HELP! 2nd hand smoke...

Hi!

I'm trying to figure out how to tell my parents I can't spend anytime at their house due to second hand smoke. There is ABSOLUTLY NO ventilation in their house, and they smoke day and night.

They just started up again about 3wks ago when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, he only has a little time left, he's endstage. I know opening windows and doors makes him very cold...but it makes me soooooooooooooooooooooo sick to go over and help them out. They don't smoke while I'm there...My sister tells me to just suck it up.

I want to spend as much time with my dad as possible, but I just can't stand it...even if they stop smoking 1hr before I get there, the small house they live in is sooooooooo filled with smoke it would take days to ventilate...

What do I do? I want my dad to do what ever he wants that makes him happy in his final days, but I have a respnsability to these babies...

Any suggestions?? I feel so selfish!

thanks!

 

I know how bad secondhand smoke is, but honestly, I don't think exposure to it for an hour or two (especially if they're not actually smoking in your presence) is going to hurt the babies. It sounds like the bigger problem is the effect that the smell has on you.

Is your dad able to leave the house at all? If it's possible for you to spend time with him anywhere else, that might solve the problem. Other than that, I think you'd just have to tell them that it literally makes you sick. If your mom had m/s when she was pg, hopefully she'll understand?

I'm sorry about your dad. :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:

 

I know your problem oh so well....My DH is a smoker but does not smoke in our house or near me....but we spend a ton of time at my inlaws....and well they smoke as does my BIL and his GF and they don't care if I'm there or not.....so I just make it a point to stay in the other room or out side.....but I don't know what to do.....since they aren't smoking around you it's just the smell in the house....maybe carry some oust when you go??? Just an idea

 

Is he able to come to your house? I'm really sorry about your Dad!

I might spend the time with him as you can since he doesn't seem to have much time left on this earth. :cray: I'm very sorry about that!

Maybe you can wear a surgical mask and they can see the stain on the mask that's coming through there....I don't know, this IS a delicate situation and I don't envy you. If he's able to come to see you at all, that would be great or even visit outside?

I don't want you to regret not spending time with him later. You can't reclaim this time.

I am a BIG TIME hater of smoke and smoking, but not sure what I would do in your shoes!! :hug99:

 

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. That really makes the situation much harder. I would just explain to him that with your pregnancy hormones, you nget sick to your stomach from the smell. He might not realize it. I am a believer that second hand smoke does affect your fetuses. You could try that approach too.

I am so lucky that no one in my family smokes!

 

I am sorry about your Dad

You need to be bluntly honest with them. Your first priority is to your babies.

 

Cigarette smoke made me absolutely nauseous when I was pregnant. So much so we would have to leave restaurants because I thought I was going to get sick. I agree that you should be completely honest and say you want to spends as much time with him as possible, but the lingering smoke makes you sick. Maybe you could get an air purifier or something that might help take the smell out of a room? I am so sorry to hear about your dad.

 

QUOTE(~* dfaut *~ @ May 13 2008, 08:55 AM) [snapback]770768[/snapback]
Is he able to come to your house? I'm really sorry about your Dad!

I might spend the time with him as you can since he doesn't seem to have much time left on this earth. :cray: I'm very sorry about that!

Maybe you can wear a surgical mask

I was gonna suggest the mask.. But they smell funky too. Im a smoker and i hate second hand smoke! It makes me so angry when people think its ok to smoke around a pregnant woman or babies or children!

I hope you are able to spend time with your dad and that the smoke doesnt bother you too much to be able to spend time with him! :hug99:

 

I am sorry. I agree that your responsibility is to the babies, so I wouldn't let anyone smoke around you. The smell always made me sick too, but if you can handle it for a short time... :hug99:

 

QUOTE(Minette @ May 13 2008, 11:35 AM) [snapback]770727[/snapback]
I know how bad secondhand smoke is, but honestly, I don't think exposure to it for an hour or two (especially if they're not actually smoking in your presence) is going to hurt the babies. It sounds like the bigger problem is the effect that the smell has on you.

Is your dad able to leave the house at all? If it's possible for you to spend time with him anywhere else, that might solve the problem. Other than that, I think you'd just have to tell them that it literally makes you sick. If your mom had m/s when she was pg, hopefully she'll understand?

I'm sorry about your dad. :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:


Ditto Minette. And I'm also sorry to hear about your dad.

Do you think maybe getting an HEPA air purifier for them and have them turn it on a few hours before you come over and while you're there might help?

And like Diane, I'd be hard pressed to not spend the time I could with him

 

If they aren't smoking around you, I'd go. You have very little time left with your dad, you may regret not visiting.

My FIL passed of cancer when the girls were one, but was really suffering for 3 years prior to his death. I went to their house, despite the smoke smell, but they did avoid smoking when we were there.

I'm sorry about your dad.

 

QUOTE(Babies4Susan @ May 13 2008, 01:04 PM) [snapback]770943[/snapback]
If they aren't smoking around you, I'd go. You have very little time left with your dad, you may regret not visiting.


I agree. :hug99: I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. My parents are smokers but stop smoking about an hour or two before we go over and they have this air purifier called Breathe. You can also put a smell in there like lavender, lemon, etc. and it honestly does a great job.

I hope you get to spend as much time with your dad as possible. :hug99:

 

I'mm sorry to hear about your father.

That's a tough dilemma. . . could you try and visit on nice weather days and suggest y'all sit outside for the visit? And if you're close enough to talk to them about it, just tell them you are concerned not just for them but also for their unborn grandbabies?

Emily

 

I'm sorry to hear about your dad

I used to smoke and then quit a while before I got pregnant; once I was pregnant, it seemed the smell of cigarette smoke had completely changed. I didn't mind it all when I used to smoke, and then all of a sudden, I was just really turned off to it.

That said, I can't imagine how it would make a pregnant woman feel who hated the smell of smoke in the first place - the disgust toward the smell must be multiplied by 10.

Since you're still very early on in the pregnancy, you could say that certain smells make you very nauseous, and that you would prefer either meeting somewhere that doesn't smell like smoke, or having the room ventilated before you come over.

Don't feel selfish about it at all - it's not YOU that you're thinking about, it's your BABIES, and they really need to understand that.