hate being the center of attention...

my SIL's bridal shower was today, unfortunately, instead of people coming up to talk to her, they were crowding around THE BABIES AND ME. little girls from all over were crowding around them, asking me, "can i hold her?" "can i feed her?" "why is she crying?" etc, etc. finally my girls fell asleep for a little while in the stroller, and when they woke up, i handed them off to my mom and MIL, then somehow Marina started getting passed around and she got TICKED OFF at me for leaving her with strangers. so she was hysterically crying. NOW everyone is trying to be a hero. "oh let me take her..." yeah, great, let her cry more. so i finally just started snapping at people and their kids. i couldn't handle it anymore. on our way home, DH (who was also there) was like, "you don't want people to think you're mean, do you? i know you were overwhelmed, but you can't snap at people like that... you have to get the girls used to being around people... " okay, fine, DH, next time marina starts hysterically screaming cuz she's pissed, YOU take her and try to calm her down, and I'LL go around and casually chit chat with people, not a care in the world. and while YOU try to calm her down, 15 people will be crowding around you, trying to take her from you, or give you advice, or take pictures, little girls taking her bottle and trying to stick it in her mouth - all this happening AT ONCE. i understand it's cool and different to see twins and all that, but, jeez, we're not a circus act. this same **** happened at their christening. there were 35 people crowding around me and the girls and it IS overwhelming. especially when i'm trying to calm them down, and they don't want anyone else but mommy, and now here are a boat load of women trying to give me words or wisdome or whatever.
so now i'm the overprotective mean lady according to my DH. whatever. ugh.

hope this made sense.

 

p.s. i'm sick of people asking if i'm surviving. i AM surviving. i'm having fun with them. it's not an impossible task to raise two babies at once. it's hard, yes, but not impossible.
i'm just cranky. sorry.

 

Hey Overprotective mean lady -

They are your babies, you carried them around for 37wks and have taken very good care of them for 4.5mo, you know what is best for them! I am finding that people think that 'their way' is the 'right way' when it comes to babies/kids!

$crew everyone else!

 

thank you!

 

1. I don't blame you for being p*ssed off, I feel the same way to!
2. They are just like every other kids (just double) why do they feel we are side show freaks!?!?!? I hate that feeling too sometims!

I am totally with you on that rant! I went to a bridal shower two weeks ago for family and was asked to bring the babies (since it was family) and i went through the exact same thing! I was prepared to be ooo'd and ahh'd but the passing around was way over the top. The boys were being passed around like they were a new toy everyone wanted to try to play with and when they started melting ladies had the nerve to tell me it was either 1. what i was feeding them was wrong or 2. I didn't give them enough naps and if I did what they did when they had babies they would not be as fussy (yeah right! the 50 millions hands on them had nothing to do with it)

I know people have the best intentions but come on! These guys are still babies and YES they get overstimulated and want mommy only not the neighbor lady who wants to moosh them against her breast thinking this is the best thing or the to be told their kids never acted like this! Well if your kids got past around for 2 hours yeah they would be melting too... its just double the melting!

So yes you have every right to rant, I think DH should have helped... and you have every right to be an over protective mommy cause who gets the joy of dealing with them that night when they have been over stimulated the entire day and now are cranky? No your SIL friends or neighbors it's you! you know your kids.. and you know how much they can take. I don't blame you for being a momma bear, if you don't who will?

Can't you tell i'm still getting over my ordeal too

 

BTDT! I am sure that my DH's family thinks I am a total b**ch becasue of what happened at Christmas. We drove 14 hours to PA to attend a family christmas dinner and to let DH grandparents see the twins. It was horrible. Too many people, too many women telling me what to do that I finally snapped. I had been trying to get the boys to go down for a nap because it was way past naptime and people were SWARMING me trying to get their hands on the boys "to help". While I appreciate the effort, BACK OFF! After trying to comfort 2 wailing babies in a bedroom that was right out of Little House on the Prairie (artic wind was blowing through the windows and holes in the walls - these people live like pioneers) I yelled at DH to get the car, we were leaving now. And by leaving, I meant driving back to SC. I blew out of that place so fast, the icicles spun around. I later called my MIL to apologize, but she was ok - she knew I was losing it.

Bottom line - who cares if people think you are mean or whatever - you are the one that has to deal with the fallout.

I still have nightmares about that trip.

