Grrr, apparently the ILs dont care about the babies either

So, some of you have read my many complaints about my ILs. I have not spoken to them in months, which means they have not seen the babies. They have seen ds, since dh has taken him to church on occation or taken him to their house.
So yesterday dh needed to go to the store, so we all went along. THe girls and I stayed in the car. I look up and FIL is walking right in front of the van, looks directly at me, and keeps walking and leave . So I get it, hes mad at me for telling his wife to "get the **** out of my house" (she crossed the line in a big way and boy did I let her have it. Anyways, it iritates me that they obviously care nothing for my girls, they have not tried to see them or anything. Of course Im glad not to have to deal with the "oh we are so wonderful, you dont love us" routine, but seriously you would think they would show an interest in the girls, they gave the impression they did in the begining. Of course they just LOVE their other grandkids. GRRRR, Im sosooooo ready to leave this place and as childish as it sounds I cant wait til everything gets finalized and the bags are packed.
My family on the other hand is going crazy not seeing the kids (they live 2500 miles away) and the ILs who live 15 minutes away obviously dont care. Oh and MIL had made the girls these blankets when they were in the NICU, well they started to fall apart so when the girls were discharged dh gave them to her to fix, should have taken maybe 30 minutes to fix, well the girls have been home for 6 months and still no blankets, MIL doesnt even work, she stays home because she cant handle a job.
I dont think its just me that has an issue with them either, SIL couldnt even come down for T day to see her parents because he hubby didnt want to come here
Anyways, Im so tired of all this poor pity me I get from them.

COME ON JANUARY, IM SOOOOO READY TO MOVE!!!!!!

THanks for letting me vent

 

So, some of you have read my many complaints about my ILs. I have not spoken to them in months, which means they have not seen the babies. They have seen ds, since dh has taken him to church on occation or taken him to their house.
So yesterday dh needed to go to the store, so we all went along. THe girls and I stayed in the car. I look up and FIL is walking right in front of the van, looks directly at me, and keeps walking and leave . So I get it, hes mad at me for telling his wife to "get the **** out of my house" (she crossed the line in a big way and boy did I let her have it. Anyways, it iritates me that they obviously care nothing for my girls, they have not tried to see them or anything. Of course Im glad not to have to deal with the "oh we are so wonderful, you dont love us" routine, but seriously you would think they would show an interest in the girls, they gave the impression they did in the begining. Of course they just LOVE their other grandkids. GRRRR, Im sosooooo ready to leave this place and as childish as it sounds I cant wait til everything gets finalized and the bags are packed.
My family on the other hand is going crazy not seeing the kids (they live 2500 miles away) and the ILs who live 15 minutes away obviously dont care. Oh and MIL had made the girls these blankets when they were in the NICU, well they started to fall apart so when the girls were discharged dh gave them to her to fix, should have taken maybe 30 minutes to fix, well the girls have been home for 6 months and still no blankets, MIL doesnt even work, she stays home because she cant handle a job.
I dont think its just me that has an issue with them either, SIL couldnt even come down for T day to see her parents because he hubby didnt want to come here
Anyways, Im so tired of all this poor pity me I get from them.

COME ON JANUARY, IM SOOOOO READY TO MOVE!!!!!!

THanks for letting me vent

 

Dang Cassie!!! I'm so sorry that you have to feel that way. I know how it feels when people you care about don't make an attempt or effort or even show a desire to want to see your babies. It's very hurtful. I have a few "good" friends who still have not met my girls. Granted, I live a good hour from the city but still, it hurts. Especially since EVERYONE knows how long it took me to get pregnant and how excited we were when we found out it was twins. I can't even imagine how horrible it must feel to have family act that way. I'm very excited for you that you are moving. It will be a nice fresh start for you and I'm sure once you move, your ILs will regret that they didn't spend the time they could have with the girls when they were right there. I hope you are moving a little closer to YOUR parents?? That would be nice for them, you, and the girls. Best of luck to you and your family and GL with your move.

