Guilt.

Does anyone else feel really guilty about the amount of time they do or don't spend with their kids 1 on 1 because there are so many needs to attend to? We just had number 3 and he is wonderful. My DD's are 16 months older than him and I feel like my girls are having some emotional attachment issues. They are at such a great age and so is DS, but many days it's all I can do to just get food on the table (trays!), make sure everyone sleeps, and make sure they stay safe...my DD's are really clingy sometimes and sometimes I just don't have enough lap space to go around. Sometimes I feel really REALLY frustrated with them because they take advantage of may hands being full with DS or with me being exhausted and I just don't feel like I'm being the type of mom I have the ability to be.. just needing to vent!! Thanks for the ear!!!

 

Oh wow! You do have a full lap. I am on the fence about trying for #3 right now...our guys are almost 16months, so they would be 2 if we got pregnant now... I am not sure I am ready to chase two 2year olds on little sleep and trying to nurse. I am sure others can offer great words of wisdom...but I will say, God Bless You! I wish for you patience, love, and coffee! Hang in there, I would guess they will adapt soon enough and maybe even able to help with their baby brother.

 

I still struggle with this! There is just something about 3 (or more) kids that adds an extra level of chaos. It seems like there is always someone who needs something, which leaves less time for the "fun" things that I envisioned myself doing as a mom. I always try to fit in special moments throughout the day - even if they are for just a few minutes - and we always read 3 or more books before bed, so even on days that I feel like all I did was run around putting out fires and keeping kids fed and safe, we get 20-30 minutes of dedicated kid time. I also always remind myself that despite the chaos, we have given our boys the gift of siblings - which is a lifelong relationship - and at the ages they are now, we are witnessing just what a gift they are to each other. They have so much fun playing, wrestling, spying, building forts, etc. - it is awesome to see their relationships grow! You will feel better as they get older- you really have a lot going on right now and as they get more independent, you will find more time for the fun stuff!

:hug:

 

Thank you for posting this. In a few weeks, we will be adding #3 to our family. My twin sons will be 17 months old and big brothers to a new baby sister this November. It is good to have others' perspectives on how to give love to all of these kiddoes at once! A friend of mine who has four kids all under 8, two of which are only 12 months apart, said she really struggled with guilt over time spent with each one, until she realized it was not so much "love divided" as "love multiplied", especially with the idea of giving each of them the gift of siblings. :grouphug:

 

I feel guilt too. We have 4 under 4 and #4 wants to be held all the time so I feel bad about saying "not right now", etc. I too try to find moments during the day, even if it is just watching cartoons with them or reading a book or two in between feedings and all the other chaos associated with everyday life. The twins go to preschool 2 mornings a week so that helps with 1 on 1 time with our 22 month old. It will be nice when they all get a little older and can do all the fun stuff together with me like crafts, playdough (which is banned right now b/c someone keeps eating it) and colouring and painting (which is also banned when #3 is around because she likes to colour on everything except paper!

 

I only have the two kids and I do remember feeling badly when they were younger about not being able to give them the quality one on one time that I believed singleton children get. But then I had to remind myself (and still remind myself) that I can only do the best I can and my kids only know what they have experienced, so I think they are okay with the attention they've gotten from me. It's hard not to feel guilty though and we as parents are our worst critics.
:hug: to you! What you feel is perfectly normal.

 

I have 4 kids, my oldest is 9, second is 5, and the twins are 2.5. There's definitely some guilt, especially my hubby, all 4 kids attack him as soon as he walks in the door after work. I always give hugs, give them attention whenever I can. And as others have said, although it's chaotic right now, it's not love divided, it's love multiplied! So many arms to hug when someone gets hurt, so many mouths to kiss, so much FUN together!! I'm relieved that, when dh and I aren't here anymore (God willing it's not for a very very long time), my kids will always have each other. They won't be alone!

 

I think the guilt is pretty normal. My oldest was 27 mos when the twins were born and I felt so bad I couldn't do as much with him. For those first two months while the twins were newborns and I was breastfeeding, I would be happy if I sat down with him 5 minutes a day for one on one play. Its getting better but I still struggle with the guilt, especially since I work long hours.

 

I feel guilty every day. At first I found it was more my older one that I felt was really missing out since the babies took so much of my time when they were born. Now that he's in school and I'm home with just the girls I still feel guilty that they never get any one on one. If I try to spend some cuddle time with one of them the other gets jealous and starts climbing all over me too so cuddle sessions usually involve the 3 of us!

I often ask grown up twins that I meet or know if they felt neglected or unloved as children and they always reply "NO!"...even the siblings of twins that I pose this question to give me the same answer. I hope that I am doing my best to give each of them what I can and that they will understand .

 

Girl your plate is FULL! Short answer, no. I feel like my kids get plenty of mommy time. What I feel guilty about are those times when I want some time away. For some reason I have convenced myself that because we did IVF and begged and prayed so hard for these babies I should just shut up and be happy all the time. So when I am at the end of my rope and I need a break I feel horrible. You babies will be fine. We can only do what we can do and if your twins are like mine they are much happier together than apart. We try and do things like take one to the store with us and before we are off the street they are looking for their twin. Willa Grace gets this panic'd look on her face when Wyatt isn't in his seat beside her. When they are older I think it will be important for them to have their own activities if they want but for now they are happy with the way things are.