got my SIL pissed at me

i was looking at her baby registry to check out what she wanted so i can save up the money for whatever i was going to get. still not sure since she isn't finished. well i saw on there the thermal scan thermometer for the forehead. i emailed her and said i got the same thing and it really is crap. she was more then welcome to check it out first before she put it down because i never got the same reading twice even on me. i told her the ped recommends doing it rectally when they are younger anyway. i have never used mine and thought it was a waste of money. this is the first time i have ever said anything about what to get. well i got an email that said i will get whatever i want to get. it is my first child just like your twins were your first kids so my kid deserves the best don't he. i want to learn from my mistakes not have someone tell me don't do it.

i was just letting her know mine was crap and maybe she should pick something else. i have never even used mine at all. last time i try to be helpful geez ardon:

 

1st time parents are the most stubborness people I have meet. I learned from watching that you never tell them anything because you are always wrong. I only give advice when asked and only after that.

 

I think you were being helpful! Don't worry about it, and whatever you do- no more advice!

 

I don't think you're wrong at all. I'm going to be a first time parent shortly, and when I did our registry (DH was happy to leave that area to me), I read the reviews of every single product we registered for, both on the Babies R Us website and on others, and I also talked to people about their recommendations, what they used, didn't use etc, and what they found to be invaluable.

I wouldn't worry about your SIL. Sounds like she is being a little territorial and defensive - you're probably not the only one to point something out to her about her registry (even though you meant well), but sounds like you got the full brunt of it.

 

I told my SIL things that worked and didn't work for us, it was up to her if she took my advice. She thanked me for the suggestions. Seems silly that she was so offended. Sorry!

 

:unsure:

Wow, I saw your comments as very helpful. I guess I would have replied that I too thought her kids deserve the very best and know this product is not very good and she should know that. I think your offer of letting her tryi it before she gets it was very kind and her response clearly shows she is quite closed minded about any kind of fedback, helpful or not.

Don't take it personally, you did a very nice thing. She clearly is having some issues. Maybe she is having lots of people tell her what to do and she jus ttook it out on her.

 

I would buy her the crappy thing and let her gloat that she got it.......secretly knowing that I gave her CRAP!!!!!!!! and tried to warn her about it first...........maybe include a gift card too, so she could replace it when she realized that I was right and it was crap!!!!!

 

Chaulk it up to hormones and just let it roll off your back. She took it wrong... but don't let that bother you

 

Chalk it up to pregnant hormones & don't worry about it. :nea:
If she gets one & tries to use it, she'll find out that its not reliable.
Some have to learn the hard way!

 

LOL that's pretty funny sounds like hormones.......she'll see

 

QUOTE(ihaveeightsons @ May 20 2008, 11:23 AM) [snapback]783294[/snapback]
I would buy her the crappy thing and let her gloat that she got it.......secretly knowing that I gave her CRAP!!!!!!!! and tried to warn her about it first...........maybe include a gift card too, so she could replace it when she realized that I was right and it was crap!!!!!


:rotflmbo: maybe i can just wrap mine i wouldn't waste money on that thing :laughing:

 

Wow, she sounds like a brat, lol! I think that was incredibly rude of her to respond to you like that. I wouldn't want to talk with her if that's how she acts. She needs to grow up now that she's going to be a mother.

 

Maybe she has been getting alot of unwanted advice from mom/mil/grandmother etc. Often we lash out in frustration at an easier target, kwim? I would also say hormones were playing a big part of it.

I really don't think you had done anything wrong. You were just giving experienced product advice. If it were a different situation, she might not have gotten so defensive so quickly.

I might just apologize to her that you didn't mean it that way, just wanted to share your experience. I would bet she will apologize back for being so touchy.

 

She must have some crazy hormones going on there! I was so grateful for advice from parents on products when I was pregnant with my first. Plus, it isn't like you told her not to register for an expensive new stroller or new crib and just buy a used one. I could see the "deserve the best" comment from something like that, but over your experience with a crappy thermometer? That is ridiculous!

