has anyone felt like this?

i've already posted about my lack of sleep and i'm sure that has a lot to do with my state of mind, but sometimes i wonder if i should have ever tried to do this. i love my boys, but i have no energy during the day and feel like a terrible mother....sometimes i just want to run away. i'm on prozac now but don't know if it's helping yet.....i'm sure this is horrible for me to even post, but has anyone else felt this way? when did it get better? i don't want to be sad all the time, but i'm constantly worried about them, waiting for them to cry, eat, be changed....it just seems like i never have a moment to relax or feel normal. i always feel 'on edge'.

i feel horrible about this and have erased this post many times, but i need to know if anyone else feels this way.
sorry and feel sad and guilty to even post this....

 

Totally feel you esp since my boys have taken to being awake longer and don't realize they can sleep when they want to! Its exhausting! Just remember you have 2, most mommies are tired with 1!!! Keep your chin up, I think we all have those days and for us twin mamas it lasts weeks til you get the hang of things!! (HUGS)

 

:hug: You are in the thick of it right now. The first couple of months with twinfants is really tough. It's such a big adjustment and when you add in the sleep deprivation I think that makes adjusting even more difficult. Hang in there, it does get easier as time goes by. If you are feeling overwhelmed do you have anyone that you can call for support and help? Is it possible to let your doctor know how you are feeling and see if maybe you need to change medications or adjust the dose?

How much sleep are you actually getting?

:grouphug: Please vent on TS any time you need it, that's what we're here for! I know I have vented here several times and sometimes it helps just to get it out!

 

The first four to six months are really, really tough. I remember being on edge and not sleeping well and just generally being a little bit nuts. I might still be for all I know. :lol: And, they were my third and fourth babies...not my first!

It gets so much better, I promise. They'll eventually be less demanding and will entertain themselves long enough for you to not feel like you're constantly at their beck and call. Right now, this is the hardest part. Hang in there, and don't forget that you can always find support in this community. We've all been there in some form or another. :hug:

 

when did y'all move them into their own room? my MIL says that's when i'll feel better b/c right now i'm up every time they're fussing/hungry/etc....and that when they're in their own room i can just go in to feed them at a certain time that i decide on. that just feels wrong. all of this feels wrong, nothing feels 'intuitive' so i'm confused about how to get them to sleep longer at night...

i'm just confused, tired, sad, and feel like a terrible mother....after all i did to finally have children and now i'm being a big baby about it. my boys really deserve better than they're whiny momma.....

 

:hug: My MIL said to start training my twins at 1 month. Not my style at all. You have to do what feels right for you, not what other people think is best. My twins are 4 months now and are sleeping much better, eating much better. When they were your boy's age, they had to be woken up every 1 1/2 hours to eat. It just takes a little time, and the time will go by very fast. If you have family or friends that can help, I'd recommend calling and asking, even if it is just to come over and sit with the babies while you take a nap. It doesn't make you a bad mom to get help. It can make you a better mom because you are actually in a better mood and a better place when you are with your babies. Of course, I didn't figure this out until my twins, which were my 3rd & 4th kids.

Good luck to you. Things will get better!

Amy

 

QUOTE(texas beth @ Feb 8 2009, 12:02 PM) [snapback]1181703[/snapback]
when did y'all move them into their own room? my MIL says that's when i'll feel better b/c right now i'm up every time they're fussing/hungry/etc....and that when they're in their own room i can just go in to feed them at a certain time that i decide on. that just feels wrong. all of this feels wrong, nothing feels 'intuitive' so i'm confused about how to get them to sleep longer at night...

i'm just confused, tired, sad, and feel like a terrible mother....after all i did to finally have children and now i'm being a big baby about it. my boys really deserve better than they're whiny momma.....

It is very hard in the beginning, and I think most of us have felt the same way. Keep your head up!!

