Going back to work and nervous

Just got a job offer that came kind of unexpectedly, and now I'm faced with the decision I was honestly hoping I wouldn't have to face. We have been financially strained to say the least (who hasn't?), and not taking the job at this point in our financial lives just isn't an option, but boy, am I conflicted about it all. I knew this day would come. I never really planned on being a stay at home mom, but when the boys were born 3 months premature it became a necessity. It's been extremely hard on our pocketbooks to be a one income family, but until now we have made it work. We have reached the point of not being able to make it work unless I joined the workforce again as well, but I was really hoping I could luck upon a part time job at the most. Now I'm facing a full time job offer and having to put them into day care full time as well.

I should be at least a little excited about being able to help provide for our family and talk to actual adults again every day, etc., but I have been nothing but sad since the job offer came in earlier today. I have honestly been crying. I feel so silly to be so down about it all, but I worry about my boys. They still have sensory issues to this day and receive therapy through Early Intervention every month. They still have feeding issues and can't eat anything more textured than a thick applesauce like texture and they haven't quite adapted to their age range on things like trying to feed themselves or even learning to use cups. So we are still on bottles due to their developmental delays in that area. Will also receives speech therapy, but he has really caught up in the past few months and has gone from being almost a year behind to only a few months behind now. They are doing exceptionally well in just about everything else. They play well with other kids, they understand pretend play more and more, they are starting to follow instructions and learn more age appropriate behaviors, etc. But this whole feeding/sensory issue thing has me so worried. Their sensory stuff even affects things like any kind of craft time. Finger paints, play doh, anything gooey or slimy that can be used for painting or other crafts is a big no no right now. Will actually pukes at the first touch of some of these things. They have been getting EI therapy for over 9 months now, and though some things have really improved, we just still haven't gotten past a lot of these sensory issues that keep them from progressing with food and using utensils. This worries me with them going into a day care situation, even though I'm fairly confident the day care we are thinking of is great about working with kids with special needs.

Plus on top of all of that, I just feel downright guilty for essentially throwing them into day care after two full years at home safe and secure with 'momma'. The only other place they have been for a full day in their entire lives is grandma's house. I have these horrible guilt pangs of them thinking that I've abandoned them. I know, I know. I'm overreacting, but some of you must know how this feels, right? I would love to hear from moms who have returned to work after a being a stay at home mom for a while, especially any moms with kids who have special needs or special accommodations that were needed at the day care level. Thanks so much in advance!

 

Hi,
I completely understand how you feel and the conflict you are going through. I also had not planned on being a stay at home Mom but after having preemies decided to stay off a little longer, then I worked part time (so up to 16 months I stayed at home, then worked 3 days a week from 16 months to now (they are just over 2 years). Now my work has asked that I plan to return full time in September (it was never a long term agreement for me to work part time.) Long story short- I have really, really struggled with it. It just seems like such a long day for the kids everyday in daycare, and I am worried they will be unhappy going 5 days a week. In addition, I know that they love their 'at home' days and I feel terrible taking them away. Plus, it feels bad to think the only quality time with them is first thing in the morning and then just the evenings and weekends. Sorry, I know this isn't making you feel better!!
HOWEVER, I felt exactly like this about putting them in daycare 3 days a week and was so stressed and it turns out they love school and it has been great for them to meet and play with other kids and they love their teachers. So, maybe it is more stressful for Mom's then for the kids! Plus your kids are a little older now so they are better prepared for this type of environment and it allows them to get used to what school will be like. I have been really pleasantly surprised by how good our daycare is with the different needs of kids too.
So like everything there are pros and cons and no matter what I think we second guess our decisions but I think that kids are more resilient than we think and I am sure that your kids will end up just find and will probably end up liking it if they are like most kids that I know!

 

I stayed home for the first 15 months after the girls were born, then we moved back home and I was able to work part time and my MIL watches the girls while I am working. Not exactly the same situation, but some of the same. Anyway, I still sometimes feel guilty, even though I am leaving them with their grandma. They wake up early on the days I go to work so they can say goodbye and things like that. So, I not have any words of wisdom, except if going to work is the best thing for your family, then that's the way it is. Probably your kiddos will love the interaction and you'll love the adult interaction!

It'll be a transition, but hopefully you will all do well!

Enjoy the adult conversation and keep your chin up.

 

Completely understand your position and have been in your shoes (somewhat). I had planned to stay home with the boys but DH was laid off shortly after the boys were born so I had to go back. I didn’t want to but had to. So here are a few things I have done to make the best of what wasn’t my dream scenario.
Can you or DH work out any kind of flexible schedule at work? 4 – 10’s, work from home, anything like that? Can you go back at only 32 hours a week? Can you job share? I thought FOR SURE my work was going to say no when I told them I wanted to come back and work 4-10’s but they were cool with it. This is mostly how I dealt with the numerous EI therapy and doctor appointments. Do you have any family that could watch them even one day a week? We also do this so my boys have only been in daycare 3 or 2 days a week. I had one mother (who has a nanny) ask me recently do I think my boys get sick more often being in daycare – I don’t think they get sick any more than my friends kids that are either SAHM or have nanny’s. I know our EI will go to daycare or gmas house if we want maybe yours will do the same?
I would have to say finding the right daycare is my biggest stress and it sounds like you may already have that sorted out so that is HUGE! They might really enjoy daycare. I think it is hardest on us moms trying to juggle it all.

 

So glad to hear from others who are going through or have been through the transition anxiety that I'm in right now. I start my job in two weeks, and my mom and dad have been wonderful and offered to keep the boys for a few weeks while helping them transition a little slower into the day care situation. This works out wonderfully because Will just had his second surgery on his nose in two years (had a cyst removed that had regrown), and I was terrified that he would take a tumble on the day care playground. He needed a few more weeks of smooth recovery time before mixing it up with a bunch of other rowdy two year olds on the jungle gym Plus this gives them a little more time for us to be a little more aggressive on getting them to use utensils and cups instead of being spoon fed everything and only taking bottles. I know we can't work miracles, but a few weeks couldn't hurt. Besides all of the logistics of getting two little boys with feeding issues and one trying to recover from surgery transitioned into day care, it's just really hard on momma right now. Over the past 27 months, I have spent every day with these little monkeys, and even the months before they entered this world, every cell in my body was dedicated on their well being. Talk about separation anxiety. I'm sure they will fare much better than me throughout all of this. Wish us luck!