Having help when Twins arrive

So I was at a gathering with about 14 other women and of course we were talking about my twins arrival in just a few weeks. My plan is that DH will take 1 1/2 weeks off work and after that my mom will come during the day as needed for one week. My mom doesn't drive and lives 45 min away. My dad is taking that week off work to drive her to and from my house, but he can only take that week. I have NOT asked my mom to stay with me because I can't stand having house guests. My gal friends all think I am absolutely NUTS. They can't believe I'm not having anyone stay at my house. Also my house is too small to have anyone stay. We'd all be on top of one another. Am I crazy for believing me and DH can manage? Also I am having a C-section so that adds a lot more recovery time. I will have DH constant for 1 1\2 weeks, then mom for 1 week during the day and of course DH will be there at night. Am I just being way to optimistic???

 

I don't think you are being crazy at all. :hug: If you feel that you need your mom to stay over night as well, can she stay given short notice?

 

I really like having my house to myself so I really prefer not to have anyone come and stay with us after. Even with the twins I really did like my own space to get settled with our family. Go with what you feel is best for you. You can do it :hug: !

 

I didn't have anyone stay at my house after my twins came home from the NICU. It was DH and I. He had off work for 2 weeks after they came home. My Mom is local and did come help, but she was not here all day long. You can totally do it, but any help you can get is good. Personally I would have welcomed anyone that wanted to stay at my house to be here to help.

 

I hate having guests especially after having babies. It has been DH and I only since the boys came home and went back and then came home again from the hospital. We did it by ourselves. Its not impossiable and with a c-section as long as you have the help from DH in the first week or so, you'll be ok. Just keep everything downstairs if you have a 2 level home. Stairs are a pain after a c-section.

 

We live with my parents and i think its been the best for us we have alot of help !!!!

 

another suggestion. Can your husband still work while you are in the hospital after c-section? I know that it is nice to have him near by, but out of my DH's 2 weeks he spend one week in the hospital when I really don't need anyhelp from him. but when we came home with our son he only had one week left.

 

It is totally do-able!!! I do have to say that I really needed my dh with me at the hospital!! I went to full term and the hospital I delivered at didn't have a nursery so we had the twins with us the ENTIRE time, and I could not have done it without him there. Like the others said, you really need a good 2 weeks to recover from the c-section and after that you're just kind of sore but able to move. My dh went back to work after 2 weeks of being home and the only help I would have loved to have was meals! We kept forgetting to eat! So maybe if you have someone to help with meals that would help? I too didn't want anyone spending the night here, I figured we needed to do this on our own and we were able too!
Good luck and congrats!!

Brigette

 

My DH was home for 3 weeks ... and my mom came for 1 week ... but also only during the day. Ya know, there is no good answer. You are going to be exhausted, and probably not sleep, whether someone is there to help you or not ... Even when DH was "on duty" at the beginning and he sent me off in our spare room to sleep, I couldn't. Too stressed about every noise they made ...

So, I would say you guys will be fine. And I can only speak for myself, but I wasn't too bad after my c-section. I took only 1 percocet at a time, and I was fine to take care of the kids ... I even went up and down the stairs more than I should have ... and I was ok ... Good luck!

 

I think your plan sounds fine. My mother did stay with us, but we lived 500 miles away at the time. However, she didn't help at night, so having her staying there didn't really help any more than if she was just there for daytime.

 

We're sorta similar, dh is taking the first two weeks off (first week in the hospital), and my parents are coming to visit, but will be staying in their camper for 3 weeks. (They are travelling 2000 miles to come so I don't mind them staying!) However nights will just be DH and I. My mom will be helping me during the day and dh and I at night. I don't think you are crazy at all.

I think (I have no experience yet of course), if you get them on a good schedule, it's not going to be too bad. But I do think schedule day and night will be the key

 

Thanks everyone for the advice, I do feel better about our "plan". I will keep an open mind though, as I know the best "plan" could easily go out the window when twins are involved!

 

I didn't want and didn't get any help with my first pregnancy, singleton, vaginal birth. But this time, I think I am going to get help! My DH will also stay for about a week after giving birth and then maybe work from home 1/2 time for another week. Once he's back to work, I'm still planning on sending my 2 yr old to daycare for about 2 more weeks then she'll be with me. I'm planning to get a nanny once I got back to work, when the twins are about 4 months but from 1-4 months, i'll do it with help from my sisters, 2, sister's-n-law, 2, and my mom and mother-n-law. They all live about 100 miles away so they will stay for about 1 week each and have graciously "donated" a week to help out!