 

I am soo sorry to hear about the bitterness of your inlaws.


Is it possible they do care for the grandchildren but are just being stubborn because they have to go through you to get to them? It is not like they are old enough to call and ask for them on the phone. Anger can be a powerful thing and if they believe they were treated unfairly then it makes sense that they would not want to use you as a medium to contact their grandchildren. I am not saying you were not justified in your actions (I don't actually know what MIL did to push you over the edge) just thinking that because they are staying to themselves (it appears according to your wishes) it doesn't necesarily mean they don't love your children just as much as the other grandchildren. They are hurt!

I hope the move is the solution you are looking for!

 

I know alot of it is stubborness, Im certainly not going to invite them over. It just surprises me they have not even spoken to dh about seeing them. I honesly can not wait to move.
The whole blow out was basically MIL coming over, it was my one and only day off, so dh was downstairs when she came. I was on the phone with my mom upstairs, dh told me to stay in bed all day though his mom was coming (i think he may have known she was planning on "confronting" me) I came down to get some water and decided to feed Brooke. MIL starts questioning why Im not in church, I explained that I had been on bedrest from 10 weeks on and now the babies were premature and not ready for exposure and then we would go straight into RSV season, she pretty much said I was a bad wife and mother and not doing a good job. THen goes on to say how she is such a wonderful person and how perfect her kids are (which BTW I know things about all her wonderful kids that surely if she knew she would be hiding her face forever). SHe really set me off when she said I had no reason to be going to a grief group because I should be coming to her because she is a "wonderful Christian mother". There was alot more but that is the gist of it

 

I think what you did was right. You had every right to say how you feel and your children should not suffer because of a problem that is between you and your IL's.

I can totally relate with you except that in my case it is my own mother. She was there for the birth of my twins and when I told her that I did not want her boyfriend of 15 years in the picture just yet do to a previous falling out she said I either except him as the grandfather or she isn't the grandmother. I had always did what it took to compromise to keep everything civil but at that point I lost it and said she could have him and not to have anymore contact with us.

It has been 6 months now and how I feel is it is her lose not being able to watch her grand children grow up. I can't keep compromising when I am the only one who seems to keep putting up with everything and she don't.

You do what you have to do and if they want to see your children and have contact they should be allowed just as long as they understand that you are not to be disrespected in the process. Good luck.

 

I can totally feel for you. It can be so hard to even grasp that people wouldn't want to see their grandchildren. When I went to my grandfather's funeral, I was told my children were not allowed to come to ANYTHING! We drove ten hours with three screaming kids so they could all stay in the hotel room with DH while I went (and I never would have come had I known that. I spoke to family several times before leaving and was never told this). Keep in mind, this entire family has never seen the twins once, and hasn't seen my daughter in ages. And this edict came from my grandmother, who has no other great grandchildren but mine. Nice, eh?

Anyway, just be glad to get away from them. Some people are just toxic, and I don't buy into this idea you have to tolerate AHs just because they are family.

Will you be moving closer to your family???

 

quote:
Originally posted by Dianne:
Is it possible they do care for the grandchildren but are just being stubborn because they have to go through you to get to them? ... it doesn't necesarily mean they don't love your children just as much as the other grandchildren. They are hurt!



I'm sorry but if they don't make any attempt to see the grandchildren, they are immature and selfish people who clearly don't care too much. It's not like she's a single or divorced mom and they HAVE to ask her. They can ask her husband, and they clearly see him and speak to him. Anyway, just my two-cents on it...

 

Oh my gosh I'm going through the same thing. I can't stand Joe's parents and they can't stand me, so they think they're hurting me by not coming to see the girls. They've seen them one time in 9 weeks now and I'm getting to the point where I don't care anymore. I've tried, I used to invite them over all the time or invite his Mom to go to Mom2Mom sales now I've just given up. I understand what you're going through and if you ever want to blow off some steam feel free to email me.