Having the babies on Monday

Okay,
So Monday is the BIG day the babies will arrive (unless I go into labor before then) and I wanted to send out an email as eveyone keeps calling me all day everyday to see if they are born yet. I have learned to dodge those calls and politely tell people the ol' "don't call me, I'll call you".

I know everyone is so anxious to meet them and I can't wait for them too meet them but there are certain feelings I am having and wanted to express them nicely in an email to everyone BEFORE they come into this world. I realize I don't have total control and some people may not get this email before hand.

Can you tell me if this is harsh or reasonable:

Dear .....,

I just wanted to remind you that the twins are going to be born Monday morning. We will be in the hospital for 3 days.

Two things may happen (and then again they may not) One is that the babies will be doing wonderful and be in the room with me. Two is that there is always a possibility that they could go into the NICU. If they go into the NICU only me, Alex and our parents will be the only ones able to visit the babies due to hospital policy. If this is the case, we ask that you hold off visits until we are all home together. This amount of time will vary and we will keep you updated when that happens.

With that said there are a couple of things we need you to know and please understand this is for the safety of the babies.

I won't be in my hospital room until the afternoon on Monday. We won't have a specific time as it depends on my recovery time.

If the babies room with me, they won't be in my room until I am.

As I plan on breastfeeding, privacy will be needed around feeding times.

The second day may be better to come and see us at the hospital if you need to come then but we prefer if you can wait until we are home.

If you come to the hospital, just give us a call first and find out our schedule. (In case we are on our way out of the hospital)

If you can wait until we are home with the babies we also ask that you call ahead to see how many people are there as we have a small apartment and may be overwhelmed at first.

You do not need to bring anything with you when you visit. That includes germs. If you or someone you have been around was or is sick within the past week, we ask you kindly to delay your visit. RSV and the flu (head, chest,stomach flu) are very deadly to babies at this stage.

Upon arriving, we will ask all visitors to wash their hands with anti-bacterial soap and water. This is not to offend anyone but again to protect the babies.

I am sorry if this sounds harsh but we have to look at the wellfare of the babies. We love you and would love for you to come and visit. Please do not hesitate to call us and talk with us. We don't want you to feel as though you shouldn't come by because of having what we stated above, we welcome you into our home and we know you are excited to see the babies and we want you to be excited and come and visit, you are our friend and mean so much to us.

If you have any questions, please let us know by calling or emailing.

Sincerely,
Alex, Damiane' and the twins-Arjun and Indira

 

Well...

First, I completely understand where you're coming from! When we had DS1, I swear the entire world felt like coming to visit and it was so overwhelming. I quickly learned that while I am their mother, I just don't have total control over everything and had to pick my battles. Not a fun lesson to learn, but it will benefit you in the future.

I, personally, would keep it short and sweet. Maybe something along the lines of, "because we're really not sure how things will go, we're asking that visitors wait until _____ to drop by." Then, you can throw in the bit about NICU and hospital policy. Or, you could just ask that people wait until you come home and avoid that altogether. I also think the bit about illness and germs is probably better left unsaid (and MOST people already know and follow that general rule anyway), though you could always say "we ask that you wait to visit if you're not feeling well."

I'll tell you what we decided to do. This may work for you, which is why I'm throwing it out there....
We're having a sort of "open house" on Sunday. The boys will be just over a week old, I'll be feeling better, and I have control over who we invite and what time they come (and go :lol!

Sometimes a "no visitors in the hospital" approach is the best way, especially if there are a lot of people who are asking to come. It's easier that way...no hurt feelings and you and DH have a chance to bond with the babies and enjoy being your own family. You'll also need your rest.

Hope that helps! I tend to be a little bit of a grammar/letter Nazi (I tend to edit and rewrite people's stuff all the time ), so I'm sorry if I'm stepping on your toes!

 

I totally know where you are coming from but I agree with the PP. Short and sweet. I'd suggest NO hospital visitors except those people you really really want there. I had one daughter in NICU at another hospital an hour away, one baby with me, DH running back and forth, and the LAST thing I felt like was visitors.

I'd say "We can't wait for everyone to meet the babies. When we are home and settled, we will let everyone know when you can come meet our two bundles of joy".

good Luck!!!!

 

I agree with the PP's to make it short and sweet. I actually ended up starting a blog to update everyone, since mine spent 5 and 6 weeks in the NICU.

 

I agree that it should be short and sweet. how about something more like this:

Dear .....,

the big day is around the corner - the twins are going to be born Monday morning - we promise to let you know when it happens! Afterwards, we will be in the hospital for 3-5 days, but we don't know much more than that. A lot will depend on whether the babies will need NICU time. Regardless, it will be an emotional and hectic time for us, so, as much as we'd love to see or talk to all of you and introduce you to the babies asap, that won't be possible until well after the babies are home. Please bear with us and send good vibes our way - we will send email updates and will see you all as soon as we can!

Sincerely,
Alex, Damiane' and the twins-Arjun and Indira

 

I like what SilvrHeart wrote...

People can wait until you get home! Remember, you're going to be exhausted and excited and you don't need to focus on the needs of your relatives and friends, you will need to focus on you and the babies.

One thought... you're not going to have time to cook those first few weeks, so how about asking people to bring meals but no germs?

Good luck!!

 

I agree with "short and sweet"!

