Help! Daughter afraid to pee in potty or diaper after potty training attempt

Hello ladies-

I haven't posted on the Twinstuff forums for a very long time (but am still a frequent lurker). My b/g twins turned 2 last month. My husband had been anxious to start potty training so we decided to try the potty boot camp over July 4th weekend. It was a breeze with my son (literally took less than 2 days and 2 accidents for him to get it- he has been accident free for over 1.5 weeks and out of pull ups (even at night) for a week. But my daughter- ugh. The poor girl was HYSTERICAL when we tried to do the boot camp. She has never been afraid of the potty, sits on it, knows where pee/poo come from, watches us, etc. She found it all very fascinating, until it was go time. Then she would break down screaming. She knew when it was time to go, knew where she needed to go but just couldn't do it. She would hold pee until she could no longer- then it all came flowing while she screamed her head off. She obviously had an extremely rough first day, and we decided not to push on with her. So back to diapers she went. I figured she just wasn't ready so she would be happier back in diapers and we would wait a few months until she showed more interest (perfectly understandable that she wasn't ready- she is still really young). BUT- she is now freaked out to pee/poo in her diapers, as well! She breaks down crying, asking for new diapers constantly (even when she is completely dry). She has been a sobbing mess for the last two weeks, and I honestly have no idea what I can do to help her at this point. She was getting rewards when my son would go, either for quizzing her on something (she is an extremely smart lil girl who knows all of her ABCs and can count to 20) or just because she didn't start crying when my son would go (which she has been doing frequently) so it's not like we aren't giving her the same amount of attention. We are constantly telling her we are proud of her, that it's okay to pee in her diaper if she needs to, etc. There has been no anger or negative consequences for her using diapers. I just don't know what to do. I called the pediatrician's office and rambled on with a patient educator (who probably thinks I am outta my mind) and she suggested two options- forge on with another boot camp and see if it works (since she won't willfully pee in her diaper- it comes when she can't hold it anymore or during sleep) or stop all potty talk altogether (which I am not sure would be all that helpful, since I have a newly trained lil boy that I don't want to get sidetracked because he is no longer receiving praise, etc).
Ack! I am at a loss. I hope someone has some advice. Sorry for the crazy rambling. I was just hoping one of you ladies may have had a been-there-done-that type of story to throw my way. At any rate, it feels good to type it out. I just feel completely helpless and hate seeing her suffer- physically and mentally.

 

I would definitely not continue with the boot camp. They are very young and I'm honestly amazed that it worked as well as it did on your son, but it sounds like she is clearly not ready.

If your DS is trained (not having accidents, going pretty much when he needs to without being constantly reminded, etc.), you might not need so much potty talk anymore. It would probably be best to start weaning off the praise and rewards anyway -- otherwise you will have an older child who still expects that, just for doing something he already knows how to do.

If you can make it less of a big deal with your son, hopefully that will help your daughter relax about it too. My guess is that even though you're trying to give them both positive attention, and trying to make her understand that it's OK if she's in diapers, just the subject itself is stressing her out. But it might take a few weeks, since it sounds like she was really upset by the experience.

FWIW, we made the mistake of putting one of my DDs in underwear for one day when she was about 2y4m -- one of her preschool teachers thought she was ready. She had about 5 accidents that day, and refused to even think about peeing in the potty for at least a month afterward. (Fortunately at least she was happy to pee in her diaper.) She also wound not give up the diapers until 3y3m, even when she was pretty good about using the potty, because she was so afraid of having accidents. This was actually fine with us since I wasn't in any hurry to get them out of diapers -- and maybe she would have been that way anyway (she's very cautious by nature) even if she hadn't had the premature underwear day. But I know it didn't help.

I'm sorry your DD is going through this. It is so frustrating to see them having some major emotional issue (I know -- my DD has quite a few) and nothing you say seems to help. But be patient and try to avoid the whole potty issue with her, and hopefully she'll recover soon. :hug:

 

I think you have to give the 3 day PTing the full 3 days (or more) to see if it will work or not. Did you read Lora Jensen's ebook, or are you using a different method? You could try contacting her for advice if you are using her book.

In your case I would probably wait a month (or more) before trying it again since she seems traumatized by the experience.

I'm glad the method worked well for your son. It worked great for both of my kids and I plan to use it with baby #3 as well.

 

I agree with just avoiding the potty for now. Once she sees that you aren't going to push the issue, then hopefully she will be back to normal. Just put it away altogether if you can. Try again in a month or two. This is what we had to do for our girls, they refused to go potty and it all ended up in tears. We tried for a solid week with no luck at all. I put the potty up, and in about two months, tried again and one girl was successful. Put it up for the other twin for another two months, then pulled the potty out again and then the second girl was successful. She just isn't ready yet.

 

I agree with PP's, I would shelve PT-ing for her for a month or so. I had to do this with my son and when I came back and tried again, he was ready and it was much easier. She's still on the young side and she just might not be ready right now. :hug: