Full of Vents Today.

My MIL has been coming to stay at our house from Wednesday evenings thru Thursday evenings AND sometimes Fridays if my mother can't come.

I've never been good enough for my MIL. So you can imagine what kind of stress she puts on me when she comes to stay with my kids. She's very controlling of other people, and I have a different parenting philosophy. . . So I'll hear her downstairs bribing and controlling my small children, and I have to shut her out. My kids even try to come up here in the bedroom and hide to get away from her. My 17 mo cries constantly when my MIL is here. My MIL calls my baby girl "grumpy" and starts trying to say how she's in the terrible two's and constantly comparing my girl to my niece, MIL's favorite.

Yesterday, MIL told me I was drinking too much water and needed to make sure my OB knew how much I was drinking. She told me I needed to start taking something prescription for my "reflux" and "heartburn". She also tries to tell me what to eat and when to eat it. She likes to attempt making medical diagnosis too. . . because her friend is a nurse, she thinks her friend knows all about our TTTS situation and they both insist that I can go 40 weeks and shouldn't have a c-section.

Anyways, she gets on my nerves.

Yesterday afternoon, my 7 yo came upstairs right before dinner and looked out the window and said, "It's a beautiful day out there!"
I said, "Why don't you go out and play then? Your Daddy is home mowing the grass. . ."
He replied, "Gramma won't let me."
I said, "Why not?"
He said, "She says I'll get hit by something from the lawn mower."
I said, "Well, your Daddy won't mow near you. He'd want you to play outside."
He said, "Gramma says that Daddy doesn't want me out there."
I suggested he kindly ask her if he could play in the driveway or garage to stay away from the lawn mower. He went down to ask her, and he came right back up and said, "She said NO!"
So I then said, "Ask her if you can play on the front porch and read on the swing."
Our porch is at least 6 feet off the ground, and there's no mowing, due to landscaping, that has to be done within 8 feet of the porch. Certainly she couldn't say no because he would be protected.

She refused.

Later on, DH told me that he never said the kids couldn't play outside. He did say that his mother said she didn't want them getting dirty in the sandbox because she didn't want to have to clean them up.

GAH!!!! I'm trying to figure out how to deal with her without getting my stress levels up too high. . . I start having painless contrax then. Any suggestions? She's here to help, but she's starting to try to control.

Sorry for the vent. But thanks for reading if you did.

AND oh yeah. She did take the kids outside yesterday morning, but then she proceeded to lock herself and the kids out of the house. I was in the middle of a nap, and I got awoken by her banging on the door. . . she didn't even try the doorbell. I had to go downstairs and back upstairs to let her in. Instead of feeling sorry for making me get out of bed and risk my cervix, she blamed me and my DH for having "two locks" on our garage doors and not having a key hidden under a stone under the bushes for her. I told her she could climb under the house next time and find the key hanging from one of the joists, haha. She was totally not remorseful for making me get up.

 

Hang in there... I too have had family around to help and I do find myself more irritated, grouchy, and less able to tolerate their normal behaviors. When I'm able to be rational I remind myself that they are here to help and they are the grandparents to my kids and my attitudes definitely is reflected in my kiddos so I try to behave and be patient.
It is doubly difficulty with the bedrest and no one can quite understand all the stress and emotional strain you are under during this time. Hang in there.. 28-29 weeks is a great place to be and those babies need all the time they can get.
You are doing a great job!

 

I love the comments I get about why I'm having preterm labor, like its something I'm doing or something that is wrong with me. I know I'm probably oversensitive, but after I've explained what my doctor said and that it isn't something I did to make this happen it would be nice if it would just stop.

Dealing with in-laws definitely has made me think twice about how I will treat my children's spouses.

Everyone seems to think that their opinion matters, even when not asked for it.

 

QUOTE
Dealing with in-laws definitely has made me think twice about how I will treat my children's spouses.


I think about that a lot! How I'm aiming to be sensitive to any children-in-law that God would bless me with. . .