 

See, I see it as sillly that she'd act that way towards you, you said nothing that should get to her, IMO. She doesn't have any excuse to act so childish...she is showing her immaturity. I had people giving me advice ALL the time with my first one, and I NEVER acted out like that over something SO silly.

 

I think you were well-meaning, but I will have to disagree with those who referred to her behaviour as hormonal or bratty.

This is my opinion based on observation. . . I think it's typical and expected for a new mom (or an experienced one at that) to not want this kind of unsolicited advice - even if it was well-meaning and benign. Honestly, if there's been any backbiting in your family at all or she has reason to suspect she's not unconditionally accepted by all members of your family (has anyone ever talked about her behind her back in any way?), then such comments about her registry could easily be seen as malicious criticism even if it wasn't meant that way.

New moms have the right to feel their own way out, even if it is mistaken. We should never wield our motherhood experiences above "first time moms" as if it is a badge of superiority. She may be feeling this was what was going on whether that was your intention or not.

 

QUOTE(Emily@Home @ May 20 2008, 01:39 PM) [snapback]783583[/snapback]
I think you were well-meaning, but I will have to disagree with those who referred to her behaviour as hormonal or bratty.

This is my opinion based on observation. . . I think it's typical and expected for a new mom (or an experienced one at that) to not want this kind of unsolicited advice - even if it was well-meaning and benign. Honestly, if there's been any backbiting in your family at all or she has reason to suspect she's not unconditionally accepted by all members of your family (has anyone ever talked about her behind her back in any way?), then such comments about her registry could easily be seen as malicious criticism even if it wasn't meant that way.

New moms have the right to feel their own way out, even if it is mistaken. We should never wield our motherhood experiences above "first time moms" as if it is a badge of superiority. She may be feeling this was what was going on whether that was your intention or not.

nobody has ever talked about her behind her back. our families always get along. we always have a great time together and we really like each other. my family is just me, my dad, and brother. mother passed but still in all we never had a problem. i always used to talk to her also. we have hung out me, her and DH's went to dinners together etc. so i was shocked that she got pissed at me saying something about her thermometer on registry. i also have not commented on anything that she wanted i think everything is very cute on what she is picking out and would look great. we are sooooo happy to be having a new little member to the family. we always talked about how we need new blood in the family. then we had twins and now 1 year later we are going to be blessed with her child to add to the fun. i do normally get along great with her and i did appologize if it came out wrong in any way and even said i did not mean to tell her what to get but thought mine was useless and she could check mine out for herself and see how she feels about it first. i by no means think i have a badge of superiority over anyone who has kids.

 

Oh yeah buy her the thermometer for sure !!!!!

 

Maybe it's the pregnancy hormones. You'd think people would appreciate some well meaning advice. Let her find out for herself-it's just a shame that she could've gotten something more useful.

 

Seriously, it wasn't like you said meanly not to get the thing. You were being helpful in telling her you weren't thrilled and even offered for her to check yours out and then see if she still wanted it. I think she took it wrong and blew it out of proportion.

 

QUOTE(2xthelove @ May 20 2008, 02:58 PM) [snapback]783797[/snapback]
nobody has ever talked about her behind her back. our families always get along. we always have a great time together and we really like each other. my family is just me, my dad, and brother. mother passed but still in all we never had a problem. i always used to talk to her also. we have hung out me, her and DH's went to dinners together etc. so i was shocked that she got pissed at me saying something about her thermometer on registry. i also have not commented on anything that she wanted i think everything is very cute on what she is picking out and would look great. we are sooooo happy to be having a new little member to the family. we always talked about how we need new blood in the family. then we had twins and now 1 year later we are going to be blessed with her child to add to the fun. i do normally get along great with her and i did appologize if it came out wrong in any way and even said i did not mean to tell her what to get but thought mine was useless and she could check mine out for herself and see how she feels about it first. i by no means think i have a badge of superiority over anyone who has kids.

I think what you said here just reiterates that it probably really is hormones! I used to eat peanut m&ms and they made me psycho for the next half hour or so.. Maybe she was triggered into a huge hormonal fit :laughing: I have to admit, I like the idea of wrapping yours up and giving it to her! And then just forgive her and move on back to your old relationship.