help me with my guilt....

I am 33 weeks and am literally doing nothing around the house, except spending time with our 4 yo dd. DH is doing EVERYTHING. I know he doesn't mind this. However, I know he is looking forward to my being able to help with certain things after the twins are born.

So, right now, he and DD are outside picking up apples from our yard. We have a beautiful apple tree that sheds hundreds - perhaps over a thousand - apples each August/September (they aren't edible though!) and we pick them up every year. When it's two of us, over the course of the two months, it's manageable. I feel so guilty that I can't help him. And, I can't even do something else productive to compensate!

I know he wouldn't want me to do anything physical. He doesn't even like for me to take the stairs unless it's necessary. And I know I AM doing something, I'm carrying twins! But I still feel guilty.

Anyone else feel this way?

 

I do remember feeling that way....now I miss it!!

 

I feel guilty sometimes but my DH makes me rest and take it easy. He does not complain. The only chores I really worry over are the clothes (which usually sit on top of the dryer for a week after they are folded), the dishes, and that there is something to eat on the table at night (mostly I use the crock pot or oven). Other than that I have told myself not to overdo it b/c it is for not much longer. This is not a permanent thing. I am the type too that loves everything clean and in order in my house but I have let that go for now b/c I know these babies are #1 right now and I have the rest of my life to clean and take care of my house. My DH actually gets mad at me if I do too much then complain about it. He would rather me take it easy and relax which is hard to do when there is so much to be done.

 

I do remember feeling that way....now I miss it!!

 

Yes, I remember feeling guilty too, but just remember you have a job to do too and its to keep those babies inside as long as possible So you are working too!

Rachel

 

I feel the same way! My DH works hard each day and has a hefty commute and when he gets home he insists that I do nothing more than relax and put my feet up. If I do try to do anything he gets upset. I do feel guilty that I can't really contribute much and I often think...if only I had been more turbo several months ago when I could actually MOVE. Oh well. I think it's a good opportunity for dh to develop new household talents.

 

I was on pretty strict bedrest, so I honestly never felt guilty, because I knew that what I was doing was way more important than having clean laundry and clean dishes. You have an incredibly important job, and soon enough you'll never lay around again...don't feel guilty at all!

 

QUOTE(tgbmomofthree @ Sep 2 2007, 05:19 AM) [snapback]389673[/snapback]
And, I can't even do something else productive to compensate!


Of course you are! Like you said yourself, you are carrying TWINS!!! Trust me, all the work you put into caring for two infants in the next few months will make up for all the work he is putting into caring for his house and family alone right now. It all evens out in the end. That is the beauty of it!

 

Don't feel guilty. If my husband started acting like that I would have to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. He understands how hard it is for you and respects that. That's wonderful!

 

I feel the same way, I haven't done much around the house except fold laundry for many weeks. I vascilliate between feeling guilty that I cannot help and frustrated b/c things aren't getting done the way I want them to.

Just remember, it's good practice for him b/c once those babies come, there will be alot more work for the both of you, at least that's what I keep hearing!!

 

I know it's hard not to feel guilty, it's something we mother's do too often and too easily, but you are doing the most important thing right now and that is carrying those twins!!!

 

QUOTE(TrinaP @ Sep 4 2007, 01:39 AM) [snapback]390911[/snapback]
Don't feel guilty. If my husband started acting like that I would have to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. He understands how hard it is for you and respects that. That's wonderful!


LOL I'm with you Trina.

 

You must have a great DH to be so supportive. Sometimes I think it's harder when they are sweet and understanding; if they weren't so nice about it, you could let go of the guilt and just be angry.

SO, hurray for sweet husbands, kick your feet up, and grow those babies. Goodness knows you won't have a chance to sit down and relax in a few months!

 

I have a great DH like this too. He wants me to focus on the baby and the boys while I am this pregnant. I know it has to be hard for him, but lets be greatful for good men! After all, we are giving them the most precious gift of all!

 

I do feel a twinge sometimes with all my DH has to do. But in a way, I think he really likes doing it. It's like a switch has turned in his head--he's always been really sweet--but now he's almost maternal with me! When I feel a little bad that I can't do as much, I think about how the work he's doing now shows that he's preparing to become an excellent father. One thing I try to do is thank him every day for everything he's doing.

 

I have been feeling pretty guilty lately, too. Dh is doing everything! I'm still working full time and plan to for as long as I can, but when I get home from work and on weekends, he does it all- the cooking, the cleaning, everything. The only thing I really do is give our dd her bath and put her to bed (and we know that will change in the next month or so). He's been really great, though I know he looks forward to the day when I'm able to pitch in again. It's a lot of work running a household on your own, but my dh would much rather be cooking and cleaning than growing 2 babies. He doesn't understand how women do it (and he's more than happy that he doesn't have to!

 

I am constantly struggling with guilt. My husband is now in charge with finishing painting the babies' room. We also have to spackle, prime and sand the walls in the hallway and living room before painting. We had bought this house in May and have been working hard on it since but now I am unable to help him. I feel so guilty with him working so hard while I just sit and do nothing.

 

Sure, I felt guilty about all of the laying around I did toward the end. Now I realize that it was the last vacation I'd have for a looooooooong time and I wish I hadn't spent that time feeling like I wasn't doing enough! Try to enjoy it. The scales will tip soon enough.