What are your thoughts about taking kids this age to an open casket funeral? I know it is apart of life and I am OK with all the questions that will arise. BUT....I am afraid of them seeing the body in an open casket. What about nightmares??
I took my kids to their first funeral when they were 2.5. It was closed casket with graveside service and burial so bit different. I thought they were be scared about watching the casket being lowered into the ground, but it was not a problem. They were very interested and not at all scared. I am totally weirded out by open casket, but I think my kids would be fine with it. How well did they know the person?
My boys went to 2 this year. My grandmas and dh's grandmas. The first one was open casket. I am a believer in not sheltering them too much from real life but did my best to keep conversation light. There was a good thread a while back on how to talk to kids about it. We did a lot of talking before hand and they knew what to expect. We also were with my gram a lot before she passed away so they were able to see the decline and that may have helped too.
Mine have attended two funerals in the last month, one of which was open casket. Honestly, they didn't even notice. They have no concept of death or anything scary about the person. I think thy would have assumed he was sleeping if they had noticed at all.
I think I would have more of a problem with it than them... I couldn't even go see my dad's open casket before the funeral.
I think as long as you talk about it and then let them choose to go look or not, it is a part of life. I htink the body bothers adults more than children.
My FIL was buried on Christmas Eve two years ago and my husband's grandmother two weeks after that. Both funerals the girls went and said goodbye. They don't even remember it and never had any issues with it. There were many conversations about the whole death and dying thing from them, but it never upset them and they never had nightmares. They were just very matter-of-fact about the whole thing. It upset them more to see people crying than it did the casket.
We didn't take the girls to pa's funeral because jessy wasnt allowed crowds and jazz was with him when he died. I did not want to put her thru the stress of being at the funeral. My first funeral was at 7
They didn't know her. I am sure I will be more bothered by it then they will be. I hadn't even thought about them thinking the person would just be "sleeping". That is true...that is probably all they will think. Thanks for the input gals!
When my grandmother died my eldest was 2.5. He knew her pretty well. For us the viewing hours were more important than the funeral. My son just needed to keep rubbing her hand and her face. Some people were put out by it I'm sure, but for him it was the way he processed it, and it was fine with immediate family. Now at age 10, he has been to several funerals since. Fortunatly, not people close to him (his great aunt who died at age 50ish and a cousin who was far too young-suicide) and he has handled them quite well. He still has a need to touch the bodies which may just be curiosity not tainted by social concerns. We did not allow him to touch his cousin simply because I didn't think his (the deceased's)parents would appreciate it, which my son was able to not fully understand but abide by. I think the stigma about bodies is just that. Years ago no one worried how the kids would deal with grandpas' body in the parlor, kwim?
I took my oldest DD to my Grandmother's funeral when she was 4.5 years old, it was an open casket and she asked to go up to the casket. I took her up. I figured it would scare her more if I acted like it was something she could not do. My twins also went to my other Grandmother's funeral, again open casket, when they were 3y10m old. I felt for both funerals, they needed that closure and to say goodbye. Plus it was was their Great-Grandmother. We have always taken our kids to a family members funeral, it's just something important we feel we need to do. Now, if they didn't know the person, I don't think I would take them.
For me, it depends a lot of the situation as well. For instance, when my grandmother died after being in hospice, I didn't have a problem taking the twins. While we were all sad, we weren't really noticeably upset, if that makes sense. There wasn't an overwhelming sense of sadness attached with it. We knew she was going to die very soon. I also took them to my best friend's father's funeral, but again he was old and sickly and we knew it was coming. That one was open casket and my kids never noticed. There were other kids there that were their age, though. On the flip-side, earlier this year a friend of mine died very suddenly and out of the blue. I would never have brought the twins to that funeral simply because I was extremely upset and so was everyone there. I think it would have been more upsetting for the twins to see me and everyone else upset, especially since they don't really grasp the concept of death.
