Getting frustrated, losing my patience

Instead of making several different posts, I thought I would make it all one. My girls are 22.5 months and generally things are good and they of course are super cute and at a fun stage, but there are some things going on that make me frustrated. I hate hearing myself yell and feel like I am doing it too much.
So, here are the issues:

1. Demanding things from me. This is the #1 thing that makes me feel like I'm going to lose it. I know their language skills are not developed enough to politely say "Mommy, may I please have some water?". It's the near constant (it seems like) demands for things, and then the demand for a specific color and whatnot. This morning, I ran back up the stairs three times to get items from their cribs and their sippy cups. They decide out of the blue that they want their blankets and start going "bank-ee! bank-ee" over and over until I get it. So I came back down with that, then it was their monkeys. Then they wanted water. Then they demand things right in the middle of diaper changes, in the car, at times when their isn't a whole lot I can do about it. Bea especially will just repeat it until I give it to her, and it is so freaking annoying!!

2. Bea has a cow about something almost every morning. They talk and play for usually 15 min or so before I go get them in the morning, and all seems happy and fine. But then usually somewhere between getting dressed and breakfast being served, Bea gets her panties in a bunch about something. Yesterday, it was because Ainsley got the yellow sippy cup. She carried on about it almost until breakfast was over. Then this morning, she wanted to keep wearing her pajama shirt. I ended up taking her out to the breakfast table in nothing but a diaper because she wouldn't let me dress her. It's such a great way to start the morning.

3. Ainsley's constant dawdling going up and down the stairs. We go up and down the stairs several times a day here, as we have a split-foyer ranch. The playroom and family rooms are downstairs, kitchen and bedrooms upstairs. If it is time to go up or down, Ainsley will wander off while Bea is already halfway up/down, she goes back to get items that she wants to take with her, will turn around and go the other way on the stairs, you get the idea. It is making me crazy. I end up carrying her half the time.

So, these are my issues. Any input is appreciated!

 

I totally feel your pain. :hug99: My girls do similar things especially demanding something they want over and over again and louder each time. My Laney gets her diaper in a wad by just getting out of the crib some mornings. She starts throwing a huge fit if I get her out and another one if I don't get her out. I've just started shutting the door to her room leaving her in the crib for a few minutes to get a grip. I've started telling my girls that they are not Paris and Nicky Hilton. hehe!

 

At that age, you can definitely insist that they ask you in a "regular voice". No whining, no screaming, no crying for things.

Aside from that, you can just calmly repeat that you are only one person, you will get it when you are finished whatever you are doing. "I will get it in a minute. I am busy doing X right now" must have passed my lips 8 bazillion times this week alone.

It will get easier. In not very long, they will be able to go up and down the stairs themselves, and then they can go get what they want themselves. And if they don't want to get it, then they can do without. They will be able to move faster soon, and help with lots of the things they are needing help with right now. So, hang in there and above all else, try to stay calm and be good to yourself! I know that I do much better about being able to stay calm when I'm rested and have had some kind of "me time".

 

Mine are a little younger, but when my girls get too demanding or REALLY don't like the answer they get from me and start whining or throwing a fit, I usually get to a point where I just walk away from them, so as not to yell, and not to give in to their every whim. They usually scream bloody murder for a minute or two, then go about their business. I don't know if this is something you can try with them if you haven't already.

Good luck! I think we all feel your frustration multiple times a day!

Marcy

 

I am right there with you. My daughter will drag her baby doll around the house and if she happens to forget her somewhere then I hear "Baaaaby" louder and louder until she is returned. My ds will point to things he is not allowed to have (like our laptop on my desk or the salt and pepper shakers in the kitchen) and go balistic when I say he cannot play with those. Driving.....me.....insane. I have started making them go up and down the stairs to get their own things. DS loves the new freedom but dd is still a little afraid to go in another area of the house alone. Everything is babyproofed so I am not too concerned plus with our floorplan, I can hear everything. Are your stairs carpeted? Could they go up and down without your help? If I need them to go somewhere fast I will just pick them up, otherwise I say "Mommy is going to the playroom, would you like to come?" If they don't I say bye bye, and that immediately makes them come with me.

 

With my DS, I found this age to be REALLLLY challenging, he got much, much more pleasant right around his birthday.
As for wanting things in the car, I would tell him it is an "oh well" mommy can't get it right now, especially if he had something, threw it and then threw a fit to get it back.
Hang in there, it will get better

 

QUOTE(NatalieK @ Jun 25 2007, 01:38 PM) [snapback]306352[/snapback]
I have started making them go up and down the stairs to get their own things. DS loves the new freedom but dd is still a little afraid to go in another area of the house alone. Everything is babyproofed so I am not too concerned plus with our floorplan, I can hear everything. Are your stairs carpeted? Could they go up and down without your help? If I need them to go somewhere fast I will just pick them up, otherwise I say "Mommy is going to the playroom, would you like to come?" If they don't I say bye bye, and that immediately makes them come with me.


