Having "help"

We live 1000 miles from our families so we've done this twin thing alone for the last year. I've been going out alone with them since they were about 6 weeks old....

So we've had family in town for the last few weeks.....my sister, then my mom, now MIL. And all of this 'help' is making me kind of nuts.

I am so used to doing things my way that it feels like everyone is just in my way. My MIL is a nervous person and I swear the girls can sense it. We tried going out to dinner last night and that was a near disaster. (She tries to force-feed them bites of food they don't want which makes them mad and me crazy.) Today we took them to the mall and I thought I would lose it. They are so good when it's just me and them at the mall walking around....today they wanted no parts of any of it.

DH thinks I'm insane that I don't want the help and that I prefer to be on my own with them. Maybe some of you will think I'm nuts too. But does anyone else prefer to just be alone with your twins - without all the 'help'???

 

Yep...that would be me....I just politely tell them they are welcome to go with me....but I will ask for help when I need it. I tell them that it throws everything "OFF" I forget stuff, boys are unhappy, and it is generally a disaster....when others try to "help"!!! I have a good groove going....




I don't think you are nuts at all!!!

 

I love having my mom come and help us, especially now that i have a newborn again, but I totally know what you mean. I feel like when I have someone else here, I am constantly telling them how we do things, so it's really not giving me a break at all. I like to send my kids to the grandparents more, because they can do meal time, bath time, etc., the way they want to do it without me interfering. THis helps me out more.

 

My parents are great, because they somehow do things almost exactly the way I would anyway. And if they are unsure, they always ask DH and me how to handle it. But I totally understand about how extra "help" can mess things up! It probably makes the kids feel very uncertain too. They're super-sensitive to any variation in the routine; no wonder they act up. Hang in there -- fortunately visits are temporary!

 

My mom comes to help me from time to time. But we always have conflict because we disagree on so many things, so I would rather do everything by myself. I am more tired at the end of day, but I am more happy. I definitely agree with what you said.

 

UGH! I just had a similar experience. My mother is very nervous/lacks patience as well. Caleb had a meltdown in the car the other day when we were out and she kept yelling in this incredibly loud, drawn out voice "iiiit's ooookkaaaay baaaaaby! Mimi doesn't like to hear you cryyyyy!" Yeah, and I just love it. The more she yelled, the louder he cried until I finally had to tell her that he usually does better whn left alone after he gets that upset. She got offended but the stress of him crying and her loud voice was making my skin crawl. That actually wasn't the similar experience though. The other day we all went to the zoo-me, the boys, and my parents. I'm not trying to brag or anything but I NEVER forget the essentials when I take them out alone. My car looks like a closet but it's for that very reason. I make sure to lay everything out and put everything in the diaper bag/car while they're sleeping. ANYWAY, I laid out theiur clothes and put the insect repellent and sunscreen ON TOP of them so there would be no way I forget to put it on. Well she grabs the clothes and Caleb and puts the clothes on but not the sunscreen or repellent! The whole time she's talking and distracting me. We get to the zoo and park and she THEN asks me "Did you bring towels?" (there's a water park there). We get them out and I notice I don't smell the sunscreen on them so I ask if she brought it with her or something. She says "no, it was sitting on the couch". Thanks for that. So we're there at the zoo in 90 degree weather and without sunscreen. UGH!!!! I guess she felt partly responsible so she went to the gift shop and bought a tiny bottle of sunscreen that ended up being almost $10 and complained about it the entire rest of the day. It was awful. Sorry to rant but the whole situation just proves that 3 adult heads are NOT always better than 1 :winking0009: .

I think the problem is that you assume that whoever is there is as capable as you are and that they can offer your brain a break, but that's just usually not the case.

 

Yes,

I would rather do it myself- my way 90% of the time, though I know others are well intentioned. I am just 'wired' that way I guess It is easier and more relaxed for me.

KC

 

The help I get right now is from my 9 year old daughter and 7 year old son. They TRY but they often get the boys more excited and crazy. My aughter promises them things like candy or a toy that I will not get them. They do hold hands well as I have taught them to hold the wrist because they must not let the 2 year olds get away.

With Grandmas....I understand. They do not do things the way we would do them. I have learned on their turf...their house, outing etc. That I allow them the control but on my turf, my rules apply. They may want to spoil them (lots of candy when we leave!!) But I have to deal with the effects later. So I do overrule somethings!

Cindy

 

My mom and my il's are over 1000 miles away as well. So, whenever they are here, I so look forward to them LEAVING just for the same reason! Hang in there...they'll go soon! You are so not crazy! GL!

 

Oh wow you have been inside my head and reading my thoughts except I am the grandma and not the mom. I have people with good intentions that want to visit and help me out with the boys during the day. Hey, I've cared from them since they came home from the hospital. I've bathed, fed, played with,nurtured, taken out and done everything for them since they were wee little ones. I may be a granny but I'm not senile and I'm not without mothering experience. At their 14 month old appointment the Dr. said they were much more advanced than he anticipated and even though they were 2 months premature they were on level and well beyond many two year olds so he was duly impressed. I step aside when my daughter comes home and she takes over, but for the rest of the time, please family and friends - just let me take care of my grandsons. I'll share - you can play with them, visit with them, but let me take care of them how they are used to and I am used to. We have everything worked out just fine. That felt good to get that off my chest. I know exactly what you mean. I guess I am sensitive because my family and friends think it's too hard for someone my age to take on this responsibility - but to me it's an act of love and not a chore. I can handle it so thanks for the offers but this granny wants her status quo.