I moved my guys into their own room at 5 months. It was a relief because I am a light sleeper. So if you are a light sleeper, you are going to wake up even if they are in another room if they are really crying. I don't think there is much you can do to get them to sleep longer. That comes in time. However, you can try to sleep when they sleep.

 

:hug: It is so hard. Do you think you could have postpartum depression? That might be adding to it, the anxiety and everything sounds a little more than the normal stress of having newborn twins. PPD can leave you feeling really confused about decisions, too, so that's really something to look into.

As for your mom's advice, the best thing to do is figure out what your OWN instincts are telling you. You say it doesn't feel right to put them in their own room right now, then don't do it. When you're so sleep deprived it's hard to know which end is up, forget bigger parenting decisions. At two months old I mixed up which twin was which, and I have a boy and a girl! Try to do whatever gets you the most sleep, the most rest, and whatever helps you get through the day. It really does get better, but the 2 month point is so hard, you've been struggling through so much and the end doesn't seem to be in sight.

 

:hug: I was where you were when my twins were a month old. They will sleep longer at night when they are ready to, mine started around 2 months and around 2.5 months they started going 10-12 hours but each baby is different. Your emotions and hormones are still all over the place. Please feel free to come here to vent and know that there are plenty of Mommas who have been where you are right now. You are in the hardest part of it. Go with your gut, it's usually right. We did not put our twins into their own rooms until they were 6 months old.
Hang in there and you are a wonderful Momma!!!!

 

I totally remember feeling like this (though, really, I don't remember a whole lot from the first 2 months). The first 3 months are the hardest, i think. Mine started sleeping through the night at 2 and 2 1/2 months, and it seems that, since 3 months on, has been much better, easier! We did not move them into their own room, or their own cribs, at night, until just a couple weeks ago. I had started at naps only a couple weeks before that. Otherwise, they were together, in a pnp in my room. Right now, it's just a matter of survival, get through just one day at a time, and try not to look to far into the future or overwhelm yourself. That's what I had to do. I know how it is, I had the twins all by myself for the first 3 months of life...DH was away for training for the military, and besides the first week and a half, and a handful of other days, family didn't really seem too interested in helping cause "I was doing so great on my own". If you have any help nearby, and really need it, ask for it...I'm too stubborn to ask for it, and I did it all myself, by myself, and it really is hard.

 

QUOTE(texas beth @ Feb 8 2009, 05:02 PM) [snapback]1181703[/snapback]
when did y'all move them into their own room? my MIL says that's when i'll feel better b/c right now i'm up every time they're fussing/hungry/etc....and that when they're in their own room i can just go in to feed them at a certain time that i decide on. that just feels wrong. all of this feels wrong, nothing feels 'intuitive' so i'm confused about how to get them to sleep longer at night...

i'm just confused, tired, sad, and feel like a terrible mother....after all i did to finally have children and now i'm being a big baby about it. my boys really deserve better than they're whiny momma.....


You are not a terrible mother just one who needs some sleep. I kept mine in our room until about 5 months once they started sleeping longer stretches. I also went out and purchased a white noise machine after them being home for about 2 days because I couldnt get any rest between grunting babies and a snoring DH. That might help you relax a bit. Hang in there. You are in survival mode and it will get better. In the meantime, I would probably give a call to your Dr. and let them know about your feelings. :hug:

 

QUOTE(texas beth @ Feb 8 2009, 06:31 PM) [snapback]1181673[/snapback]
i've already posted about my lack of sleep and i'm sure that has a lot to do with my state of mind, but sometimes i wonder if i should have ever tried to do this. i love my boys, but i have no energy during the day and feel like a terrible mother....sometimes i just want to run away. i'm on prozac now but don't know if it's helping yet.....i'm sure this is horrible for me to even post, but has anyone else felt this way? when did it get better? i don't want to be sad all the time, but i'm constantly worried about them, waiting for them to cry, eat, be changed....it just seems like i never have a moment to relax or feel normal. i always feel 'on edge'.

i feel horrible about this and have erased this post many times, but i need to know if anyone else feels this way.
sorry and feel sad and guilty to even post this....


