Getting your tubes tied?

Have any of you ladies had trouble convincing your DH you need your tubes tied? We always discussed having 2 children and that was it. We have a 5 year old boy and are now having twin girls, so our plans for 2 are off a bit, but we are pleased as can be to be having the girls. I want to have my tubes tied because I am NOT having any more. DH is giving me trouble about it because he says he does not want me doing anything permanent. BUT I WANT TO. I was seriously considering just signing the form and not telling him, but I don't want that to be something that puts a strain on our relationship.

 

QUOTE(Jentwinmom @ Oct 11 2007, 07:51 AM) [snapback]445450[/snapback]
I want to have my tubes tied because I am NOT having any more.
BUT I WANT TO.

No problems here, dh didn't want anymore either.

I wouldn't do anything behind his back but I think if you want to do it you should. Just let him know you are doing it. Your body, your decision.

ETAh, my freind whouldn't have sex with her dh until he got a V after they had a surprise #3. (boy did he get fixed fast after no sex for a few weeks!!!) You could say he either gets okay with you having your tubes tied or you will not have sex with him until he gets fixed. Make that his choice.

 

We had decided that I would get my tubes tied after this pregnant- DH wanted two kids, me three- and we have our 2 year old and these girls on the way! But I am having the babies at a catholic hospital and refuse to be cut open again, so now we are thinking he can get cut on :lol: I would just sit down with DH and tell him you don't plan to have anymore children- and you WANT your tubes tied- and see what happens. Hopefully he will understand- you could always offer him the choice to get the vasectomy- that may change his mind!

 

We are planning to have mine done and he agrees totally!




QUOTE(Jentwinmom @ Oct 11 2007, 09:51 AM) [snapback]445450[/snapback]
Have any of you ladies had trouble convincing your DH you need your tubes tied? We always discussed having 2 children and that was it. We have a 5 year old boy and are now having twin girls, so our plans for 2 are off a bit, but we are pleased as can be to be having the girls. I want to have my tubes tied because I am NOT having any more. DH is giving me trouble about it because he says he does not want me doing anything permanent. BUT I WANT TO. I was seriously considering just signing the form and not telling him, but I don't want that to be something that puts a strain on our relationship.

 

Will he get his done??

With us, we only wanted 2 and that's what we are getting - and we went through injects/IUI so it was very difficult. Anyway, it was sweet of DH because he said he would get his done. He knows I have been through a LOT with all the tests, injects, everything, and I think he feels like he wouldn't ask me to get my tubes tied since I've been through so much.

Does he want more kids? Why, besides it being permanent, does he not want you to do it?

 

I talked to the doctor yesterday about getting it done. If I have a section it will be right away, if I have vaginal delivery will be about 8 weeks after the babies are born, need my uterus to be down to normal size he said. I have been pregnant 3 times in 3 yrs so we are definitely done after the girls come. We have a handsome son and will have 2 beautiful daughters with us and we have another beautiful daughter that is buried in NJ near my dad. I am also going to be 34 this year so wouldn't want anymore kids for 2 yrs and that would take me into 35 and I wanted to be done by that time. DH is totally for it getting done, since we agree we are done.

 

My husband refuses to have a 'V.' I don't want to do anything permanent. Good luck. Certainly do not do it behind his back.

 

I had one done.. no regrets.. my x refused to get the big V done so i see siblings form his side in my kids future..

m

 

I could have written your post - DH doesn't want anything permanent done, and refuses a V - this is a guy that refuses aspirin when he gets a headache, so refusing a V didn't surprise me. He agrees that he really doesn't want any more kids, but the thought of being done makes him sad. I agree, listen to him, and frankly am 99% sure that will get my tubes done anyway (with his full knowledge). We will have 3 kids, I will be closer to 38 when these girls arrive - THATS IT FOR Us! I dont want to be on BCP any longer at my age, and don't like the idea of an IUD or anything else implanted inside me.

Im sorry I didn't read your post closely enough to recall if you already have both genders of children - my DH freely admits that he has some sadness at not having a boy, and if one of these babies were boys that he thinks he'd have an eaiser time with the idea of my tying my tubes. That doesn't bother me at all - he's just being honest with his feelings, and wont stand in the way of my decision, as he essentially agrees with it.

Let us know how it is going - Im interested to see how other couples deal with this!!

 

We also had planned (and both of us agreed) to have two children and were surprised to get three. I was an automatic candidate fo C/S since Gregory was an emergency C/S... the peri would not allow a VBAC for the twins. I told them from about 28 weeks I wanted my tubes tied while they were in there. Every appt. after that he tried to talk me out of it and it really annoyed me. So I had it done, and actually I now regret it... :unknw: I have not confided in DH that I would like more babies (not now) maybe in another year or two... But I have no hope i guess unless the tubal fails at some point (which I would love for this to happen). I should have had DH get the V which is reversable.

 

I wouldn't do it behind his back.

For us, dh will get a vasectomy after the girls are a couple years old. We are done after the girls but I have no idea how we will feel in a year or two. For me, I just don't want to jump into anything permanent prematurely.

