harsh husband

Hi,I am 36 yrs. of age and 12 wks. pregnant this is my first pregnancy. For about the past month I have been experiencing the headaches but not everyday-and I also vomit every now and then maybe 8 or 9 times since the pregnancy.I think in comparison to what I have heard from other mothers that I've only experienced moderate sickness compared to some of the more severe stories that I have been told.My doctor told me that it was okay to take tylenol for the headaches, which I only take if the headaches are unbearable which may have been 4 times-and for the nausea and vomiting I was prescribed promethazine 25 mg by the nurse in my doctors office-well i was not comfortable with taking all those pills although I was told that they were safe, so while I was taking ampicillin for a severe uti,prescribed prenatal plus (which i was prescribed to take after trying 2 other prenatals that i felt made me sick),and the tylenol for the headache-I held off taking the promethazine for nausea.I later found out that the promethazine was a catagory c medicine so I rarely take it.Now that all of that is out of the way-my husband gets annoyed when I vomit, and when I'm laid up on the couch because of a headache he wants me to call the doctor for every symptom that I experience.He calls me lazy just because I at times dont feel well and refuse to bother the doctor for what I believe is just a part of being pregnant w/twins at 36 will be 37 next month and both of our 1st pregnancy.He tells me that he is tired of me being sick all the time and that it is not normal.The last time I called the doctor when I had a headache, they asked me to come in immediately to check my pressure and they told me that my pressure was good as a matter of fact better than it was just 3 days earlier.All of the tests were normal with the exception of the urinary tract infection which I was taking the medicine for.When my husband acts impatient like that I sometimes feel like I am going through this alone.Is my sickness too much?Every time I vomit or have a headache should I call the doctor?

 

I don't know ur DH but to me it sounds like he doesn't know how to deal with u being sick. My DH was very different when I was pregnant.

 

I would suggest letting your husband talk to the DR . . those are common symptoms of pregnancy. Do you think he is more worried than he might have been if you had gotten pregnant earlier in life? (no offense and I hope you dont take this wrong)Maybe he realizes that you could have a high risk pregnancy due to your age, and the fact that you're carrying twins, and he is just overly concerned...? I think a talk w/ the Dr. might do him some good and maybe put him at ease with everything thats going on.

 

I had horrible headaches and nausea from week 7 until week 15. After week 15 I felt great until the middle of the third trimester. I couldn't get off the couch either. Tell your husband to back off and then stick some syrup of ipecac in his drink and see how he likes it! j/k he is probably just nervous and it's his way of trying to get control of something that is out of his control. Good Luck and I hope you feel better soon!!

 

QUOTE(2plusbgtwins @ Jan 7 2009, 01:54 PM) [snapback]1136957[/snapback]
I would suggest letting your husband talk to the DR . . those are common symptoms of pregnancy. Do you think he is more worried than he might have been if you had gotten pregnant earlier in life? (no offense and I hope you dont take this wrong)Maybe he realizes that you could have a high risk pregnancy due to your age, and the fact that you're carrying twins, and he is just overly concerned...? I think a talk w/ the Dr. might do him some good and maybe put him at ease with everything thats going on.

Good idea..I'll let him talk to the dr.Thanks.

 

QUOTE(monodigirls @ Jan 7 2009, 01:55 PM) [snapback]1136958[/snapback]
I had horrible headaches and nausea from week 7 until week 15. After week 15 I felt great until the middle of the third trimester. I couldn't get off the couch either. Tell your husband to back off and then stick some syrup of ipecac in his drink and see how he likes it! j/k he is probably just nervous and it's his way of trying to get control of something that is out of his control. Good Luck and I hope you feel better soon!!

Thanks...lol..I needed that laugh.

 

I would definatly have your dr talk with your husband or show him this website! Also theres the book when your expecting twins, triplets, and quads this book talks alot about the need for extra sleep with twins and the headaches. It also talks about not doing to much to push yourself with house work and so on. I dont know what I would do with out my DH, I've been so tired to the point of being in bed by 5 (I get home from work at 4:30) I get crampy when I do to much, and the dizzyness and headaches are an everyday problem with me. I'm 14 weeks now but for the first 11 weeks I was always vomitting. We also have a three year old boy (with his pregnancy i had no symptoms...it was great) that DH has had to be the sole provider for. Thank god he's been so understanding because he's the main person doing everything from cooking and cleaning to waking up when my little ones sick. Luckily when I found out I was having twins my sister in-law who is a nurse in Brazil gave my husband an hour long lecture about how he better take care of me because twin pregnancy's are "more fragile" I dont speak fluent portuguese but what ever she said worked Let your DH see that you are not alone and infact could be alot worse off, and definatly bring it up the next time your both at the Dr.

 

Have him talk to the doctor. Have him read some of the books (Expecting Twins, Trips, Quads, What to Expect, Your Pregnancy Week by Week). Here's a list of pregnancy books for dads-to-be. I hope you are feeling better.

 

When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband (sorry but he is now actually ex-husband) was very irritated that I wouldn't get up off the couch to help do the dishes and other household chores. He would make comments that were basically calling me lazy, etc. After we had the baby and he became a dad and basically grew up, we would look back to that time and he admitted he just really didn't have any idea how tired i actually was. He felt pretty badly for giving me such a hard time. I think some guys think we are faking it or over-dramatizing just b/c the really don't have any experience in dealing with it. Plus, my ex-husband was pretty much used to me handling everything and then when I stopped in my first trimester I think he was being a cry baby that he had to take on some domestic responsibility The good news is you should feel better soon hopefully. Your husband is not being very nice, but hopefully he will see the err of his ways and feel horrible for it!!! Lol

 

A lot of husbands (particularly older first timers who are set in their ways) act out because they are being displaced by someone they haven't even met yet. Like the baby is another man or something. LOL
Your hubby may be expressing his need to be nurtured by you right now. He may need reminding that he is your husband and will not be displaced by the new baby. (Kind of like a pet or older child)

 

:hug: It is also probably hard for him to see you feeling so ill and not only does he worry about you but the babies that you are carrying. Many times my DH would say when I was pregnant, "My whole family is all there, so I worry so much about all of you." I agree with PP's to have him talk to the doctor so he can be assured that feeling sick is a normal part of pregnancy and as another PP suggested to assure him that he will also not be displaced by the new babies. Good luck and feel better soon!

