Going to start this new potty training technique tomorrow

Some of you may remember my post a while back where I talked to the nurse at the pedi office about potty training my 3.5yo son. Here is what she ended up telling me after a billion suggestions I've already tried (I'm quoting my other thread):

QUOTE
She then got out a book that talked about when potty training becomes a control thing for the child. The book recommend going about two weeks without ever mentioning the potty. Then, you have a talk with the child and tell them that they are in control of their peepee and poopy. Tell them the peepee and poopy want to go in the potty and it is up to them to make it go in there. Tell them it is their responsibility to make sure the peepee and poopy go where they want to go. Give them a choice between using the big potty and a potty chair.

Then, you put them in underwear and never say anything about again. If they have an accident, they have to clean it up (you may need to help a little, but should try to avoid it) because this is now completely their responsibility. The idea is that, since this is a control issue, by giving them the control and never reminding them or saying anything about, their attempt at control switches from refusing to go on the potty to being responsible for going.


So, tomorrow is the day. It has actually been closer to a month than two weeks, but people kept bringing it up before I had a chance to tell them we weren't talking about it and I wanted to really give it enough time so he didn't feel we were pressuring him.

When he wakes up in the morning we are going to have a talk (hopefully before he pees for the first time - I might have to get up early just to be sure, although he normally doesn't pee until the middle of breakfast ) and then I'll put him in underwear. I just used my last diaper on him tonight, so it is perfect timing. If he cries for one, I can honestly say we don't have any.

I'm nervous, but hopeful. I just pray that this works!

 

Good luck Stacy. :hug: Keep us posted!!

 

Good luck!

 

I like that approach. Good luck, hope it works!

 

Good luck Stacy!! :hug: :hug: Be strong woman... and then pass it on this way! :lol:

 

Good luck. Please let me know how it goes,since I have the same problem with both my twin boys. Potty training is going to be the end of me!

 

Well, he screamed and cried when I put the underwear on him this morning. He kept saying, "What if I pee?" He is so afraid of having an accident! But, I told him, if he peed in his pants, he would just clean it up and we'd try again, but that if he told me when he had to go pee, he could go on the potty and keep his pants dry. He sat on the potty for about 15 minutes this morning, but didn't go. Then, in the middle of breakfast he peed. It was all over, but I stayed strong and made him clean it up. It took forever and my hands were itching to just do it for him and get it done, but I didn't. He was upset and didn't want to put another pair of underwear on, but I was firm.

He is in the bathroom with DH right now trying to go again. I know he won't since he just peed, but I am so glad he is at least trying. I just need to be patient and not give up! At least it is supposed to rain the next few days, so we won't be outside away from the potty too much. It is going to be a long couple of days, though!

 

Good luck Stacy! It is so hard sometimes to be patient with PTing, I know, but you can do it! Hang in there. :hug:

 

GL!! :hug:

 

Thank you for your update. I am going to have to do the same process, so I am interested to see what problems you have!

thanks again.

 

Good luck!! And keep us updated!! Hearing BTDT stories encourage the rest of us who are getting close to that dreaded event!!

 

Hang in there Stacy!!! :hug: Sounds like you guys have the right state of mind and know the patience needs of this "special assignment"!!

 

4:45 pm on day 2 and he has not gone on the potty once. He has peed in almost every room of the house except the bathroom. I just keep telling myself to be patient. I just don't know how long I should wait. I keep telling myself to just make it through the week. But, if he doesn't go at all, is there any point? I just get so frustrated! I'm not letting him see it, but it is still there.

 

I had the same problem with my 12 yr old when he was that age. iI was a nightmare! That exact same method actually worked (eventually) for him. One day my dh came home from work and Jared had pooped in his underwear - dh quietly got up and without warning took Jared to the yard and made him clean himself with the hose - he never pooped in his pants again. sounds cruel but it worked.

 

After 2 whole days of peeing in his pants and not trying at all, I was dreading him doing it again this morning. DH is off work today, so I got to "sleep in" a bit. I was actually hiding out in my room hoping that he would just get the mess over with before I got up. I ended up getting up before he peed. At 10:30, he still hadn't peed. DH and I just didn't know what to do. We could remind him and "break the rules" or we could just let him pee his pants again since he was showing no signs of trying.

DH took over and made him sit on the potty. He put him there and told him he was not allowed to get up until he peed since we knew that he had to. An hour later he was still sitting there, but Anna had to use the potty (we only have one bathroom). So, we took him off the potty and stood him in the bathtub. I told him if he had to go, then he could go in there while Sissy was on the potty. I walked in the other room and I heard DH cheering and saying, "Good job, Bubby!" I ran in and he was peeing in the bathtub. We gave him a ton of praise and a prize (he has a whole treasure chest left over from when we trained Anna - she emptied hers in a week, but he hadn't touched his). He seemed very proud.

