Guy seeking advice from mom's who've already popped

Hello Everyone-
My name is Chris, and my wife and I are expecting a boy and girl sometime in February. These will be our first children, probably last, and we've tried to prepare ourselves as best as possible. Between birthing classes, general infant classes, my wife's experience in a preschool classroom, and my own general immaturity that will ensure an instant bond with the kids, we feel as prepared as a naive couple can. That's not to say that we feel prepared, or comfortable in general with the situation, but we're looking forward to it, just the same.
I think my question is about watching my wife's almost exponential descent into being uncomfortable going into the 8th month- Karin was sick for the first 5 months, then things were ok, but in the last 2 months, she's getting bigger, having more problems sleeping; all of the usual, I guess.
I've been trying to be as considerate and helpful as possible, and I think I've done a pretty good job, but are there any common sense things that I'm overlooking? Are there things that you wish your respective others had done for you, but neglected, either through inexperience or ignorance? Stupid things, day-to-day things, I-never-would-have-thought-of-that-because-I-don't-have-a-vagina things?
I honestly think that I and "we" have our bases covered, but I'd hate to miss something, because I'm pretty sure that this will be our only time.

 

rub her tired feet - tell her she's the most beautiful pg woman you've ever seen and don't let her carry anything heavy!

 

:sign0016: to Twinstuff!! How sweet and thoughtful for you to be thinking of your wife's needs. You are right, the discomfort, pain and moodiness are only going to get worse. It is worth it in the end though.

I personally think you should cater to her every need. The only bad thing I have to say about my dh was that he would sometimes "fight back" when I was in a "mood". It wasn't always, but sometimes I guess he felt he was being attacked but he didn't realize that your hormones just take over sometimes and make you a crazy person. Other than that, he did absolutely everything I needed him to...I was on bedrest for the last 3 weeks and simply couldn't lift a finger...and I appreciate him for that. He always made sure I had plenty of water, something to eat, the remote within reach, etc.

GOOD LUCK and make sure you let us know when she has the babies!!

 

what a sweet husband! just do as much as u can for her cooking,cleaning, she really wont want to-or should be doing too much at this point but resting up

 

Pick up things that are on the floor or low (like when she drops something)... bending over is really tough!

Give her a hand getting up form a sitting or laying position!

Do whatever you can to keep her off her feet, especially towards the end of the day.

Good Luck!

 

Wow you are winning friends over here…
If you have in sight to post on here, I’m sure you have covered all your bases, BUT since you took the time to post I will add what I love about being pregnant with my husband’s children, maybe something will trigger something for you: I’m only 20 weeks but the best thing my husband has done for me… is to be patient with me, and he goes that little extra mile to make me more comfortable… i.e. back rub (with out being asked), letting me sleep in (we have a dog that needs to be let out by 7am) making dinner or picking up take out… he always assumes I need something, and that I love… AND he never complains about having to pick up my slack… and that is a lot of slack… when I was bed ridden for a week he had to take the morning off work and run my PTA meeting at my sons school… oh but the ladies loved him…
You sound like a very in tune husband and I bet she knows how lucky she is… good luck…
I will add that I don’t like hearing how much 2 more tuitions are going to cost, 2 more boys to feed, 2 more plan tickets for vacation is going to cost, 2 more added to health insurance… I want to say, you don’t think I KNOW this… but I try to an in tune wife… and let him vent…

OH and like PP said... cant tell her she is the most beautiful women enough :air_kiss: !!!

 

Welcome to TS Congratulations to you and your wife on her pregnancy You are so sweet to come here and find out info Just pamper her. When you can wait on her hand and foot. Rub her feet, her back and her legs. Pregnant women get a lot of cramps in there legs. Never make her feel bad for crying, being emotional or any of that. Just being there for her will mean more to her than anything.

Dianna

 

WOW. You rock.

Rub her calves. If she MAY be experiencing Restless Leg Syndrome, this can help her sleep (possibly). Does she get stuffy at night, hard to breathe? Pick up a cold mist vaporizer (you can put it in the babies' room later). Pick up some cute onesies or hats/booties just for the fun of it and goo and gaa over it with her.

Write her a love letter about the memories you'll hold onto about your time with her/married to her prior to the arrival of the babies and how much you'll always cherish that. UGH! I'd swoon!

