Help! Baby hates her daddy

This post is actually about my singleton (my twins are now almost 3). You would think after making it through newborn twins it would be easy to have one, but this kid has me (and my husband) at our wit's end! So, Gianna started out a much easier baby than the twins ever were. Slept through the night from 6 weeks on, happily nursed, cuddled or slept through my entire maternity leave... Now, I have been back to work for 2 months and it has all fallen apart. My DH stays home with the kids. He has done this since the twins were babies, so he is used to newborns. He handled 8 wk old colicky twins and had no problem, but he cannot seem to figure the new baby out. When I am home she is happy, smiley, easy to settle unless she gets overtired. When I go to work she screams. He calls me 5-7 times a day trying to figure out how to make her happy. She won't play on her play mat, sit in the exersaucer, play with toys. Unless he is holding her she screams. I thought it was a mom vs. no mom thing since I breast feed, but when she is left with our teenage babysitter she doesn't scream. Today, a neighbor came over and watched her (twins were napping) so my DH could run an errand. She was happy playing on the floor when he got home and as soon as our neighbor left and he tried to play with her she started screaming.

So now DH is telling me that the baby hates him. He tells me that he regrets ever having a 3rd child and that he resents her for taking time away that he could be spending with the twins. He gets so frustrated that he uses the babysitter almost every time I work (I work 2-3 shifts a week) just so he can get out of the house. I don't know what to do. I am lost, confused and cannot figure out why she screams for him. I feel like somehow I must have caused this, but I nursed the twins too and they didn't act this way. In fact, when the twins were infants I worked M-F 8-6 so I am home more now. He is at the point now where he wants to go back to work even though we will lose money just because she makes him so upset.

Has anyone been through this where the baby didn't like dad but was fine with everyone else? Any ideas of how to figure this out or what could be going on? Any tips or tricks to make this better until she gets older and grows out of this phase (eventually she's got to get better, right?)

 

Yikes, that sounds frustrating for both of you!
All of mine went through some pretty strong preference phases. You said when you are home she is happy and playful. Is that only if you are right with her, or is she playful with your DH if you are out of sight?
I imagine your DD is picking up on DH's frustration and axiety which probably makes the whole cycle worse.

If the sitter is helping keep everyone's sanity, I would keep using her.

This too shall pass.

 

My thought is your DH is stressed around her and she's picking up on that. Can he forcibly relax around just her and focus on bonding with her?

 

She's never happy and playful with him, even when I'm right in the room. Today I was changing her diaper after nap and he came up to tickle her and as soon as he talked to her (in a happy playful voice) she started crying. I picked her up and she giggled. He has tried so hard to not be frustrated or anxious around her, but the more she rejects him the less he wants to try. Today he was calling her "demon child". It really hurts that he can't seem to bond with her because when she was a newborn he snuggled her all the time.

 

It's got to be a phase, how is she with other men? Maybe she has an aversion to men in general...just seem scary to her or whatever. I realize it would be really hard not to take it personal but more then likely in a few months she will be such a daddy's girl and this will all be a thing of the past!
I agree, if the sitter is helping to make things less stressful and he can give your older children more attention and make everyone happier, keep using her!!

:hug:

 

Also wondering how she is with other men? My friends DD strongly disliked all men (including her dad) for quite awhile. It did get better with time.

 

Good question about other men, my DD was not fond of other women (total mamas girl) but loved her daddy and uncles and grandpas! It passed, not sure how old your baby is but I would say it was close to 6 months....hugs!

 

Ava Grace wouldn't have a thing to do with her daddy when she was a baby. He thought she hated him and started not wanting much to do with her. When she hit 3 she became a huge daddy's girl and now at 5 she would rather have him help her than me . I think it was because he is not a sweet, cuddly person like I am or the other people she would go to we're. He is just him all the time and never uses a soft sweeter voice - it was not that he didn't love her and wasnt good to her he is just not a cuddly person. Another thing, I get kinda frustrated with dh, I think Ava fed off of my frustrations too.

 

One thing to consider is that she may feel safer crying/screaming with your husband than with the babysitter because she does love him and he loves her. My daughter went through phases where she would be perfectly happy for others but as soon as my husband and I got her at home alone, she would flip out. This may not explain why she is screaming in the first place but it might explain why she doesn't do it for the babysitter, etc. And I do believe my daughter went through phases where it was worse with her Dad than it was with me (he kept her during the day while I worked and I kept her at night while he worked).