Help me figure out

My grandmother passed away last night. She had been sick for a while, so this has been on my mind. Sarah was quite attached to her, and before any family gathering always wanted to know if Grandma Winnie will be there? A "yes" answer would send her into squeals of glee and jumping up and down. I can't quite explain it, my grandmother could barely walk and couldn't even hold Sarah b/c of severe rheumatoid arthritis, but still my daughter just adored her. She even keeps a picture of her with Grandma Winnie on her dresser in her room. I feel like trying to explain any death to a 4 year old is hard, but in this particular situation I am worried that this will truly break her heart. I have no idea what I am supposed to tell her. Anyone have any words of wisdom? I sure could use them right now.

TIA

 

:hugs: That's gotta be tough. Other than explaining that Great-Grandma had to go to heaven to play with the Angels, I don't have any other words of wisdom for explaining to a young child the process of life and death.

 

I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandma. It is hard enough to go through the grieving process without throwing in the heartbreak of a grieving child. :hug:

This is NOWHERE near the same thing - but when we had to put our dog to sleep when our DS was 3 (he was VERY attached) - we were just as honest as possible. Big Dog was old and very sick and he had to go to Heaven so that he could feel better and run around and play again. He would never be back here on Earth to visit us but one day maybe we would see him in Heaven. We will always have our pictures and our memories of Big Dog. etc. We also included a special prayer each night just for Big Dog (not his real name, but this is what our DS called him). He still has a picture of him with Big Dog on his mirror in his bedroom. He talks about him quite a bit and it has been over 1.5 years. I think that is something to prepare yourself for: she might want to talk about Grandma Winnie alot - and it will probably be difficult b/c you will be grieving - but I think it is important for young kids - I think it is how they make sense of it.

We had probably at least 6 months of our DS asking when Big Dog was going to come back, why couldn't he just jump out of Heaven and come back home now that he felt better, etc. I felt like we repeated ourselves a lot - but eventually, he got it as best as a preschool age kid can.

Again, I'm not comparing the two deaths - but I just wanted to give our experience with explaining death to our DS.

Good luck and I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug:

 

I'm so sorry. Our oldest was around five when DH's grandmother passed away and it was very hard on him. We left it very basic (this isn't verbatim)..."Granny had a very long and happy life, but she was very sick and died. We won't see her again, but we have lots of beautiful and wonderful memories of her forever." We aren't particularly religious, so we didn't venture into that territory. But, I think if you're comfortable with telling her that she's with God in Heaven now, I see nothing wrong with that. I think the most important thing is to tell her that it's okay to cry and that it's okay to miss her. Let her know that she can always talk about it and ask questions. Maybe you could bring some pictures out when you talk to her?

 

I'm sorry for your loss. :hug:


When my grandmother passed away back in 2005, my oldest DD was 4.5. She has a very hard time with it. We read the book What's Heaven? by Maria Shriver and it really helped explain things to her. I would highly recommend it. :good: It really puts things in kid language. We read it to her again this past Dec. when my other grandmother passed away and it helped ease her mind again at 8 years old.


We also talked about what a good life she had. And I gave my daughter the option at the funeral to go up to the casket. She choose to go up at say goodbye at 4.5 years old. I know it was very hard for her to do that, but it really helped her grieve and gave her some closure. She was not scared to do that at all.

 

QUOTE(4lilmonkeys @ Feb 12 2009, 07:30 AM) [snapback]1187149[/snapback]
I'm so sorry. Our oldest was around five when DH's grandmother passed away and it was very hard on him. We left it very basic (this isn't verbatim)..."Granny had a very long and happy life, but she was very sick and died. We won't see her again, but we have lots of beautiful and wonderful memories of her forever." We aren't particularly religious, so we didn't venture into that territory. But, I think if you're comfortable with telling her that she's with God in Heaven now, I see nothing wrong with that. I think the most important thing is to tell her that it's okay to cry and that it's okay to miss her. Let her know that she can always talk about it and ask questions. Maybe you could bring some pictures out when you talk to her?

This is great advice and the route I would probably go.