Now, we just need to see what happens the rest of the day. I just don't know. I feel almost like it was a fluke. Maybe we should have stuck with the not talking about it policy, but it didn't seem to be working at all! This whole thing is just so frustrating. So, I gave in and can't really comment on the overall effectiveness of this idea except to say that it resulted in a lot of wet carpet and two loads of laundry in just two days.

 

It really will eventually work. The main thing I did with Kayci was keep her (well, all of us really) confined to one part of the house. It was the small playroom and living room. We had a small potty in the living room so she could go whenever she wanted. Good luck and stay tough, momma!

 

QUOTE(ktfan @ Jun 10 2009, 12:30 PM) [snapback]1348773[/snapback]
It really will eventually work. The main thing I did with Kayci was keep her (well, all of us really) confined to one part of the house. It was the small playroom and living room. We had a small potty in the living room so she could go whenever she wanted. Good luck and stay tough, momma!

Which way will work? Just not talking about it and never reminding him? The thing is, he never once decided to sit on the potty the entire two days. We didn't talk about it and he didn't talk about it. When he had an accident, he cleaned it up and never complained, but it didn't change anything the next time. Our house is really small, so being away from the bathroom wasn't an issue. Once he was standing right outside the bathroom and another time, he was actually in the bathroom looking in the mirror when he went in his pants. He can go whenever he wants, too. The problem is he never wants to.

While I was typing this, Anna yelled "He's going poopy!" and I looked over to find him with his butt in the air in the "poopy position." I said, "Hurry! Go to the bathroom." He ran in there and I sat him on the potty before he went. He did go poopy on the potty (first time ever)! But, if I hadn't caught him, he would be making another mess.

I know he knows when he has to go (the poopy position kinda proves it). So, it is just a matter of stubbornness. Well, I can be stubborn, too when needed. I am not going to buy any diapers. He is capable of going, so he is going to learn to go. At this point, I don't care if it takes two weeks of cleaning up messes. But, I am going to make him sit on the potty. He has no desire to do it for any other reason (even the prizes), so obeying me will have to be his motivation. I just don't know what else to do.

 

We did do reminders with Kayci. She was so super stubborn about it! I plied her with drinks and salty snacks and I sat the little potty right next to where I was all the time. If she started to pee, I said very excited "yay, pee pee let's put in the potty" and physically moved her to the potty and sat her down. Sometimes she would sometimes still have some left and get it in the potty; sometimes there was nice trail and the potty stayed empty. If she peed at all, even just a little, after she sat down, she got M&Ms. Chocolate was her motivator. But it took her a while to realize that I wasn't putting a diaper on her no matter what so she was going to be wet and cleaning up messes or going in the potty. After about 2 weeks of doing well with the little potty in view at all times we moved into the bathroom. When I started training Aaron, he didn't pee anywhere but the diaper at nap and night for what seemed like forever. I want to say like a month or more. I took what I wanted from all the different ways to do it and formed my own plan. I think the most important thing is to be super consistent in whatever it is you do. If you let him know, no ifs ands or buts, that he is done with diapers and he can choose to handle it however he wants (either using the toilet or cleaning up puddles) he will eventually figure out that you really mean it and he'll have to comply. It's so hard when they are so strong willed and it seems like they'll never let go. Hang in there! :hug:

 

He was completely accident free yesterday! We had to remind him and even force him to sit on the potty in the morning. But, in the evening, he actually came and told us he had to go!!!!! I wanted to cry I was so happy! I know it seems silly, but this has been a huge stress around here. This morning he told me he had to go again. He did have a small accident about a half-hour ago, but I really don't care! I'm just so excited that he is wanting to go potty now!

I just can't get over that we are doing the exact opposite of what everyone recommends, but it is the first thing that has worked. Everyone just kept telling us to wait until he wanted to go and not force him. But, I just didn't see that happening. He has been physically ready for over a year, but stubbornness was holding him back and we just can't afford to keep buying diapers (not to mention I'm sick of changing them!) when he is perfectly capable of going on the potty.

It took us literally forcing him to sit on the potty until he went pee for it to click with him. The only thing I can think is that he just didn't believe that he could do it and a fear of failure was keeping him from trying. He had to be forced to try. Two days of forcing him to try and being stern with him and making him clean up accidents, but praising the heck out of him when he succeeded, was what it took for him to get over his fear. He wants to succeed and now he knows that he can! I'll keep you all updated and we'll see how it goes. But, for the first time I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!

 

Stacy, I'm so happy for you - and him! - that it worked so well!! :Clap:

 

:woo: :woohoo: That's great!!

 

I really think different things motivate different kids. I've often read advice on here -- not about potty-training, but about any topic -- and thought, "dude, no way will that ever work for my extra-stubborn kid."

So glad you found something that worked!

