Guilt over Not Stimulating Them

I've been feeling guilty that I don't try and stimulate the boys enough during the day - basically I just can't wait for them to go to sleep so I can try and sleep too, or have time to myself. My honey works all day so it's just me and the boys, and I'm the one who gets up with them at night to nurse since I am breastfeeding, and during the day I am just drained. I think Connor is colicky or has some issue because lately more often than not he'll nurse and then after a while just start wailing, I'll burp him and hold him and he'll just cry and cry unless you hold him and even then sometimes he is bawling ... nursing sessions are starting to be 2-3 hours between the two of them, I tandem feed but it's hard when it's just me and they both start wailing ... so during the day I just hope that they sleep and I don't really put them on an activity mat or play with them. And I feel so guilty for it. They are a month old on Thursday so I don't know how much I could even be stimulating, but I still feel bad.

They see the doc on Thursday so I'm gonna ask about the Connor wailing thing then.

This is so hard ...

 

I've been feeling guilty that I don't try and stimulate the boys enough during the day - basically I just can't wait for them to go to sleep so I can try and sleep too, or have time to myself. My honey works all day so it's just me and the boys, and I'm the one who gets up with them at night to nurse since I am breastfeeding, and during the day I am just drained. I think Connor is colicky or has some issue because lately more often than not he'll nurse and then after a while just start wailing, I'll burp him and hold him and he'll just cry and cry unless you hold him and even then sometimes he is bawling ... nursing sessions are starting to be 2-3 hours between the two of them, I tandem feed but it's hard when it's just me and they both start wailing ... so during the day I just hope that they sleep and I don't really put them on an activity mat or play with them. And I feel so guilty for it. They are a month old on Thursday so I don't know how much I could even be stimulating, but I still feel bad.

They see the doc on Thursday so I'm gonna ask about the Connor wailing thing then.

This is so hard ...

 

Dont worry about it. Babies can easily get overstimulated especially at such a young age. THe only thing you can do for them right now is feed and love on them when you can. There will be plenty of time for stimulation later on

 

YES it is ok to hope for sleep. You don't want to overstimulate at this point anyway . Plus their little bodies are growing so much that they NEED the sleep.

It is hard. VERY VERY hard. Can you pump so that you don't have to do all the night feedings all the time?

 

I felt the same way. But at their age there isn't a whole lot they can do to be stimulated. It will get easier. For me around 3 months it got easier and at 4 months easier still.

 

Mine still can only handle about 10 - 15 minutes of playtime before they start to get cranky. I try to put them on their tummy time mats for a little while in the morning and then on their play gym at night. It takes more time to drag the stuff out than they actually spend playing on it!
I only started doing this in the past few weeks, they really weren't interested before that and even now they only want to play for a little while.
Don't feel guilty, like the others said, all they need now is food, sleep and having their diapers changed

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. Just being out in the world is stimulating enough for them now. Sleeping a lot is good for them, as well as for you. When mine were that age, I don't remember playing with them at all -- it was just feed, soothe, sleep, wake, cry, feed, etc. I did sort of feel guilty, especially compared to singleton moms, but I really don't think they can do much more than that anyway.

I second the idea of pumping so DH can take some night feedings. You need sleep!

 

Just looking at a wall is stimulation enough for them at that age!! Just hold them and look at them...they will get to know you. In a few weeks it will get better because they start to know you and it is soooo much fun!! Hang in there. Just keep giving them your love. You are doing great.

jen

 

I was feeling the same way! For me, I can't wait until they are both quite so I can spend a few minutes on the computer or folding laundry!

Angel

 

i feel the same way. I want them to sleep but i have to keep reminding myself as the get older they will have more awake time - my only complaint right now is that they are cranky when they are awake - if they where happy and chillin' i would be too but it is total work and concentration when they are awake. It will get better -

best of luck
nikki

 

We didn't start playing until they were two months. Coupled with better sleeping, I have more energy to play and that was wen they were finally interested in play.

 

I don't do much with them either. A little bit of tummy time when I get them (un)dressed, sometimes the activity gym, but it's all very short lived ... they usually sleep, eat or cry. I think their brains are simply not capable of doing more at this point. My oldest was a little easier, but it's always easier to entertain 1 instead of 3 kids. They'll let us know when they're ready ...

 

I could have written that post Kendra!! I PRAY for sleep!!
I feel like I have been mean to my other kids too - I can't stand
the loudness! I don't want them to wake the babies!! and I did
a really bad thing last weekend - my aunt asked me to spend the night with her - she gave the babies bottles all night Fri. and Sat. nights
and let me sleep! it was nice but I didn't want to give bottles of
formula! I have been exhausted and I just wanted the sleep! I feel so
selfish!!