:hug: Dont feel guilty or bad. What you´re feeling is exactly how I felt in those first few months. It was the worst for me for the first 3 months and then eased as I got hired help every afternoon Mon-Fri plus 2 mornings a week. It helped take the pressure off and let me get out if I needed to take a break. I had 2 colicky babies but DD was the worst from 6 weeks to about 6 months when, suddenly, she just changed. Yes, I felt like running away, yes I felt very guilty thinking like that and, yes, I felt ´on edge´ too.

It does get better and it will. When people told me that I just couldn´t wait for that day and when it finally arrived it was such a relief. Remember, too, that you are sleep deprived which contributes immensely to how you´re feeling. Once your babies start sttn 12 hours and you get some ´you´ time back, you´ll start to have renewed energy. Mine started going through at around 4 months and it helped a lot. I actually used to look forward to that time of day when I could put my feet up and watch my favourite soap or surf the net! I still do, if Im honest, but its different now.

Keep being strong, this is the biggest challenge ever and you will get through it. When you see your two babies reaching out for you with smiles and giggles, your heart will just melt and so will the memories of the hard times. :hug:

 

Big hugs to you and don't be too hard on yourself; I've felt some of the same things. Ditto the advice of the pp's, especially taking people up on offers to help. Our families are all at least 600 miles away but we have some good friends here who have been able to come over a few times a week for a couple hours to lend an extra set of hands and sometimes watch the boys solo for a bit so I can take a shower, pump, etc. That helps a lot--that and DH and I sleeping in shifts so we each get some uninterrupted sleep. (Not EBFing so this may not be an option for you if you are.) His schedule varies throughout the week but roughly, I sleep from 8pm to 2am and he sleeps from 2am to 8am. We're both still sleep-deprived, but MUCH better shape than we would be if we didn't do the sleep shifts!

 

Beth,

Yes, I felt exactly like this. We went through IVF to get our twins (our only children), and I thought I "should" only feel positive and grateful. But I felt overwhelmed and wondered if we had made a mistake (yes, it sounds horrible...). Around 3 months, I started to feel worse. All of the sleep deprivation and stress was taking it's toll. I started to feel really irritable and impatient with my DS (very colicky and a loud screamer!). It took a while for the medication to work. I started out on a low dose and increased it one time. It's helping me a lot now.

We don't have family in the area, so there is not a lot of support. A few friends helped by watching the babies while I took a nap or a break. Eventually we hired a mother's helper two afternoons a week. I wish we could have had someone in every afternoon, but it didn't fit in our budget. Please do whatever you can to get a break.
If your weather is okay, it might do you some good to get outside. I try to get out fairly often and walk with the stroller. It feels like a good break because the babies always sleep and are very quiet.
Other posters have given you good advice. We didn't move our babies into another room until a few weeks ago (4.5 months ago). Do whatever feels right for you. I was relieved to have them in the other room because I'm a light sleeper. Now I only hear them when they cry loudly (instead of hearing every restless noise they make). You are not alone in your feelings. It's starting to get better for me. Please take care of yourself.

another Beth

 

You are not a terrible mother! You are doing the best you can. With my DS I didn't have PPD but with the twins it was totally different. Mine were in the NICU for 26 days after being born at 33.4 wks. When they finally came home Christmas Eve I was on cloud 9. After a week of sleep deprivation and the toll taking care of twinfants puts on you I developed PPD. I was very irritable, extremely exhausted, cried constantly, didn't want to eat. Everytime the babies would cry my stomach would hurt, it got to the point where I was vomitting due to a nervous stomach. I was constantly wondering when they were going to wake again to eat and dreaded it. I saw my doctor and he put me on Zoloft for the PPD. It took 3 days before I could see a diff...it helped me tremendously and I haven't felt that way since. I hope the meds can help you soon and that you get relief. If you ever want to talk just PM me. I am thinking of you. Caring for two newborns is very hard and you sometimes put your own needs on the back burner.

