HELP ME PLEASE

I just don't know how much more of this I can take. I can't for the life of me get them on ANY KIND OF SLEEP SCHEDULE!!! You would think by now we would have this all down but God help me I'm going to really lose it!!! I just can't seem to get any kind of pattern to their naps, bedtime and wake up times. Most days Arwen does fine with only one nap and sleeps well through the night. Once in a while she needs a second nap. Lorien usually needs 2 naps but once in a while goes with only 1. They usually go to bed at the same time every night but when they both only have 1 nap we usually put them to bed about 1/2 hour earlier as they are both tired and so am I. Usually they wake up anywhere between 5 and 5:30 but I don't get them usually until 6. Today they slept until almost 6am!! One usually wakes up the other in the am. Usually it is Lorien who wakes up first and makes so much noise that she wakes Arwen. Arwen usually wakes up from nap first but not always. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I'm so lost. There is just no kind of pattern what so ever to their sleeping. I don't know if it's my fault or what I'm doing wrong. I'm not talking about where they are in routine and then the routine changes in a different direction. I'm talking about it being different from day to day to day and I just can't seem to figure it out and it throws my whole day off. I don't know how to plan for anything because their naps are different every day. Their meal times get shifted everyday because I base it on their wake up and sleep times. AAARRRRRGGHHH I feel angry with them when they wake up after only an hour nap because the day before they napped for 2 hours and I look forward to that time to catch up with things both for the house and just for myself. Maybe I'm being selfish I don't know. It's just driving me crazzzzzzyyyyyyyy!!!!!

 

When they go down for naps, do you put them down and then they just don't sleep, or do you wait for them to initiate that they are tired and need a nap? I'm just trying to figure out what's going wrong. I pretty much stick to the same basic schedule every day, based on a 12 hr day. So for instance if yours normally wake around 6:00am, then put them to bed at 6:00 pm. If you want to do one nap a day, I would do that around 11:30 or 12:00.
We do meals and snacks at approximately the same time every day, unless we a thrown off because of an activity, but I do try to stick to the routine.

Our day looks like this:
7:00 wake
7:30 breakfast
9:30 small snack
11:00 lunch
12:30-2:45 nap
3:00 snack
5:30 dinner
6:00 bath/wind down
7:00 bed


I would just decide what you want the routine to be, and then follow it. Even if they are not on board at first, they will get used to it.

 

My girls have NEVER been great sleepers. They have never in their short lifetimes ever slept for 12 hours. The most they will sleep is 10 hours. If they go to bed at 7:30 then they usually wake up at 5 or 5:30. If they go to bed later, they still wake up early so that doesn't work. If I put them to bed a little bit earlier like I've been trying for the past 2 days, they seem to wake up at the same time or even a little bit later which is great. Yesterday I had to put them to nap at 10:30am (which is late for them) cause our cleaning lady was here. They both slept so well yesterday so I figured that the later nap time was better for them but it was a struggle for Lorien because she doesn't usually sleep through the night. She usually wakes up once or twice during the night and eventually falls asleep on her own but I can sometimes hear her playing for up to an hour in her crib in the middle of the night before she finally goes back to sleep. I try to push them as late as I can for their nap as I would LOVE to get them on a 1 nap schedule but Lorien often just can't make it. She just gets so exhuasted probably because she doesn't always sleep through the night. Do you think I should put them to sleep earlier every night??? And really push to get that nap later?? I just can't handle when Lorien gets so cranky cause she's tired. And if I try to go run an errand and she passes out in the car (which she often does) then it throws everything off anyway. I guess I was just concerned that if I put them to bed earlier every night that would mean an even earlier than 5 am wake up!!! I can barely wake up at 6am but I do it everyday and once in a while I will get up earlier because I know they want their milk and I feel bad. I don't know if I'm even making sense right now. That's how confused I am.

This is how our scheudle has been more or less

6am wake up and bottle
7:45-8 bfast
anywhere between 8:30-10:30 they go for a nap. For Lorien it depends on how she slept during the night.
11:30-12 lunch
2pm snack
anywhere between 2:30 and 3:30 Lorien goes down for a nap but I don't let her sleep past 4-4:30
4:30 bottle
6 dinner
6:30 bath (every other night sometimes every 2 nights if we haven't gone out anywhere and they aren't dirty)
7:15 bottle
7:30 bed

 

I am not sure this is what you want to hear but I would create a schedule for them and enforce it. At their age, they will adjust, and you will feel so much better about knowing what to expect. I "forced" mine onto the same schedule around 6 months old because I couldn't handle it anymore. It was one of my better parenting decisions.

 

Sounds like you're exhausted too - and have every right to feel cranky and angry! There's a reason why sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Anyway, here are some ideas - hope it's helpful.

• Like pps said, move to one nap - we found afternoon helped prevent being over-tired at night when you least want it
• Warn them at least 5 times that sleep time is coming, reminding them of rituals
• White noise - clock radio/cd player with white noise setting, ocean waves really worked for us
• Blackout window shades - reduced visual stimulation for light sleeper
• Dimmer switch on lights - mimic sunset at night and sunrise in morning
• Avoid eye contact - this may sound crazy, but try not to look them in the eyes during rituals, it's a natural stimulant

Your schedule sounds similar to most. So maybe there are some different sleep signals/pre-bed rituals you could use? We have a 3-part ritual for naps and nightime.

