Going Crazy

Today has been a really hard day. As one twin goes down the other one is getting up. I am totally exhausted and am just looking for a little support and vent time. my boys will be 16weeks on thursday and its getting easier but is still hard. I have no support other than my husband who works everyday except 2 days a month and no family here. My mom passed away 2 years ago, my brother just joined the army and is gone for 6 months and my dad lives 9 hrs away. I am starting to get really lonely. I have worked for the past 15yrs and have been off work since December and still find it hard to adjust to being at home. Im off until next march. I love my boys to pieces but seem to be having a hard time. Does anyone have any advice to help me survive

 

It's so hard when you feel like you don't get a break!
Is there any way you could have someone come at least once a week for a few hours?

Right now, it's tough. Everyone is still adjusting and on weird sleep schedules and it's so overwhelming. I'm sure you're already working on it, but if you can, try to get them on the same schedule. Even if it means waking one up, it truly makes it easier in the long run. With our boys, I've noticed that the one that always gets fed/taken care of second is much more patient as time goes on. As they get older, you'll find that they're happier a little longer during the day, especially once they start to notice things and play a little more.

:hug99:
You'll get through this part, I promise! Just hang in there and don't be afraid to ask for help.

 

Oh, I hate those kinds of days...keep your chin up! My boys started getting a lot easier when they were a couple of weeks older than yours--they just got better at playing independently. They still have a lot of napping issues; but they are happier when they are awake. So you might catch a break very, very soon.

Regardless, tomorrow is another day, and it has the potential to be a great one. Best wishes and big hugs to you!

 

:hug99: Getting out even for a short period of time can do wonders. Can DH stay in while you go out for a breather? Maybe you can meet a friend for coffee, shop or even get your nails done?

How are they napping? Are they becoming a little more predictable? Maybe you can try syncing up their naps so you get a break. PM me, I'd love to chat .

Sometimes a swing or exercauser will keep them occupied for a bit too. It will get better! As they grow, they will become more content for longer periods of time, so you won't feel as though you spend each waking moment with them :hug99: .

 

:hug99: Do you have a local Mom of Twins club? Can you afford a nanny or mother's helper? It sounds like you need a break, even for a couple hours. Its hard to take care of two needy babies 24/7. I hope that you can get some help and get a break. Happy mommy=Happy babies=Happy family.

 

No advice but I can definitely understand where you are coming from as I am going through the same thing with my boys that are going to be 4 months on Friday. Both boys nap every day around 12-3 for about 60 min. but never at the same time as hard as I try. In fact, the rest of the naps are all off too! I was just telling my husband the other day, it seems like everyone has it so together and I am having a hard time functioning. Anyway, on prior posts many people recommend HHSH so I just purchased it the other day. Good Luck and let me know if you find something that works.

 

ugh - I had just written up a long reply and it got deleted. I'll try again.

I have been there - I have worked my whole life, decided to stay home with the girls, and then almost went crazy - we had moved to a town where I knew no one, it's a huge town - I'm a small town girl, my DH is great, but gone for 12+ hours a day, etc, etc. That being said - they are 14 months old now and I'm so glad I stayed home with them.

Here are things that helped me: 1) Get out every day - even just for a walk with the kids around the block 2) Email friends - and if the kids are playing on the floor next to you, or even one sitting in your lap while the other sleeps - great. 3) DON"T WORK during every nap - read, nap, surf the net - the clothes will still be there later 4) Don't stress when they don't nap - you aren't a failure because they don't nap! My girls fought naps until they were about 8 months old - and we still have nap strikes occasionally.

I never did get involved with any clubs or anything - we ended up only being here a year and by the time I got the girls on a napping schedule, I had only a couple months left here and didn't want to deal with trying to make friends only to leave.

ETA: I never did get a mother's helper or anything, either. I just survived - family is all a plane flight away, or 18+ hours by car.

Vent anytime - PM if you want.

Good luck - it will get better.

 

Hang in there! I also do not have family here, and my DH works 6 days a week. And he works nights. One of the best things I did was join the local twin group and start going to meetings. DH takes off 1 day a month so I can go to these meetings. I also joined a playgroup through that so I've been getting out and meeting people- and it has helped so much! It is really nice to talk to other twin moms.