 

I felt like that one with my first, and she was only one kid, you have two. so great big hugs to you! Please don't feel guilty for your feelings. We all have weak moments. learning HOW to be a mom is new and strange. do you think you could get out for a few minutes? even if you go for a 20 min walk, or run to the store for milk. just get out for a few and take some deap breaths?

 

QUOTE(texas beth @ Feb 8 2009, 12:02 PM) [snapback]1181703[/snapback]
when did y'all move them into their own room? my MIL says that's when i'll feel better b/c right now i'm up every time they're fussing/hungry/etc....and that when they're in their own room i can just go in to feed them at a certain time that i decide on. that just feels wrong. all of this feels wrong, nothing feels 'intuitive' so i'm confused about how to get them to sleep longer at night...

i'm just confused, tired, sad, and feel like a terrible mother....after all i did to finally have children and now i'm being a big baby about it. my boys really deserve better than they're whiny momma.....



You are not a terrible mother at all, the only thing you're guilty of is being human! Everyone needs sleep, even us wanna-be Super Mums (or Moms), and unfortunately when your babies are that small sleep is not something that you're going to get a lot of.

I think I can safely say we've all been there, done that, felt like that. The bad news is that the first 3-4 months (even up to 6 months) can be really hard, but the good news is that is does get better, and even before it gets better your body gets used to living on very little and broken sleep.

To answer your question, we moved them out of our room just before they hit 5 months old. We found it a lot easier to deal with them if we didn't have to go far, and by that stage no one was feeding at night anymore. The time was just right for us.

I remember when mine were small we would wake up at night, and feed them in a daze with our eyes closed. I remember one night waking up to find my husband next to me sitting up in bed burping the blankets (babies safely asleep in their crib). Believe it or not, one day you'll look back and laugh. Its hard, really bl--dy (dunno if I can say that here) hard, but time goes faster than you'd imagine, and you'll realise that you're doing just fine

:hug:

 

Don't feel like a terrible mother, even though we all probably did. I know I did. The first few months are tough. There were days I didn't think I could do it anymore. Around 4-6 months, it did get easier. I promise. I remember reading posts saying the same thing, not thinking I could make it, but I did and now it's so much better. Once they can start playing with toys and hanging out by themselves, it's a different world. You'll be ok, but make sure you talk to your doctor if you don't think the meds are helping or if you are feeling too overwhelmed. If you have anyone to help you, take them up on it. Even if it's only for a little bit. Sometimes, just getting some fresh air or a little break, helps so much. We moved them out of our room around 5-6 weeks. I couldn't sleep with them in our room. I heard every little noise. Once they were in their cribs, we all slept better. I remember when they started skipping a feeding at night, I thought that was the best thing ever. To get 5-6 hours of uninterrupted sleep, was the most amazing thing ever to me. Hang in there and vent whenever you need to. That's what we are here for. We've all been there, done that.

 

I had a really hard time in the beginning also. I got very little sleep and was in total denial that I needed medication to help me and I would not ask for the help I needed. I was having such anxiety that I couldn't even nap because I worried that I would miss something. I wish I had gotten help in the beginning. It is so important to take care of yourself, until I did this I felt so terrible and unable to cope. I went to my OB and was given Effexor XR 150 mg and I went to a therapist to talk about my feelings. This accomplished two things. It helped me see that what I was feeling was normal and it gave me some time out of the house alone. Even when I did bring them with me, I had an eager assistant. I would really recommend you see you OB and maybe switch medications or get a higher dose. I noticed the change almost immediately when I was on the therapeutic dose. We started at 75 mg and I didn't feel a ton better so we went up and it was great, the anxiety went away, I had more energy, and the "on edge" feeling got better. Don't get me wrong, I do have my moments, but I think anyone does. Please call and see what your dr says, you are not alone and nothing is wrong with you. Your little ones are at a very tough age and it does get easier and more fun as they get older. :hug:

If you want you can pm me anytime, I have been where you are.

