Guilty

Hello all,
This is my first time to post but I am a regular reader. I am 37 + 6 days with non-idential twins. I am due to be sectioned on Tue, will be 38 weeks then. It's just really beginning to hit me. I have a 3 year old son and feeling so sorry for him. He is going to stay with his gran for the duration of my stay in hospital, he will still be going to creche every day and i hope that dh will stay in the house with him as well even if he will only see him in passing. Question 1: when would you recommend having ds visit? Question 2: I have got the toys from the twins for him but is there any other suggestions to help ease this huge change in his life? I am sure it has been asked a million times already but really am dreading leaving him as so scared he will be scarred for ever, which i know he wont but still.I have him told that I have to go to hospital to have the babies and am trying to tell him some more every day, anything else I can do?
Thanks all!

 

My mom brought my oldest to the hospital after her nap (at around 3 pm), they were born 10.32 and 10.36 am. So pretty much right away. When we got home, the twins had presents for her, and she had presents for the twins. Especially when they were still easy to move around and would sleep everywhere I took them to places to entertain my oldest. She was also in preschool and sometimes my friends would pick her up for a play date. I also had a student helping me to put her to bed, read her stories, play with her, give her attention. She adored her. I basically picked up a routine as soon as I could and kept my odd's routine.

My oldest was 2 1/2 yo at the time and she did very well.

 

My son was 6 and my daughter was 3. My 6 year old had a harder time than my 3 year old! You will be surprised by how little it will phase him. The gifts from the twins are a great idea! I would just keep telling him, "We are so lucky to have you! You are such an amazing big brother!"

 

I have 3 older daughters---4,6, and 8, so I understand the "guilt". Especially, because my boys began their life in the nicu--what a juggle. You always wonder if you're meeting everyone's needs. I always try to remember, though, the greatest gift you can give your child is a sibling (or siblings). It really is beautiful to see them together playing, helping, and of course fighting at times. Anyway, my advice is to keep the routine as similar as possible, make sure he feels involved like the helper and big brother, give lots of praise, and allow help from others---if possible to help with him and babies, so you can have a little time--even if it's just to read a story. I'm sure everything will be fine. If any issues would arise, I would find stories that address ed them---I remember playing dollhouse with my 1st when my 2nd came along and it helped her work it through. It certainly is an amazing journey. GL

Lisa

 

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. I have felt it with the birth of each child, and now I am really dreading how my youngest will hold up when I have our twins. I think hospital visits are important, not only to introduce the babies, but to let the kids know that mommy is okay. There could be a few tears when the visit is over, but my visits always went smoother than I thought they would. Pretty soon your little guy won't even remember life before his new twin siblings. You are doing him a favor by giving him siblings. I don't know what I would do without mine! Goodluck, Lisa

 

I love the present idea. I wished I would have done that for my little guy. However, the babies came a lot quicker then we had planned.

One thing that helped my little boy ( he was just under 2 when the twins were born) was to make sure he had mommy and me time at least once a day. I would set aside time just for him. Also, I took him with me to run a couple of errands here and there.

Also, I was told that if all the twins are crying and your toddler needs something to address the toddlers needs first. This will show him that he is important and that crying isn't the way to get something you need ( I hope that makes sense).

Good luck with having three little ones. There will be hard days, but the hard days will just make you appreciate the really good ones. It only gets better.

 

Thank you for this thread!! I am feeling the same way right now - my DD is just three and we are expecting our duo any day now (section shceduled for the 17th). It makes me feel confident to have read what others have said - we've been involving her through talking about what's going to happen, and reassuring her that she can come and visit mommy in the hospital, we also have a little present for her from the boys. I tell her over and over how happy it makes me that she's such a great helper - I'm glad to hear that others have had success with these tactics and to read about a few more that we can try. Thanks again everyone!

Angela

 

My story is a little different than most - I was in hospital away from my 2 1/2 year old for 7 weeks before having the babies. Our transition home was fabulous and my eldest is probably the best big sister I could have hoped she would be.

I pretty much always put her needs in front of the babies. I also emphasis what a great big sister she is all the time and I often have to bite my tongue and not tell her off all the time she is around them. She helps with them if she wants and if she doesn't she doesn't. I do feel guilty that we don't get much Mummy and Trelise time. She came into the hospital as soon as she could to see me and the babies - there was a little delay only because I wasn't well enough at first. She was introduced to her sisters and was held up to the first incubator and said ok where's the other one! So cute!

I would do it anytime you feel up to it and try not to worry it all will work out in the end

 

Thanks a million everyone,
you have been very helpful. I would not have thought of attending to the toddlers needs first and it makes perfect sense.
That is really a great suggestion as are so many other ones, really appreciate, am saying goodbye to him tomorrow and
still getting all teary eyed but keep telling myself that it is a great thing he will have siblings to play with.
Thanks again all
xxxxx

 

Good luck to you, I'm sure that it will go much smoother than you can even imagine! My DD was just under 3 when my boys were born. We had presents waiting for her when she came to see them also. We also let her help name the boys, we really wanted her to feel involved. We had the names picked out and she picked who was going to be who. She was also the one who would introduce them to guests, so she wouldn't feel left out. She was very proud and thankfully everyone who came to visit gave her a lot of attention as she was introducing them!

Sara

 

Just a little suggestion that I offer to caseload mothers of mine with regards to an older sibling meeting the new family member/s. It is a good idea for them to meet each other on their own terms, so we often have the babies not in their mother of fathers arms when meeting them. They can been in the cribs and then when the older children come in - their position in the family is not threatened by the babies being in their parent arms (so they don't feel all of a sudden 'replaced') and they can then take their time to say hello and get to know their little baby or sister.