HELP! nonstop screaming to be held

Hi,

Jonah & Dalia are 18 months old now, DD's recent behavior is really wearing us all down psychologically and physically.

She has always been the cuddlier one and the one who needs to snuggle a little before sleeping and who cries more in general, but never more than normal until about 6 weeks ago. Around that time, both of them had a bad stomach virus on top of a cold. All of us were sick and things were a little stressful around the house. Then we got snowed in (and DH got stuck at work, which is a hospital, so he ended up sleeping there for a few days) and our babysitter was away on winter vacation from college so wasn't around for our usual 3 hours 2 days a week. Because of the snow and their sicknesses, we couldn't go for playdates, etc. Both kids were crying a lot more and wanting to be held, which we of course indulged because they were sick. But gradually DS's neediness got better, DD's got worse.

We took her to the pedi and an ENT to make sure she wasn't having any physical symptoms that could be causing the screaming. As far as they could tell, there was nothing beyond teething (which is no small thing, she has 16 teeth to DS's 4!). Also, when we are in public or when she is with a babysitter, she is totally fine. Independent, happy, calm. But when it is just us at home, she screams and screams and screams. I mean SCREAMS. Hysterical crying with tears and sobs. Reaching for me. Pushing DS out of the way. Crying for me not just to hold her, but to stand up holding her. Then she struggles to get down, and when I put her down, she screams to be picked back up.

Sometimes she is fine, but all it takes to set her off is DS taking a toy from her or pushing her. And sometimes it is for no reason I can see at all. I am sore from holding her all the time and DS is starting to "fake cry" to get things or when he is frustrated and it is obvious he is imitating her to get what he wants. She won't play with toys unless sitting on my lap, and she screams if DS tries to play with us or if I read them both a story and he wants to sit on my lap with her. I have tried letting her cry, passing by and touching her and telling her it is okay but not picking her up, but it is really tiring, she doesn't stop. I've tried leaving the room, but she doesn't stop. I've let her cry as long as an hour and a half before. All that happened was she kept screaming and DS ended up under the table covering his ears and whimpering. I can't see a way out of this other than to wait for it to pass, but it is really stressing our family out. They watch far more TV than I would like, I end up yelling, which I never want to do, and DH and I end up fighting out of desperation and exhaustion. Playdates and activities help, but I can't fill our day entirely, and during the down time I'd like to be able to put her down every now and then. Plus she needs to play independently some to learn new skills, and DS needs me sometimes too!

Has anyone else experienced this? What should we do? Help!!

Thanks,
Melissa

 

I know it is tiring, but she will stop. My girls went through a period of this as well about the same age. They would literally hang on to my legs while I washed dishes, cooked, did laundry, whenever. It about drove me nuts, but I just kept working and kept telling them, "I'm sorry, but I am not picking you up right now." They understand what no means at this point. Sometimes, I would take bring a few toys in the kitchen so they could sit on the floor and play, but many times that would not keep their attention and back to my legs they both came. It did eventually stop, but I had to just be consistent with not picking them up. :hug: I know this is trying, but hang in there! If the crying got really bad, I put them in the pack n play for a short time-out...for me and them. When I put them in there, I repeated the same thing...I'm sorry, but mommy can not pick you up right now. I put a few things in there for them to play with, and then walked off. Yes, they screamed, but you have to do it sometimes, and eventually they did stop wanting to be picked up ALL the time. And put your poker face on...the calmer you are the more serious they will understand you to be. Also, they take their ques from us, so if they see you are calm even when they are out of control crying, they will eventually begin to calm down. I know how hard it is to remain calm after all day crying, but you got to start showing your poker face.

 

wow I could have written this post....see my post at my wits end sometimes. I am going through the same exact thing with my DS and it is so difficult. I feel for ya because I know how frustrating this can be. I have no advice since I am struggling with it too except to send some ((hugs)) your way!

 

have you tried putting her somewhere away from the rest of the family to see if she'll calm down? sometimes i'd put my girls in their cribs when nothing else worked & the drop in stimulation often did the trick. :hug: it's a hard phase, but i promise it won't last forever. :hug:

 

I went through this with one of my girls. I used to joke and say that if she could climb back in my uterus she would. She was so clingy and the seperation anxiety was awful. It lasted about a month or two. The only advice I can give is to be strong and not pick her up unless she REALLY needs it. Get down on her level and explain to her (over and over and over) again that you are busy and you can't pick her right now. If the screaming just got out of control I would put her or both of them in their room with one of their favorite DVDs, juice, and a snack. She would still cry for a lil while, but after a few minutes she would get distracted and stop. It is awful to know that they want you so bad, but you just can't do anything about it out of necessity. She will get past this. In the mean time, just by everybody some ear plugs

 

We are going through this too. Both of mine want to be held STANDING UP all the time. My poor DH is at his wits end. It is so frustrating because we only have a couple of hours with them at the end of the day, and most of that time is spent with someone crying.

 

My DD is like this too. She has days when I have to change DS's diaper one-handed because she is so hysterical if I put her down. I have found that if I let them play by themselves she is happy and only gets clingy when she sees me. So, I have a room gated off that is completely childproof and I let them play while I listen from 1 room over. If she's really having a rough day, I will put her in her crib to decompress. Sometimes I will let them play for up to an hour after nap in their cribs because they are happier in there than when they are out! It seems to be getting better in the last few weeks so I'm thinking there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

 

I was thinking about putting them in their cribs for a time out while they have their fits because they are getting violent, they will grad what ever they can get and squeeze, its usually our cheeks or neck and if they can't reach that they will bite. But someone told me not to use the cribs and a means of discipline because then they wont want to go to bed because they will think they are in trouble? Is this true? I have started the time out thing more with the one then the other because hes the more vicious, and he just laughs at me.. if they do anything bad they laugh and try to hit me... its frustrating, I never have wanted to raise my voice but I have been and it makes me so sick to my stomach that Im yelling at them... we even resorted to tapping their hands with two fingers to somewhat scare them into stopping? it sounds to horrible to me to write it down, and they even started to "pretend" to do it to themselfs while they do what ever it is they know they should be doing.. so we dont do that anymore... disciple is such a hard one, Kane learned no as well, so he says no to everything.. even when he means yes..