 

Yeah, it's not going to get better for extended periods of time and as a first timer, you won't be able to compare it to anything. Trust me, it's different and I feel like I am a strong person. He is going to have to relax about the name calling and embrace the challenge in front of you. Support support support!

 

i'm 36 and even though this is my second pregnancy, my body is definitely *not* the same as it was when i carried my son 15 years ago. this pregnancy is 1000 times harder than the first. my husband is 6 years younger than i am, and these will be his first children. in the first trimester he would often glaze over or get impatient when i would complain/explain my ailments, or sleep for hours and hours at a time, or when my migraines kicked in. he just didnt get it. so i started looking for books about pregnancy for men/expectant dads, and found one that was not only super funny, but very informative and really got him on board. he needed to do it on his own without me nagging him or giving him lectures on my pregnancy. he also comes with me to every doctor's appointment with his own list of questions. my doctor is pretty old school, and explained that twin pregnancy requires a lot more of the husband than a singleton. now my DH is a member of this forum, and does research on his own! he cooks all the time, and enjoys finding recipes that will benefit the babies and taste yummy. :woohoo:

the books is called The Caveman's Pregnancy Companion: A Survival Guide for Expectant Fathers.

here it is on amazon: http://tinyurl.com/94xnok

it's not geared towards multiples but it does cover pregnancy in general very well. i really suggest you buy this book, then leave it on the toilet where he won't miss it!!

 

Get him educated now or he will really have a fit when you recover from a C Section if you need one. Good luck, he probably is just nervous and not expressing himself well.

 

It could be that he is nervous and just doesn't express himself well. My dh does that - he cares and does not really think I am lazy, he just wants me up and on the go so that things seem "normal". My dh has told me that my pregnancies were some of the scariest times of his life (I wish he had told me this at the time!) He said that he worried about me and the baby(ies). BUT the way it was worded to me was WAY in the other direction! With these being your dh's first kids, he probably knows less of what to expect than you do but he probably worries just as much just differently if that makes any sense. PLUS I will tell you that my dh stresses over $$ when it comes to adding to the family - not that he doesn't want to add just that he thinks about things like he is the ONLY one that is going to have to provide for us (even when I worked he felt like if I needed to stay home I should be able to and felt guilty if he could not make the numbers work which added to his stress and since he is a bad communicator I felt like you do now)

not to say that my dh can't be a real jerk - I am just trying to give him and yours the benefit of the doubt!! and make you feel better!!

CONGRATULATIONS on your babies!!!! (I should have started with that!!)

 

I may sound a little bit harsh, but I would prob tell him that if he wants to understand what it feels like to have 2 little babies sucking the life out of you, you would gladly trade places. Then I'd prob biff him right in the middle of the forehead

 

QUOTE(Charly @ Jan 7 2009, 03:45 PM) [snapback]1137156[/snapback]
A lot of husbands (particularly older first timers who are set in their ways) act out because they are being displaced by someone they haven't even met yet. Like the baby is another man or something. LOL
Your hubby may be expressing his need to be nurtured by you right now. He may need reminding that he is your husband and will not be displaced by the new baby. (Kind of like a pet or older child)

That is so true....I do notice his need for attention-example, a lot of relatives and friends oouuh & awe about our pregnancy especially w/twins and they always express their concern for how am I doing (lots of attention) and actually I really don't like the pity which is really concern from what he has described to them as me being miserably sick which as I said before I know that it is just the motions from the 1st trimester "hopefully"-well anyway he would add how something on his body hurts.lol.-He even admitted to me that he somewhat felt a bit jealous-so I do try my best to reach out to him , let him feel the belly, and mimic how the kids will be calling him "dada"lol it makes him blush.So thanks I will keep that in consideration because this experience and change in our life is a part of it.

 

QUOTE(Heathermomof5 @ Jan 8 2009, 06:59 AM) [snapback]1137852[/snapback]
It could be that he is nervous and just doesn't express himself well. My dh does that - he cares and does not really think I am lazy, he just wants me up and on the go so that things seem "normal". My dh has told me that my pregnancies were some of the scariest times of his life (I wish he had told me this at the time!) He said that he worried about me and the baby(ies). BUT the way it was worded to me was WAY in the other direction! With these being your dh's first kids, he probably knows less of what to expect than you do but he probably worries just as much just differently if that makes any sense. PLUS I will tell you that my dh stresses over $$ when it comes to adding to the family - not that he doesn't want to add just that he thinks about things like he is the ONLY one that is going to have to provide for us (even when I worked he felt like if I needed to stay home I should be able to and felt guilty if he could not make the numbers work which added to his stress and since he is a bad communicator I felt like you do now)

not to say that my dh can't be a real jerk - I am just trying to give him and yours the benefit of the doubt!! and make you feel better!!

CONGRATULATIONS on your babies!!!! (I should have started with that!!)

Thanks alot...I am a student and my husband also has to cover the household bills...so yeah, he may feel overwhelmed at times.