, and feed the pigs, and maybe we could show Daddy where the new markers are and we can draw a picture of our house for grammy etc....

We've set up a calendar for him for predictable times and that helps, but I'm not sure how to help him with the changes.
We have been talking about sending him to preschool this November but if me leaving for work 30min early sets him off, I'm wondering if we should reconsider...

Anyone else go through this? Any other suggestions of how to ease his anxiousness? Should I be worried? He's such a sensitive little boy and I am amazed what an 'old soul' he seems to be, but it's times like these that just break my heart!

Thanks guys!
Rebecca

 

Yes, we are dealing with this from both. We are dealing with it at night right now worse than ever. It was really bad during the morning when DH would leave for work, but we just explained that he always comes back and when he gets home he gives kisses and hugs while they're asleep. It took awhile, but they started to get it after the consistency of telling them that people go and come back later, and talking about it throughout the day, so it's not so much a surprise when it actually happens. We're working on bedtime right now, which is a nightmare. Once one starts crying the other starts and it gets loud and uncomfortable for everyone. I notice that if I don't stay calm it escalates things. A lot of patience is much needed for this phase.

You do exactly what we do which is to soothe for as long as it takes. However, if they throw a tantrum I pay no mind and leave the room until they calm down and let them know that I'll return when they can talk nicely. It takes a few, but it works. GL!

 

Thanks Christine. This is it exactly! My MIL was trying to convince DH that it was because they didn't want to go to bed. But I know they are really scared. It got so bad at one point that I used a timer at nighttime for about 2 nights, to say; "ok, when the buzzer goes off, I'll be in to check on you", and it did work. The nightime thing has gotten so much better.
Thanks for your insight!
reb

 

No problem. My MIL tried to tell me that too. That's a whole different topic of discussion.