But that's just me :laughing: :blush: :wub:

angel

 

well...I don't know what your dw is like, but language like "popped" "baking" and "oven" always ticked me off when I was pg. I am NOT an oven or a balloon. LOL! And I hated any reminders, even teasing, about how big I was getting. Just keep your mouth shut about it...sarcasm is not appreciated in the third trimester of twin pg. Foot massages...doing the chores WITHOUT being asked...taking over things that she normally does...are appreciated. do NOT leave clothes on the floor. for most non-pg women that's a pet peeve, but when your belly is huge it might just leave her cursing you out as she's trying to collect the laundry. One thing that I always appreciate while pg or bf is when my dh just randomly comes up to me with a glass of water. I'm almost always thirsty, and he's always super aware of that. It's such a small thing, but saves me a lot of trouble to have him just bring me glasses of water. Participating and being excited about the babies is definitely a plus...but don't be over bearing by always focusing on that...give her attention just for her not just the babies. And remember to save some of this advice for after the babies are here. As hard as it is to believe things will be A LOT harder for your dw after the babies are here. Try to think of the first 4 weeks after their birth as the 10th month of pg. It's a very difficult adjustment for women emotionally, physically, hormonally... she'll need 110% of your participation when the babies show up. And sleep deprivation will make both of you cranky. Just buck up and remember that it does get better...as much work as you will do, your wife will probably do twice as much if she's the one staying home during the day. so don't complain about it... that will only tick her off and won't gain you any sympathy.

 

QUOTE(Susanna+3 @ Dec 29 2007, 12:24 AM) [snapback]549364[/snapback]
And remember to save some of this advice for after the babies are here. As hard as it is to believe things will be A LOT harder for your dw after the babies are here. Try to think of the first 4 weeks after their birth as the 10th month of pg. It's a very difficult adjustment for women emotionally, physically, hormonally... she'll need 110% of your participation when the babies show up.


Amen, Sister. This was when my DH's sterling qualities made the biggest difference. One thing he does that really made me feel better about all of the awfulness in the last couple of months was to thank me for taking such good care of the twins even before they were born. He would say it before they got here when I was feeling really tired or frustrated and it always made me feel like I could stand being pregnant for another few weeks.

But definitely keep some sympathy and insight in reserve for after they get here. The emotional roller coaster will start when she goes into labor, get really exciting a few hours after they're delivered, and won't really glide to a halt until week 12...There are plenty of highs to go with the lows, but she'll need your thoughtfulness 1000 times more after they arrive.

 

I'd say you get points for asking.
My word of advice would be rub her back and her feet- I wanted this so bad and my hubby would only do it a few times. It felt 10 times better than when I wasn't pregnant. Everything gets so sore, and sleeping becomes a major hassle!
And if she is hot all the time, let her have all the fans on she wants, even if you are cold!
And like others have said- just help around the house- do the chores, try to keep her from having to do so much- it really wears you out in those last months!

 

You are doing great just by asking the question!

During the last several weeks of my pregnancy when I was on bedrest, I really appreciated that my husband just did what needed to be done. I'm sure it was a burden for him to do all of my work as well as his own (normally we split the household work pretty equally), but he tried not to complain, or at least not to me. He also constantly encouraged me and reminded me that I was NOT lying around on the couch "doing nothing," I was gestating our beautiful babies and it was hard work.

He also made me eat healthy stuff, which drove me crazy at the time (I would swear at him when he made me eat one more bite of spinach salad), but when our girls were born big and healthy, I realized how important it was.

If you can cook, cook! And if you have a freezer, freeze stuff for future meals (and make sure you label it).

Ditto the suggestion to save your energy (mental and physical) for the first few months after they arrive. I felt like pregnancy was a marathon, only to find that the marathon didn't even really start until they were born. (On the other hand, I was still enormously grateful that I wasn't pregnant anymore.) When the twins are here, remember that although you are totally sleep deprived, she is also totally sleep deprived AND recovering from the hardest work her body has ever had to do, plus quite possibly major surgery.

Congrats on your twins!

 

First off... what an awsome hubby you are!!!

My husband would do all the cleaning.. he would also bring me home icecream.. I had to stay at home with my older daughter.. Also remind her that its almost over and that she is doing a wonderful job. Tell her that she looks beautiful!

 

Just to throw in my two cents here, as I wish this were one thing that my husband had done differently during my pregnancy with the twins...and that was to be there for every little thing that he considered insignificant (ie doc's appts/bloodwork/ultrasounds to the double digits) but that I thought were major ordeals...after being stuck about 3 hours from home in a hospital for bedrest (preeclampsia issues/early dilation) I had a trillion more tests run on me to the point of feeling like a science experiment. My husband was working back home, trying to maintain the household I ran normally, and dealing with our 4 yr old. So I could understand why he couldn't be there, but nevertheless I was all alone and depressed about it. Whenever they wanted to poke and prod me I wanted him to be there so badly. And when the doctors came in telling me they were going to be doing an amniocentesis, but "not to worry about it", I did just that, worried. I cried to my husband who reiterated what the doctor's said. Bad idea, that only hurt my feelings. Here I was feeling like a pin cushion, and all even my soulmate could say was basically put your big girl panties on and deal with it (which I'm usually pretty good at).
So my advice would be: be there for her no matter what. If she's worried about even an ultrasound, you let her vent and ramble on and you stand right by her side no matter what. And when she logs on to TwinStuff in the future and she hears some poor sob story like mine from someone else, she'll think back about how her hubby was by her side..and you'll win brownie points all over again.