Jen

 

Those first 2 - 2.5 months are the most difficult. Have you watched the video "Happiest baby on the block" ? I found my two slept better at night when we swaddled them. My dh could wrap them up so tight and they loved it.

My two slept in a crib until about 6 -7 months of age in our room. I found it easier than getting up and walking down the hallway to their room.

It is hard to find those mommy instincts in the first couple of months especially due to the lack of sleep. Ask for help -- if someone can watch over the twins for say 3-4 hours while you sleep... this is better than any advice anyone can give you.

Just know that babies change so much each week until about 3 months and then it seems they change every month after that. Just when you think you have them figured out they change again. So keep trying something that might not have worked before.

We are here for you...

Heather

 

:hug:
PP have probably already said the same things I want to say but just wanted to give you ahug and say it will get better. WE have ALL been there. It is difficult, especially in the beginning because you are adjusting to two new people and you are all figuring each other out. You will find what works best, try everyones suggestions and go with makes you the most comfortable. We moved our boys into their own room probably around 2 mths because every little movement woke me up. Now at 7mths I still hear them make sounds but I don't jump up to check on them if I hear them kicking the mattress, which they do many many times during the night.
I hope you have someone that can come give you a break, my MIL came and stayed a weekend with us around 2 mths to let me rest. I still had some ambien my Dr had given me and I took that while she was here. Otherwise I would have gotten up to help the boys. It does get easier.

Good luck.

 

Oh hugs to you hun...The first 3 months were absolute Hell for me. I remember having halucinations, the sleep deprivation and hormones were killer! my dh had to get sleep to go to work and i was alone all night with gassy/refluxy babies. But I reached out for help! I had someone 7 days a week come in the morning so i could get 3-4 hours sleep. between my step mom and ladies from church I had 7 days covered..honestly without them I couldn't have done it! It does get better just hang in there! By 3 months my guys were sleeping 5 hours, I was beside myself! we moved them into their room about 4 months. again hugs to you, post if you need us!!!

 

I soooo remember those feelings, seems like a lifetime ago now, but at the time it was overwhelming. After my twins were born in May of last year I got really depressed, cried ALL the time, usually multiple times a day, thought I had made a huge mistake trying to have another baby (already had a 5 year old), just wanted "my old life back" with just my older child, was afraid to be alone with the babies, thought I was not capable of taking care of them, thought I would never feel "normal" again, then had feelings of guilt on top of that because I knew it was not normal to think all these things but I couldn't stop my brain, couldn't eat (lost 44 pounds in 6 weeks), couldn't sleep even though I was totally sleep deprived, oh I could go on and on, those were the darkest days of my life........but there is HOPE!! My doctor put my on Zoloft and it made a BIG difference, I started to feel better a few weeks after taking it and that is when the twins were almost 3 months old. I now enjoy my babies, when I was depressed I just "went through the motions" of taking care of them, once I stated feeling better I started to enjoy them and feel blessed to have them.

You can get through this! One day at a time, sometimes you have to just get through one hour at a time, if your current medication does not make a difference in a few weeks tell your doctor, you may need to be on a different kind. You are not horrible for posting your fears/concerns, that is what this website is for, to share and get inspriation from others who have been or can understand where you are coming from!

 

You are not a terrible mother, you are doing the best job for your boys. You are exactly the momma that they need. I felt just like you did and I was diagnosed as PPD at 3 weeks PP, I knew the signs and got help early and was put on Zoloft. It sounds like you recognized the signs as well and got help as well. Like everyone else has said, the first few months are so hard and the sleep deprivation is awful, I promise you it gets easier and I just wanted to give you big (HUGS) as I had many of the same feelings you did.