Help - getting worse, not better

this morning was heartbreaking. please tell me when this will get better!!!

the background: cameron and alisha started nursery school last week - tues and thurs 9-12.
day one: they were so excited to go, but alisha lost it when i said good bye. cameron didn't cry at first but apparently cried when i left. i called 15 mins after i left and they were ok - not happy, but not crying. i picked them up that day and they were both fine - talked about the songs they sang, etc.

day two: still happy to go, but once we get into the classroom and i start to say goodbye, they both lost it. i went into the foyer and was talking to the director, and before i even left they had stopped crying - again, not happy, but at least not crying. when i picked them up they both saw me and started crying - not sure what that was about.

day three (today): we were rushed this morning, but they both seemed fine to get in the car and knew we were going to school. alisha said "mama no go back to work" and i explained i did have to go to work but mary (nanny) would pick them up from school. then she tells me "i no cry baby" and i said "yes, you're going to be a big girl today and not cry at school" and she said "yeah". we park, and they start whining about wanting to take stuffed animals with them (i keep them in the car) - fine, i let them to avoid a meltdown. we get to the outside stairs that lead to their classroom, and alisha loses it - she won't walk up the stairs herself and is crying "cuddle mama, cuddle mama". seconds later, cameron loses it and starts crying also. i carry them both up, crying and clinging to me (as an aside, another parent made some rude comment about how her daughter was going to get upset because of other kids crying - jeesh, as if i didn't feel bad enough already!). we get into the classroom, and they are bawling - cameron wants to go get froggy (a stuffed animal they have in the classroom) - i give them big hugs and kisses, one of the teachers comes over and cameron goes to her - but i left alisha laying on her tummy hugging a stuffed animal, but up in the air (this is how she sleeps) sucking her thumb and crying - it was so heartbreaking.

sorry so long - thanks if you made it this far - please tell me this will get better!!!!!

 

Hi

My curriculum specialist (?) at our daycare said that day three would be when they would react and it was. Give them a little more time to adjust. My son just had his first real meltdown and they have been in school since August 27th. We sent a family picture, he saw us and realized what was happening, and completely melted down. Luckily, I wasn't there or I would have been a basket case. It definitely gets better!

 

I am so sorry you are going thru such a difficult time. Separation anxiety sucks, big time. My kids have been in daycare since they were 7mo old. They used to do GREAT. Then about at a year, Taryn started having meltdowns. The teacher would pick her up and they'd look out the window and I"d wave. That always made her feel better for some reason.
At that age, it's hard to do any rewards. Like sending a favorite snack to school when they don't cry or getting stickers.
Maybe if, when they are still in the car, you get them each a poster board to keep behind your seat, and give them a "big kid" sticker to put on their board, but they have to promise to not cry. Have a few big stickers and at the end of the week, if they made it the whole week they get a big one. Go to the dollar store and stock up!

HTH!!

 

I've had a couple tough good-byes with Jade. She starts with the "I don't want to go to school" and later "Mommy you're not going to work, you're NOT!" and then she drops her body to the ground when we get inside. The only thing that has worked for me is to be very matter-of-fact about it, take her to her hook and hang up her stuff, and demand a great big hug "to last all day" and shuttle her into the room and go. All reports are that she doesn't cry at all after I go and participates happily. I'm happy I don't have two having a difficult time.

My girls are a year older so I'm sure it's easier on all of us. Try not to get emotional yourself (I have a problem with this one) because if you are tearing up because of their response, they will definitely feed off of that in a negative way.

Hand in there! I'm sure they'll adjust. :hug99:

 

Mine are going to school the same time as yours. Today is their fifth time going, but first "full day". There was no crying today. Last week, Rachel cried quite a bit and I asked Danielle to be the big sister and take care of her. So, she took that role very seriously and I think it helped a lot. This morning, in the car, Danielle asked to go back home and so I asked Rachel to be the big sister and take care of her. She got very excited. I think that the thought of having a "job" to do and take care of each other really helped. Could you ask your kids to take care of each other and make sure they are happy?

