HELP! violent feelings!

Hi, I am a long time lurker, but now I really need to post!

My girls are 11 weeks (7 weeks adjusted) and the crying is really starting to get to me. I have read HSHHC and I know he says crying peaks at 6 weeks (adjusted) but knowing it is supposed to start getting better is not helping. When the girls have been crying for 4 hours straight (taking turns, usually in the evening) I start feeling very angry at them for not calming when I am trying to do everything I can think of. Swaddling, rocking, white noise, pacis. I start to picture myself hurting them, though I have never done it. Last night I ended up hitting myself to vent those feelings and that is scaring me.

I also feel ashamed for not being able to deal with this because I have SO MUCH help. I am so lucky - I have a live-in nanny, a husband who jumps in the minute he gets home from work and a mother who comes every night to split the night shift with me. So I have nothing to complain about, but these feelings are coming up anyway. So I think no one will feel the least bit sorry for me. I'm debating whether to call my therapist (whom I have not seen for a long time) or a psycho-pharmacologist to see if she can give me something to take the edge off this.

Thanks for reading.

-debby
Nomi and Ruti ID girls born 1/6/08
Dina 12/10/03

 

I think even with all the help, two crying babies can really put a momma over the edge. I don't think it's a bad idea to talk to someone, even your Ob and let them know how you are feeling. Some simple medication may make you feel like you can tackle it all no problem. :hug99:

Welcome to the group too.

 

Please don't feel like no one would feel sorry for you just because you have help! :hug99: I think it's wonderful that you DO have the help but it doesn't mean all the stress will be washed away.

I used to have those very same feelings you were having. Sometimes I would just have to walk away and go in the garage and scream my head off. It is so hard right now. My girls used to scream alllll-the-time too!! I mean, for hours on end at night. It does get so much better, trust me. I know that doesn't help you in the moment but when things are calm just remember that statement.

If you have been in touch with a counselor/therapist before, I think definitely calling them would help!!

Please know that you are NOT alone and please keep us updated. :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

Four hours of crying would definitely put anyone over the edge. That is when you need to take a break though. When I would get to that point with my girls (and that wasn't even after 4 hours, it was after like 1!) I would go outside and do some things around the yard for 15-20 minutes. I left them inside safe in their cribs, knowing they were screaming their heads off, but knowing it was better that they scream their heads off than me get frustrated to that point that I did something that might hurt them. If you can't get out of your house than put some headphones on and crank the music (probably some calming music would be best, ) There is nothing wrong with feeling extremely frustrated especially when you start to feel like there is something wrong with you because nothing you do can make your babies happy. You just have to make sure you take time to get away from the insanity because then you will be able to calm down and realize that they are helpless little babies who aren't purposely crying just to drive you nuts (although doesn't if feel that way??). It probably wouldn't help to talk to someone about your feelings though - and maybe they could give you suggestions or something to help you get through this rough time. Hang in there though - for me, it wasn't 6 weeks when it got better it was 4 months. I tell everyone who asks "how we did it" with twins that the first 4 months were really rough but after that it got tremendously easier.

BTW, Welcome to Twinstuff. It's such a great website for support and advice.

:hug99:

 

:hug99: Huge hugs!

Don't ever feel like you shouldn't have people feel sorry for you. Mine did that too, every evening, for a while. Nothing helped for a while. Then we figured out they were not colicky, but leaned that way. We switched bottles to those Dr. Brown's ones, and it got better.

And yes, I was so frustrated with them that I got really angry, too. They will not remember, and won't be able to hurt themselves, if you leave them in their cribs and walk away for a little bit to regain some sanity for yourself.

This was a tough time for me, too, and I had some help, too. Good luck, and I hope this stage ends soon for you. :hug99:

 

First welcome to TS and congratulations on your girls

It is hard when babies cry. I know I at times have a very hard dealing with it. For me, someone who has seen therapist, thinks you are on the right track if you know your doc can help you some with taking the edge off. Sometimes that is all that is needed.