 

:hug99: I felt that way a lot too! So many times. You will get used to it though. :hug99:

 

Sorry to hear about your day, it does seem like everywhere we go we are the "main attraction". Two days ago a friend and I took our babies to the outlets nearby to walk outside and do a little shopping. (Big event for me and the twinfants)...nothing for her-lol. Anyway, I felt so bad because there she is with her baby, who is adorable, and all people can do is stop to ask the usual questions about the twins..and rave over them and how cute, and how busy I must be. I do appreciate the remarks, well, most of them, but I felt bad for her like her baby wasn't as special. Babies are babies- we just were blessed with two at once!

You're not alone! Hang in there!

 

Ugh, I'm so sorry. I would have been so peeved at DH if he dared say anything to me after a scene like that....next time, seriously let him handle it, and see how well he does!

I am *dreading* my cousin's wedding this June, because we're driving 11 hours to get there, my older DD is a flower girl, and in addition to the ceremony and reception, there is a cocktail party, a rehearsal dinner, and two other events at the bride's parents' house....oh, and some 300 people are invited.

We're expected to bring the kids to all the events except the reception. Of course, most of these events take place during the babies' naptimes, or after their bedtime. It's going to be such a cluster you-know-what... :blink:

 

I am sorry you had this experience....when I am getting all of the lovely advice....I am inclined in the right situation....to ask..."have you raised twins?" if they say no....then I tell them "come back and see me when you do"!!!! If yes...I might hear them out...LOL


Good luck!!!

 

QUOTE(MissyEby @ Mar 9 2008, 03:05 AM) [snapback]659810[/snapback]
I am sorry you had this experience....when I am getting all of the lovely advice....I am inclined in the right situation....to ask..."have you raised twins?" if they say no....then I tell them "come back and see me when you do"!!!! If yes...I might hear them out...LOL
Good luck!!!



What a great comeback@ I love it!! :rotflmbo:

 

I HATE HATE HATE when people are holding my babies and they start screaming and I go over there and tell them they want mommy and they still just stand there and try to comfort MY crying baby. That ticks me off and I do get a bit mean when people do that. I hate it also when people tell me how rough it is. Yes it is double the work but me and DH manage well to be raising 4 kids. Yes our hands are VERY full but we love our kids more than anything else. I am glad you posted this. I thought I was weird for not wanting to have my kids passed around. The last thing I want too when BOTH babies are crying is someone telling me what is wrong. I am with them 24/7 and I know how to comfort them. I know what they like and dont like.

 

Sorry you had a bad day Dannielle, :hug99:
I think once people get home and think about it, they will realize why you were getting snappy. I mean who wouldn't under that kind of stress?? I know I sure would. Don't worry about what people think of you anyway, even DH!! He will realize too, heck, maybe he should have helped out with the situation, like telling people to lay off!

 

You are better than me to begin with...because, in that situation, knowing that people will expect me to be cool with passing around my babies, I either...
a ) would not have gone
or
b ) would have QUIETLY sat in a corner, praying to go unnoticed.

So, you were SOOOOOOOOO not in the wrong. They are babies, not hors d'oeuvres...they are NOT there to be passed around!

angel

 

We had a similar event ... I fed them before entering the room to ensure they where asleep and only stayed 20 Minutes
with the boys.

I know where your coming from and I wont let anyone appart from close friends and family close to the babies ...

I may be overprotective, but:

- Im the one who has to get them to bed at night when they're distressed
- I see it as my job to protect them until they can do this for themselves
- they havent had their jabs yet and I want to know who their with

They're not objects!

Cheers Geo

 

You can tell from the number of responses that you are not alone in feeling this way. I live far far away from my family and I am now thinking that might have been a bit of a blessing. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that you really didn't deserve to have to deal with that hord of people. Sorry to say sometimes only a twin mom will understand what you are going through and that is why you are here. Oh hey... don't you just HATE when people TALK FOR THE BABIES ? "mommy I'm tired, mommy I'm hungry" -- when did my baby start talking ?

too late for suggestions but for others I thought of this...

1. plan ahead and have a strong person as your co-hort if your dh won't be much help -- don't let her give up the baby or when they are needing to go to sleep kick other people out. (sometimes a grandmother is good for this) keep them close together so you can have an eye on them. If you co-hort goes too far... fire them from their duties.

2. Know that all twin mom's have this amazing strength to ignore what other people think in order to protect their babies.

