Getting Scared All Over Again

Hello,

Well, thanks to some hospital stays, drugs, bed rest, and good fortune/divine intervention - we made it to our first goal last week, which was 32 weeks. Hopefully we'll make it at least one more to 34. Both babies have polyhydramnios (high levels of fluid in their sacs) and I'm 2.5 - 3 cm dilated, 80% effaced, baby A is vertex at -1 to 0 station (head down and at my cervix) ... so by all accounts it won't be long now (though I won't be surprised if I'm still pregnant at 38 weeks, the babies' joke on everyone!).

When I first found out we were expecting twins I freaked out a little...okay, a lot! But then I started to get used to the idea, and through this website and some good reading, I became more comfortable and confident and even really excited about the idea. But now that they're coming soon, I'm starting to freak out again. I assume this is normal? I am not sure how much of it is just being a mom for the first time and how much is about the fact that TWO newborns are coming into our lives. Its crazy - I spent so much time and money trying to get pregnant, and now I'm afraid it was all a mistake and we're not ready and won't have any idea how to handle our lives being turned upside down. I know that sounds incredibly selfish. Also, incredibly moot, since they are definitely on their way!! DH is freaking out a little too, mostly in fear over having preemies (he's afraid for their health) but also about how to handle taking care of them, getting to bond with with them when he works so many hours a week (he's a resident), worrying about me, etc. Its so scary! I know many if not most go through this but I guess I was just looking for some solidarity if not encouragement! Thanks!

Melissa

 

I'm not as far along as you (congrats BTW on making it to 32!) but I am starting to enter that scared and terrified stage again and I have 2 other kids at home so I can't imagine being a first time mom with this. :hug:s It will be ok!!! I think it's probably pretty normal to get scared again the closer you get to their arrival.

 

:hug: First I want to say Way to Go Momma for keeping those babies in as long as you have!! :woo: Secondly, your feelings are not selfish but in fact very normal. I know I was scared to death thinking about the logistics of it all. But somehow it does work out and I can promise you that although it will have it's challenging times it's by far the greatest thing I have ever experienced in my life. You can do this! Look how far you have already come!! :hug:

 

Yeah it is kinda scary. What I have been told and see the point is ..."Welcome to motherhood." Although I think that we will be fine. Keep your peace of mind , hold on, and know that you are not alone concerning how you feel and you will be a great mother. :hug: I also had high fluid levels in one of my babies sac...and eventually they normalized. I kept my peace and knew that everything would be fine.(That's what I kept telling myself).

 

Melissa,

Are you me? I legitimately could have written that myself! Right down to the part where I have wondered off and on if I made a huge mistake (I did fertility tx as well) and feeling incredibly selfish b/c I'm worried about the huge change to my entire life that I don't know if I can handle. Add to that the fact that everyone is constantly telling me how difficult it is going to be and how our lives are never going to be the same (duh) and I can get pretty freaking anxious. I'm at 34 weeks now and just know they could be here any time (my Baby A is super low as well, though I am not effaced or dilated). I do go through times of calm acceptance and times of excitement as well and my anxiety has waned a bit.

Here are the things that make me feel better when I'm caught in an anxiety spiral:
- When I have the thought "I made a huge mistake", I remind myself that if I wasn't currently pregnant (with twins or not), I'd still be obsessed with trying to get pregnant and extremely unhappy every month that it failed. I was miserable over the year of trying and failing!
- When I stress about the changes to my relationship with my husband (b/c we're so happy as a twosome, blah blah blah), I remind myself that the chance to raise twins is an opportunity to bring us closer together and really "seal" our marriage. This will be a team sport: DH and I vs. the babies (in the beginning at least) and we will be an awesome team.
- When I think about the fact that my social life will be totally over for a while, I remind myself that all my friends are having or have babies at this point, so I'm really not missing anything. And most of the time I'd rather barbecue at home with DH anyway, and we can still do that even with 2 babies in the house.
- When I worry about the sleep deprivation, I remind myself that it's somewhat temporary.
- When I stress about the babies and being completely responsible for them for a very long time, I just remind myself that these babies belong to DH and I - they are not random babies that are assigned to us. This is a biological thing and and in general, we are meant to be mothers and fathers.

I tend to obsess, especially before big life changes, and things always turn out okay, so I think it's only natural to freak out about such a big event. But, you'll be okay and I'll be okay and I don't know a single mother out there that regrets their choice to be a mom (or at least that admits it ) .

Sorry for the novel, but your post definitely hit home.

AJ
(34w3d pregnant with b/g twins)

 

Hi Melissa,
Congrats to making it 32 weeks! I'm almost 30 weeks with b/g twins. I just wanted to say I empathize with you and your husband. I'm a resident too- and sometimes being on that side makes you a little bit too much in the know. And the long hours... hopefully he is getting further along and has some relief. I am in a less rigorous specialty, but still worrying about the long hours in clinic and the unreal expectations that are put on residents (I'm scheduled to work full time until 37 weeks 2 days...). Oh, and the costs-- I hear you there, especially on resident salary!

Anyway, hang in there- you've made it so far! My trusted Ob/peri told me that 32 weeks is a HUGE milestone because after that, the longterm outcomes are the same as full term.

Erin (in Seattle- hence rainbabies)

 

I agree with you about the freaking out, only I'm only 12 weeks! (And I'm still adjusting to the idea of this, and often still freaking out...)

I also did fertility treatments -- IVF -- and also freaked out and kind of had regrets when we heard the word "twins." I already have a DD6 and so I thought I was rocking the boat with our family harmony.

My DH has been great through all of it, and reminds me that "that phone call could of went the other way," meaning the clinic calling with our pregnancy results. So I keep the faith and keep telling myself that other people survive twins, and so will we. (I say "survive" because of those early months of sleep deprivation.) It's a bit daunting, the two baby thing, but there's no turning back now.

Congrats on making it to the 32-week mark and I can't wait to follow your story!

 

Congratulations on 33 weeks!!!! :yahoo:

You are TOTALLY normal about the panic of those last few weeks :hug: There is a lot to think about & as things get closer you can't help but run through everything in your mind :hug: :hug:

I was in the same boat ~ new parents, lots of money/time spent trying to get pregnant, and scared to death!! We kept saying "Why didn't we just get a dog!" "What are we going to do?" "How are we going to do this?" - You know what....we just did

Is it hard sometimes? sure ~ but is it the most amazing thing that I have ever experienced? You bet

Hang in there momma & remember to come here for support as often as possible :grouphug: