Going Solo

My wifes has gone back to work after 18months mat leave. Weve been real fortunate to have had help and not too many nights that weve had to put the little ones to bed alone. 14months old these little ones have given me quite a run the last few nights Mom has been at work. Not sure what Im doing wrong or if Im doing anything right but it always seems to turn into a scream fest. I sneak up stairs prepare the jammies, towels, creams, and have the bottles ready , but all the prep in the world couldnt prepare me for the fight that follows, wow!

I guess really its getting them used to a new routine, or at least not being one on one with Mom and Dad at bedtime. Having the 2 litle ones screaming so much right before bed makes me wonder if they will start to hate bedtime, they are already light sleepers as it is. 5a.m. wake ups, with short and more often only 1 knap a day.

I dont look forward to seeing my wife out the door, and I feel bad when I have to leave her by herself to deal with bedtime. And I know she doesnt feel good leaving me at home to deal with them alone either. The home seems pretty glum after dinner knowing the battle ahead.

Your thoughts? Your success? your failures?

 

:welcome: to Twinstuff!!

I think you said it right, they just need to adjust to the new routine. They have had the one-on-one attention for so long, that now they need to adjust to waiting their turn.

Pick a routine and stick with it, and in time they will know what to expect and will get better. My husband works 2nd shift, so I am alone most nights. I talk to mine a lot, explain everything that will be happening, and everything that is taking place. It keeps them interested. I also sing to them or tell them stories. I have been doing this for a while, and like I said, they come to expect it.

Hang in there!!

 

:welcome: Nice to see another daddy here!

I agree with Michelle about it just being a matter of sticking to strict routine and giving them time to adjust. It's hard putting multiple babies to bed by yourself, BTDT! 14mos is a nasty age for sudden changes in routine too, so I doubt you're doing anything wrong. Just be consistent and give it a few weeks.

When Cali & Trent were that age I used to bring them into my bed and read to them until they were falling asleep, then carry them to their own beds. They were bad sleepers and that was the only way I could get them down.

 

OK, I am confused with how old your kids are - 14 months or 18 months? Either way - I think it will come together for you with consistency. Once they realize that Daddy will be doing bed time from now on it will get better.

What time is bed time? Can you ease them into it a little more slowly? Are you bathing them before bed? What about a bath, then a small play time or reading time then bed time? I think if you do the same thing every night for a few weeks it will go better.

What is it that they are fighting you on exactly? They don't want to go to sleep?

 

Decide on a bedtime .... say 6:30. Decide if they will go to bed immediately after supper or if there will be a short 1/2 of light quiet play.

Don't get them worked up an hour before it is bedtime. No rough play or tickling type of play. Start to turn down some lights and make it at a particular time each time. Turn off the T.V. which can stimulate their minds.

If you have to write down exactly what you will do and then do it each and every time. Give yourself 2 weeks and then re-assess.

Try to say the same thing to them as well. Let them know (by your actions) that when you close the bedroom door you will not be returning.

We bath everyother night. You might decide on this later what works for you. It is a lot more work bathing two by yourself but it will make them tired. This might help transition them into your new routine....

Heather

 

I'd move bathtime to another part of the day. Then that's one less thing you have to juggle and try to keep them calming down. If you do it early in the day, or at least before dinner, it's part of play time so if they get worked up it doesn't effect bedtime. By 14 mos, I would give mine their sippy of milk about 6:30. About 6:45 we walked to the bathroom to brush teeth, then back to the bedroom, put on pjs, read one story, plopped in cribs, kisses, fan on (for white noise), lights out, door shut, done. I agree with pps that you need to decide what is doable for you as the bedtime routine and then stick with it item by item for a few weeks. They will learn what the new normal is. If you are super consistent in what you do, the order you do it in, and the things you say they will catch on. What time is bedtime? If they are waking at 5am and only getting one nap, IMO they need to go to bed by 6ish. Part of the battle could be because they are overtired.

 

I second what everyone else has said. Carve out a routine and stick to it. With me, my DH is out to sea quite a bit, so it's me home alone while he's gone and then him coming home for only a little while and gone again. It's hard on the girls, but they seem to adjust okay cause we've never waivered on the bedtime routine. Even if I take them out and we're gone til late. I still give them a bath, brush teeth, read a book, say thier prayers and lights out. (Another tip: I let them pick out their own PJ's and which bedtime story they want read.)
You're real challenge will be getting them to stay in bed, once you have the routine down. Good luck.

 

I agree with everyone else, have one routine that both of you do. They will still get mad for having to go to bed, but they will know what to expect and it will eventually make life easier once they get used to it. I always played a short video that had classical music to it. It lasted about 10 minutes. This gave me time to get things ready for bed and they knew that when it was over it was bedtime. Worked wonders for us.

