grandma needs help!

Here's my situation. My 17 year old daughter gave birth to twin boys about 3 months ago. She lived with me and I helped as much as i could, well 2 weeks ago she decided she couldn't handle it and up and left me with the boys. before this I tried to get her to put them on a schedule but she wouldn't do it and now I am paying the price for it. I'm so worn out most of the time and I don't know where to start with this. Right now they just eat whenever they want, sometimes they take 3 ozs sometimes 4, they will wake at all hours and take maybe 1 oz and back to sleep for awhile. They refuse to sleep in the cribs and only want the swings to sleep in, I have tried to swaddle them but they fight it terrible. Can I just start to stretch the feedings out to 4 hours so they are good and hungry and eat the full 4 ounces? I do have some help a few nights a weeks and my husband will return from Iraq in a couple of months but this is absolutly killing me right now. How do I start to get them on a every 4 hour eating schedule? They are about 10 1/2 pounds now? Thanks for your help.

 

Oh my goodness! You must be very stressed out and can I say what lucky kids these are for having you as a Grandma. I can give a few pointers that worked for us, but we had a hard time getting them on a consistent schedule until more like 4 - 4.5 months. My DS had to sleep upright and got accustomed to sleeping in a bouncy, a carseat or swing. I ended up moving those items into his room to get him used to sleeping in the room in those items. When he got used to that, I would move let's say the carseat into the crib (lowered matress) so that he got used to sleeping in the crib, but still in his comfort zone. Mine were still eating every 2-3 hrs. at that point. My DS had reflux, so wouldn't eat very much and would eat more often than DD and I couldn't force her to eat every 2 hrs. So, we did feed on demand. Maybe some other Mamas can chime in on how they were able to get those feedings at the same time. I know many will wake the other baby and feed that one as well if one baby wakes for a feeding. That way, over time they get to be hungry around the same time. You could try to feed as much as they'll take during the day so that they aren't as hungry at night. 12 weeks is considered a "growth spurt" right now, so they may just need that top off of the 1 oz. or so. Who knows. Is there anyone else that you can call and ask for some guidance, maybe even their pediatrician or health dept. I know there are post-partum Doulas that can come in and help you figure some of this stuff out or even a night nurse/nanny for a night or two to give you some relief. I don't know if that's feasable or not. I can't imagaine doing it all on my own, but there are many women on here that have done it, so hopefully they'll have some advice for you. You're close to where they should start getting more of a consistent schedule. Good luck to you.

 

Wow! :youcandoit: First off, my boys slept in their swings/bouncies/car seats until 4.5 months before I could get them into the crib. Sleep is sleep at that point and I needed it too! My boys weren't on a "schedule" until about 6 months but we developed a good routine (that would vary daily). The biggest key for me was making sure they woke up in the morning at the same time. If one woke, I'd wake the other. I was more lenient with naps since Jake needed about 20 more mins than Ryan. I think we went to 4 hour feedings around 3 months. I was thrilled if they ever ate 4ozs, but mine were tough to feed from the get go.

:welcome: to Twinstuff and I hope we can be a big help to you!

 

Hi,

Oh, I'm sorry this happened :grouphug: You are an amazing grandma to take on responsibility for your precious grandbabies.


When you say they are 3 months, can you mention how many weeks was your daughter when she gave birth? Are they full term babies?

First, let me say that my babies still refuse to sleep in the crib and we are trying to transition them, but it's very hard. I must admit, we do have a very strict schedule and I stick to it no matter what. They eat every 4 hours. It was very hard the very first week we switched them from 3 hour schedule but our pediatrician said that at this age they should eat only 5-6 times a day and just bigger volume.

So the first week was nuts and I had to "hold" them off the 4th hour but now it all paid off. I would suggest starting to "stretch" them out by 30 min each feed for 3 feedings and so on. So go for 2 hours betweek feedings for three feedings, then for 2.5 hours for three feedings and so on. You should be able to get to 4 hours withing a week, ideally, but it might take longer. What they are doing right now is cluster feeding and I agree, that they should eat less frequent but bigger volume.

When you say they are 3 months, can you mention how many weeks was your daughter when she gave birth? Are they full term babies?

Mine are 18.5lb and 16lb and they eat every 4 hours 6-7 ounces.

Hope we can be helpful and WELCOME!

 

The boys are 12 weeks yesterday and they were born at 36 weeks 3 days. Weights were 4#13 oz and 4# 9oz at birth. No nicu time.

 

OMGosh! :grouphug: First off, :welcome: and :bow2: for taking on this awesome responsibility! You are amazing! :hug:

As for the schedule, I would start off with a strict 3 hour feeding schedule. If you find that is not enough time in between, I would stretch it out some, but not go past 4. At night, I would do basically the same thing, but I would also let them go longer as long as they are growing well. If they are waking just to eat 1oz, chances are they aren't truly hungry, and I would try a paci.

My twins slept in their swing(Emma) and next to me(Jake) for the first 3 months or so. It was all about whatever worked and getting ALL of us the most sleep possible!

Around 4 months, I started putting them down for naps around the same time each day, in their cribs, as to try and develop a routine/schedule with that. By 6 months, they were taking 3 regular naps everyday. Here are some 4 month schedules . I would choose one that you think will work for you and the babies and start trying to work towards it when you are ready.