Everyone handles things differently. A crying baby doesn't effect some, others it really effects, I know I am one of those people.

Keep posting, sharing, venting, getting advice.

Dianna

 

Hi Debby,
You're girls were born one day after my boys. I can relate to the endless crying. Fortunatly for me, it's only been Jacob. I've been reading a lot about Gripe Water and last night I decided to give it a try and it worked!!! :yahoo: I've been using the gas drops for about a month and it did nothing. Crying for hours straight sounds like colic. You might want give the gripe water a try, it's about $8.

I would also recommend talking to a Dr. Just having someone you can vent to helps a lot. Endless crying wears on you and just last week when I was at my wits end I told Jacob to "just shut up". I felt SO bad after saying it. I needed to step back and take a break.

You are not alone. :love0028:

 

Hopefully you are seeing that you are not alone. Two suggestions from me:
1) Call your OB or therapist. Get something to help take that edge off.
2) For a break, try a shower while they are in their cribs. The noise of the shower will drown them out and hopefully will relax you a little. And hey, you get clean (which seems to be a challenge for many new mommies, BTDT).
Rachel

 

Welcome to TS and congratulations on your babies. I haven't read the other posts, so I'll apologize if this is a repeat of what everyone else said. I think you should call your therapist or your OB. Have you gone to your post-partem appointment yet? Even if you had, call them up and tell them how you are feeling.

That said, what you are feeling is SO normal. And no, just knowing that it will get better doesn't help those feelings. Having babies cry for 4 hours at a time is EXTREMELY grating and difficult. Sometimes they are incolsolable and you just have to lay them down in a safe place and walk away for a minute. Scream into a pillow or make a cup of tea or just try to focus on something else. When I was having a particularly rough day in those incredible rough early days (without a lot of help), I would lay the girls in the pnp and go into the laundry room. Their cries were muffled, but I could still hear them. I just needed to give myself a time out.

:hug99: And hang in there. If you haven't already, I would suggest watching the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD (see if your rental place has it or maybe the library). It sounds like you are already using some of the techniques, but its a short video and might be worth taking a look at to get some more soothing tips.

(and of course come back here any time you need to vent. We ALL understand!!!)

 

hunny, i understand you COMPLETELY.. my twins are only 4 weeks old & while i would NEVER hurt them in any way.. the thought of feeling overwhelmed with the endless responsibilities that come along with twins makes u feel at your wits-end. the best thing to do when your babies are crying & you feel like you are about to snap, is just walk away from the scenario. put them down in their crib, close their door, and just walk away. its okay to let them cry sometimes.. theyll be okay while you get yourself collected plus you need a breather. dont think that you are a bad mother for having feelings that are unbearable.. no one expects a mother to be perfect.. like alone a mother with TWO newborns. just realize that YES, this stage they are in now WILL be outgrown sooner than later & this stage of frustration for YOU will too..


HANG IN THERE MAMA.. IT GETS BETTER!!!!

 

I also know where you are, and have had the same feelings, and I too have had a ton of help including a nighttime nanny and my dh at home with me full-time! We use a natural colic remedy called Cocyntal and it really has helped with our little girl, we got it from the health food store. Maybe that would work for you.

Don't feel bad about how you feel, but do talk with your dr or therapist as there are meds that can help you!
Hang in there. YOu are pretty much at the peak fussiness point with your babies right now..

 

big hug to you ~
The first 6-8 weeks with my twins were the darkest time for me. I realized I had PPD and had to call my OB ~
She gave me an Rx for zoloft & wowww, it changed everything. My outlook was so much brighter & I was able to cope with all the stress & anxiety.
I didn't really have 'criers' with my girls, and didnt have the violent feelings, but I was very overwhelmed and super depressed being a brand new parent to not one, but two tiny babies!
Im not saying that medicine is always the answer, but in my case it helped tremendously and really allowed me to start enjoying being a mom to these 2!
Things WILL get better ~
take care of yourself

 

QUOTE(Leighann @ Mar 29 2008, 06:39 AM) [snapback]693715[/snapback]
:hug99: And hang in there. If you haven't already, I would suggest watching the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD (see if your rental place has it or maybe the library). It sounds like you are already using some of the techniques, but its a short video and might be worth taking a look at to get some more soothing tips.