 

I delcined help from my mil b/c I too am not big on house guests and personally I think it would be more work for me than help. Good luck to you. I am just having my hubby help out for a few weeks myself - no one else .. .

 

First of all, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who hates having people to stay! I thought I just had anti-social tendencies...lol! Secondly, I haven't had any help at all really-not even during the day. (DH took two weeks off, and he and I still split night shifts) and it's going ok for us. I do have one SIL who will offer to take the babies for a whole day on the spur of the moment, as she knows and accepts how I am, and knows I will have a harder time saying "No, I'm fine" if she just srpings it on me, bless her. I'm also a bit stubborn, and can act very much like a two year old who wants to "do it MYSELF!!! NO help! No!!" I'm a dork.
Some days are harder than others, of course, but if you're naturally a bit of a loner who likes to "do your own thing" like I am, I think having people in your house would be more stressful than just dealing with it yourself. It would be for me, I know. But, generally speaking, I have hard time with people skills. I find making friends really hard, and I'm not an easy person for people to talk to, so small talk is tough. I have to really get to know someone fairly well before I'll have them around, and the only person I've ever had stay in my house was my BFF. And even he got on my nerves after a week, and we NEVER evereverever bicker.

So, all in all, I think you're doing what's right for you.

 

I think those first week and a half alone with your dh will be very nice for you to be able to bond as a family. I found the early weeks were not too bad. It is hard in that it is awkward -- figuring out diapering, bathing, these little things. I found 2 - 2.5 months was more difficult because they wake up more. In the beginning I found it hard to sleep when they did because I was running on adrenaline and just wanted to be near them.

I've had long term visitors and to be comfortable you really need a house with a good set up. Otherwise it can quickly become more work and more stress. Sometimes it is just easier to have your own private cry and get one with things. Plus the women on here are a great support.

Heather

 

I am going it alone as well my DH will most likely take 1 wk off but other than that no one is coming out till the babies are older. I have kids 10 and 7 so they can help just a lil (they have already pick ther fav sister its kinda cute) but other than that I am just going to do it! I dont think you are crazy my house is very small as well and I would rather go alone than have someone taking up much needed space.

 

I dont think you are crazy either! I couldnt have standed someone else staying at my house when you are trying to get 2 babies sorted out. My DF was off work for 5 weeks but i ended up doing most of it myself anyways while he pottered about the house. GL with what you decide to do x

 

I'm the same as you, all my inlaws keep asking why I am not ahving some one come and stay with us for a while after the babies are born (they think I should bring one of my sister inlaws up from brazil to stay with us) but I feel like we'll be fine maybe better on our own. DH is a great dad and a great help as far as night feedings and such and he can pretty much make his hours for the first couple weeks, plus my mom is local about 5 mins away so she'll be in and out for the first couple weeks after we're all home (she's taking two weeks off from school) plus my brother will be done with college and back at mom's house incase I feel like I'm going to die if I dont sleep, and if need be I'll call a friend or two to come by....everyones more than willing to help and I'm sure they'll be stopping by to see the babies and I'm not shy about saying ok your here I'm going to take a nap see you in an hour.....all my friends are very close. I just dont want someone staying at my house....I feel like we'll be adjusting and tripping over each other as it is, we dont need the added stress. Plus maybe I'm also nieve but me and my husband did it all by ourselves with my singleton son no help because we really didnt need it. I was a sahm and slept when he slept and cleaned when he was in his swing. It all just fell into place right away, so I'm hoping just my mom and DH will be enough.

 

I don't think you're crazy and it will probably work out well. My mom stayed with us for a month after the boys came home from the NICU (DH had one week then). I did the night shift with the boys and she took part of the day alone so I could rest. My parents live too far away to go back and forth, but she slept at night anyway. I think you'll be fine. You'll be able to handle it especially b/c you have a great attitude about it!

