Help! Mama and Papa are getting suckered at nap & bedtime.

Wow, just talked to my wife and she is having a tough time with the boys today! We could sure use some advice on this one. (This won't solve all our issues at the moment, but it will be a start!)

The boys are down for their nap now and R is screaming that he doesn't have his little play mice (my wife can't find them). Of course, if he didn't have his mice, it would likely be something else that doesn't meet his specifications. If the lullaby stops playing he will often go ballistic--I try to explain to him that the lullaby has gone to sleep, but that doesn't always work. And we have a routine where we cover the boys with a blanket before they go to sleep. In the last month and a half, we'll cover them and once we get them covered, we get out of the room as quickly as possible. Sometimes it works, but usually now, one of the boys (and they alternate!) will start crying and saying "cover you" (meaning "cover me") --when we go in, he is standing up with blanket in hand wanting to be covered. If we can actually get him down long enough to cover him and leave the room, he is often "playing" us again, by doing it all over again!

And once we DO get him down, his brother will start the same business!! So this makes for multiple visits to their room at bedtime AND at naptime.

How can we get back into a healthy routine that shows we mean business when we are leaving the room, but still assure them that we are close by and attentive to them!???

Thanks for your comments! /joel

 

Just give them all their usual accrutrements (sp?), say Mommy and Daddy are going now, we will see you when naptime is over/in the morning, and leave and don't go back in! As you know, if you go back in for the mice, 5 minutes later it's something else. Mine do it too. They act like it will be the end of the world if they don't have their baby doll, but then baby doll gets thrown out of the crib. They will know you are serious if you stop going in. I get suckered like this every so often. I think oh I'll give her her doll back and then she will go to sleep. Then it all spirals out of control and next thing I know, I'm going in 10 times before they go to sleep.

 

Be firm. Give them everything they need and leave. Don't...go...back...in. Whatever you do. B&H pull these same shinanigans. The ONLY thing that consistently works is just to not go back in. Recently, they have been going to sleep with the door open (they are in their own rooms). Well if Hannah carries on (I want this, I need that...) then we just shut the door without even saying a word. She goes ballistic, gets up and opens the door and goes right back down to sleep without another word. It is sooooo nice to have some leverage right now. I wonder how much longer that will last?!

 

Well, this is the encouragement I need! We will do our best starting tonight--J especially has been waking at about midnight lately and getting us to bring him into bed. We are too tired to argue with him--he's pretty cute, but no one sleeps well!

OK, I probably ought to start a new topic, but I'm going to add on here because it still fits in with our string of "issues." We really need to figure out how to get these two boys to share. How the heck do you do it? Or do you just let them fight it out?!! These guys are biting each other and so far we have been really quick, perhaps too quick, to break it up and say "we don't bite each other," etc. They can't sit and play together quietly for more than a minute or two before someone is crying, or screaming that the other has taken something from them.

I guess it is really getting to my wife on especially bad days. I am not as effected by it because I'm not around the boys as much as she. Any advice/encouragement is welcome! Thanks, Joel

 

I go in ONCE. My son says "Mommy, come here!" Then I get there and he's got nothin'! :laughing: He's lucky I think he's so cute!

Anyway, I cover them up and say all the stuff and then out I go. They will usually yell and scream once and I'll go back in and "cozy" them. That's our word for it. Then I leave and say night night, see you in the morning. I go back in after they are asleep and "cozy" them again and turn off the light and the music if it's not already done.

You have to stand firm. They'll eventually give up - my opinion! Good luck!

 

I agree with the others as far as the sleeping thing. As for sharing, we either put the toys in timeout or the ofender. I have also gone in and started playing with them and then taken the toys. Then they tell me to share and I give them whatever I have. This has helped with sharing.

 

Joel, as far as sharing goes. It might be some time before it happens.

mws gave the idea once that you practice "passing" stuff. So you sit in a circle and hand a toy to the next person and keep going. Then they learn that it's time to pass the toy on. We are working on it, but have some ways to go.

Ours say "MINE" incessantly!! It's unbelievable really. So, they will eventually learn to share and take turns at some point, but it's a work in progress around here for sure!

 

As far as sharing goes, my girls don't really get the concept of "sharing", but they understand taking turns. If they are fighting over a toy that can be played with by two children at the same time, it does me no good to try to make that happen. But, if I say "Ainsley, it's your turn. When you are done, it's Bea's turn" Then I tell Bea to play with another toy until it is her turn. They have been pretty good about this. They also like to switch toys and will say "Switch!" and they both switch for a few minutes and then switch back.

 

I agree that "taking turns" works better than "sharing." We have been practicing "taking turns" since about 20 months, when they got a basketball hoop for Christmas and both wanted to have the ball at the same time. I just repeated the phrase "Natalie's turn!", "Rita's turn!" in a happy singsong voice while giving them each the ball in turn and letting them put it through the hoop once. It is something we still practice and emphasize a lot, and they don't always remember without me to remind them, that's for sure!

Also one thing that I think has been really critical to them learning to share better is that if they fight over a toy and don't work it out relatively quickly, that toy goes away. I definitely repeat, "If you can't share ______ nicely and take turns, I'm going to take _____ away!" pretty frequently, LOL, but the threat does usually work. And if not, I make good on my threat. Sometimes I like to put it somewhere they can see it but not get to it -- like on the kitchen counter, which is on the other side of a gate -- and then when they ask for it back, I reinforce that they can't have it back unless they are going to play nicely.

Honestly, it is definitely the age -- they are self-centered and don't want to share! But what seems to work best is if we sort of proactively model/practice sharing and taking turns so that when they're fighting over something and get upset, hearing, "You hve to wait your turn" doesn't come as such a blow.