We had a different experience with Nadia because she was only 27 months when I trained her (I used the Potty Training in Less Than a Day method, touted by Dr. Phil and also described in the book that comes with Potty Patty) -- but the key thing was there was no "try" about it.

She didn't have trouble with peeing, but what motivated her to poop on the toilet was putting the portable DVD player in the bathroom, and allowing her to watch Dora while she pooped. And, putting her on a "poop schedule" also helped, so I knew what to expect. Even now, she goes first thing in the morning after her breakfast smoothie (usually), and it sure makes my life easier!

 

QUOTE(Stacy A. @ Jun 12 2009, 04:17 PM) [snapback]1351848[/snapback]
I just can't get over that we are doing the exact opposite of what everyone recommends, but it is the first thing that has worked. Everyone just kept telling us to wait until he wanted to go and not force him. But, I just didn't see that happening. He has been physically ready for over a year, but stubbornness was holding him back and we just can't afford to keep buying diapers (not to mention I'm sick of changing them!) when he is perfectly capable of going on the potty.

It took us literally forcing him to sit on the potty until he went pee for it to click with him. The only thing I can think is that he just didn't believe that he could do it and a fear of failure was keeping him from trying. He had to be forced to try. Two days of forcing him to try and being stern with him and making him clean up accidents, but praising the heck out of him when he succeeded, was what it took for him to get over his fear.


I have to tell you I can COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from! This was Alex exactly. I waited and waited for him to tell me he wanted to go on the potty by himself, and as we approached age 4 I realized this was never going to happen. Alex is like that with alot of things though. He'll be terrified of doing something he's never done before, but if we just kind of make him do it, he ALWAYS ends up loving it! I knew that was what would happen with potty training too. And when I took the diapers away and the kid was literally holding it for 5-6 hours, I KNEW he had the capacity to be potty trained. I often compare our 4 days of potty training Alex to the first days home from the hospital with 2 newborns. Stress is an understatment! I am SO happy that he's doing well! Congratulations!! :banana:

 

QUOTE(korie99 @ Jun 13 2009, 08:23 AM) [snapback]1352782[/snapback]
I have to tell you I can COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from! This was Alex exactly. I waited and waited for him to tell me he wanted to go on the potty by himself, and as we approached age 4 I realized this was never going to happen. Alex is like that with alot of things though. He'll be terrified of doing something he's never done before, but if we just kind of make him do it, he ALWAYS ends up loving it! I knew that was what would happen with potty training too. And when I took the diapers away and the kid was literally holding it for 5-6 hours, I KNEW he had the capacity to be potty trained. I often compare our 4 days of potty training Alex to the first days home from the hospital with 2 newborns. Stress is an understatment! I am SO happy that he's doing well! Congratulations!! :banana:

Exactly! A couple of weeks ago we went to a party with a trampoline (the type with a safety net all the way around) and Anna couldn't wait to get on. It took us 2 hours to convince Ian to get on and we even just picked him up and put him on it a couple of times, but he'd cry to get back off. By the end of the party we couldn't get him off of it long enough to eat cake! Then, at the beginning of the summer he refused to get in the pool and literally kicked and screamed while I forced him into his swim trunks. But, he is now the one we have to force to get out of the pool when it is time to go inside! I just never thought of potty training as being the same type thing until we decided we needed to force him!

He did have one accident yesterday at my mom's house. But, I think it was being somewhere different and being embarrassed of all the fuss. Other than that, he is doing great! I did decided to buy him some pull-ups for church on Sunday. We will be there for about 3 hours between Sunday school and church and Wednesday at church he was worried about being embarrassed if he had an accident. I figure I won't stress him out about that until he has been accident free for several days in a row. We just aren't there quite yet.

 

way to go! Is Ian pooping on the potty? My guys will pee, but are adamently opposed to pooping. Thanks again for your updates, I am thinking of trying the same process this week since it is going to be warm and we can go outside with the bugs!

 

QUOTE(GrayHeathmommy @ Jun 13 2009, 10:06 AM) [snapback]1352870[/snapback]
way to go! Is Ian pooping on the potty? My guys will pee, but are adamently opposed to pooping. Thanks again for your updates, I am thinking of trying the same process this week since it is going to be warm and we can go outside with the bugs!

He has pooped on the potty twice and only in his pants once since we took the diapers away, but that was when we were trying the "don't talk about it" thing. Both times I've caught him getting in the poopy position and told him to hurry and go to the potty and he has. He only poops every other day, so that isn't too big of an issue.

 

What about nap time and bed time with this method? What do you do then?

 

QUOTE(Pookeysue @ Jun 14 2009, 01:16 PM) [snapback]1353851[/snapback]
What about nap time and bed time with this method? What do you do then?

He has stayed dry during naps and bed time for close to 2 years. He wakes up dry. Like I said, he has been physically ready for a loooong time.

ETA: We have been accident free yesterday and so far today! WooHoo!!!!