ITA! It was a life saver for us!! GL, I hope it gets better soon!!

 

Please call your doc and talk about these feelings. Chances are they've heard it from several other moms this week already. This is TOUGH!!! You can get help. Your chemistry is not the same as it was right now and you are not as equipped to deal with all of this as you should be because your tired and just gave birth! Don't blame yourself for feeling this way, we all have. BUT DO DO DO go get some help...meds are great these days. Better living through chemistry!

 

I don't have anything to add, just wanted to let you know I've been there too! I have one twin with both severe colic and acid reflux, and another who "just" has moderate colic. One screams all morning (sometimes all day), and the other screams in the evening. It is ROUGH. I have punched the wall, screamed in the middle of my living room, put them in their cribs and sat in the living room breathing so I wouldn't lose it. We ALL have those moments. Definitely talk to someone and get some help if you are worried that your feelings might escalate. But hang in there. We'll get through this!

 

:hug99:

Just wanted to say I have been there! Both of my girls were colicky and NOTHING helped. Gripe water was useless to me ... as was Mylicon ... the stroller ... the bouncy ... the car ... they hated it all ... sometimes I felt like they hated me. I have screamed at them, I have screamed at my dog, I have thrown the baby monitor across the room so many times I am surprised the darn thing still works. I have punched pillows ... I have called my Mom in the middle of the night (hey, if I had to listen to my babies cry, so did she! LOL!) Do whatever you have to do but DON'T hurt the babies. If you feel like you will hurt the babies you need to just lay them down and walk away, pour a glass of wine or cup of tea and go outside for a bit where you can't hear them. I have had to walk away plenty of times. I have actually SAID to my husband ... "TAKE her before I throw her against the wall" (not my proudest moment). We all know that we would never hurt our babies but it is so normal to feel that way. It sounds like you might have a little post-partum depression. I would absolutely call your OB tomorrow ... heck, page the on-call OB right now ... you DON'T have to feel this way ... and there ARE things you can take. Colic with one baby is barely survivable (from what I have heard) ... colic with TWO babies was just plain unfair. I used to mourn so bad b/c I wanted to enjoy my babies. I didn't want to have to be miserable all the time. Now that they are 8 1/2 months old ... they are the light of my life and a true joy to be around ... I MISS them during their naps =) They still fuss a lot but you get used to it =) and they get much easier to soothe. FWIW, you are not alone and you WILL get through this.

 

:hug99: s, you have already gotten some great advice! 2 crying babies can bring even the best of us to our breaking point! Please don't feel ashamed, and call your doctor. :hug99: I am glad you posted!

 

Thanks all, for your support.

I did put in a call to my Dr. I'm doing better today, though I think it's mainly because they were "model" babies today and didn't cry much. Maybe they knew!

I don't think I have PPD becuase I am totally fine and happy except when the crying goes on for hours. (even if they are not crying the whole time, they are needing to be constantly rocked, soothed etc so that they don't!) That's when I lose it. Well, we'll see what the Doc says.

-debby

 

Glad you called the doc, if nothing less it will help to talk to someone in person.

I have to say that before children I used to be shocked when I would hear all the stories on the news about people hurting babies, it just didn't make sense to me. After having children I realized how easy it could be to lose control and felt alot of empathy for the people I previously could not understand. I came up with a couple solutions depending on what was the most accessible, crying right along with them, going into the bathroom and crying, going outside and screaming at the top of my lungs or going into my bedroom and screaming into my pillow! Again, it just depended on what was the most feasible option at the time. Everything always seemed to be better after I myself had a good cry! I didn't have any PPD issues and the feelings passed on their own but it was pretty frightening when I was experiencing those feelings.