Help please with discipline

Can anyone help me with Katrina and what to do with her? SHe is very strong willed and I just don't know what to do any more. I was already in tears this morning because of her not listening and then talking back and it's only 7:30am. If I ask her to do something (or dh sometimes too) it will take three times and me either standing up (if I'm sitting) or if I'm standing taking one step toward her for her to actually listen. I tell her what will happen if she doesn't listen and I do follow through. Normally she will talk back, show me her fists (but she won't hit me), scream, ignore, or a little bit of everything. I think I am very consistent. I just don't know how to get threw to her. If I yell at her she just runs off saying that I don't love her. I am tired of fighting with her and just want her to listen. We have tried time outs, taking toys away, taking desert away, taking away privaleges like going to the park and the other two get to go but nothing seems to work. She still takes naps and if she doesn't then she is even worse the next day. She is really bad atleast once a month for a week (we call it her pms time) but is like this off and on for the rest of the month. Is this a normal thing or is it just her? Kira doesn't act like this and is a pleaser so it's really hard to deal with her since then I feel like I am favoring Kira since she listens and I do more stuff with her since Katrina is in time out a lot.

Any suggestion? I like that she has her own mind and doesn't always follow everyone else I just wish she would listen to me without a fight sometimes.

Thanks

 

I also wanted to add that she can be a very caring little girl too. I didn't want her to sound like she is like this all the time. She just gets in one of her moods (which we never know when it will happen) and then she won't listen. Just like right now after her fit this morning she is using her manners and is being very nice. I don't know why she is like this unless it's a normal child thing but would really like some help so it doesn't help as often.

Thank you

 

Sounds like she is testing the waters, if you know what I mean. Caleb does this on a regular basis, and He does have behavioral issues, but what gets him back in line is either planned ignorance, or time outs. Our time outs consist of nose on the wall with their hands behind their heads. I know that sounds police like, but I want to get a point across that if you are going to act like that then you are going to learn, with a little "pain" with their hands behind their heads, that they need to think if it is better to act like that or assume the position on the wall. We learned that time outs that consist of going to their bed room or in another part of the house and just sitting there, that they are not learning anything. Hope that this helps.

 

We do nose in a corner for time out. I use a timer, and they know they can't get out until the timer goes off. That means there is no point in talking to me or DH, since the timer determines it. After the timer goes off they have to apologize (even if they don't mean it) for whatever got them in time out in the first place.

I like corners. They're very boring, cut off the sight line to everything else, and there is a corner no matter where you are, so it's easily used in other people's houses, at the mall, etc.

I haven't done hands behind the head, but that sounds like an interesting idea.

 

You said it happened this morning early, do you think it has any relation to hunger/food? I know it may sound goofy but I have totally found that Kyle's behavior can be curbed by making sure he eats. He doesn't usually ever ask for food so I don't know for sure that it is hunger/blood sugar or whatever but what I did recognize is if food wasn't at the usual time then he would be more apt to act out. I have combated that with small healthy snacks (he loves apples, bananas, oranges) if I know a meal is going to be delayed for one reason or another.

It may sound strange but for us it seems to have worked. I have this one memory at Disney where Kyle had his one tantrum of the week. We were waiting in line to order dinner and he asked to wait with my friend in her line. For some reason no came out of my mouth and I asked him to wait with me.......honestly I don't know why I wouldn't have let him just wait with her she was only in the next line which was actually the same cashier, you know what I mean at the CS places right? Well anyway, he broke down completely lost it and all I could think of was if not only had I never said no (because of course once it was no I couldn't give in) but if we had just gotten in line to order 5 minutes earlier I might have been able to prevent his only break down of the trip (a side note, I had stepped out of line with him to get things together and a CM actually came over to offer him a sticker, I politely declined rewarding him for unacceptable behavior).

 

QUOTE(kj2racing @ Nov 6 2007, 12:28 PM) [snapback]483825[/snapback]
You said it happened this morning early, do you think it has any relation to hunger/food? I know it may sound goofy but I have totally found that Kyle's behavior can be curbed by making sure he eats. He doesn't usually ever ask for food so I don't know for sure that it is hunger/blood sugar or whatever but what I did recognize is if food wasn't at the usual time then he would be more apt to act out. I have combated that with small healthy snacks (he loves apples, bananas, oranges) if I know a meal is going to be delayed for one reason or another.


Mine are also extra cranky before breakfast, but I know this and I can't recall giving a time out before breakfast. Dianne could be onto something with this food question. Now if I could just get DS2 to absorb the idea that they aren't interested in goofing around before they eat!

 

QUOTE(rubyturquoise @ Nov 6 2007, 01:47 PM) [snapback]483865[/snapback]
Mine are also extra cranky before breakfast, but I know this and I can't recall giving a time out before breakfast. Dianne could be onto something with this food question. Now if I could just get DS2 to absorb the idea that they aren't interested in goofing around before they eat!


