Handling an older sibling with twins

Hi ladies, I have 7 month old girl twins and a 31/2 year old daughter. My daughter has been really really giving us a tough time lately really pushing limits constantly. During the week she is in daycare and the weekends have become awful. I always try to get her out of the house (i.e. this saturday daddy took her out to play in the snow awhile) but yesterday my husband had to do work on the house so I was watching all 3 of them and it was awful. Its really hard to give her the attention she needs when I am juggling the babies. the past 2 weeks she has also been having alot of potty accidents. Just wondering if anyone else has an older child who they've gone through this with and if you have any tricks or any ideas for keeping them occupied while you deal with the younger ones. it's really hard at times and I feel bad not being able to give her more attention..

 

It is very hard for sure! Our DD turned 3 just before the twins came. We had been preparing her and talking to her for months. We bought her a baby with a stroller and stuff so she could take care of her baby too. However, once I was in the hospital having the twins the fun started. She got scissors out and cut her hair, she had accidents, she started to talk baby, and act out for sure even temper tantrums! What we found is the more she could help with the babies the better her behavior got. We let her put their baths in the tub for us, get towels and diapers. We marked their pacifiers and taught her whose was whose so she could get them. Anything to make her feel important and helpful and we made a HUGE deal out of anything helpful she did. I know it is hard, but we also purpose to spend some alone time with her when the twins are sleeping or just content. I know there are a million things that need done that I need to do but that little extra 1 on 1 has made a huge difference in her behavior. Maybe she can help you cook dinner when DH is home. We also give her color sheets and flash cards she likes while I nurse, then make a big deal and have her put the picture on the frige. That is what has worked for us. Don't get me wrong but we do still have some rough days but they are getting MUCH better. Good luck!!

 

Our issue is a little different. We have 7 month old b/g twins and a 9 year old dd. Although she is a super big help, loves getting them up, dressed, changes diapers etc our issue is that she hates doing homework and has learned that sometimes mommy is super distracted during homework time, babies need to be fed, dinner needs to be fixed etc that she says "yes mommy" in her sweet big girl voice when asked if she has done her homework only to find out she hasn't. Our thing is just needing to spend more time with her focused ON her. We are slowly adjusting the twins schedule so that they don't need their bottles at supper time. Its getting easier now that they are on solids because we can all sit at the table together(when we get our new table and highchairs next week). Good luck.I think Momof6 has some great ideas.

 

That is EXACTLY how I feel. I am constantly telling my older one that I don't have time to do whatever it is he wants to do. His sisters take up soooo much of my time and energy and I am always feeling guilty over not being able to spend time with him doing the things he wants to do. I'm at home alone with the 3 of them 2-3 days a week (usually he spends one day with my FIL, one day he's at daycare and one day my Mom tries to come over to help) and some of those days are almost unbearable. I feel like such a horrible mother .

My older one is a boy so having him 'help' with the babies is not an option. He is NOT interested in anything 'baby' lol! I have been struggling with his behaviour quite a bit since he turned 3. Since his birthday coincided with the girls learning to crawl I think this has a lot to do with his increased tantrums. His sisters are now into all his things (they are now starting to walk) and he's having a really hard time adjusting to this. Something I've done that has helped is created a gated off area in the kitchen for him to play in when he doesn't want his sisters interfering. The gates let the girls have the run of the rest of the main floor and give him a 'baby-free' zone when needed. This could help if your girls are crawling...if not keep it in mind for when they become mobile. I try to get out as much as I can even though it's difficult. I know for my DS the more activity he has the better behaved he is. I often send him outside in the back yard to play (it's a small fenced in yard where I can see him from the windows) when he needs to blow off some steam. I feel bad having him out there alone but if he brings enough toys and his snow shovel he's usually happy for 30 min or so and then comes in refreshed and ready for more craziness with his sisters .

I feel your pain and I hope it gets easier for you .

 

Hi E's 3! Thank you its nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like i just don't have the energy to keep up with her after dealing with the babies. I feel so bad too. My girls have just started crawling and I'm hoping to borrow a playard from a friend so I can keep them in one area its making me nuts as it is because they keep crawling where they are not supposed to and I constantly have to pick them up every 20 seconds and redirect them. They are NOT happy to be in seats or even the exersaucer for any length of time whihc is a whole different issue that is making me nuts! :crazy: The days when all 3 of them are home like you said really tries my patience. We also have a fenced in yard but my daughter won't play by herself ahhh oh well thanks for your input.. have to run someone is screaming.

 

I've totally dealt with this... and I don't know if I can help because I look back on some of the stuff I did with DD1 and I think I might have oversold this big sister thing! Mine now tells me to be careful with the twins, which is really annoying!

As tired as I'm sure you are, and as much as you don't have time, I would just try to create extra-special activities that will keep your oldest occupied. When my twins are down for a nap, I try to plan at least one activity a day that my DD1 loves, like baking cupcakes or cookies, reading, playing a game, etc. Some days we play talent show while I'm feeding the babies, so she sings and dances for them as I feed. This is actually pretty funny and I have to say keeps me entertained too. Maybe she can "read" to the babies. Sometimes mine also plays teacher and "teaches" her brother and sister.

I feel for you guys because I know what you are going through. I would just try to look for little ways that you can include her on what's going on. Even being a special helper for mommy by getting a diaper or a paci can work wonders.

Good luck and hang in there. I promise it gets better!

 

I have 9 month old twins and a DS who will be 4 in March. The last 6 months have been much better for us. At first we really tried to cater to DS because we knew it was a hard transition going from being an only child to having not one, but two, new siblings. But then we realized that if we continue to give him special treatment, he's going to assume that he'll continue to get it and at some point our twins will notice that older brother is getting it. So we implemented new rules. If he hits one of the babies (which he's done) he goes to his room and has to play by himself. If he throws a toy at the babies (which he's also done), same thing. If he pinches, yells, takes toys, pacis, etc, he goes to his room and plays by himself.

Basically instead of paying attention to him when he did these things, we isolated him. He wanted to be with us and the babies, but he always felt like he needed MORE attention than them since that's what we did when we brought them home. Now that he's learned that if he acts out, he doesn't get attention and instead gets the opposite he generally is nice to them. He still doesn't like them touching his things but that's something we can deal with.

Good luck!