 

First of all I second what everyone else has said about sticking to a routine I just wanted to say that when my dh put the boys down on his own its supper and then some quiet play and tv time then upstairs for a bath (with bottles ready) Now when they get out of the bath they are crazy they know bedtime is right around the corner so they get pretty squirlie(sp?)when there is two of us its no big deal but when dh is alone he puts them on the bed and gives them there bottles while he puts a diaper and p.j.'s on, so they stay still. Then he turns off the lights and puts the sound machine on, by this time there almost done there bottles and getting sleepy when there done he picks them up and plops them in there beds.

Good Luck, I hope things calm down soon for you.

Just out of curiosity do you have boys or girls or one of each?

Erica

 

I do bedtime by myself most nights. I went back to work when the boys were 12 months and at that point bedtime became exhausting for all of us. We now don't do a bath if I don't feel like it. I will get some warm water and wash cloths and I will wash their faces, neck, arms and such while they are still strapped in the highchairs and watching some YouTube videos (Rhino song - gets us through many a fussy time by the way ). I may also run to get the jammies and bed time diapers while they are strapped. I change them in the living room in a relaxed manner. I just sit there chatting with them and the first one who comes over gets changed. It may be 20 minutes before the next one gets changed - I don't really force it. I also change in the living room on bath nights. They get a quick dry and a diaper in the bathroom and moisturizer and jammies in the living room. For me a non-childproofed bathroom and 2 toddlers was stressful - now we get out of there asap.
Then we have a quiet play time while they finish their milk sippies. I sit on the floor with them and they each come over for a cuddle as they play. Honestly this is the most precious time I have with them Mon-Fri. I've learned this is not a good time to clean highchairs, wash dishes, tidy up, do laundry - their mood will just sour quickly. When it's time to go to bed I may carry one knowing the other will follow behind and off we go. I already have their sleep sacs opened up ( I sneak in at dinner time) so I can quickly get them zipped up, give them a soother and a blankie and I'm out the door.
Once I let my stress and tiredness get to me, we don't have a good night. You can be as stressed as you want afterwards, but try to remain calm and focussed, stick to the routine that works best for you and you should be fine.

 

I'm with the others definitely you need a routine. My DH does bedtime alone most nights as I work 2nd shift a few nights a week. One of the things that he really finds helpful is putting on their favorite dvd while he gets their jammies on. It gives them a distraction and they fight him less, then they finish watching while they have a snack and milk, then when the dvd is over they know it is bedtime and head to the stairs. He also has a routine where he picks them both up, says goodnight and kisses them, then they kiss each other, then he kisses them again and lays them down. Its a silly little thing but they have come to expect it and if you don't do it then they cry.

Good luck with the transition!!

 

Thanks for all the tips. Seems routine is the key.
Thanks again.

 

QUOTE(PJ @ Jan 17 2009, 01:33 AM) [snapback]1150797[/snapback]
OK, I am confused with how old your kids are - 14 months or 18 months? Either way - I think it will come together for you with consistency. Once they realize that Daddy will be doing bed time from now on it will get better.

What time is bed time? Can you ease them into it a little more slowly? Are you bathing them before bed? What about a bath, then a small play time or reading time then bed time? I think if you do the same thing every night for a few weeks it will go better.

What is it that they are fighting you on exactly? They don't want to go to sleep?


twins are 14months, bedtime is 6 to 630, had pretty steady routine prior to mom going back to work. the fight is more for my attention i think. pick one up and the other screams, put one down for the other and bang the other goes off, after the bath I have to screaming babies, trying to change and feed and put to bed. not so peaceful.

Im faced with my daughter missing mom as soon as she leaves, my son doesnt seem to miss her but with my daughter whining and crying for mom theres only so much even he can take before his mood changes.

Oh well, it will get better as they say.

thanks for the tips.

cm

 

QUOTE(1daddy2babies @ Jan 20 2009, 11:20 PM) [snapback]1155375[/snapback]
twins are 14months, bedtime is 6 to 630, had pretty steady routine prior to mom going back to work. the fight is more for my attention i think. pick one up and the other screams, put one down for the other and bang the other goes off, after the bath I have to screaming babies, trying to change and feed and put to bed. not so peaceful.

I always, always, always, get J (routine, routine, routine) in his jammies first. While putting on his lotion, diaper, jammies, I sit L next to me and he reads a board book to me, I ask him questions, ask him to point out things, etc. That seems to appease L while getting J ready. Then I swap J to sit next to me with the book while I get L ready. That works for us as far as keeping them entertained enough while dealing with the other child.