 

Hi there,
Our twins are close in age and I can totally relate to "those days" where you think you might pull all your hair out. The past 4 months have been so difficult, but also filled w/ a lot of joy too. It's hard sometimes to focus on the fun moments when both babies are screaming, you haven't slept, your hungry, stressed, lonely, etc. But I know one day all of us new twin moms will be missing those tender baby moments. I know, I know, it's hard to imagine RIGHT NOW---lol... hang in there. I'm struggling along side you... at least we have the support of this forum. I keep hearing "it'll get easier" and I'm PUMPED for whenever that moment decides to come along! LOL! AGH! Take care of yourself, even if it means a longer time in the swing for the babies... we're all here for you!

 

There are a lot of twin mom groups in Ontario. Not sure where you are, but our local club has university students that volunteer to help. You get help and they get hours for their resume. It was end of the semester when I had my girls, but I think I may take advantage of this in the fall.

That said I have been doing this on my own with my husband around in the evening and week-ends my family are all 17+ hours away
The things that helped me
-try and keep them on a similar schedule
-go for a walk or a drive if for nothing else to get out of the house
- if you get them both down at the same time take a few minutes to do something that you enjoy ignore the household chores for a few hours

 

*HUGS* It is hard. I am sorry you don't have any family around. What about a mom's group? A mom of twins group? Have you looked into anything like that? That could help.

Dianna

 

Hey Jody

I just PM you!

 

QUOTE(JennTx @ Jul 14 2008, 05:41 PM) [snapback]876235[/snapback]
Oh, I hate those kinds of days...keep your chin up! My boys started getting a lot easier when they were a couple of weeks older than yours--they just got better at playing independently. They still have a lot of napping issues; but they are happier when they are awake. So you might catch a break very, very soon.

Regardless, tomorrow is another day, and it has the potential to be a great one. Best wishes and big hugs to you!


Thanks for the incouragement, Everyone keeps telling me it gets better, I keep waiting patiently.

 

QUOTE(Leighann @ Jul 14 2008, 06:05 PM) [snapback]876303[/snapback]
:hug99: Do you have a local Mom of Twins club? Can you afford a nanny or mother's helper? It sounds like you need a break, even for a couple hours. Its hard to take care of two needy babies 24/7. I hope that you can get some help and get a break. Happy mommy=Happy babies=Happy family.


Im joining a local moms group next week that I found out about today, It will be good to get out of the house

 

QUOTE(YooperMom @ Jul 14 2008, 06:39 PM) [snapback]876353[/snapback]
ugh - I had just written up a long reply and it got deleted. I'll try again.

I have been there - I have worked my whole life, decided to stay home with the girls, and then almost went crazy - we had moved to a town where I knew no one, it's a huge town - I'm a small town girl, my DH is great, but gone for 12+ hours a day, etc, etc. That being said - they are 14 months old now and I'm so glad I stayed home with them.

Here are things that helped me: 1) Get out every day - even just for a walk with the kids around the block 2) Email friends - and if the kids are playing on the floor next to you, or even one sitting in your lap while the other sleeps - great. 3) DON"T WORK during every nap - read, nap, surf the net - the clothes will still be there later 4) Don't stress when they don't nap - you aren't a failure because they don't nap! My girls fought naps until they were about 8 months old - and we still have nap strikes occasionally.

I never did get involved with any clubs or anything - we ended up only being here a year and by the time I got the girls on a napping schedule, I had only a couple months left here and didn't want to deal with trying to make friends only to leave.

ETA: I never did get a mother's helper or anything, either. I just survived - family is all a plane flight away, or 18+ hours by car.

Vent anytime - PM if you want.

Good luck - it will get better.

Thanks for the helpful advice, I think that is one of my problems is I am on the go constantly cleaning, bottles, laundry, I dont stop and after four months of this I am exhausted. Im just such a control freak that its hard to sit and relax when I know there is stuff to be done . I do get out and walk but I miss adult interaction so Im actually joining a moms group next week. Ive lived in the same city my whole life so Im sure there will be other moms I will know. Hopefully that helps but for now TG for this website.

 

QUOTE(HinSD @ Jul 14 2008, 06:53 PM) [snapback]876372[/snapback]
Hang in there! I also do not have family here, and my DH works 6 days a week. And he works nights. One of the best things I did was join the local twin group and start going to meetings. DH takes off 1 day a month so I can go to these meetings. I also joined a playgroup through that so I've been getting out and meeting people- and it has helped so much! It is really nice to talk to other twin moms.


