Help! My twins are 21 months old and I am tearing my hair out!

Hi, I am new to this forum but desperately need advice from other twins mums. My boys are almost 21 months old. I also have 2 older children ages 7 and 10. My boys are gorgeous and I love them to bits but in the last couple of months, they are turning into monsters!! Not all of the time. They do have small moments of sweetness. At the moment, they seem to scream, push each other over, pull hair, trash the house, whine and throw tantrums over the smallest things. I am tearing my hair out. I do not remember it being so hard with my other children. I have tried everything - small time outs, separating them, talking to them but I end up more stressed when it doesnt work. I have stopped taking them out (we uses to go out daily) because they throw tantrums, damage things at friends houses and finding it hard to control them. I feel like others are judging me and think that I am a bad mother. I have also been doing this on not much sleep as one twins still wakes 2 or 3 times a night. Is this normal or am I a bad mother?? I have always prided myself as being a great mum and love all of my children like crazy but it is sooo hard. My friedns who have babies toddlers all have single babies so dont feel that they really understand how different it is. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

 

21 months can be a very hard age. Here is another thread about 21 month olds.

First off, you are not a bad mother :hug: Going on very little sleep can certainly affect your emotions. One of the things I would do for the behavior is no matter how much you have to do it, whatever discipline method you choose, be consistent with it. Even if you are putting them in TO for the same offense 20 times a day, still do it. They will get the hint. I don't know if you've read the book 1-2-3 Magic but I know that helped us with some behavior issues as the kids were turning 2.
As for the night waking, has the twin who still wakes up ever slept through the night? Is he teething, learning a new milestone? That can affect sleep.
Hang tough, Momma. You are not a bad mother!!!!

 

Thank you! No the waking twin has always woken. He shares a room with his brother so it is hard to let him cry for a period of time. I go in out of fear that I will have 2 crying babies! I will have a look for that book. I have been scouring the internet for info but think I will look up this book. I also think these forums are useful. Thanks again

 

I would definitely target the sleep problems because you will feel better if everyone is sleeping. It is just going to get worse as he gets older. There are a number of different books and sleep training methods out there. Who knows, they may be less whiny and tantrummy if they sleep better at night! As for the behavior, mine already fight, hit, push, bite and throw mega fits at 15 month, so I'm hoping it won't be any worse in 6 months!

 

Agree, get him sleeping and hopefully that will help with the daytime problems. Also, 21 months is an age where you can introduce time out. When they fight, break them up, put them down in separate places and make them take a break for 2 mins. They will eventually get it. Good luck!

 

You are *definitely* not a bad mother!! Most kids go through periods of sleep disturbance; I think it's rare to find a child that's never kept their parents up at night! :lol: But sleep is super important for you *and* for them. I would really look into developing a sleep plan so you guys can all get back to feeling better.

My guys started hitting the "terrible twos" pretty hard just about the same age as your LOs; before that they were super sweet so it was a shock! When we're not sleeping well, all of this gets blown way out of proportion and I find that I have zero patience.

Good luck, and I hope things get better soon! :hug:

 

Thank you all for your advice. I certainly do feel "less alone" in this! I agree that the sleep issue is the primary issue and the behaviour would be easier to deal with if I was not so tired. I am in Australia and where we live, there isnt much support for parents of multiples. I was on the verge of going completely nuts when I phoned (crying) the sleep school for their support. They have put me on a waiting list but that was almost 3 months ago! Crazy isnt it?? I have tried evryhting that I did to get my other children to sleep but nothing seems to work. He still wakes twice a night - sometimes more.

Regarding the challenging behaviour, I have now introduced some time out Thanks to you guys. It has only been a couple of days but they are already responding to it. Charlie pushed Felix over, went into time out. When he came out, he hugged FElix - not ALL bad after all!! It is really hard to be consistent with one thing but I am giving it all my best shot. Twins are just so challenging because there are 2 of them!

Again, thank you, thank, thank you!

 

You have gotten some great advice already. I agree with starting the time-outs. We have been using them for a month or so and have seen some improvement. We are also have the kids say "sorry" and give hugs when they are mean to each other.

As far as sleeping, I highly recommend http://www.babysleepsite.com/

They have great information that you can access for free, plus Nicole does email and phone sleep consultations.