• Read 1-3 books with sleeping themes (no popups/interactives)
• Dim the lights - reinforce that dark=sleep
• Group snuggle time on carpet/beanbags with 2-3 lullabies (DH sings, I use CDs) or just turn on white noise

Always the same steps/sleep signals even if we need to compress the based on their fatigue - or ours. Babysitters use same ritual.

Something will work out. Don't lose hope!

 

Wow, DCMom, I couldn't have said it better myself. My kids have had their schedules "enforced" since 8 weeks, so I'm a little spoiled with good sleepers currently, but usually what works for them is white noise, blackout curtains, and whatever cozy's they need for security. The only problem is that with a babysitter or when we're out, those routines are difficult to provide, so I have to prepare for bad baby sleep those days. But one thing I do is I NEVER go in to get them when they first wake from a nap. I wait for at least 15-20 min before going in b/c I know they often fall asleep again if I give them a little while. And in the morning, I have no problem letting them play in their cribs in the morning before I get up to get them; in fact, Hannah often wakes at 6:30, but we have a rule that says no babies get out of bed before 7:30, so she knows she has to wait sometimes after waking, even though she may not know how long. I really pray you can find some rest and peace soon. It's hard being at the end of your rope!

 

looks like everyone has given great advice. I'll second the recommendations to:

*pull the trigger and just go for one nap. You may have a week or two of transition, but you'll come out on the other side with a predictable schedule you can depend on.
*use a single schedule and stick to it, special events/activities aside. Getting the girls on a set schedule should also help with "sleep clues".
**Using blackout shades & noise machine works great for us. Our nap routine is set and has been since 6 months. We have 3-5 short wind-down stories, then say the same thing to them, give them their snuggly (lovey), hum our "time-for-sleep" song, and then into the crib.
*Waiting 15-20 minutes works for us sometimes.

Good luck. Our sleep got to a disastrous point and we had to CIO. We were against that method, but we had lost so much control that it was truly the only way to reset their expectations. It sucked for 1 night and then got dramatically better within 3 nights. We are still early risers (6am), but sleeping from 7:30pm to 6am is a DRAMATIC improvement over playing musical beds starting at 10pm and spending a minimum of 2-4 hours per night "helping" one or the other back to sleep. Believe it or not, Nick actually got more sleep on the worst night of CIO spending nearly 2 hours crying than he had the night before when it took me 4 hours to get him back to sleep by "helping" him.

 

you've got a lot of good replies and this is what we did. our boys were nightmare sleepers. we had to get a sleep specialist at 10 months. we did the white noise and blackout curtains (ralphs bags and cardboard) and we did cio which i hated. it all worked though. the thing that really helped with the naps since they woke up at different times every day was to put them back to bed two hours after they had got up. otherwise they could be overtired and you have lost the moment. you keep an eye out for rubbing eyes and slowing down and staring off into the distance, if you see either of these signs get them to bed. you don't do it at a set time you do it around two hours after they wake up, whatever time that is. then after they wake up we do lunch (around 11 or 10.30 or 11.30) and wait another two hours and put them back to bed. i realize yours are older but ours are too (now) but they are still on that schedule and it has saved my life. they never had a nap schedule before this and were very overtired. good luck. i can give you the name of the sleep specialist we used if you like, she does it over the phone.

 

I feel for you! Mine are not good sleepers either, the first year was a nightmare.

What I have found is ROUTINE works! We do baths every night, book time for 10-15min and bottle and bed, and they go to bed awake. These are babies (especially my DS, we had to CIO him at 12mos for 3 nights) that never went to bed on their own. So to me it's a miracle. I really feel it's the routine, they know what to expect every night, so they don't fight it.

Mine still don't sleep 12 hrs, they sleep usually 8-6, sometime they sleep til 6:30ish.

For naps, they always go down at the same time, we've switched to one nap now and it's at 11, again with a routine, they get a bottle for it and they go down no problem, awake with no crying, no fussing. I do separate them as DS is inconsistent in his sleep. My DD is in a PnP in my room, since they have to share a room. They sleep anywhere from 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 hrs and get their lunch when they wake. As they get older I imagine the nap will end up moving later.

HTH. Good luck!

 

QUOTE(heathernd @ Jun 29 2007, 02:36 PM) [snapback]312050[/snapback]
I am not sure this is what you want to hear but I would create a schedule for them and enforce it. At their age, they will adjust, and you will feel so much better about knowing what to expect. I "forced" mine onto the same schedule around 6 months old because I couldn't handle it anymore. It was one of my better parenting decisions.


I agree with Heather, it is all about a schedule and you have to stick to it. I hated that some days I wanted to go somewhere, but it would interfere with their naptime...to me it was more important for my sanity to stay home and keep them on schedule. We are still on a schedule and it works. Here is our day:
6:30 Zoe wakes everyone in the house up!
7:30 breakfast
12:00 lunch
12:30 naptime (somedays I get one hour, somedays I get two, I just go with it)
2:00 wake up and eat snack
5:00 dinner
6:30-7:00 bathtime
7:30 watch Baby Einstein video
8:00 bedtime