Help! Sleep Issues

Let me preface this by saying I love my children with all of my heart. I would do anything for them. I am so grateful that I have all three of them but holy crap it is hard.
Having twins is HARD. Especially having twins and a toddler. I try really hard not to complain. I know this is what I asked for (and if one more person tells me that I'm going to punch them in the face. Ok maybe not really but I hate hearing that) Bedtime is killing me. It's not getting easier. Will's screams are like nails on a chalkboard to me right now. The problem is both babies want to be held individually but there is only one of me. Jim puts Ben (DS1) to bed every night except Monday and Thursday when he has school. Those nights my parents help out by taking one of the babies. (I don't know what I'd do without my parents right now)
Let me give you an idea of my night (perfect example was last night) I took all three kids to my parents house. My mom rocked Will(twin1) (who was fighting it really hard) and I rocked Ellie(twin2). Ellie fell asleep pretty quickly so I took Ellie and Ben home to put them to bed. On the way home (all 125 feet) Ellie woke up. Great. I put her in her bouncy chair and get Ben ready for bed. I bring Ellie into our room while I'm putting Ben to bed. Ellie starts fussing in the bouncy chair so I have to pick her up. I'm trying to put her to sleep and Ben to sleep at the same time, when my mom brings Will back because he's now asleep. She puts him into his bed and goes home. Ben is finally asleep. Ellie is still awake and of course now Will starts fussing. I put Ellie down to go take care of Will. Get him pacified sorta and go back to deal with crying Ellie. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Ellie finally falls asleep close to 10:00. Will goes to sleep but then fusses a couple times because that damn pacifier, that he has to have to sleep, keeps falling out. About 10:30 everyone is finally asleep.

Nap times during the day suck too. Will was beginning to sleep better. (one day he took two 2 1/2 hour naps.) But it hasn't lasted. Today he didn't sleep for longer than an hour at a time. Which is still better than Ellie who didn't sleep longer than a half hour today. I don't know what to do. I have no idea how to get them to sleep better.
Once they fully get to sleep they do great. They normally wake up only once. I can't complain about that. I just wish I could figure how to get them to do better at going to bed and napping.

 

:hug: Twins are HARD especially when it comes to sleep logistics.

Can your parents come to your house to help you that way you take out the travel time back to your house? What time are you trying to get them down for naps and bed? What time do they get up in the morning? Maybe they need an earlier bedtime because maybe they are overstimulated and that is causing them to have some sleep problems. Have you read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child? That book really helped me look for sleepy cues to help get them down for naps and bed earlier rather than too late. Are they still taking a 3rd nap? Sorry for all the questions, just trying to get a better idea of your nap and bedtimes.

 

It sounds like holding and rocking them to sleep is rough because your DH isn't always home and you have a toddler too. I would probably institute another bedtime routine for all of you and maybe move bedtime for the twins up. What time do they go to bed now? They might be overtired which can make it harder for them to fall asleep. At 7 months our bedtime routine was pretty simple and I did it alone almost every night since my DH works late. I'd bring them into the nursery, get them changed into PJs, put one in the crib with some toys, and feed the other a bottle in the rocker. I'd lay her down after burping, turn out the light, feed the other in the dark, lay her down and turn on their crib music. It took a couple of days for them to realize going into the nursery and getting PJs on meant bedtime, but once they got it things were SO much easier. You could even incorporate your toddler (maybe). Have him sing to one baby while you feed the other or something like that. GL and hang in there.

 

It looks like my twins and toddler are about the same age as yours. I stopped rocking them to sleep around 4 months because I'd have the same problems you are experiencing now. At 7 months, they need to learn to go to sleep on their own. I would try to set up a consistent bedtime routine (bottle, pjs, lotions, bed) and then just put them down, just like that, and leave. Then put your toddler to bed. Yes they will yell but after a few nights they will get the hang of it and life will be so much easier for you.