 

I can relate to a point- my MIL has been staying with us as well and she has been a wonderful help but she does try and control my daughter who is 3 -- I won't let her though, she is watching DD, not her mother, her mother is still alive and very capable of making decisions for her. In the case of letting your son go outside I would have told her that he is allowed outside regardless of her concerns. Why can't you make that decision?

In order to not get into these situations too often I have to be firm about drawing the line on how much she can control. She has gotten mad at me at times over it but I don't waiver. I AM HER MOTHER and I WILL DECIDE what is best for her.

My advice is to stand up to her, let her know you are pregnant and not DEAD and if there is a question on what needs to be done for the kids she should inquire with you before making any decisions on her own.

 

Maybe you need to talk to your DH and have him talk to her. Stress can play a major factor in going into pre-term labor so if your MIL being there has added more stress, you may need to find another solution. Physically she may be helping, but not mentally and they both matter!

 

When I get anxious, I start having painless contrax, so I avoid any sort of confrontation in the state I'm in right now. I talked to DH, and even he agrees that she's grown particularly troublesome lately. Alot of issues going on. . . she's one of these women with self--esteem issues that she attempts to cover up with a domineering, controlling personality. It's monstrous, I tell you. She's a bully, and I do not need to deal with her right now. She's also very lonely and needy right now because FIL has been traveling alot on business this year. If I weren't physically vulnerable right now, I would have a pow wow with her, but I am vulnerable. Call me wimpy, but trust me when I say she is a super-biddy and would make the strongest man cry with her relentless bully-ness.

Anyways, her time at our house has been limited from here on out as DH and I put our heads together.

I had a talk with her about five years ago due to some issues. It was a polite but firm confrontation, but she broke down and attacked me further and said she'd only ever been nice to me, she had lots of friends, had no problems with any of them except with me - therefore I was the one with problems and I had no friends, etc. She refused for calling me a cow, taunting my 2 year old and myself while we were out in a canoe
(threatened to flip us with her waverunner, yes very juvenile), often referring to my family as "family number 2" etc. When I maturely confronted her, she wouldn't speak to us for a year. She hates me.

 

So sorry you are having to deal with that....ugh....I can totally relate on the controlling MIL issues. Mine is the same way....I am just praying that I do not have to go on bedrest with these littles...because she is about the only one around that doesn't work.....oh it would be bad....bad, bad, bad.....

Hang in there mama you are doing good!

 

I'm sorry. Vent anytime! :hug99:

 

QUOTE(Emily@Home @ May 6 2008, 05:10 PM) [snapback]759254[/snapback]
When I get anxious, I start having painless contrax, so I avoid any sort of confrontation in the state I'm in right now. I talked to DH, and even he agrees that she's grown particularly troublesome lately. Alot of issues going on. . . she's one of these women with self--esteem issues that she attempts to cover up with a domineering, controlling personality. It's monstrous, I tell you. She's a bully, and I do not need to deal with her right now. She's also very lonely and needy right now because FIL has been traveling alot on business this year. If I weren't physically vulnerable right now, I would have a pow wow with her, but I am vulnerable. Call me wimpy, but trust me when I say she is a super-biddy and would make the strongest man cry with her relentless bully-ness.

Anyways, her time at our house has been limited from here on out as DH and I put our heads together.

I had a talk with her about five years ago due to some issues. It was a polite but firm confrontation, but she broke down and attacked me further and said she'd only ever been nice to me, she had lots of friends, had no problems with any of them except with me - therefore I was the one with problems and I had no friends, etc. She refused for calling me a cow, taunting my 2 year old and myself while we were out in a canoe
(threatened to flip us with her waverunner, yes very juvenile), often referring to my family as "family number 2" etc. When I maturely confronted her, she wouldn't speak to us for a year. She hates me.



YUCK!! Does your husband say stuff back to her? That would really frustrate me. And if that were my mother saying things like that, I would definitely stand up for my husband. That is ridiculous! I agree, limit time with her as much as possible. Thats what sucks about bed rest. It totally puts you in a helpless vulnerable position. I hate that. Try not to get worked up about it, its not worth risking your health or the health of the little babies!