Ive crossed paths with quite a few twin moms in the area and its amazing how you just bond with them. I always say no one understands how you feel unless they have their own twins, but it could always be worse.

 

QUOTE(Ashlie @ Jul 14 2008, 07:12 PM) [snapback]876398[/snapback]
Hi there,
Our twins are close in age and I can totally relate to "those days" where you think you might pull all your hair out. The past 4 months have been so difficult, but also filled w/ a lot of joy too. It's hard sometimes to focus on the fun moments when both babies are screaming, you haven't slept, your hungry, stressed, lonely, etc. But I know one day all of us new twin moms will be missing those tender baby moments. I know, I know, it's hard to imagine RIGHT NOW---lol... hang in there. I'm struggling along side you... at least we have the support of this forum. I keep hearing "it'll get easier" and I'm PUMPED for whenever that moment decides to come along! LOL! AGH! Take care of yourself, even if it means a longer time in the swing for the babies... we're all here for you!


I just keep waiting too, but Im sure I will miss alot of this when they are grown!

 

QUOTE(pigsocks @ Jul 14 2008, 07:36 PM) [snapback]876428[/snapback]
There are a lot of twin mom groups in Ontario. Not sure where you are, but our local club has university students that volunteer to help. You get help and they get hours for their resume. It was end of the semester when I had my girls, but I think I may take advantage of this in the fall.

That said I have been doing this on my own with my husband around in the evening and week-ends my family are all 17+ hours away
The things that helped me
-try and keep them on a similar schedule
-go for a walk or a drive if for nothing else to get out of the house
- if you get them both down at the same time take a few minutes to do something that you enjoy ignore the household chores for a few hours


Thanks for the advice, Im near Ottawa. Im joining a group next week. Hopefully that helps too. I know the drive really helps, my boys have been through Tim Hortons drive through everyday for the past 3 months!!!!

 

Get out of the house!!!
That is my advice.
My little ones are about 15 weeks.
I was going for walks with them in the stroller at around 6 weeks PP. I was going bonkers. I say that lightly, but I was really getting depressed. Those walks really lifted my spirits. I couldn't even walk that far as I had a C-section but it was enough to make me feel a bit better.
If you would rather go somewhere in the car..pack them up and go through a drive-thru and get a yummy snack for yourself and just drive for a bit.
I want to Sam's Club with the twins on my own for the first time around 10 weeks. I was a bit scared but it went really well.
I didn't linger at Sam's too long but at least I got out for a bit and picked up formula, wipes and diapers on my own.
I even dared to take a bit of time and look at the jewelry. That always makes me happy
That was a BIG deal for me
So..get out of the house for a bit with the little ones if you can't get out on your own. It will really do a lot for your moral and confidence.
And if your DH can stay alone with them for awhile, that is even better.
Take care and hang in there. I was at my wits end at around 8 weeks and it got better at 10 weeks and it a lot better at 15 weeks.

 

I know how you feel!! My girls are about the same age.
We have our good days and bad.
Let me know if you want to talk I would love someone to compare notes with!!
:hug99:

 

QUOTE(Jody @ Jul 14 2008, 08:44 PM) [snapback]876679[/snapback]
Thanks for the incouragement, Everyone keeps telling me it gets better, I keep waiting patiently.

I was where you were and thought everyone was just feeding me lines so I wouldnt go crazy...mine are 6mo now and it has gotten better. I work full time and find myself missing them, when at 3mo I dreaded the thought of one more minute of taking care of them. So, I promise the time will come!
I agree with pp if you can pay for a little help just so you can have a couple hours a week to yourself it will help, I have both my parents here with me and I am sure I couldnt survive with out their help, so I feel for you. Also, try your hardest to get them on a similiar schedule-the break you have while they are napping will keep you sane. One more thing, I have one day off a week that I stay home with them and I made myself get out with them and go somewhere anywhere and it made a huge difference in my confidence and ability.
Good luck to you-please stick with this forum for support-I wouldnt have made it with out TS/FY!

 

I haven't read any of the other responses but my first thought for you would be to join a MOM club (mom of Multiples) that would be perfect for someone that is lonely but still looking for support and someone you can talk to that will understand.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time, I hope things get better for you