 

QUOTE(allboys @ Sep 10 2008, 03:18 PM) [snapback]973670[/snapback]
It looks like my twins and toddler are about the same age as yours. I stopped rocking them to sleep around 4 months because I'd have the same problems you are experiencing now. At 7 months, they need to learn to go to sleep on their own. I would try to set up a consistent bedtime routine (bottle, pjs, lotions, bed) and then just put them down, just like that, and leave. Then put your toddler to bed. Yes they will yell but after a few nights they will get the hang of it and life will be so much easier for you.

Ditto this-
at 7:00 I change them, put on PJ's, give the last bottle, put in bed and lights out. I started this a couple months ago and they only fuss for a couple minutes and then they are sound asleep (still dont sttn though ) then I spend some alone time with my 4yo coloring or playing barbie's or something and then put her PJ's on and let her watch a couple shows in my bed before I send her to her room for the night. I think routine is the key and an earlier bedtime so they are not over tired. I do completely understand the toddler plus infant twins thing-so tough at times!
You may need to make a few changes and then stick to it. It will work out in the long run!

 

I think the sooner you get them to fall asleep on their own the better! I know it is easier said then done, but they will ony get more insistent on that routine in the next few months.
Try to come up with a short routine you can stick to for naps and one for bed time. Stay calm and you will likely need to go where you can't hear them fuss at first.

Good luck

 

I agree with the previous posters... they need to learn to fall asleep on their own, and moving houses might just confuse them too. I agree that a good routine (it doesn't have to be long) and putting them in bed awake is the only way you'll ever get over this... Moving them from a house to another is the worst, if they wake up at any time they probably will refuse to sleep for a while. They need some relaxing time, not being taken to another house before bedtime.

Just IMO.

 

I also wanted to add (from my PM) like pp said maybe all the going back and forth and not being in their environment is actually stimulating them instead of making them sleepy. Could your parents come over and help set up a more consistent routine. The other thing is when your DH is home you keep the same routine as you do during the week.

Also have you tried the swing for the twin that is crying less? I always tended to whoever was crying worse and the other just had to be in the swing or whatever until I could get to him/her.

Hugs to you during this difficult time. As far as the naps, could you look for cues as to when they show signs of sleepiness (yawning,rubbing ears or eyes) I got great advice on here that 90-120 minutes is all they can last at that age (adjusted) and I started with that rule and it got better, slowly not right away but we still pretty much do that routine as well.

 

Has this been going on since the beginning, or is it sort of a new phase?

Because we had the normal issues, but they pretty much went to sleep ok for the first 3.5 months. Just before 4 mos, all h**l broke loose. Mainly my daughter, but my son had his nights too...But she would start to fuss before bedtime and then all the sudden just scream and cry uncontrollably, even while trying to give her her last bottle. Nothing would soothe her, it was like she was in some sort of trance, and anything I would try to do or say to calm her down she was oblivious to. It was awful - she never had colic, but to me it was like that must have been what it's like. It would take hours to get her to calm down and finally stay asleep. First thought was overtired. We were putting her to bed around 9 - but she was getting up for the day around 8:15. She'd nap good, and go down easily for naps. But something would just snap at bedtime. I tried putting her down earlier and earlier, but no matter what time she'd snap and do the same thing. I got used to holding her close, walking with her and talking in her ear for hours every night and it got a little better. I then read about all the changes that are going on during the 4th month - developmental stuff that you can't really see yet. But it affects babies different - sleeping patterns, fussiness, eating, etc. I finally came to the conclusion this was some phase she was going through, and was just really sensitive to. I felt like trying to change everything up that had been working in the past was making it worse. It gradually got easier, or we learned how to help her faster - but by 5 mos she is finally back to where she was before this started and now goes to bed fine.

I do think the main thing that worked in her case was cutting out all background distractions. I started taking her up to her dark nursery and would rock her hard while she drank her last bottle. At first I'd put her in her crib while she was out, because I was too scared to deal with the consequences if I didn't. Then I gradually put her to bed drowsy and would soothe her for awhile without picking her up. Now I can put her down awake and usually goes to sleep on her own pretty easily now.

I hope you find something that works, I know how rough it is, and I couldn't imagine the stress of a toddler as well.