3. take a stroller with you and don't allow the babies out, unless you or dh hold them -- and keep them nearby. Take a huge cover for the stroller and take a sign saying "babies sleeping do not disturb"

4. ask for a room available you can put them in when they are sleeping -- preferrably with a lock and don't tell anyone where they are... or you are within eyesight of the room

5. Arrive late... leave early.... spend alot of time at someone else's house before you arrive at the event. if you are out of town, plan for someone's house (have a key) or better yet a hotel room and go back to it for a LONG break

6. Tell people "oh they have been sick and all they want is mommy and daddy"



Again you didn't deserve such an awful night

Heather

 

Sorry you had such a hard time! Many times I wouldn't bring the babies to something like that--they stayed home with DH, simply because I didn't want them to take away from someone else's day. Yes, people are disappointed, but they will get over it. My friend had a nighttime wedding when the boys were just over 2, and wanted them to be in it. She was very disappointed when I said no, but she would have been more bothered when they hit a wall and self distructed in the middle of her wedding!

But, when they boys were about 4 weeks old, we happened to be invited to two birthday parties on the same day--so we all went. At the first party, they pretty much stayed in the stroller, and while the adults peaked at them, the kids totally ignored them At the second party, my friends were argueing over who got to feed them. One actually snuck away with Jon so she could feed him in peace--all these friend had children who were 8 and over, and past baby days. I knew this would happen, and I looked at it as a welcome break.

I think the big thing is to be mentally prepared for what people are going to do, and plan out how you are going to handle it. It does get easier as they get older!

 

These people have HAD their kids .... it is now YOUR time to enjoy your kids.

 

We haven't been out too much because the boys were early. However, we did venture to the mall a couple of weeks ago with my three other children. My husband and I wondered how many comments we'd get--I used to get them all of the time when I was pregnant. He had a plan, though, ---we didn't look anyone in the eye and kept moving. Not one comment was made---people looked, but didn't get a chance to say anything!

Lisa

 

:hug99: What a stressful day! Any mother, especially a mother of twins, would have reacted the same way. You are your babies voices until they can speak for themselves, and since you have two to speak for, you have to be twice as loud !

 

I feel your pain. :hug99:

QUOTE(heathertwins @ Mar 9 2008, 07:19 AM) [snapback]659998[/snapback]
3. take a stroller with you and don't allow the babies out, unless you or dh hold them -- and keep them nearby. Take a huge cover for the stroller and take a sign saying "babies sleeping do not disturb"

We used to do this, minus the sign. If the babies came out, I took TOTAL control over where they went. Talk about "overprotective mean mommy", your dh definitely wouldn't have liked what I would have done.

 

oh man -- I'm so sorry. I'm impressed that you even took them. All the time my DH will say things like "you have to get them used to...." or "you have to let someone else...." -- but in the end -- the pp are right -- its YOU that has to deal with the concequensces -- so you should be able to decided what does and does not happen. We had a big christmas party (its an annual event) for all our friends - and at this point the boys were sleeping from 7pm, getting up at 3am, eating and going back down -- so they were alseep before the party started. I can't tell you how many people tried to go in their room while they were sleeping!!! I eventually had to put a sign on the door telling people to stay out!!! My DH actually asked one person to leave because they tried to get in their room TWICE after being asked not to!!! ohh...i get so steamed just thinking about it!!!! Be as "overprotective" as you want to be -- its your job!

 

Yup, I've been there. Luckly for me 'sorta' my boys are not afraid of strangers. They are happy to sit with anybody. This may be a bad thing when they get a little older.

 

Oh, my, my blood pressure is rising just READING this! So - yes, you are CLEARLY not alone. And you are neither overprotective nor 'mean'. As for DH, sorry, I am snappy but - well, honey, how about YOU take the girls when they've been passed around (as pp put it so brilliantly, 'like hors d'oeuvres"....and try and calm them down.

And - WHO CARES what people think of you. At the end of the day, YOU are the mother, you are the one who obviously knows them best. This business of other women trying to tell you waht to do....man, when my MIL saw the girls in their Miracle Blankets she went off about their 'baby straight jackets', all the while saying "i'm zipping mylip, i'm not saying anything" - uh, yeah, but you ARE.....
And guess, what? They miracle blankets calmed them down and helped them sleep. And i KNEW it, (so di DH, who told her to buzz off).....

I think that people just offer advice; they're well meaning but- uh, they're not raising YOUR babies. I have used the 'oh, how old are your twins?!" with a bright voice and cheery smile.....shuts them up every time!


I think that sometimes it's easier to just NOT attend events like that, or to be very, VERY clear about boundaries around the babies. Yes, for some reason people think twins are the most unusual thing in the world - i can only imagine what it's like going out with triplets or more!

You have NOTHING to apologize for.