 

QUOTE(MarcyJoy @ Feb 17 2009, 06:25 PM) [snapback]1193894[/snapback]
So I was at a gathering with about 14 other women and of course we were talking about my twins arrival in just a few weeks. My plan is that DH will take 1 1/2 weeks off work and after that my mom will come during the day as needed for one week. My mom doesn't drive and lives 45 min away. My dad is taking that week off work to drive her to and from my house, but he can only take that week. I have NOT asked my mom to stay with me because I can't stand having house guests. My gal friends all think I am absolutely NUTS. They can't believe I'm not having anyone stay at my house. Also my house is too small to have anyone stay. We'd all be on top of one another. Am I crazy for believing me and DH can manage? Also I am having a C-section so that adds a lot more recovery time. I will have DH constant for 1 1\2 weeks, then mom for 1 week during the day and of course DH will be there at night. Am I just being way to optimistic???


If DH is really helpful, you'll be fine. I had DH home for 2 1/2 weeks and my mom stayed for 2 weeks after he went back to work. I was very glad to have her, but mostly while DH was at work. The thing that was good about her being there in the evening/overnight was that she allowed us to get some sleep. DH really needed sleep too, and wouldn't have been able to give me as much help as I needed to not go completely crazy from lack of sleep. I do very, very badly with low sleep though, so I'm probably at one end of the spectrum!

 

My folks came and stayed with me at first and to be honest, they were more work than help. They didn't do the things I actually needed like cleaning and laundry though my mom did take over cooking chores part of the time. Mostly, they held sleeping babies who didn't need to be held. So, my advice is to only accept someone staying with you if they are willing and able to take initiative to keep the house running (because you'll be in no mood to micromanage someone!) while you rest and bond with your babies.

 

I'm debating about whether or not to be totally honest.

Yes, you're being overly optimistic and crazy. I too was optimistic, thinking that I could manage with my husband taking 2 weeks off work (we were in the hospital for 5 days of that) and then my mom coming in a few times a week. We could not manage and I nearly had a nervous break down. I don't like overnight guests either, but we needed the support, around the clock. If you line up lots of help in the form of extra hands, you have a much better chance of succeeding with nursing and avoiding PPD/PPA. It's better to have too much help and then reduce as necessary. I'd avoid being alone with the babies for the first many weeks if I were you. You'll hear from lots of people who will say, "I did it alone." and "My husband only took a day off." and "We survived with just one week of help.", etc. But I really, really believe you'll be better off with help. I'm only expecting one baby this time and I've already hired a nanny 2 days per week and I'm probably going to get a night nurse - and that's on top of help from my family. And FYI I am a very capable, organized person and don't usually ask for help. But in the case of newborns, especially TWINS, I have learned to ask for support.

 

I'm going to be different here and tell you to accept ANY and ALL help. You never know what might happen. I was fine going it alone with my girls for the first two weeks there were home, then the colic/reflux hit. I'm up with them all night...literally. They have to be held upright for 30 min after they eat, so I try and alternate their feedings which puts me in an upright position 24/7. I have a nanny during the day who helps with the girls (or else I wouldn't be writing this now) and lets me nap while she picks up some of the feeds. I know this is just a stage that they will outgrow, but I truly do not know what I would do if I were going it alone. DH helps at night when he's home, but he has to function at work during the day so I try to pick up most of the night time duties while he sleeps.

It is HARD and don't feel defeated if you end up needing more help than you thought you would.

 

When my DD was born almost two years ago, my MIL stayed for about two weeks and I was grateful for the help. She was there so that I could rest and she would bring me the baby to nurse so I did not have to get up. She is also a night owl, so she was happy to walk with the baby at night so that DH and I could get rest between feedings.

After my c/s, I was a wreck- I thought I was fine in the hospital- I was walking around a day after the procedure and taking a shower and everything, but then I got back to my non-adjustable bed, and it was tough to get comfortable and I was sore a lot.

Since I will be bringing home two this time, AND because there is now a two year old to add to the mix, I will be fine with whatever help I can get... from whoever wants to offer it! I don't want my MIL to ever leave!

 

You are definitely not crazy and it is certainly doable by yourselves. People always seem to have negative things to say, but you can manage just fine. My husband was home for one week after the babies were born. They had to stay in the NICU for several weeks though. So, by the time they came home, my husband had to be back at work. He flies out on Monday mornings for work and home on Thursday nights. I managed both babies by myself from the day they came home. It's hard work, but worth all of the fatigue because they are the best things in the world!! I also found that it's usually more work for me to have someone over. Good Luck and congrats!!