SO, my older daughter, who is 26 months, who we were always so proud of for 'taking the twins well', has started pushing them over, smacking them on the head, grabbing away toys she decides they shouldn't play with, etc etc. She does it when I'm watching, not watching, it doesn't make a difference. If I catch her trying to take away something that is not 'hers' from them, I tell her to leave them alone, but she doesn't unless I physically remove her. I'm not sure if it's new-found jealousy, or bossiness, or protectiveness over her toys or...??? So what I try to do is pick up the hurt baby and hug and comfort them and tell them that what happened wasn't nice and we don't behave like that in our house, yadda yadda, while making sure she can hear. If she does it more than once, I put her in her crib after that whole shpiel, and calmly tell her that she's not being safe, so she has to take a break. I only leave her in there for about 3-5 minutes, but she screams the entire time. When I take her out, I reiterate again that we don't hit, push, etc the babies, and that's why she was in her crib. This is the first time she's been so obstinate like this and I'm just...thrown lol. Anybody have any tips, ideas, experience? Thanks.
Sounds like she is realizing they are here to stay and since they are probably more mobile, she isn't liking it. I would try engaging her in playing with the twins. Give them all a similar toy and ask her to show them how it works. I would also try to use the time to give her more positive attention (Like have her help you and spend time with you, while they play with toys). Good luck.
I've never liked to use the crib as a place to put them for misbehaviour as I like to think of this space as a good happy space that they sleep in. Is there somewhere like a step or chair she can be placed on for 2 mins (a minute per age), you could set the timer and explain to her after why she was in time out? Young children forget very quickly why they are being punished so it is best to keep it to a minute per age. But first I would try redirecting and only using time outs for serious misbehaviour which is harmful. Try to also get her to apologise to her sister rather than talking about her behaviour to her sisters, so that she learns that when you hurt someone you apologise. I've always liked to ask why they are apologising so that I know they understand what they've done is unacceptable. Of course she is probably too young to grasp all of this but it's good practice. My older DD was not a very good sharer when she was younger. Some of the things I did with her, was giving her a choice ie. You can play with this or this and whatever you don't choose A is going to play with and then you can swap if A wants to. It took a long long time and really as an only child, she never really grasped the concept until she was much older. Your little one will learn it much quicker because she has two little sisters who will show her
My son is the same age as your daughter and he is going through the exact same thing. I personally don't think it is a jealousy thing, I think it is more developmental. My son is really establishing his independence right now and has started getting "violent" with his younger sister AND his older brothers. Just making his presence known, I guess!! We do automatic apology and a 2 minute timeout for hitting. We have a "timeout mat" on the kitchen floor that my kids sit on for timeouts.
I agree, it's the age and the 'new' competition. Really all you can do is stay on top of it as much as possible (ie watch her as closely as you can and intervene before she lashes out whenever possible) and keep repeating that we don't push/hit/grab. I like the ideas of offering her a choice of two toys and the baby gets whichever one she doesn't pick, and having her spend more time 'helping' you while they play. Another thing you could try is working on gentle touching. You demonstrate on her by stroking her hair/face/hand and telling her "gentle", then get her to do it back to you. If you see her about to hit someone take hold of her hand and make her touch softly, again saying "gentle". When she does hit one of them you can tell her "No. Hitting hurts. Be gentle." and again demonstrate by touching her gently and making her touch the twin gently while repeating the word. The benefit of this approach (like working on sharing/swapping toys) is that it gives her a positive action as well as taking away the negative. She should improve with time and practice.
Thanks everyone! Some of these things we do, like apologizing and gentle touch. I will try to facilitate them 'playing' together more often and see if that helps too. I don't like the idea of her crib as a non happy place either, but she's always hated it anyway, so I'm not worried about ruining a good relationship . I will try the mat idea, I wonder if she would actually stay on it. I've been thinking about it more and like PP said, I think (hope) it's developmental. Chana'le has been mobile for a couple of months now, so I don't know if it's a backlash against them getting into her 'stuff'. Guess we will see how things go this week! I will let you all know how the mat works out.
I haven't had the problems with violence but I have noticed that Vivi is getting a lot more territorial about her stuff (I also notice that it isn't a two way street for her - she gets all huffy when Livie gets hold of her stuff but loves to play with the baby toys ). One thing that I find helps some is to make sure that there are certain things that I don't let the babies play with. Basically, there are certain things that are Vivi's and hers alone. She's a little less likely to be grabby if I remind her of that and make sure she's had all her snacks and quiet time. And, yeah, this started shortly after Livie learned to army crawl/roll all over the place. I also agree with the gentle touch idea. My daughter was very familiar with the phrase because my in-laws have a very skittish dog and we taught her to use that with him pretty much since birth. So she was already familiar with the phrase and what it meant. Plus, I always profusely praise her every time she touches them gently, even if it's just for a moment.