That is a good idea. Bea is capable of walking up and down the stairs, I'm not too worried about her. Ainsley was a late walker (just before 19 mos) and is still a bit shaky on the stairs. I could at least make them come with me to get their item. Maybe it will make them see what a PITA it is to keep running up and down the stairs, that things don't just magically appear when you yell for them. My mom thought of getting a basket and they put in it what they want to take up/down, and that's it. If it didn't make it into the basket, oh well.
I do the start leaving without her thing with Ainsley. Sometimes it backfires though and she says "Bye bye Mama" and wanders off to go back to playing.

 

I agree with everyone.

I just dont cater to the kids that way. I have everything where they need it. They dont get blankets/pillows from their cribs (I dont want to have to worry about getting it later when it should have been there in the first place), we have blankets/pillows in the living room and if they want one they can get it themselves. If they want a stuffed animal they take it with them when I take them out. If the dont look like they are going to want one then I will ask them if they want one and it is there loss if they dont.

As far as the sippy cup thing goes, have you thought of getting cups that hold more?

I like your mom's basket idea too. That can be a good routine to get in with them and its not so much a PITA either.

I personally have made it very easy for my kids to get to everything, so that I am not running around all day. I, ofcourse, always get drinks and food, but even my kids know where their diapers and wipes are.

I have also taught my kids to wait. They will ask for something (say while I am on the phone) and I will put one finger up and they are so cute because they do it too and either get it themselves or wait. Maybe this is totally advanced for thier age, I dont know.

Just remember that all kids are different and you may find that in a months time they are doing far more by themselves than you could have ever hoped for.

 

i'm not at that stage yet but you could tell them in the am before you come down for the day (or until nap or whatever) "take what you want to have downstairs now because mommy is NOT coming back up again." if they start yelling out for something they want upstairs then remind them that they took what they wanted and you are not going upstairs. If you are comfortable letting them go up and down stairs then by all means let them get it themselves. It will probably be fun for them (at first) and less exhausting for you. Let's see if I can take my own advice when the day comes :unsure:

 

QUOTE(Stacy1976 @ Jun 25 2007, 08:46 PM) [snapback]306967[/snapback]
As far as the sippy cup thing goes, have you thought of getting cups that hold more?


It was to get a cup in the first place. I normally get them a cup of water with their morning snack and bring that downstairs. Sometimes after breakfast, they ask for water and we take it down with us. It was that this was the last thing after going up and down for blankets and such, and having them demand "wah-ee!! wah-ee!!". I normally wouldn't mind getting them water.

If it is something that is on the same level of the house and they are perfectly capable of getting it, I don't. I nicely tell them they can get it.

You all are right though, I need to stop giving in to every little demand even though there may be some screaming for a few days.

 

oooh, there is some good stuff in here. I love the one finger rule. I am going to start that up tomorrow. Love it. Also love the Paris and Nicky Hilton quote. I wonder what the male version of that is? "You're not Paris and Stavros the Greek shipping heirs"?

 

Hi Kelly, a few thoughts - I do think you need to start laying down some new rules if you want to avoid the current situation (or decide it's not worth it and you're fine with the current state, which is fine too!). not sure if it's too late to start this, but our rule is that the things in their room stay in their room - their blankies and stuffed animals from their rooms are never allowed downstairs. Another thing that works for us is to not tell them no, but still not cater to them completely - such as, if they ask for something an an inappropriate time, instead of saying "no, we can't xxx right now" i say "ok alisha, once we're done changing your diaper we'll go get elmo" - for whatever reason saying no without using the word no really works for us. In terms of being polite, I always repeat what they say with what they should have said - so if they say "baba mama" I say "mama, can i have my water please" or whatever. i figure eventually it will sink in! And if they are really whiney or crying about something i make them repeat it nicely - with alisha, the biggest issue is if she's cranky she'll suck her thumb and i tell her i don't understand her with her thumb in her mouth and make her take her thumb out and repeat her request to me. I still haven't cracked the code on Cameron's tantrums - I can't anticipate what will throw him off the deep end - but if he's really bad, I just let him throw his fit and tell him to come find me when he's ready to calm down and cuddle - which he does after a couple of minutes usually.

I feel you though - let us know how your new plan works! hugs, R

 

I am so not a patient person and have a "big" issue with things being where they need to be. I bought "The happiest toddler on the block", book right before they tuned one and has helped me so, so, so much even to this day, which today was a totally frustrating day for me, not because of the girls but because of everything else. Learning from the book has helped me keep my cool with them, for the most part, and makes the days fun instead of hectic. They also have it on dvd if you don't have time to read.

Best of luck.

