Having a hard time

I've been on meds for PPD since right after their birth. Suddenly it seems like the medicine has stopped working!

I did so well those early months with the girls. I really felt in control, on top of my game. But this transition to toddlerhood has been so difficult for me. I feel like I don't know what to do with them when they are awake! They are starting to fight, over toys, over me....they aren't saying words and are not walking. The whining seems like it never stops. I feel like I've failed them....they seem so behind the singletons in their gymboree class. For the very first time I have singleton envy! :huh: Mealtimes are the biggest struggle. Who would've thought that I would miss bottles and formula?

My self-image in the last few months has gone downhill. I'd love to lose 10 pounds but don't even know where to start. I never had a weight problem before. I eat for comfort and feel too tired to exercise. I'm not sleeping well so I feel like a zombie during the day.

I've lost interest in my hobbies... in my house. I just feel so trapped I guess. DH is good, but he doesn't seem to get it that I need some baby-free time. Going out after I've put them to bed doesn't count. Why don't moms get days off? Is it so wrong to need one?

Can anyone recommend a book...or some kind of inspiration that I will get past this? I will call my doctor next week because I think I need a med adjustment. But could this still be post-partum?

Thanks for attending my pity party!

 

:hug99: I'm glad you are going to call your doctor about your meds. Can you talk to your husband about having a day off? Its hard to be responsible for 2 human beings 24/7! You do deserve a day to yourself. I'm finding this age to be very challenging too... they have opinions about what they want to do, but they don't yet have the language or skills to do those things. This leads to them being very frustrated. I try to schedule my days with them (I even write it down and check things off as I go). Obviously meals and naps are scheduled, but other things too like folding the laundry. The girls love to 'help' me which means they dump everything out and try to climb into the basket, but its fun for them! I also swap out their toys a lot so things are 'new' and exciting for them. I take them outside at least once a day (weather permitting), and if the weather is crappy we usually go run an errand (even if its really small) just to get them out of the house.

Big :hug99: and hang in there.

 

:hug99: I'm glad you're going to the doctor, I think having your meds reevaluated is a good idea. Each stage has it's own challenges. I agree that mealtimes fo new eaters are very trying!! One thing that may help with the whining is a very basic signs - they are frustrated that they cannot verbally communicate wants & needs - eat, drink, help, more, tired - these help I think. I also really think you should sit down with DH and find a chuck of time you can have as alone time this weekend - that always helps me tremendously when I am feeling overwhelmed.

 

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Many times, days I feel trapped, bored, like a hamster in a wheel, etc. I read "Mommy Mantras" and it really validated for me that it is ok to not love, love, love being at home all the time. I've also heard of a book called something like "the good enough mother" and again, I think it shatters the myth of the mom who has it all together. We all have our bright moments where it looks like we are holding it together, but then we have the moments where we pray to God that no one sees us mothering the way we just did. I know I do.

As far as the weight goes, I was really helped by having a goal. DH and I went to San Diego for a wedding on Memorial day weekend, and it really helped to have that to motivate me. Since then, I've fallen off the wagon for sure. I need to find new motivation too. I hope your MD is able to adjust some medication for you to make this easier. Is there a twin group in your area where maybe you could trade babysitting for some time away?

 

Just checking in...how are you feeling? Did you get an appt. with your dr.? I am finding this a very difficult age as well. Jack and Lily are 13 months and do not listen to a thing I say. They just stare at me while I am telling them to (for example) sit down in their chair instead of standing up in it and I feel completely powerless. I really do hope you are feeling better. Please feel free to PM me. I think that a change in meds may be what you need.

Actually, come to think of it, I bet what you really need is SLEEP. NO SLEEP = MISERABLE MOM! I really believe that everything changes when you are not getting any sleep. Perhaps your dr. can provide you with some tips or a very weak sleep aid. I know that I drink warm milk if I am unable to fall asleep and that really helps me. I also sleep with earplugs. Do you journal at all? That may help you to understand and organzie what you are feeling.

 

You're not alone in your thoughts and to be honest, I'm not sure what you're dealing with is anything more than just SAHM-itis. I'm no mental health professional but I'm certain I'm far from depressed, but I experience the feelings you're having as well. I agree with one of the previous posters about planning out the day. I've always been a huge checklist freak. On less than productive days at work, I would write down something I'd already done the day before and put a nice pretty check next to it just to motivate myself . I've done it with the boys (go to library, check...sing hokey pokey, check...take a shower, hmmmm) and it really does help you gain a sense of accomplishment no matter how brain-dead those activities may be. And sometimes just chanting things like I can do this, this is my job now, I will do my best to be good at this job, there are only x amount of hours left in this day and so forth helps to at least ease me out of my funk and refocus my thoughts

Also, I just read a post asking how much "teaching" time to spend with babies our age and I was surprised as well as relieved to see so many people say that at this age it's not about teaching per se, but alllowing them time to play and discover on their own. This was realy enlightening for me because both my husband and I are (was) teachers so I think I think I place this unnecessary pressure on myself to produce geniuses and always be teaching them something. I've seen with my own eyes how much more they explore and develop when I simply back myself into the corner and watch them. IT takes them a minute to accept the fact that mommy is not going to entertain them right now, but it's no more than a couple of minutes of whining before they're doing their own thing and content. Sometimes it helps if I just put the gate up to the door, leave the room and sit quietly in the hallway. That way I can still peek in to see that everything is ok and I can hear any unusual screams or squeals.

As for being behind...HELLO! Caleb is over a year now and has never crawled on his hands and knees. And he's probably no closer to walking than my television is. Coping with developmental delays has been one of the hardest thing I've had to do as a parent but I can finally say that I am over it and done worrying. My boys are the most precious things on earth to me and that's really all that matters. Just yesterday I moved the boys up in Gymboree (they were still in level 2 because CAleb was barely mobile) and there was such a huge range of babies there. Yes there were some things we had to mdoify for the boys because they're still VERY wobbly on their feet even when holding their hands but that's why we're there, right? To help them and challenge them, not to have a baby skills contest. I didn't mean to ramble on and on, but I just wanted you to know that I think your feelings are totally normal. I've never been on any medications so I can't offer any advice regarding them but I honestly think you just need a break. Hang in there. :hug99: