Help - my daughter has gone postal

I am so glad to be back on TS. I lost my job in May and with it went my computer. I remain unemployed but happy to be back on TS.

Lily and Jack turned 2 on May 29th. Lily has been miserable the past couple of weeks. She started throwing major tantrums (no big deal really) and being really aggressive towards Jack (BIG DEAL).

It started a couple of weeks ago. If we were going to a play date or to meet up with some friends and their kids Lily would announce to me "I push Katie (or whomever the play date is with) away". I thought it was the strangest thing and have no idea where she got this idea of "pushing away". I try to explain to her that we do not "push away" and how to treat friends and how special friends are etc.... It is sort of working and now she is say "I don't push Katie (or whomever) away." She is not very aggressive with friends or other kids but occasionally she will state (if at the pool for example) "no baby in the pool" and then put her arm out and sort of touch the offending child's belly in a way that suggests pushing away. I was okay with all of this and have been trying to work with her.

Until,

she started getting really physically aggressive with her brother, Jack. She pushes and grabs his hair, she will bite on occasion but obviously knows she is not supposed to - I can tell because she often gets the thought but then stops short and either bites the object they are fighting over or licks Jack instead. She gets this look in her eyes like she wants to hurt him and today she actually stood on his stomach after she pinned him to the ground. She tries to pinch and basically just hurt him. She will do it to me also if she is having a tantrum and I am trying to pick her up or hold her. She smacks me over the head or pulls at my cheeks, etc..

Okay, so I can handle this and work with it but what I need to know is, is this normal? Or, am I raising a sociopath? I tell her she is hurting me or him and she does not care, she just keeps doing it.

Sorry this is so long but thanks for hanging in there and reading to the end. My dear little Lily has always had a strong personality, but this just makes me want to cry sometimes. Also, I do time out for hitting, biting etc. but she screams like a banshee on the way to the time out spot and while in it!

 

I don't think you are raising a sociopath...IMO, some children are just naturally more aggressive than others. I think what you are doing is excellent and you are already seeing positive results. Just continue to stay consistent with your discipline and she will probably grow out of it. Besides, you never know...being more physcial she may be one heck of an athlete when she gets older

 

Oh no, I'm sorry about your job!

I just had to laugh reading your post, though - that sounds like Lily alright! :lol: She's always been such a firecracker.

Sorry, I wish I had some good advice to offer. Consistency, of course. If she screams through TO, that's ok, she's not supposed to like it. And just keep making your expectations very clear, the way you're doing: no hitting, biting, etc. Maybe you could model some alternatives, either yourself, or acting out with dolls/stuffed animals - maybe if you could put the idea in her head of screaming "I am so mad!" or punching a pillow then she might, just might, redirect some of her aggression.

FWIW, when mine get really mad they try to hurt each other too. (And Ivy is more aggressive - what is it with the girls?) That's funny you mention biting the object they're fighting over - mine do that ALL THE TIME! I thought they invented it! :lol:

 

Hi Amy - Welcome back! So sorry to hear about all of the struggles you've been having with Lily. Jacob has taken to biting Jack a lot lately and it also makes me want to cry.

I think that what she is going through is very normal and although it's frustrating, it should definitely pass. I'd focus on presenting alternatives and praising her for taking them. I think that impulse control is still quite low in some kids at this age and when they get enraged, they just can't stop themselves. Being more spirited, I bet her rage is just a bit closer to the surface and harder for her to control than some other more laid back kids. Hopefully that doesn't sound like an awful thing to say (I would say it about Jacob as well in some situations) - I am sure it's strongly linked to being two and that with time she'll learn to manage her feelings in healthier ways.

:hug: I hope her behavior gets better soon!

 

Oh goodness! :hug: :hug:

Yes, the frustrations of kids at this age is acted out in such negative ways, isn't it? I think the more you remain consistant about not accepting certain behaviors (and this is a pick your battles point), the sooner she will get it. It's so hard to teach them acceptable ways to handle frustrations. She sounds like she is going to be an intense child. A personality trait that can be so difficult at times, but such a joy at others!

 

Welcome back!!! :hug:

FIrst thing: time to update your ticker please!

Second: Happy Belated belated :birthday: Jack and Lily

Third: Sorry about your job! Glad to have you back!!!

Ok, to the meat of the matter - frustration is SO VERY hard. They have very little means of coping with it. I used to try to find stuff they could do to let their frustration out, but it never really translated. I let them have their fit or they frustration tantrum or whatever it was in a certain place in the house. Now, they are older and I let them work it out in their room. They can come out when they are done.

For the kicking, hitting and biting. Don't hesitate and don't get mad - INSTANT time out!!! I don't care if she kicks and screams all the way, keep putting her there. Keep starting the time over - every time she leaves. Be as CALM as possible and really matter of fact - sorta like "it's the rules, YOU chose to hit, kick or bite, YOU have to do the time out - I have no choice" that type attitude. Be consistent EVERY time! Don't ever back down from a timeout and NEVER let them go early.

I never backed away and now if I get to counting to 2, they are done with whatever they are doing. I have to assume because the outcome was clear. There was no question of whether they would get away with it or not. They wouldn't. Even now, they want me to put the other in time out when they push or something away from me and I don't see it (I talk to them but don't do time outs for actions I can't prove occurred, but they haven't figured out that I have to see it first!)

Hang in there!! :hug:

 

Hello Amy. I am glad to see you back in the world of twinstuff. I have no suggestions but I hope everything gets better for you and Lily.