:youcandoit: We are here for you grandma!! :grouphug:

 

Sorry that your daughter left you alone with her boys. She is young and having 2 babies when you are still a child is hard. I know I feel like running away some days when my boys give me hard times. Maybe she will miss them and come back after she clears her head.
Anyway, you should try and put them on the same schedule. I don't know if they were premature, but they should eat at least every 3 ours at 3 months. Try and put them on a 3 hour schedule at first and after that you could go longer, like 3.5 - 4 hours when they'll be 4 months.
My mother helped me for the first 4 months and my boys were eating whenever they wanted. After she left I put my boys on a 4 hour schedule and this helped a lot with night sleeping. They've started going longer during the night also. It took me about a month to do this.
And at night, if one wakes before 2.5 - 3 hours, try and sooth him back to sleep. And feet them at the same time if you can or at least one after the other day and night (I feed them in boucies during the day and one after the other at night). This will give you at least 2-3 hours of sleep for the moment.
Mine slept in their cribs from the beginning during the night, but slept in the bouncer since 3 months old during the day until they were 5-6 months. As some other moms said, just let them sleep where ever they want to for the moment. You need the sleep to function and you can make the transition to the crib.

You are a Great grandma for taking care of them. Just hang in there. We are here to support you and try to give you advice if you need it.

 

At almost 5 months mine still can't go 4 hours but they consistently take 4-6 oz every 3. I would start with making sure you are waking them both at the same time each morning. Then, make your feeding schedule from there. At 3 months they probably can handle being up 1-2 hours at a stretch so watch the clock or watch for their sleepy signals and try to get them down for their first nap about the same time. After that the schedule may deviate a little because one may sleep longer than the other but don't let them sleep longer than 2 hours during the day. Then, as it gets closer to bedtime they may want to "cluster feed" (eat every 1-2) in order to get ready for bed. Put them down at the same time every night. Babies respond to early bedtimes and can even sleep longer if they are not overtired. Mine go down between 6:30 and 7, and at 3 months woke once overnight to eat. It may help when one wakes at night to wake the other for a feed too. About 4 months babies will start to fall into a more predictable schedule but these steps can help. I also suggest Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, which gives a lot of tips for helping create and maintain sleep schedules.

 

I agree with Becky, I would start out by getting them on a very strict 3 hour feeding schedule in the hopes of getting them to eat more than an ounce at a time. After that, you can stretch it to 4 hours if they are eating well & seem like they can go that long. If they will sleep longer than 3 hours stretches at night I would let them as long as their weights are good. If they will only sleep in the swing, I would let them at this point. I would get the feeding schedule worked out & hope that the naps & nights will fall into line on their own. If not, you can work on that next.

:welcome: to Twinstuff. Those babies are so lucky to have a Grandma who is willing to love them & look after them. The first year is hard in so many ways, but we are here to support you in any way we can! :grouphug:

 

I relieved to learn about another granny looking after twins. My daughter moved in with
us after the twins were born (donar insem - as she was not interested in marriage at 35 yrs. She
could not cope with her stressfull job and little sleep so I have been looking after them since birth
and sleeping in their room- they are now 7 and a half months old.

I felt I got energy everyday to carry on and without any help and still coping.

My advice is for Gran is to hang in there. Things will get better. Our routine kicked in at 6 months
with "off" days in between. I love the two to bits and are willing to offer my sleep for them.

 

Oh, I am so sorry for you! I don't know how you are doing it alone.



1[sup]st[/sup] off, if they have a pediatrician, ask the pediatrician how many ounces a day minimum they have to have. That helps. It might be OK to let them sleep through the night if they are already at 10 pounds, with minimum ounces.



First thing I'd recommend…



If one is hungry, feed the other one too!



Of course, this should be staggered unless they have neck strength (otherwise can be a choking hazard). This is what kept our sanity. It may be hard, but this is so, so important…. Otherwise you have two babies on two very different schedules. This helps regulate them. Even if it has only been an hour since a last feeding, this tends to work.



Second thing I'd recommend,



Burp, burp, and burp some more!



Making sure our babies were burped really well helped them drink all of the milk they were 'supposed' to a day, and almost always had the 'full amount' we figured mathematically they needed per feeding based on what the Dr. told us. Air in their tummies would keep them from wanting more than an ounce or two. Burping might take a while, but it was better than needing to feed them every hour.

If you burp and give them as much as they can take (not too much to make them puke), their feedings might start to stretch out.



If the babies tend to fall asleep during bottles, wait to change until after the baby falls asleep, then change. This usually helps wake them up to finish the bottle.



Ours were preemie (born 35 weeks 5 days) and were on a 6X a day 4 hour schedule since they were less than a week old. They told us it was no more than 4 hour stretch, max, but NICU and pediatrician it was OK for them to go 4 hours between providing they had the minimum ounces per day.



When they hit 3 months/about 10 pounds, their Dr. said they could 'sleep through the night', with a minimum oz. per day.



Check with a pediatrician. They can give you minimum ounces per day/schedule OKs and recommendations. Ours helped us so much.



Again, kudos to you, and kudos to grandmas!