 

Around 4 mnths is when we started letting them cio a little bit before bed time. We would do our nightly routine (from 6wks on we did this), bath, lotion, pjs, song, nurse, bed. Consistency is key!!!! My ds got the hang of it very quickly, but dd was harder, she would sometimes cry for 10-15min before putting herself to sleep. I would give myself usually a time limit of 15min, and I would let her cry for that amount of time and if she kept going (which she never did) then I would have gone in and patted her back and shushed her. I found that if I did pick her up after crying for a bit she wouldn't go to sleep, when she was being held she thought it was time to be awake.
At 4mnths we were still swaddling. Have you tried playing white noise in the nursery? Or a crib mobile for them to watch as they drift off to sleep.
At around 4.5mnths old I gave them each a little soft blanket to hold, in the beginning I am not sure it made any difference, but now the love holding it and rubbing it on their face before they drift off.

Good luck - it does get easier!

 

Thank you so much for your replies! I realized that my ticker was wrong and it said the babies were 7 months old. It's correct now (they are almost 5 months)

We haven't really developed a nap "routine" yet. I couldn't get them to sleep longer than about a half hour at a time. Today has been great. Will woke up at 6:45 and nursed then he went back to sleep at 7:10 he didn't wake back up until 8:00 when Ellie woke up too. Ellie went down for a nap at 10:09 and Will went down at 10:20. Ellie woke up at 11:00 and Will woke up at 11:45. Then Ellie went back down at 12:50 and Will went down at 1:20. Neither one have woken up yet it's 3:00 here. (which is pure bliss! I haven't had them both sleeping during the day at the same time in quite a while) I put them both down awake but tired and it worked.

I'm going to try the same thing at bedtime. We will see how it goes. Tonight Jim has school so this is the challenging night. I talked to my mom about bedtime routines and she's pretty open to helping however I need her.

(I forgot to add that we live in a guest house in my parents backyard so that is VERY helpful. It's not like anyone has to drive anywhere)

Thanks again! I will let you know how tonight goes

 

Just wanted to say good luck! I'm glad you had a better day.

Swaddling, white noise, and watching for sleepy cues really helped us at that age. I agree w/ Pps about a bedtime routine. A nap routine may help, too - here we just read a book or two as a family and I put the twins to bed after singing them each a special song. Sometimes older DS helps (he's learning to sing in a "whisper voice"), too. The worst is when he tries to take out a noisy toy right when we put them down for a nap, though, it's like I can't get the crayons or play - dough out fast enough....ahhh! My babies have always cried a bit before calming to sleep. Even when I rocked/sang/walked/etc. they would look around more than fall asleep. So, I would do the routine as best as I could and if they kept crying or couldn't settle down, I would turn to the swing when I really needed it - to save my sanity!

Your children are beautiful! (I love their names, too ;-)!

Let us know how tonight goes. Take care!!!

Just wanted to say good luck! I'm glad you had a better day.

Swaddling, white noise, and watching for sleepy cues really helped us at that age. I agree w/ Pps about a bedtime routine. A nap routine may help, too - here we just read a book or two as a family and I put the twins to bed after singing them each a special song. Sometimes older DS helps (he's learning to sing in a "whisper voice"), too. The worst is when he tries to take out a noisy toy right when we put them down for a nap, though, it's like I can't get the crayons or play - dough out fast enough....ahhh! My babies have always cried a bit before calming to sleep. Even when I rocked/sang/walked/etc. they would look around more than fall asleep. So, I would do the routine as best as I could and if they kept crying or couldn't settle down, I would turn to the swing when I really needed it - to save my sanity!

Your children are beautiful! (I love their names, too ;-)!

Let us know how tonight goes. Take care!!!

 

HELP THIS WRITING THING IS NEW TO ME I HAVE 4 KIDS A 9 YEAR OLS A 3 1/2 YEAR OLD AND 8 MONTH OLD TWINS . THEY HAVE A GOOD ROUTINE TO TAKE NAPS AND GO TO BED BUT THEY WILL NOT STAY ASLEEP . ANY SUGGESTIONS WE TRIED RICE . MUSIC . THEY USE A BINKIE TI FALL ASLEEP. HELP