 

They will be fine. It is very normal to have seperation anxiety. Don't give up.
A few things that may help.
First, drop them off at the door~don't go into thier class. Make an invisible barrier that Mommy stays out here and babies go in.
Next, talk to the teacher about transitioning your children into the class. She should help you. If she does not, talk to the director. If she is very busy when you arrive, come a few minutes later when she is not so crowded and can give attention to your kids.
And Finally, DON'T Carry them in, and snuggle them all the way to the door. This sounds mean, but you are setting up a fight. No one wants to leave a "loving warm snuggly Mommy" for a class full of strange kids. Get them to walk holding your hand, period. NO exceptions. The trauma of being torn from my safe arms to a classroom was too much for me to bear and cruel to them. Once I stopped cuddling them all the way in, they were not so traumatized at the drop off. I realized how cruel this was of me and now I don't do it to them. We hug getting out of the car and they know that they have to walk holding my hand the rest of the way. WE still have mornings where they want to go with me and try to cling, I don't think it will stop. I just give them extra kisses and call upon the teacher for help. They always have a great day, after they calm down.

I hope it gets better :hug99:

 

when i took DD to school at that age it took like 2 weeks for her to stop crying... she would cry when i picked her up also.. i couldnt imagine doing it w 2!! im sure i will one day!!

 

:hug99: I'm sorry they are having a hard time with preschool drop-off. So far, there's only been one crying incident at drop-of with us. The teacher is very good about engaging them as soon as they walk in the door and directing them to an activity right away. Most of the time, they give me a "Bye-bye Mama" and barely seem to notice. The only problem I've been having is when I pick them up, they get clingy and fussy, like they all the sudden realized they were without me for 2 hrs, but usually once we are home and I start talking to them about what they did at school, they get better.
Hang in there, it will get better!

 

Like pp said, it will get better. I agree about not carrying them in too.
It will take some time, my son took about 2-3 weeks and still sometimes fusses (but I am convinced it is more drama he is displaying than truly being upset any more).
As for crying when they see you, very common - they have held it together while they were away from you and then they feel safest with you so they unload all their frustrations when you arrive - not fun but flaterring in a way!
I know it leaves you feeling awful but it will al lwork out!

 

thanks for all the support and the great ideas, ladies!

I like the "big girl" sticker chart and the idea of asking them to take care of each other.

mrsjo - your post was a good wake up call for me - i never thought about it that way re: not snuggling them into the classroom. i will try that. we have to bring them in and get them settled (that's just how they do it), but i'll do my best this week to make sure that we walk in (vs me carrying them) and that i'm matter of fact about saying goodbye (honestly, i say good bye every morning because we have a nanny - don't know why this is different).

next week i'm away for work so our nanny will drop them off - i'm wondering if it will be much less traumatic with her doing the drop off. i really wanted to do it so that i have some connection to their school and get to see the teacher (since i won't be doing pick up), but we'll see.

thanks again everyone!

 

my husband drops them off in the AM. he just quickly says goodbye and leaves immediately. the daycare provider recommended to do it that way. in the afternoon when i pick them up, i spend time there watching them play, talking to provider, etc.

 

My boys started preschool three weeks ago. Their school has a policy that you can not (or should not) carry kids into the classroom. My boys cried the first day when it was time for me to go, but they have done well since then and there have been no more tears. One of my boys (Stephen) had a harder time with it than this brother (Nicholas) did, so on the second day of school I asked Nicholas to help brother out if he got sad. When I picked them up from preschool that day, the teacher told me that my boys were together a lot and that Stephen wanted this brother with him. The teacher said that they let this go today, but that it was going to have to change. I told her that I asked Nicholas to help out his brother if he was sad. The teacher seemed concern about them being together a lot, but it did not bother me. It prevented the tears and allowed them to enjoy preschool. They are now doing their own things at preschool and enjoy it.

Good luck next week.

Laurie