 

Things not to do, ie what my husband DID do wrong:

1. Complain about being stuck in the house because she is too uncomfortable to enjoy a walk or going shopping or anything.
2. Get huffy when she asks you to go upstairs to get the whatever she forgot. You try carrying around 30-40 extra lbs while a baby's head saws through your crotch.
3. Complain about getting up with a crying newborn.

Things to DO, what my husband did right:
1. Encourage whatever feeding method your wife chooses. Breastfeeding is hard, but bottle feeding may make her feel guilty.
2. Take a deep breath before speaking - most of the time.
3. Realize that she is even more exhausted than you are. See #3 above. Not only is she recovering from pregnancy and birth, she's also dealing with all the hormones and life as a mom. I'm not saying that it isn't an adjustment for Dad also, but mom has the physical recovery added to it.

 

Congratulations and good job on asking for advice. I would just say be proactive. Don't wait on her to ask you to clean this or cook that or pick this up. And other that that, here are a few things you should make sure to say at least three times a day.

You are the most gorgeous pregnant woman in the world*
I am so proud of you for what you're doing
I couldn't have asked for a better wife
Carrying and caring for two babies requires more physical and mental strength than I could ever have
Can I have the privelege of rubbing your feet and legs
Women are definitely superior to men

*DO NOT tell her she's even more beautiful pregnant than she was before. This makes a pregnant woman think that she was unattractive pre-pregnancy and may lead her to want to be pregnant again long before you are ready.

Good luck on the pregnancy. You'll do great!

 

Wow, I am going to have to sit on this for a moment...

1) Read books about parenting (not just pregnancy, but actual infant parenting books). I loved when DH did this as it showed me he was interested. He was the one who read Happiest Baby on the Block and then rented the DVD for me. And when the babies arrived, we were totally on the same page.
2) Show interest in baby "stuff." I think DH just saw dollar signs everytime we walked into Babies R Us, but I loved it when he would show excitement over the little things (onesies, pacifiers, bottle brushes...). And he was not afraid to ask questions either ("Okay, honey, for the last time, what is the difference between a onesie and footed jammies?").
3) Rent a few chick flicks and surprise her with a date night on the couch. Most likely, she just wants to stay home and sit on the couch. So bring the popcorn, candy, and soda to her, as well as a fun movie.
4) I was not into massages or things like that. I didn't want anyone to touch me. So ask first!
5) Offer to make her favorite dish for dinner.
6) Help get the nursery ready if it isn't already. Offer to hang the curtains, or align those photos you have been meaning to hang in there for the last month. Offer to buy some Dreft baby detergent and wash the newborn outfits before the babies arrive.
7) Help write the thank you notes for all the gifts that you have and will receive. This was a big one.
8 ) Support whatever method of feeding your wife chooses. And when she changes her mind, support her.
9) Your wife will cry after the babies arrive. It is the hormones. I would cry over the lamest things. Be sensative to this fact, but also know that it is temporary.
10) When the babies arrive and are at home with you, get up for diaper changes and for feedings at night....even if you are working. She is working too during the day and needs to be alert and attentive to the babies' needs. You BOTH need to suffer sleep deprivation to truly understand and appreciate each other.

I may come back with more and if I can get my DH to chime in, I will!

 

What I would have wanted more from my husband in my first pregnancy was for him to rub my sore, sore back. Also, some sympathy! Outside of that, just being thoughtful and asking if there is anything you can do for your wife is a great way to win points - period. Good luck and welcome to parenthood!

 

My husband offers to shave my legs for me. He doesn't do a very good job of it, but it makes me feel good to know that he's willing to do something so 'girlie' as shaving legs.

 

tell her everyday that you love her and how amazing it is that she is making this sacrifice for your family.

 

Oh yeah, shaving the legs. That one goes at the top of the list. DH did that for me too while on bedrest. Wow...I forgot all about that. I probably still owe him one for that!!!!!!!!!

 

The one thing my husband didn't realize was how incredibly hard the little things were for me. I couldn't even make the bed without being completely out of breath. Doing the laundry would put me on the couch for the rest of the day! Just help her with those things and if they don't get done, just remember that it won't always be that way. So if she does actually get something done make sure you tell her you really appreciate it. Good luck with your babies and welcome to TS this is a great site.

 

Thank you everyone for all of the advice; I really do appreciate reading the suggestions. I've tried to do my best so far, and everything that I've read tells me that I'm pointed in the right direction, but it's still really helpful to have all of the input.