Handling Tantrums at 13 Months

So, maybe I was a bit naive, but I didn't think I would have to deal with tantrums for another year or so... My girls are about to turn 13 months and all of a sudden in the last few days one of them has been throwing full-on tantrums (crying, arching her back, etc) when things don't go her way. How am I supposed to handle tantrums at this age?! I bought "The Happiest Toddler on the Block", which has been gathering dust until the other day when I tried to read the whole thing during naptime (I was not successful, by the way) after a recent tantrum, but I'm wondering how others have handled tantrums with kids at this age. I really want to nip this in the bud ASAP because I'm not sure how I will survive the next 18 years if this continues! Help!

 

My two started tantrums at around 12-13 months and the best thing I learned was to ignore the tantrum...as hard as it is. I made sure my kids were in a safe place and let them have at it. I found that tantrums started to get better as the kids communication skills started to get better. Hang in there, Momma!

 

I'm fine ignoring the tantrum, but she always seems to do it when we need to do something with her (e.g. change a diaper, get her dressed, eat, etc). Any suggestions on how to handle that?

 

With getting her dressed and changing the diaper, I still did it during the tantrum (depending on severe the tantrum was and if we needed to get somewhere). As for eating, I knew that neither one of my kids would eat when they were totally out of sorts, so I waited until they calmed down and tried again. Usually when they get themselves together, they were much better on the second try.

 

I'll usually try the Happiest Toddler method of clapping my hands together really loudly and telling my girls' to "stop it" in my firmest mommy voice. If that doesn't snap them out of it, I'll remove them from danger, i.e., remove them from the changing table or highchair or wherever they are, put them on the floor on a rug and just let 'em work it out. Usually I'll walk away until they calm down and then try again.

 

I too ignore them for the most part, and my ds was the one who could/can pitch a fit when he's mad about something.

As far as changing their diaper and other non-negotiable things (like wearing jackets when it's below freezing outside), I know some don't agree with it, but I'll throw it out there, my kids get a pop on the butt cheek. Not very hard, but it startles them enough to let me get done what I need to do (like get a clean diaper on or zip their jacket up). They don't even cry about it. As for other things (not wanting to eat and such), I just let them throw their tantrum, and when they are calmed down, tell them it's now time to come and eat supper, or whatever

ETA: I forgot I do a loud "EH EH EH" noise first before the pop, sometimes it startles them t of it and sometimes it doesn't. I only do those when I have to get something done...like we have to get dressed and pick up my older dd from school.

 

At that age I used to try a distraction first-give her a diaper to hold, point out something outside the window, sing a song-and if that didn't work then I'd just ignore it, usually whilst carrying on with what needed to be done.

It might help to give her warnings of what is about to happen, that way she will know what to expect. You can just talk generally about your day ("After we eat our breakfast we're going to brush your teeth and then get dressed. Then we can play") or give short time limits ("Mommy will read you one more book, then we have to change your diaper"). I try to look at it from their perspective; she's happily involved in some activity and suddenly you swoop down and make her do something boring that she doesn't care about (ie lie down for a diaper change or swap clothes), I wouldn't be impressed if someone did that to me so it's no surprise they protest.
The other thing I've found that can help is to get them more involved by giving them a job to 'help' you, for example get her to carry some item of clothing to the room you get them changed in or let her put the dirty clothes in the wash basket. Or give her a choice so she has more control-does she want the blue bowl or the green bowl for lunch? (she might be a little young for choices to work but it doesn't hurt to try).

Otherwise just hang in there! It really does get better as their communication improves.

 

At that age I used to try a distraction first-give her a diaper to hold, point out something outside the window, sing a song-and if that didn't work then I'd just ignore it, usually whilst carrying on with what needed to be done.

It might help to give her warnings of what is about to happen, that way she will know what to expect. You can just talk generally about your day ("After we eat our breakfast we're going to brush your teeth and then get dressed. Then we can play") or give short time limits ("Mommy will read you one more book, then we have to change your diaper"). I try to look at it from their perspective; she's happily involved in some activity and suddenly you swoop down and make her do something boring that she doesn't care about (ie lie down for a diaper change or swap clothes), I wouldn't be impressed if someone did that to me so it's no surprise they protest.
The other thing I've found that can help is to get them more involved by giving them a job to 'help' you, for example get her to carry some item of clothing to the room you get them changed in or let her put the dirty clothes in the wash basket. Or give her a choice so she has more control-does she want the blue bowl or the green bowl for lunch? (she might be a little young for choices to work but it doesn't hurt to try).

Otherwise just hang in there! It really does get better as their communication improves.

 

Yeah, my guys really started to have tantrums around 13 months old. As far as how I dealt with it, it really depended upon the situation. If they were just frustrated about not being able to do something, I would help them (trying to put a block in a shape-sorter, etc.). If it was generalized frustration, or they didn't want to be helped, then I just made sure they were safe, and let them work out their frustrations.

If they would melt-down during diaper changes (a VERY common occurence for most of the second year) I would keep a stock of non-toy items on the changing table (keys, medicine bottles, etc.; things I would normally never let them play with) to distract them. Sometimes a ring of 2 keys and a box of ibuprofen would be irresistable and keep them occupied long enough to get the job done. ardon: If they melted down while out in public (it seems like they always wanted to run toward the road when they were at the ice cream parlor ) then we would bundle them in the car and go home. Some things are non-negotiable, like safety, and they just have to get used to it.

Eating is a toughie. Sometimes Jack would get absoutely inconsolable when going into his high chair. Occasionally DH or I would eat with him on our lap when he was hyperventilating, but that was not a habit I wanted to get into. We tried to talk to him calmly, explain that we needed to sit down and eat too and eventually it got better.

Good luck!

 

Ours are nearly 13 months and one of my girls is a big tantrum thrower. The other fights tooth and nail during diaper changes. Sometimes, I litterally can not get the diaper on, so I will stand her up on the floor and put it on, which usually works. I also do the toy thing on the changing table...

Basically, for tantrums that occur because they want something they shouldn't have, then I just let it go. For trantrums that occur b/c they are fighting getting the coat on, I tell them to stop and if they don't, we struggle to get coats on and then they get left on the floor to sort them selves out. I'm not going to reward them by holding/comforting them for not being cooperative...