 

QUOTE(All Boys @ Oct 11 2007, 02:40 PM) [snapback]445904[/snapback]
We also had planned (and both of us agreed) to have two children and were surprised to get three. I was an automatic candidate fo C/S since Gregory was an emergency C/S... the peri would not allow a VBAC for the twins. I told them from about 28 weeks I wanted my tubes tied while they were in there. Every appt. after that he tried to talk me out of it and it really annoyed me. So I had it done, and actually I now regret it... :unknw: I have not confided in DH that I would like more babies (not now) maybe in another year or two... But I have no hope i guess unless the tubal fails at some point (which I would love for this to happen). I should have had DH get the V which is reversable.



I had my tubes tied in 1991 after my second son was born. You have 2 options here....IVF (which is what I did earlier this year...and the insurance paid 100 % of) or you can have a tubal reversal....that will run between 4-7 grand....my insurance wouldn't do that...it said it was "elective" go figure. So if your heart isn't full....do some research especially now since most companies are having open enrollment for their insurance for the upcoming year. Check to see if any of them will offer any type of Infertility coverage. Good luck to you...


Missy

Expecting my Twin BOYS at the end of this year!

 

my hubby told me not to and i told him we agreed on 3 kids n we got a bonus. So i told him to get a vasectomy it would be easier to reverse then so he was like ok tie your tubes lol...

 

DH and I had an agreement: if I had the girls vag, he'd get the V. If I had a c/s, I'd tie my tubes.

I think that you should not do something like this behind your DH's back. I don't think that would make for a healthy relationship. Of course it's your choice not to have more kids, but if it means a lot to him it's not good to hide such a big decision. JMO.

 

I'm getting my tubes tied and there's been no agruement from DH. But, I was suppose to have it done in Feb of this year. I would have, but I got hurt and couldn't have it done. And, look where it got me(I'm not complaining by any means). DH is horrified of having a V done and frankly would never have it done.

hugs
Jen

 

I wouldn't do anything permanent....I wish someone had told me this before I had my tubes tied. I knew that 4 kids was a lot and that I wanted to be done by 35 so getting my tubes tied after the c-section was the logical answer, or so I thought. I feel like I "fixed" something that wasn't broken, like I lost a part of myself. Many days I am depressed about my decision, because I gave up my fertility. You may be fine and have no issues with getting your tubes tied and if it is what you decide I pray that you are happy with your decision. I just wish someone had told me that these feelings were possible. Good luck with whatever you decide!

 

QUOTE(Overachiever @ Oct 11 2007, 06:04 PM) [snapback]446238[/snapback]
DH and I had an agreement: if I had the girls vag, he'd get the V. If I had a c/s, I'd tie my tubes.

I think that you should not do something like this behind your DH's back. I don't think that would make for a healthy relationship. Of course it's your choice not to have more kids, but if it means a lot to him it's not good to hide such a big decision. JMO.

We had the same agreement here. And I agree, I don't think you should do it without his knowledge. Hope it all works out!

 

I'll be 40 on Jan 2nd and it took us 17 years to get our first born. We lost 3 along the way and we told that we would never be able to get/stay pregnant. We took fertility and got Ian. Then my DH decided 1 was enough and of course I didn't want an only child. When I finally gave up pushing him about it, 2 weeks after I stopped BF my son, we got pregnant w/the twins.
Now DH has talked to everyone at his work and assumes that I will have to have a c-section and I can just get my tubes tied then. My insurance doesn't cover tubals, so we would be looking at about 3-4 thousand and there's no way we are gonna have that bill hanging over our heads. So I told him if it was that important, he could spend the 150.00 and go get it done in the doc's office.
He keeps repeatedly asking me if "stuff" will still come out after they do the V. :lol: I keep explaining that fluid will still come out, that's what he's so worried about. He'd rather me have open surgery than to lose his "stuff" :rotflmbo:
Hope you both get to talk it out and come to a decision without too many tears shed.

 

Oh, I never considered the cost of it. I guess I need to check in to that. DH is against either of us having it because he said it is just not natural. His dad and uncle had it done and they both regretted it later, but I try to tell him they were a lot younger than he is when they had theirs done. I think he is afraid our "stuff" will not work properly if either of us have the surgery. We normally have awesome communication, but talking to him about this is hard to do because he is so set. My Dr. wants me to tell her soon because she does not like to let women decide too late in pregnancy for obvious reasons.

 

I wonder if it's just hard for him to want to make such a big decision with all the emotions tied up (*haha*) in a pregnancy, your emotions and his emotions. I think it would put a strain on the relationship to do something that big and not tell him about it.

We had to work through kind of the opposite issue earlier in this pregnancy. At the time we got pregnant, we were knee-deep in adoptions papers working toward a home-study. When I got pregnant, something between the rush of maternal hormones and how much time we had invested in adoption, made me want to go ahead and keep pursuing adoption at the same time (what's one or two more babies?). It sounds kind of silly now, especially as the realities of taking care of two is taking hold, but I kept talking about it, and it really freaked DH out. He was like, wait, let's just deal with the two we have on the way.

Anyways, that was kind of tangential, but I hope you guys can work through the decision together. Long date to a coffee shop for a long uninterrupted talk-time, maybe?