Srry to hear about this problem and hope you can find something that works for you. I am currently in the same stage. My daughter Jadlyn is very mouthy and she loves the word no. I have been rewarding her sister for being nice and finishing chores. Jadlyn asks why she does not get stickers or treats I tell her this is for her sister's good behavior. She says she will be good to get them. The improvement is ongoing. She is doing alot better. So have you tried small rewards with good behavior? Let me know if this could work for you. Good Luck.

 

Hi! I am the mother of 4 ages 14, 12, 11, and 8, expecting my first and last set of twins! I am also the director at a daycare and I am taking child development classes to get my degree. I hope what I have to tell you will help. I don't want you to think I am authority on children, because trust me, I have some of the same battles you have and look at my children's ages! First let me tell you, she is a normal little girl stepping up and stepping out away from mom a little bit! Here are my suggestions. First only give your daughter 2 options. Children love choices but too many options are setting you up for failure and fights! What to wear: do you want to wear the yellow or red shirt with these jeans today? breakfast: do you want cheerios or a waffle this morning? etc. As far as her misbehaving, is she testing you, bored, over stimulated, or not understanding clearly what you want her to do? Children are egocentric. The world is theirs. You once again have to state exactly what you want and only give her two options. be matter of fact with her. If she dumps out her toy box, she needs to pick it up. Help her pick it up and then tell her, dumping the toybox makes a lot of work when it comes time to pick it up. If she misses something else she wanted to do then that is her problem. They need consequences to their actions. Appropriate ones. Time out only works when it is to the point of out of control behavior. I mean if you get time out for not picking up your toys, what is it really hurting... you still don't have to pick up the toys. At least not when mommy said too! She dumps her milk (on purpose) she doesn't get any more at this time and she has to clean it up. Make her responsible for her actions and like I said before appropriate consequences. Don't feel bad for spending time with your other daughter. She is being rewarded and your daugthers will both see that. The problem is you are spending TOO much time dealing with your younger daughters issues. Don't. Ignore a lot of it because it will get worse at first, but then it will disappear. She will get the picture! Unless it is dangerous to her, someone else or the environment, let her make the mistakes and learn from them. I know this is a lot, but I hope it helps. If you have any other questions please ask! Keep it up! and God bless!

 

Thank you all for your advice. I am glad to hear I am not the only one going through this. I am going to try the corner thing for time outs since it was in their room and worked when they were younger but now I think it doesn't work anymore.

I am also going to watch out to see if she could be hungry too but I really think it's when she is tired or just wants to show off or something. Diane I am surprised that Katrina didn't have an outburst in Disney she was very good other then when it was time to take her nap and that was just because she needs time to unwind before falling asleep.

I am also going to try rewarding good behavior too. I also let them make their own choices as in what to wear even if they match or not. They get to choose what book at night and what songs, they get to choose between two different deserts at night. She has choses through out the day so I don't know why when I ask her to pick up something or even to get dressed I have to be talked back to and ignored.

Hopefully something will work or she will grow out of it and start listening and not putting up a fight.

 

This is a timely thread for me. My DD has been acting up more lately, and after tonight, I was relieved to read this and find I'm not alone. You've already gotten some good replies, but I want to comment on this, as it hits home for me:QUOTE(LenoxTwins @ Nov 6 2007, 11:48 AM) [snapback]483982[/snapback]
The problem is you are spending TOO much time dealing with your younger daughters issues. Don't.

I commented to my DH, who had come home from a meeting to witness Kelly's end-of-evening hysterical meltdown, "Wow, she's only five.... what will it be like when she's older?" Bill said, "You've got to let her know she can't get to you." I thought about it and realized I was as worked up as Kelly had been -- tense, frustrated, anxious; and that was after Kelly was in bed. So, I need to work on that (but it's harder, when everyone is tired).

 

QUOTE(samtwins+1 @ Nov 6 2007, 01:40 PM) [snapback]483965[/snapback]
Srry to hear about this problem and hope you can find something that works for you. I am currently in the same stage. My daughter Jadlyn is very mouthy and she loves the word no. I have been rewarding her sister for being nice and finishing chores. Jadlyn asks why she does not get stickers or treats I tell her this is for her sister's good behavior. She says she will be good to get them. The improvement is ongoing. She is doing alot better. So have you tried small rewards with good behavior? Let me know if this could work for you. Good Luck.


Actually, my kids are just fussy before breakfast. They don't want to goof around, they want to eat. They aren't misbehaving. My son is 13 and he wants to play with them, but they don't want to play with him. He doesn't seem to grasp this, even though he's been told over and over. It's not a disciplinary issue. I was merely backing up Dianne's thought that an early-morning meltdown could be blood sugar related.

I actually don't have to use time out much any more. I established a consistent pattern early on, and used time out only for severe infractions (hitting or other physical violence, deliberate disobedience). Generally all I have to do now is say, "Don't make me start counting." If I get to 5, they go in time out. I hardly ever even get to 3.

I tend to praise rather than giving specific rewards. I have one child (well, two, actually, one boy and one girl) who *loathe* stickers and will not touch them.

My girls are quite well behaved, people always comment. (My boys are, too, but the standards are different for teens than for preschoolers, of course.)