 

My boys are much older but they still drive me crazy and in fact I think when they were unable to speak correctly and to use their words always it was easier for me. Now I know they can say it and just plain out refuse to.
Yesterday one of those days, I took my two plus a little friend to an indoor playground (because it was raining). When we brought the little girl back my son Ollie wanted her to come to our house to play, she didn't want this (neither did I).
He started crying and throwing a tantrum, as if he was 2 years old. I cannot carry him because I am too pregnant (plus there were 2 additional kids with us), so I had to rush her to her hosue trying to keep an eye on my child which is standing dangerously close to the road, crying and screaming (in the rain).
He then eventually came into our house and cried for an additional hour.

They also demand things "Give me milk!" if I don't give it to them but ask to be asked nicely I get screams and fits. And the constant Mommeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, mommeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... some days I would like to just leave for a few hours, just so that my ears could stop ringing.
And sometimes I ask myself what I did wrong. But then they are lovely little creatures who come for a cuddle and a kiss to my bedside, or they read stories to each other, or they just sleep and look so sweet and then I can't be angry for too long.
Millie

 

We're just getting to this stage. I find myself saying "I'm working on it" and "Just a minute" a million times a day -- and I'm only home with them (when they're awake) for an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening. Your reserves of patience are so much bigger than mine!

QUOTE(NatalieK @ Jun 25 2007, 05:38 PM) [snapback]306352[/snapback]
If I need them to go somewhere fast I will just pick them up, otherwise I say "Mommy is going to the playroom, would you like to come?" If they don't I say bye bye, and that immediately makes them come with me.

I do this too. But (as you pointed out) sometimes they just don't come -- Amy always will, but Sarah sometimes won't. But I think you said you had a babyproof family room, so can you just leave Ainsley there if she doesn't want to come? Also, if your stairs are carpeted (and it sounds like it's only a few stairs?) if she takes a tumble now & then, it won't hurt her much.

QUOTE(Snittens @ Jun 25 2007, 10:59 PM) [snapback]306845[/snapback]
My mom thought of getting a basket and they put in it what they want to take up/down, and that's it. If it didn't make it into the basket, oh well.

I have mixed feelings about this idea -- I worry that they would just spend 45 minutes in the morning deciding what they want to put in the basket!

QUOTE(ruthjulia @ Jun 26 2007, 02:27 AM) [snapback]307127[/snapback]
our rule is that the things in their room stay in their room - their blankies and stuffed animals from their rooms are never allowed downstairs. Another thing that works for us is to not tell them no, but still not cater to them completely - such as, if they ask for something an an inappropriate time, instead of saying "no, we can't xxx right now" i say "ok alisha, once we're done changing your diaper we'll go get elmo" - for whatever reason saying no without using the word no really works for us.

And ditto this too! I say it over and over: "FIRST the diaper, THEN outside.... FIRST I wipe your face, THEN you get down from the high chair."

Mine are not good enough with language yet (Sarah is barely talking at all) to require them to ask nicely or not use a whiny voice. If I get an intelligible word out of them, that's better than incoherent whining. But they do understand a lot, and it seems to help (some) to explain to them WHY I'm not jumping when they holler -- or at least, it makes me feel better, because I can focus on what I'm saying rather than on their whining!

Anyway, good luck!

 

there are afew things that i do .. i hope they apply..

i say first were going to..

then / next were going to..

so using first / next helps them to know that before they do something they WANT to do.. they Have to do important things like get their diapers changed.

have you thought about color codeing their bottles.. i did it and they know how to PASS TO.. eachother.. which keeps them from whining /crying..

we also say BE.. PATIENT.. meaning waite your turn.. or wait until mommy is done and we will do something else.. ie run up the stairs.

we also do HANDS TOGETHER.. FOR PRAYER.. its more of a controlling thing.. getting them to waite until i sit down todinner with them..

hope these tips help..

 

QUOTE
I do this too. But (as you pointed out) sometimes they just don't come -- Amy always will, but Sarah sometimes won't. But I think you said you had a babyproof family room, so can you just leave Ainsley there if she doesn't want to come? Also, if your stairs are carpeted (and it sounds like it's only a few stairs?) if she takes a tumble now & then, it won't hurt her much.


Yes, the family room is babyproofed so I have just left her and started getting Bea ready for lunch, making sure I'm loud about it so she can hear that we are starting without her. That does work, when I peek down the stairs, she is finally coming. I don't like doing it, but maybe it's the only way.

QUOTE
And ditto this too! I say it over and over: "FIRST the diaper, THEN outside.... FIRST I wipe your face, THEN you get down from the high chair."

I do that too. It's sooo frustrating though when you feel like shouting "If you would cooperate, this would go much faster!!" From now on, I am also going to refuse to look for the thrown or dropped toy/blanket/pacifier/whatever in the car, even if DH is driving and I'm the passenger and can get it. I am so sick of that game.