I have friends who wanted absolutely no visitors at the hospital (not even FAMILY!) because they wanted time to recuperate and enjoy quiet time with their baby (singleton). They sent out a short and sweet email before the birth, telling them that they would let them know when the baby arrives and simply asking everyone to please wait a few weeks before visiting, and then to call for a convenient time to schedule a visit the family at home.

I was a bit taken aback by their request (I'm always the one at the hospital as soon as possible, gifts in hand, lol!) but respected it. I thought they handled their request quite nicely and they were direct and to the point. (There was no room for misinterpretation of their request, that's for sure!)

I was not offended at all by their email even though I had not seen it done before, it was their baby and their right to do as they wanted regarding visitors. Their request also kept (most) people from dropping by the house unannounced, as they had specifically asked friends to call and schedule a visit. I thought that part was a great idea. When I finally did go visit their new baby when he was 3-4 weeks old, we enjoyed a lovely long leisurely visit, something we would not have had if I had visited them at the hospital or in the first few days at home.

If you don't want visitors right away, just say so! Don't worry about stepping on anyone's toes, these are YOUR babies and you don't need to apologize for the need for your privacy! People will get over it, and if they are offended, when they do visit you they will forget all about it when they get to ooh and aah over your sweet babies! If they complain, blame it on hormones, lol!

Best of luck to you!

 

Here's what I sent out before having mine...then I also gave a few numbers for people to call for updates (IE: My sister and dad's phone numbers)

Hey all, we are scheduled to deliver on the 12th if not before. I don't anticipate being at my best after the birth...drugged, in pain, getting to know my two new lovelies...so we've decided on no visitors. We tossed around the idea of charging admission for the part where I learn to nurse two babies at once but figured that wouldn't be fair to the nurses. Anyway, we can't wait for everyone to meet them and when we are feeling like confident new parents we'll open the doors for all friends, family, paparazzi...to come visit. Wish us luck!!


It was lighthearted and didn't assume that everyone wanted to come see the babies. I didn't want people thinking "get over yourself" so I just sent it to family and friends who would most certainly expect to visit.

 

QUOTE(girls! @ Sep 28 2007, 02:03 AM) [snapback]426965[/snapback]
Here's what I sent out before having mine...then I also gave a few numbers for people to call for updates (IE: My sister and dad's phone numbers)

Hey all, we are scheduled to deliver on the 12th if not before. I don't anticipate being at my best after the birth...drugged, in pain, getting to know my two new lovelies...so we've decided on no visitors. We tossed around the idea of charging admission for the part where I learn to nurse two babies at once but figured that wouldn't be fair to the nurses. Anyway, we can't wait for everyone to meet them and when we are feeling like confident new parents we'll open the doors for all friends, family, paparazzi...to come visit. Wish us luck!!
It was lighthearted and didn't assume that everyone wanted to come see the babies. I didn't want people thinking "get over yourself" so I just sent it to family and friends who would most certainly expect to visit.



That's the email I would want to get!!

Reyna

 

I really enjoyed having visitors, but my babies were in the NICU...so not in my room. I guess I just got warm fuzzies with everyone wanting to come see us. But I totally understand your wants as well, and that's what's most important.

I agree with the PP of keeping any emails short and sweet, with no room for misinterpretations.

I think the idea of an open house at a later date is a great idea!

Good luck and congrats on making it so far!

 

I would also keep it short and sweet and would just say clearly what your family needs. I think the PPs gave some great samples and suggestions. I would also wait to discuss hand washing, etc until they are home and you are ready to accept visitors. We pretty much greeted our guests at the door with our regular hellos and hugs and then followed with a, "Come on in. Let me show you where the sink is." At first, a few guests were surprised, but aside from FIL, we never had anyone question our requirement that everyone wash hands when they come in the door...whether they would be near babies or not.

 

Not only do I agree to keep it short and sweet but also like the one that adds some humor. The reality is MOST people will call you and you'll have a chance to tell them what you want/need. Sometimes you don't know in advance anyway. We had our daughter in the NICU with multiple surgeries that we did NOT expect. Therefore, our visiting needs totally changed overnight. Some people we REALLY wanted to get some support and meals while others we REALLY did not want since they just wanted to "hold" the baby.

Lanie

 

I ended up refusing all visitors at the hospital. "Feeding time" as you mentioned, was CONSTANT so I was either topless or crashing because I'd just spend hours nursing two starving babies. I stayed at the hospital for 4 nights because I was scared to come home! You'll be fine, you just have to politely set limits on who you want to see and when. Good luck!

 

QUOTE(girls! @ Sep 27 2007, 10:03 PM) [snapback]426965[/snapback]
Here's what I sent out before having mine...then I also gave a few numbers for people to call for updates (IE: My sister and dad's phone numbers)

Hey all, we are scheduled to deliver on the 12th if not before. I don't anticipate being at my best after the birth...drugged, in pain, getting to know my two new lovelies...so we've decided on no visitors. We tossed around the idea of charging admission for the part where I learn to nurse two babies at once but figured that wouldn't be fair to the nurses. Anyway, we can't wait for everyone to meet them and when we are feeling like confident new parents we'll open the doors for all friends, family, paparazzi...to come visit. Wish us luck!!
It was lighthearted and didn't assume that everyone wanted to come see the babies. I didn't want people thinking "get over yourself" so I just sent it to family and friends who would most certainly expect to visit.



This was so great I decided to modift it very slightly and send it out thanks a million!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!