Guilty feelings

I have a c/s in 2 more sleeps (!) and still struggle with feelings of guilt overhaving my twins.
We had planned for a 3rd & final child and -surprise! ardon: - ended up expecting 2! While I am very grateful to be having these 2 little babes, I still sometimes think about the differences between expecting 1 & 2.

I think about what this will mean to our 2 sinletons, to my husband and myself, and little things like car seats, change of pram, buying extra clothes, high chairs etc etc etc. Bigger issues like bf & sleep (?!lol) just freak me out more! Then I immediately feel guilty for thinking like that!

I worry that I will be able to bond with them also.
I do feel lucky sometimes because not very many people gett the privlige of twins, and know that there are manyadvantages but please tell me that others feel similar feelings of guilt so I feel more normal.

 

yes! the guilt is normal - i think we all probably feel it to some degree or another. be careful not to let it take over though - you will always be doing the best you can, and no one can ask anything more of you. it's not a bad thing to be considering the impact of two newborns on your family and to be planning ahead for that. it's a big job and being aware of some of the potential pitfalls or difficulties of twins isn't a negative thing. as you work through those difficult things, you'll also be discovering the joys of twins as well (hopefully sooner rather than later! ) and that'll be great.

one thing that i did find really difficult in the first few months was the bonding issue. i thought there must have been something wrong with me because i didn't feel very bonded with my girls (part of that was definitely the hormonal craziness & sleep deprivation) but i've also since discovered that human beings are hard wired to bond with one baby at a time. trying to bond with two or more at a time takes a little more effort & time - not always, but it definitely does happen. so if you do find that your connection with your two-at-a-time isn't as strong as your connections with your one-at-a-times, cut yourself a lot of slack. i promise, it will come in time. :hug:

congrats on your soon-to-be new additions! :good:

 

The bonding is hard in the beginning. I knew I loved them, but had one who I used to cheerfully call my challenge. The wonderful thing is- my DH bonded well with him. After hiseating issues resolved, he was a different baby & we were able to establish a better bond. As you meet their personalities I think it gets easier.

We also get the "I can't imagine twins" comment a lot- I feel for you because these are our first and this craziness is and always has been our norm. This isn't to say that occasionally I don't get mad when I get a glimpse of what it'd be like with one. BUT. They will enrich your life enough so that those moments are really quite rare.

You can do this. It'll be hard, but no harder than the twin pregnancy, LOL.

 

Those feelings are normal, twins are hard. :hug: And I think the idea of having twins is even harder, the not knowing what to expect. Some how you will figure it all out. :good:

 

I think that's the hard bit - the 'not knowing'.

In a lot of ways its like having your first child all over again as when you have your first you have no idea really of what to expect and experience a very steep learning curve. I guess the unknown is always scary.

 

Our twins were pregnancy #2 for us and I struggled with the same thing the entire time I was pregnant. I feared how difficult it was going to be after they were born. However, I found the adjustment to having twins was easier than the transition from 0 to 1 kid and definitely easier than the twin pregnancy had been!!

The fact that my husband and I are now outnumbered is the hardest part and you will be even more outnumbered but you'll figure out a routine after the first hard weeks are over and people will be amazed at how you do it.

I also struggled with the bonding in the begining, but like pp have said, it comes in time so don't stress about it if it happens to you too. Best of luck to you!!!


DS is 3 1/2
DS and DD are 4 months

 

I didn't feel guilty having my 1st set of twins, but then a little guilt crept in with my 2nd set of twins -- LOL! We tried very hard to get pregnant the first time and it took us 6 years. Then, the 2nd set of twins were a total surprise (not trying to get pregnant). So... anything over 2 is starting to get into the "big" family category and society makes it tough on bigger families. But, bottom line, I didn't try to have twins (2nd time around), so I figure that was God's decision and nothing for me to feel guilty about.

Try not to feel guilty about this -- you'll get your share of external opinions about all of that and it is important for you to be strong for your family.

Kat